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Could you live a happy and fulfilling life without a relationship?

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,299 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    I've been married and divorced and after that lived with a guy for 2 years and I'm now single. I love my own space, I need it. But I also need that connection with another person. Kids, friends, family and pets often fulfil that role for many people in a variety of ways but not all needs are met. That's where a relationship comes in.
    It really, really saddens me to think I may not grow old with someone as it is something I want. But, I'm not going to get into the wrong relationship. There's no point being in a wrong relationship just to be in a relationship, I have the divorce papers to prove it.
    I'm very cautious about putting myself back out there given all the hurt and pain I've been through in the past.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,814 ✭✭✭Rezident


    Of course. I did it for a decade, happiest years of my life (although baby on the way now which is allegedly even better).

    Not having a 'serious relationship' meant that I actually ended up having many fantastic experiences, all over the world, that would never have happened if I had settled down earlier.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47 wherearemykeys


    It depends on the type of life you lead. If you are lucky to have great family and friends, if you are happy with your career and your social life, then i think yes you could be happy without a relationship. I am the type of person who is very happy in my own company. I dont feel the need to constantly be surrounded by people. I would be happy to go on holidays by myself for example. If you have great friends in your life that you can spend time with when you need/choose too, same applies to family. I dont believe being alone, as in, no social life, no connection with people in every day life would be good for anyone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,172 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    It's one thing to go through life having experienced a couple of failed relationships and a bit of casual sex only to end up single at the end of it. It's a different thing entirely to go through life with little or no intimacy though. I couldn't see anyone being happy in the latter unless they're an enlightened monk.

    I sometimes wonder if I'm cut out for a long term relationship as there are aspects of it that I find completely suffocating. Then again, maybe I just haven't met the right person that is worth making that sacrifice for. Strangely enough I find there's much less pressure on me now to find someone than when I was in my 20's. Maybe that's something to do with the people I worked with. There were some real nosey feckers in my last job that would constantly ask me if I had a girlfriend yet and it got infuriating after a while. I find women are worse for this too. The lads would usually say, "Ahh you're better off single" whereas the women would be always trying to set me up with someone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,909 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    philstar wrote: »
    you could, but you'd be spending a hell of a lot of time masturbating

    Not necessarily, you don't have to be in a relationship to get a shag.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,348 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    Not necessarily, you don't have to be in a relationship to get a shag.

    You often do to get a half decent one!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 710 ✭✭✭MrMorooka


    I wouldn't say I'm happy, I've just learned to live with it. Obviously I'd love to be in a wonderful relationship with a supportive partner like I hear about, but it's just an alien concept to me. I've never been in a relationship ever, so I don't know what I'm missing(ignorance is bliss?). Of course there are a lot of downsides to relationships, the complication, the mess, the conflicts, and I'm not blind to that. It's just a whole aspect to life that I am not qualified to talk about.

    I try to just get on with life and make myself into the best version of myself I can, work on my career, my hobbies, my health. I have a high-paying job, a nice apartment, I'm very lucky and grateful for where I am in life. But I accept they I'm not going to just fall into a relationship, I would need to go out there, meet people, make the effort, and I completely admit that I never have done and I don't want to, so I won't complain- it's been my choice.

    It is hard though. Friday evenings are the worst, I dread them. I have no friends either, and you can't go out on your own(or rather, of course you can, and I have, but if you're not going to talk to people, which I don't, it's entirely pointless). So, often I just binge eat or something and feel bad about it. All I want on those nights is to just have someone who likes some of the same things that I do, who I can cuddle next to on the couch while we eat that pizza or watch that YouTube video, or whatever. Just to not be alone and to have someone to share an experience, any experience, with. I think it would make me happy. But at the end of the day, it's up to me to make that happen.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,218 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    Who are you to say the post is horseshít?


    Who is anyone to say anything then. Look, you don't have to agree or even like what I or anyone else says. But this is a discussion website.
    Let's take the Donald Trump thread for example (an extreme example mind you) But it has over 6,000 posts and people are just going around in circles disagreeing with each other. Now I know this won't shock you but I do have to say it... people will post things you do not agree with. Sure that's life. So who is anyone to say anything then?

    Besides, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that if I clicked in your posting history... somewhere there would be something YOU said that another could say "who are you to say..."

    Has to be one of the most blindly patronising posts I've ever read! You know most people end up alone when they're old? And where does it end? Is a spouse enough? When they die who will look after you? So you need kids I suppose. But more than one. And not kids that make a life abroad. Seriously get a grip!

    It says more about you that a happy life on your own seems so inconceivable to you than those of us who are happy doing our own thing.

    Well Dr Crayfish (if that is your real name! :pac: ) You know nothing about me but yet some how know me from those short paragraphs at the same time. So yeah.... if I am to be honest my response is "Whatever. I wonder whats on tele now" :pac:


  • Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Who is anyone to say anything then. Look, you don't have to agree or even like what I or anyone else says. But this is a discussion website.
    Let's take the Donald Trump thread for example (an extreme example mind you) But it has over 6,000 posts and people are just going around in circles disagreeing with each other. Now I know this won't shock you but I do have to say it... people will post things you do not agree with. Sure that's life. So who is anyone to say anything then?

    Besides, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that if I clicked in your posting history... somewhere there would be something YOU said that another could say "who are you to say..."




    Well Dr Crayfish (if that is your real name! :pac: ) You know nothing about me but yet know me from those short paragraphs at the same time.

    Absolutely. Not everyone agrees with my views and I wouldn't expect them all too. I am however open to have those views challenged, for someone to say "Persepoly who are you to say that a person needs to be content in their own skin before seeking love". That's ok by me.

    I responded to your post because it felt like you were making an assumption based purely on your own experiences and without the realisation that other people are different. There is a huge world with so many opinions and frames of reference outside our own immediate situation.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,172 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    MrMorooka wrote: »
    I have no friends either, and you can't go out on your own(or rather, of course you can, and I have, but if you're not going to talk to people, which I don't, it's entirely pointless).

    It's very difficult if you have no friends. Not as easy to "get out there" when you have nobody to go out with. There's always online dating but that only seems to work for a few.

    I remember making a resolution at the start of this year to make more of an effort to find someone. I never did tbh but it was still a great year for me and I have some fond memories. I think one of the reasons why it was such a great year is because I wasn't trying to meet someone. If you're constantly putting yourself out there and making a real effort but having no luck, it can get a bit depressing. I guess you could say I went MGTOW this year.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    Who is anyone to say anything then. Look, you don't have to agree or even like what I or anyone else says. But this is a discussion website.
    Let's take the Donald Trump thread for example (an extreme example mind you) But it has over 6,000 posts and people are just going around in circles disagreeing with each other. Now I know this won't shock you but I do have to say it... people will post things you do not agree with. Sure that's life. So who is anyone to say anything then?

    Besides, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that if I clicked in your posting history... somewhere there would be something YOU said that another could say "who are you to say..."




    Well Dr Crayfish (if that is your real name! :pac: ) You know nothing about me but yet some how know me from those short paragraphs at the same time. So yeah.... if I am to be honest my response is "Whatever. I wonder whats on tele now" :pac:
    You were saying everyone else feels the same way you do. Above, you tell someone they don't know you, yet earlier on the thread you felt you could speak for everyone.

    It depends on the individual. In answer to the thread title: I personally don't think I could, but that doesn't mean others feel the same way as I do. It depends on what a person wants and how their life is, how they feel about themselves, how they have been shaped by past experiences, what age they are, what stage in life they're at. I'm not someone who thinks being single is all doom - I've been single loads and it was grand (people who have a terror of being single, I don't get) - but ultimately I'd prefer to be with someone.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I've spent time single and never gave it a second thought. I'm busy and happy in myself and didn't feel I was 'missing' something. I think if you're aware you have options, then it's a less daunting thing than if you feel you have no choices in the matter. I've always liked a lot of alone time, I always appreciated space. Getting into a relationship where I'd have to compromise much of that wasn't something I wanted or would consider for anything less than a great match.

    When I got into the relationship I'm in, it didn't 'make' me happier - it enhanced my happiness. My happiness is my responsibility, and anyone looking for a relationship to make them happy is on a hiding to nothing. Thankfully I'm very happy with the chap, but if my feelings changed, I wouldn't be worried about being single again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,828 ✭✭✭5rtytry56


    beks101 wrote: »
    There's just this really archaic notion embedded into the Irish psyche that you're a bit "odd" or "defective" or "stubborn" or any number of negative things if you're beyond a certain age and still single. Or even beyond a certain age and not married with kids. It's quite bizarre.

    Did'nt think about this but you've hit the nail on the head.



    This has also made a resurgence in the last 2 to 3 years in Ireland.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,172 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    beks101 wrote: »
    There's just this really archaic notion embedded into the Irish psyche that you're a bit "odd" or "defective" or "stubborn" or any number of negative things if you're beyond a certain age and still single. Or even beyond a certain age and not married with kids. It's quite bizarre.

    That's true but its not nearly as bad as Poland for example, where a single person over the age of 30 is practically unheard of. There are so many young married Polish couples here. But yeah there is that mentality that you're a bit odd alright. It's like you have a problem that needs to be fixed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    Could never understand it - even as a kid. It was like people were saying a person cannot function fully by themselves. If you cannot manage to be alone at all, you're in trouble - and wouldn't make for a very attractive partner. Neediness is no craic.

    People feeling obliged to bring a +1 to a wedding where they know plenty of people anyway is an example of something that sums this up. Like there's a shame in not having a partner with you. It's weird! Something I think women are more likely to subscribe to than men are.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭Clampdown


    Yes, though it can be dependent on your personality. Some, like myself, enjoy having a partner to cuddle up with but also enjoy their own company. If a person like that ends up in a relationship with someone who is not similar and expects a lot of attention, is clingy, jealous etc. they will be way more miserable than if they were alone.

    It can be really hard to find the person you are compatible with and extricating yourself from a bad relationship is often more painful than being single.

    Heard this before: there are pros and cons to both singledom and coupledom, but the pros seem to fade and the cons seem to inflate the longer you're in whichever situation. Very true, I think.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 248 ✭✭Cartouche


    If relationships made people happy, why are there so many unhappy people ?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,761 ✭✭✭✭RobertKK


    I am single and plan to stay that way. I am very content with my own company and my few pets - 2 cats and a dog.
    I feel fulfilled and am happy, I am free to do what I want, I don't suffer from loneliness, love where I live and have enough friends and family, good neighbours so I don't need anyone else.
    I think it is very good to be happy with your own company, I like to travel and see new places, I never feel lonely and depending on the language and people, there are always others to have a chat to. If one felt they needed someone else in their life maybe doing things on one's own would be more difficult.
    Maybe I love my independence too much...and don't like the idea of having to compromise for someone else. Maybe that is selfish, but maybe I would have someone else unhappy with wanting my own way, or maybe I would be unhappy as I would be doing the compromise.
    But I don't think I will ever find out as I am not seeking a relationship anytime soon.


    Everyone is different.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,520 ✭✭✭learn_more


    I know from experience individuals have wildly differing viewpoints about being involved in relationships.

    On a somewhat extreme end I have a friend who has been in relationships virtually all the time I have knows him , say 4 or 5 separate relationships ranging from as short as 1 years duration to say 7 max. When he was out of a relation he would keep referring to himself as 'single'. On one occasion when he was just out of a serious 5 year relationship he told me he was 'interviewing' up to 6 people to be his next partner. He did actually use the word 'interviewing' and not dating.

    I found this really odd but as he intended he found a new partner before long and has been with that person for a long time now.

    What I noticed about him was that he felt socially awkward when he didn't have a partner to attend say a party with. I felt he wasn't really after love but just wanted to be 'seen' by the public as someone who is 'in a relationship', as if he's an 'incomplete' person if he's not.

    I on the other hand am on the other extreme perhaps and I never think of myself as 'single' ! I've had one serious relationship in my life that was good while ago now and without going into the reason why we split I have to say I felt a bit, no, more than a bit, claustrophobic in that relationship. I don't know if that was a pivotal reason why we split.

    I do know about myself thought that I do not go around searching for a partner cause when the first time it happened it 'just happened'. I guess that could just happen again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,065 ✭✭✭Pique


    It would be happier and more fulfilling than the car crash of a marriage I'm currently in, so yes!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 405 ✭✭HS3


    No. My husband is the only one who gets me. And me him. We work great together. I honestly would hate to see what I might have become if we hadn't met/stayed together.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    Each to their own. I don't think I could be happier in a bad or inadequate relationship than single, but I am part of a couple and I'm used to it.

    A 60 year old lady posted a picture of her single table setting for Christmas dinner, with her fine china and cutlery, and there was a rake of comments offering from strangers offering to include her in their family's Christmas dinner.
    She didn't want that. She said she has lunch with her work friends on Christmas Eve and she is well used to spending Christmases on her own. Some people didn't quite believe she was ok with being alone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    Cartouche wrote: »
    If relationships made people happy, why are there so many unhappy people ?

    Because life can be tough, even when there's two of you in it together.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,309 Mod ✭✭✭✭mzungu


    I genuinely believe you can be just as happy single as you are in a loving relationship. It all depends on the person though. If you are comfortable with yourself and enjoy various interests and live a good life, then it hardly matters if you are single or not. I think some people believe the key to happiness is coupling up, when in fact one should only enter a relationship when they have already attained happiness. I think this is where a lot of marriages hit the rocks. Some people think that one big expensive day out will paper over any cracks and make the union complete and that is the job done with no thought about the decades to follow.

    I think stigmas surrounding being single are changing though, and I would guess by the next generation the idea will be largely a thing of the past.


  • Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,352 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    I lived what I considered a very happy and fulfilling life as a single guy for many years before I met my wife. That said, I couldn't contemplate ever being without her now, so I think the answer to the question is very much a moveable feast depending on what your situation (and potentially the state of your relationship) is at the time you're asked.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    wylo wrote: »
    But I do think despite frustrations and sacrfices that being in one allows you to live a more fulfilled life.

    It was pointed out to me once that "solitary confinement" is used as a punishment even in prisons. That is to say - human beings actually prefer the company of rapists and murders then no company at all.

    So on the face of it it seems true that we get a more "fulfilled life" when we have relationships.

    But then one also has to consider the contemplatives who literally go into isolation - sometimes for extended periods of time that baffle my mind - and come out of it espousing deep contentment - fulfilment - happiness - and well being. Sometimes to the level that inspires that infectious level of response that has them followed by other people are gurus or teachers.

    So it would be difficult to stand up to such a person - devoid of all relationships - and attempt to claim that someone in relationships has led a more "fulfilled life".

    I know myself I derive a huge amount of happiness and fulfilment from my relationship. But I also know that if that relationship were ever to end for any reason - I likely would not pursue another one. I would seek - and fully expect to find - an equal amount of happiness and fulfilment in alternate ways.


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