Could you live a happy and fulfilling life without a relationship?

9or10

Sure.

Just get a dog or a cat instead

B.A._Baracus

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I couldnt and 99% of the world cant. We're people not bears. We need the company of others.
Sure, I know two people who worked in the old folks flats for Dublin City Council (Caretaking job, aka pulling the bins out, sweeping the area of the flats etc) and those old folks have nothing. I mean f*cking nothing. The radio and tele to keep them company all day to they die and i'm talking about people who have kids and grand kids. A lonely existence to end their existence (a harsh fact not a lot of people realise) But lets take away the kids and family who dont visit... you go try 60-70 years of living and not having any relationship. See how "alive" you'll be inside.


Dare I be blunt to... Noodles81 post above with the so many thanks is fecking horsesh*t. Spoken by a person whose had the pleasure of being in a relationship.

Who are you to say the post is horseshít?

Chain Smoker

Of course you can. Infinitely better than a **** relationship at the very least.

I would say, however, that it is a good deal harder for men due to the general lack of social groups, difficulty with emotional openness within social norms and such. You can best see it in the difference in what generally happens to a wife when her husband dies (tons of widows appear from the wild to help out) to what happens when the wife dies first.
You've got to put the work in and make a constant effort to meet new people if you want to maintain any kind of social network at all.

I think I could be happy either way. I am very happy in the relationship I am in now. We have 2 of 4 planned kids and everything is going well.

If for some reason the relationship were to end and I ended up single though - I would certainly be very sad - but I think I would stay single. I would likely not see the point in pursuing another relationship. Been there done that. I would pursue the single life and enjoy that every bit as much as relationship life.

Dr Crayfish

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I couldnt and 99% of the world cant. We're people not bears. We need the company of others.
Sure, I know two people who worked in the old folks flats for Dublin City Council (Caretaking job, aka pulling the bins out, sweeping the area of the flats etc) and those old folks have nothing. I mean f*cking nothing. The radio and tele to keep them company all day to they die and i'm talking about people who have kids and grand kids. A lonely existence to end their existence (a harsh fact not a lot of people realise) But lets take away the kids and family who dont visit... you go try 60-70 years of living and not having any relationship. See how "alive" you'll be inside.


Dare I be blunt to... Noodles81 post above with the so many thanks is fecking horsesh*t. Spoken by a person whose had the pleasure of being in a relationship.

Has to be one of the most blindly patronising posts I've ever read! You know most people end up alone when they're old? And where does it end? Is a spouse enough? When they die who will look after you? So you need kids I suppose. But more than one. And not kids that make a life abroad. Seriously get a grip!

It says more about you that a happy life on your own seems so inconceivable to you than those of us who are happy doing our own thing.

MilesMorales1

Deleted User wrote: »

Who are you to say the post is horseshít?

Well it's easier to tell people to be happy with themselves when you are in a happy relationship.

Wanderer78

there are plenty of people very happily married to though

Dr Crayfish

Loveinapril wrote: »

there is something utterly fantastic about having one person truly in your corner and completely fulfill all your needs (friendship, love, sex

I find that terrifying relying on someone to fulfill all my needs! What if he met someone else or died? And what happened to your friend after you met your husband? Or did you synch it so you both met your partners at the same time and weren't stuck for having needs fulfilled?

Dr Crayfish

Loveinapril wrote: »

I don't rely on him to fulfill my needs, he just does, which is why it feels so good. I didn't know that could happen. Maybe it is just with my husband as it feels different to all other relationships. We have been together for a decade so I am just so used to having him there now. Before him I never needed to be in a relationship though, but I just like being around people. Being around the same people is nice! My best friend is still very much in my life, we are at very different stages in our lives but that doesn't change things.

No I get you. Well that's told me!

puppieperson1

Strong people can live alone without any issues however the over sentimetal xmas period often tries to undermine these choices. I chose to be alone as i find relationships too clausterphobic howevr i like to have afew friends to chew the cud with as does everyone. To be in a coupling just to fit in in our society is very sad and many people are very much alone within that unit.

Subcomandante Marcos

The question in the op is flawed. Everyone has relationships besides a statistically negligible subset of outliers.

Not everyone needs a romantic relationship, for various reasons.

Shinbin223

I'm kind of on both sides with this and my views may contradict each other.
I'm 29 and single for the last year and a half. I'm generally happy and get on with my life as best as I can however certain things make it a bit more difficult to do so. Number one is going to weddings etc on my own when everyone else at the table is in a couple. Number two is when people you haven't met in a while come up to me looking for a ring on my finger. I don't know why but this really annoys me.

Personally, I would love a relationship and to get married, have kids and to be honest I've wanted this for as long as I can remember. However I've seen and heard about enough negativity around relationships that make me realise that maybe it's not so bad to be on my own. I only want a relationship if it adds to my life and makes me happier and from what I've seen from friends and colleagues this does not seem to be the case. I've lost count of the amount of people I know who seem genuinely happy in their relationship. Some are with the person because they think there is nothing better out there for them and some have a fear of being on their own and prefer to stay in a relationship with constant fighting, sniping and a general disrespect between the two parties.

I guess the amount of happy stable relationships I know of is far far less than the other type. I would live a happy and fulfilling life in a good relationship but I'd prefer my life as is, to a relationship where I am not 95% happy and confident.

wylo

I think if we were to look at this scientifically the answer would possibly be "probably but not as much as being in one".

Billions upon billions of humans and to a lesser extent animals havent been getting into relationships for 100s of 1000s of years for no reason. It goes far beyond cultural expectations and stuff like that to feel not as happy about being single.

We may have outsmarted evolution but we still have the same needs. We crave physical intimacy, emotional connections, sex and close reliable friendships, as in deep friendships , ones where they are REALLY part of your day to day life and plans, not people you meet for a coffee every week.

I dont think being or not being in a relationship will resolve any deep unhappy stuff you have going on. But I do think despite frustrations and sacrfices that being in one allows you to live a more fulfilled life.

But this is coming from a long term single guy!!!

Amy33

Yes, gave up on relationships in 2009, at the age of 32 and it was the best decision I have ever made.

beks101

I'm sure lots of people could. There's just this really archaic notion embedded into the Irish psyche that you're a bit "odd" or "defective" or "stubborn" or any number of negative things if you're beyond a certain age and still single. Or even beyond a certain age and not married with kids. It's quite bizarre.

I was happy enough single, but I think if it had become a long-term thing I'd have become a bit lonely. There's a great comfort and security in having someone to share your life with, someone who always has your back. There's a real joy in loving someone and making plans with someone. You can have that with family and friends too of course, but it's just not the same as the intimacy and every-dayness of a relationship.

I don't know how I feel about this question. Sometimes I feel like my life would be much simpler if I were single but again that comes from a lot of pain from the past. My life is good regardless of whether or not I have someone to share it with. I love being alone and heading off on my little adventures.

However If someone said to me "Perse you will never have another relationship" then I'd be more than upset. But if they said "Perse you aren't going to spend the rest of your life with one person, you will have different relationships of varying lengths and quality". I'd be pretty damn pleased with that. It's how I feel my life will unfold in terms of love.

This is a sensitive subject. Behind every "not married yet"? "still single"? lies a judgement. Is there something wrong with this person and of course there is no stronger critic than ourselves. Then there is jealousy, envy, pain, what if, if only. Being single when all you want is a relationship is very tough. It's easy to be smug and assume that your way is the best way. It's also a rather horrible trait in a person. You may be happy with your lot but it doesn't mean everyone wants the same.

Sometimes people are more in love with the idea of being with someone than the person themselves. The concept of a relationship takes on huge meaning, it becomes almost like a person. Our self worth gets attached to it.
Of course all of that is counter-productive. Khalil Gibran told us to make no bond of love. He's spot on. Nobody will ever fill the empty parts of you and if you seek that out then you are on the road to heartache. I believe that our ability to be alone and to find contentment from ourselves is vital to a healthy mind. If you have that then love will find it's way to you much easier.

Shelga

I think I could live a happy and fulfilling life without one, but would take a while to get used to. It's a great thing, like Beks said, to have that intimacy and connection with someone, that's different to friendship.

On the other hand, like others have said, so many relationships hide so much under the surface. They're hard work and mean giving a part of yourself to someone else. I have mixed feelings about the idea of my identity being tied to someone else's. Maybe that's not the best way to put it, but you look at some couples after a few years together, it's like they almost merge into one person. Like they can't imagine coping with life without the other person. If/when I get into another relationship, I hope I don't lose that feeling that I'll be fine no matter what happens with it.

It's tough when you've been burned a few times too. Sometimes you just can't be bothered anymore. But I'd like to stay optimistic and put more effort into meeting new people next year. I guess, despite the possible negative outcomes, you have to throw yourself into life and love and believe in the good stuff and creating memories with someone. Isn't that what it's all about?

Maximus Alexander

I'd definitely rather be alone than be with someone who is a bad fit. Throughout my 20s I was always stunned by the amount of people without commitments like houses or kids who persisted with relationships that were ill matched, for years, until the whole thing would inevitably blew up. Surely you'd be better off going solo?

That said, I'm lucky enough to be in a well matched relationship and wouldn't change it for the world. Yeah, sometimes you make concessions to one another and don't always do exactly what you want to (although that's untrue in itself because making your partner happy becomes something you want to do), but the majority of the time we're on the same page. Neither of us are controlling, we don't keep one another on a short leash or feel the need to monopolise one another's attention. And I get always have someone around who I find endlessly entertaining, and who always has my back while I always have hers.

So no, I couldn't be happy alone if what I have now was an option. But if the alternative is to settle just for the sake of it, then I'd go it alone for sure.

hairyprincess

I've been married and divorced and after that lived with a guy for 2 years and I'm now single. I love my own space, I need it. But I also need that connection with another person. Kids, friends, family and pets often fulfil that role for many people in a variety of ways but not all needs are met. That's where a relationship comes in.
It really, really saddens me to think I may not grow old with someone as it is something I want. But, I'm not going to get into the wrong relationship. There's no point being in a wrong relationship just to be in a relationship, I have the divorce papers to prove it.
I'm very cautious about putting myself back out there given all the hurt and pain I've been through in the past.

Rezident

Of course. I did it for a decade, happiest years of my life (although baby on the way now which is allegedly even better).

Not having a 'serious relationship' meant that I actually ended up having many fantastic experiences, all over the world, that would never have happened if I had settled down earlier.

wherearemykeys

It depends on the type of life you lead. If you are lucky to have great family and friends, if you are happy with your career and your social life, then i think yes you could be happy without a relationship. I am the type of person who is very happy in my own company. I dont feel the need to constantly be surrounded by people. I would be happy to go on holidays by myself for example. If you have great friends in your life that you can spend time with when you need/choose too, same applies to family. I dont believe being alone, as in, no social life, no connection with people in every day life would be good for anyone.

Mister Vain

It's one thing to go through life having experienced a couple of failed relationships and a bit of casual sex only to end up single at the end of it. It's a different thing entirely to go through life with little or no intimacy though. I couldn't see anyone being happy in the latter unless they're an enlightened monk.

I sometimes wonder if I'm cut out for a long term relationship as there are aspects of it that I find completely suffocating. Then again, maybe I just haven't met the right person that is worth making that sacrifice for. Strangely enough I find there's much less pressure on me now to find someone than when I was in my 20's. Maybe that's something to do with the people I worked with. There were some real nosey feckers in my last job that would constantly ask me if I had a girlfriend yet and it got infuriating after a while. I find women are worse for this too. The lads would usually say, "Ahh you're better off single" whereas the women would be always trying to set me up with someone.

Galwayguy35

philstar wrote: »

you could, but you'd be spending a hell of a lot of time masturbating

Not necessarily, you don't have to be in a relationship to get a shag.

MrMorooka

I wouldn't say I'm happy, I've just learned to live with it. Obviously I'd love to be in a wonderful relationship with a supportive partner like I hear about, but it's just an alien concept to me. I've never been in a relationship ever, so I don't know what I'm missing(ignorance is bliss?). Of course there are a lot of downsides to relationships, the complication, the mess, the conflicts, and I'm not blind to that. It's just a whole aspect to life that I am not qualified to talk about.

I try to just get on with life and make myself into the best version of myself I can, work on my career, my hobbies, my health. I have a high-paying job, a nice apartment, I'm very lucky and grateful for where I am in life. But I accept they I'm not going to just fall into a relationship, I would need to go out there, meet people, make the effort, and I completely admit that I never have done and I don't want to, so I won't complain- it's been my choice.

It is hard though. Friday evenings are the worst, I dread them. I have no friends either, and you can't go out on your own(or rather, of course you can, and I have, but if you're not going to talk to people, which I don't, it's entirely pointless). So, often I just binge eat or something and feel bad about it. All I want on those nights is to just have someone who likes some of the same things that I do, who I can cuddle next to on the couch while we eat that pizza or watch that YouTube video, or whatever. Just to not be alone and to have someone to share an experience, any experience, with. I think it would make me happy. But at the end of the day, it's up to me to make that happen.

B.A._Baracus

Deleted User wrote: »

Who are you to say the post is horseshít?

Who is anyone to say anything then. Look, you don't have to agree or even like what I or anyone else says. But this is a discussion website.
Let's take the Donald Trump thread for example (an extreme example mind you) But it has over 6,000 posts and people are just going around in circles disagreeing with each other. Now I know this won't shock you but I do have to say it... people will post things you do not agree with. Sure that's life. So who is anyone to say anything then?

Besides, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that if I clicked in your posting history... somewhere there would be something YOU said that another could say "who are you to say..."

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Has to be one of the most blindly patronising posts I've ever read! You know most people end up alone when they're old? And where does it end? Is a spouse enough? When they die who will look after you? So you need kids I suppose. But more than one. And not kids that make a life abroad. Seriously get a grip!

It says more about you that a happy life on your own seems so inconceivable to you than those of us who are happy doing our own thing.

Well Dr Crayfish (if that is your real name! :pac: ) You know nothing about me but yet some how know me from those short paragraphs at the same time. So yeah.... if I am to be honest my response is "Whatever. I wonder whats on tele now" :pac:

B.A._Baracus

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who is anyone to say anything then. Look, you don't have to agree or even like what I or anyone else says. But this is a discussion website.
Let's take the Donald Trump thread for example (an extreme example mind you) But it has over 6,000 posts and people are just going around in circles disagreeing with each other. Now I know this won't shock you but I do have to say it... people will post things you do not agree with. Sure that's life. So who is anyone to say anything then?

Besides, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that if I clicked in your posting history... somewhere there would be something YOU said that another could say "who are you to say..."




Well Dr Crayfish (if that is your real name! :pac: ) You know nothing about me but yet know me from those short paragraphs at the same time.

Absolutely. Not everyone agrees with my views and I wouldn't expect them all too. I am however open to have those views challenged, for someone to say "Persepoly who are you to say that a person needs to be content in their own skin before seeking love". That's ok by me.

I responded to your post because it felt like you were making an assumption based purely on your own experiences and without the realisation that other people are different. There is a huge world with so many opinions and frames of reference outside our own immediate situation.

Mister Vain

MrMorooka wrote: »

I have no friends either, and you can't go out on your own(or rather, of course you can, and I have, but if you're not going to talk to people, which I don't, it's entirely pointless).

It's very difficult if you have no friends. Not as easy to "get out there" when you have nobody to go out with. There's always online dating but that only seems to work for a few.

I remember making a resolution at the start of this year to make more of an effort to find someone. I never did tbh but it was still a great year for me and I have some fond memories. I think one of the reasons why it was such a great year is because I wasn't trying to meet someone. If you're constantly putting yourself out there and making a real effort but having no luck, it can get a bit depressing. I guess you could say I went MGTOW this year.

Goya

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who is anyone to say anything then. Look, you don't have to agree or even like what I or anyone else says. But this is a discussion website.
Let's take the Donald Trump thread for example (an extreme example mind you) But it has over 6,000 posts and people are just going around in circles disagreeing with each other. Now I know this won't shock you but I do have to say it... people will post things you do not agree with. Sure that's life. So who is anyone to say anything then?

Besides, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that if I clicked in your posting history... somewhere there would be something YOU said that another could say "who are you to say..."




Well Dr Crayfish (if that is your real name! :pac: ) You know nothing about me but yet some how know me from those short paragraphs at the same time. So yeah.... if I am to be honest my response is "Whatever. I wonder whats on tele now" :pac:

You were saying everyone else feels the same way you do. Above, you tell someone they don't know you, yet earlier on the thread you felt you could speak for everyone.

It depends on the individual. In answer to the thread title: I personally don't think I could, but that doesn't mean others feel the same way as I do. It depends on what a person wants and how their life is, how they feel about themselves, how they have been shaped by past experiences, what age they are, what stage in life they're at. I'm not someone who thinks being single is all doom - I've been single loads and it was grand (people who have a terror of being single, I don't get) - but ultimately I'd prefer to be with someone.

I've spent time single and never gave it a second thought. I'm busy and happy in myself and didn't feel I was 'missing' something. I think if you're aware you have options, then it's a less daunting thing than if you feel you have no choices in the matter. I've always liked a lot of alone time, I always appreciated space. Getting into a relationship where I'd have to compromise much of that wasn't something I wanted or would consider for anything less than a great match.

When I got into the relationship I'm in, it didn't 'make' me happier - it enhanced my happiness. My happiness is my responsibility, and anyone looking for a relationship to make them happy is on a hiding to nothing. Thankfully I'm very happy with the chap, but if my feelings changed, I wouldn't be worried about being single again.

5rtytry56

beks101 wrote: »

There's just this really archaic notion embedded into the Irish psyche that you're a bit "odd" or "defective" or "stubborn" or any number of negative things if you're beyond a certain age and still single. Or even beyond a certain age and not married with kids. It's quite bizarre.

Did'nt think about this but you've hit the nail on the head.



This has also made a resurgence in the last 2 to 3 years in Ireland.