Can/Have you ever stayed friends with an ex after breaking up?

wakka12

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

eeguy

It only works if you were friends before the relationship.

Can't imagine being friends with exes. It would be weird chatting about new relationships and all the fun they were having with someone else.
I'd also be wary if my gf was spending time with one of her exes.

Train Dragon

There's one ex I cant be friends with as I loved her too much, even though I was the one who finished it.

It's almost a compliment to an ex if you cant be just friends with them in my humble opinion.

rawn

Yes, but it wasn't easy, for me anyways. In fact it was hell for about 2 years, but it slowly got easier and we're pretty good friends now. In fact, it's at the stage now that I forget that he is my ex. Madness, considering how much the breakup destroyed me at the time.

catbear

Only time it ever worked was when we realised we really didn't have as much in common as we thought. Didn't see each other for a few weeks, met for a coffee, both looked at eachother and knew it was over. We actually had a good laugh. It was a long term relationship but we hadn't moved in together but I'd say it that would have been a harder break up if we had.

Dr Crayfish

Never really saw the point, or never wanted to. Break ups can be hard enough already so I've always needed to cut them out completely. After you've moved on why would you want to get back in touch? Friendships and love can be fleeting. Then again I don't have many female friends anyway.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Saipanne

My most recent ex is mad to be friends. I've been giving it a go, but I'm not into it. I prefer to leave the past in the past.

Dr Crayfish

wakka12 wrote: »

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

Well OP if you ever break up, you'd be surprised how quickly it is before the thought of them becomes like thinking of a complete stranger. The last thing I ever wanted was having them in my life or knowing anything about them after a break up!

martinedwards

After 25 years of marriage, I'm friends with a couple of exes but we were a circle of friends and my Mrs was closer friends with them than I was before the relationships so to be honest its more her than me!

Grayson

Friends with a few of them, some I drifted away from, and the rest I pretend never existed.

Icaras

With one only but it has its difficulties

donegaLroad

Yes.. but on Facebook, and although we have been having a laugh on FB, we haven't met in years.

hairyprincess

I'm friends with my most recent ex. We were together for four years, he was a huge part of mine and my kids life, I'd hate to lose contact with him.
My ex husband however is a different story. I can't bare to look at him.
I guess it depends on the relationship and the break up.

notsoyoungwan

I'm good friends with an ex of mine. We were together for 5 years and the relationship just ran out of steam/fizzled out, there was no drama or acrimony. It's 13 years since we broke up and we are still very good friends. We did fall into bed together once in that 13 years but tbh that was due to drunken horniness rather than any desire to rekindle things on either side.He lives across the Atlantic now so we don't see each other often but we talk about three times a year and message every few weeks or so, but each time it's just like we last spoke the previous day. We talk about everything and anything, from the mundane to the very personal. He's one of my closest friends and I don't anticipate that ever changing.

B.A._Baracus

My opinion on the subject is that sure some people can be friends. Most can't or won't. Can't blame those either.

Filmer Paradise

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Very true.

You just can't do it!

m'lady

No.. in my experience I wouldn't want them as a friend going by how they treated me as a 'girlfriend'. I think it's best to keep the past, in the past!

dbagman

Myth

notsoyoungwan

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

Very true.

You just can't do it!

Not at all true, in my experience.

Theonegun

wakka12 wrote: »

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

Yes i have ya need to forgive, life Is too short and hate is a strong thing ta cwrry around.

amtc

Yes and no

Still good friends with my ex from 1994...or so I thought. It was only a few weeks many years ago. However his wife, whilst appearing welcoming, isn't. I really don't blame her as at their eldest"so christening I was mortified to be only non family member.

Anyway about two years ago we went to a birthday party of a mutual friend both on our own. I went home early enough but he stayed over. Now I would be better friends with both. He bought her a gift. it happened my birthday is day after but I never heard a thing after that party no gift. Rang, emailed, wrote. To this day no contact.

I do miss him but all I can figure out is that his wife gave him an ultimatum. Funny thing is I wasn't even there.

The first year I texted him for his birthday and sent a card, last year I didn't.

I wouldn't even consider him an ex. Nearly a brother. I have met his entire family and he dug up my parents garden. So it really has to be this incident

pickarooney

I think it's important to try when there are kids involved and/or you still live together and share a twenty year debt on a property and have no means of affording separate accommodation. It's damn hard though.

Mr. CooL ICE

I'm on good terms with all but one ex, whom can just fcuk off (tried turning my friends against me after breakup, etc).

Another ex was someone who I was friends with before being together. After a few months, we just accepted that it wasn't working and we shouldn't have gotten together at all. Agreed to end it and the next time we met up in a group of friends, was as if it never happened. At least it was for me, anyway.

Winterlong

I am not close friends with any ex'es but would be in sporadic touch with a few of them. No euphemism intended.
Depends on the people really, and geography/circumstances.

The flying mouse

It would be nice If this could happen, but usually there is one partner hurt more than another, So sometimes its better for all concerned to cut all contact & let each other move on to the best of there ability.

Ten of Swords

wakka12 wrote: »

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

No, I've only ever seen that end badly. It is only ever a short term measure and unless you're both in the same place emotionally it will never really work out because one of you will be extremely resentful when the other person finally moves on and gets involved with someone else, and if seeing your ex with someone else doesn't bother you then I'd question how much you loved them in the first place.

As time moves on and things change this is probably a different story and you would wish them only the best and you would like to see them happy in life but in the immediate and short term aftermath of your relationship ending I don't think it's possible or healthy.

Owryan

Friends with my ex, but we have a couple of kids so it's not really by choice. Far easier to co parent from a position of friendship than if the relationship is frosty or worse. We had Christmas in mine this year and I don't think that would be possible if we were not able to be friends.

I wouldn't be sharing much personal stuff with her but she tells me (too much IMO) about her personal life.

con___manx1

Was with one ex for 3 years we lived in Oz together for most of the relationship. We are from different parts of the country. We had a bad argument on the phone one day when we were back in ireland and never seen her again. It took along time to get over it. I still regret not going to see her at lest to say goodbye. That's was 4 years ago now

leggo

Friendly, yes with a few, but not 'hang out and text regularly' friends with any. I wouldn't do that to a future partner and it's not healthy for the involved parties IMO. Once you cross that barrier of feelings it's impossible to get back completely in-sync to have a healthy, long-lasting friendship. Of course there are exceptions, but that's the rule of thumb I find.

woodchuck

I never have and don't think I could. I know someone who has stayed good friends with an ex for a number of years now, so I guess it is doable! It's just not for me. I prefer to draw a line under things and move into the future without dragging the past along with me.

catbear

Now this is just perception but from experience women seem to want to push the friends thing more than men.

Are men more inclined to want a clean break?

Edit I'm talking about breakups where's kids aren't involved.

woodchuck

catbear wrote: »

Now this is just perception but from experience women seem to want to push the friends thing more than men.

Are men more inclined to want a clean break?

Edit I'm talking about breakups where's kids aren't involved.

Personally I don't think it has anything to do with gender. I think it's more likely that the one doing the breaking up (i.e. the one who is less hurt) is more likely to want to stay friends.

tonycascarino

If an ex cheated then there is zero chance one should stay friends unless you are a complete idiot. If it was an amicable breakup then I guess it is ok but personally I would leave the past in the past.

MadYaker

Dunno if friends is the word I use but we still go for the odd ride every now again.

foxatron

No

boardsuser1

It's bad enough that my ex is sending me messages regularly on viber about anything but the child we have together.

On the plus side it is a phone I use exclusively for her as I do not want her ever having my main number again.

Went through several number when she had it,but nothing in 7 years thank god.

I tend to leave that phone lying around the place so my partner is able to have a look at messages in both directions whenever she wants.

Grayson

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Surely it depends on how you love them? The ancient greeks believed in four types of love, agápe, éros, philía, and storgē.

Now I don't agree that there's just 4 types. I think there's many types. You can have romantic relationships with multiple people over the years and love each differently. Some may involve greater friendship, some may involve more possessiveness. Each relationship is defined by the two people involved.

beks101

Personally no, I've always just moved on. Cut them out as necessary.

I'm not someone who needs many friends anyway, I have my immediate circle and it's never been a priority to see if an ex could become one too when I'm busy trying to get over him. Seems counterproductive.

One_Of_Shanks

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Yep. That's it.

Nonsense pussy-footing around the subject. You're correct.

If you can break up and then sit down for a cup of joe a week later then it wasn't love to begin with.

You can't stay friends. You can't listen to certain songs and it burns when you recall certain memories.

That's love. And it makes you a better person for the scars.

_Kaiser_

No, and really unless there were kids involved, I don't see why you'd want to. I can't imagine hearing about their new relationship or whatever else being particularly worth it.

If however there are kids then you should at least make the effort to be civil anyway. Kids should always come first

Grayson

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

No, and really unless there were kids involved, I don't see why you'd want to. I can't imagine hearing about their new relationship or whatever else being particularly worth it.

If however there are kids then you should at least make the effort to be civil anyway. Kids should always come first

For me friendship is the most important part of a relationship. All too often a relationship begins in this cloudy, intense, romantic haze. I've had too many relationships over the years where it's eventually fizzled out and I end up looking at the person and thinking "I don't actually like or respect you".

As I've gotten older I've learned to value friendship and mutual respect more and see that more as a basis of a relationship. Sure those haven't worked out either but at least I'm still friends with them.

catbear

KC161 wrote: »

It's bad enough that my ex is sending me messages regularly on viber about anything but the child we have together.

On the plus side it is a phone I use exclusively for her as I do not want her ever having my main number again.

Went through several number when she had it,but nothing in 7 years thank god.

I tend to leave that phone lying around the place so my partner is able to have a look at messages in both directions whenever she wants.

I don't envy you but I can guess why you broke up.

gossamer

No. I never felt the inclination to either. If someone broke up with you, or you broke up with them, there's usually a good reason for it. No point in dwelling on the past, same goes for keeping tabs on exes, why bother? LTR breakups are great in a way, they teach you that regardless of what you think, no one is integral to your life.

Burial.

Yeah, just so I could bang her friends as a final f*ck you.

https://media.giphy.com/media/2nwTda1ewYssE/giphy.gif

I'm very classy like that

seenitall

Grayson wrote: »

possessiveness.

Heck, does that word really have 6 s's in it ?? Wow

Oh yes, I have been doing better than ever lately, at staying friends with exs. It can be a lot of fun, as long as there are no "feelz" involved any more. They are just people, and if they treated you well and were good friends in the first place, then why not? I find that the older I get, I just take things and people as they come, no more heightened emotions, no more big drama. Life is short.

Stealthfins

I usually try to be civil and respectful twoards my exe as I don't see any point in ignition of child like contact or engagement of an intriguing nature just to get a ride or attention because I'm lonely or needy.

That's for mentally unstable insecure people,or emotionally messed up brat's.

I'd say hello or chat generally if we're queing up for coffee somewhere, actually that happened recently and we sat down and we had a good chat about our kids etc.

Her kids are way older than my lad.

Staying as an intense friend of an exe is borderline creepy and doesn't give her or him a chance of moving on meeting someone better than me or you for him or her.

Guys are the worst for being creepy freaks muching around their execs like possessive psycho's.

They'll say we're good friends but it's bllsht, it's he's a creep and doesn't want her having a life...

Ten of Swords

Burial. wrote: »

Yeah, just so I could bang her friends as a final f*ck you.

That level of bitterness is pretty corrosive tbh

boardsuser1

catbear wrote: »

I don't envy you but I can guess why you broke up.

Tried controlling me basically, now she can't let go even all these years later.

bodice ripper

I am very good friends with my ex boyfriend. He lives in the UK, and we travel to see each other. It is entirely doable.

Burial.

Ten of Swords wrote: »

That level of bitterness is pretty corrosive tbh

I get sti checked twice a year no corrosion down south thank you very much