Why do some women have such an issue with their partners having nights out with the l

Shinbin223

So this is something I've noticed among my friends over the last few weeks. I'm female by the way myself but I have noticed that some of my friends and family have basically ordered/told their boyfriends and husbands that they are not going out with their guy friends over Christmas.
I have one friend who told her boyfriend that the wedding they have on New Year's Eve is enough of a night out for him and he is not to go out with his friend another night because they get too drunk and he is hungover the next day.

I would have thought in this situation that he is an adult and if he chooses to get drunk on a night out that the hangover is his to deal with the next day and it's not her problem.

Another friend told her boyfriend he could go out but she was collecting him at 12:30 because he would have had too much to drink and he would again be hungover the next day. She told him if he was drunk when she collected he would be on the couch for the next few nights.

A member of my family was sick over Christmas, no seriously sick just a chest infection and expected her partner to cancel a night out with his friends that had been planned since last August as some have kids etc and it's hard to get everyone together. She wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days after he went out.

I'm single myself at the moment but hearing these stories has left me seriously wondering. Are most women afraid of how drunk their partners will get at Christmas or what is this all about? I have been shocked at some of the stories I've heard and seen. Girls ringing their boyfriends at 1:00 or 2:00 10 or 11 times to check where they are and when they will be home. I would have thought Christmas is a time to meet up with friends, have a few drinks and if you end up a bit under the weather once or twice over it, as long as it's not a regular occurrence then so be it. Am I alone in thinking this or what?!!

Dr Crayfish

Men can have issue with women going out too, relationships can be pretty f*cked up

s4uv3

Good on those girls, they're letting their men know they care.

dissed doc

Shinbin223 wrote: »

So this is something I've noticed among my friends over the last few weeks. I'm female by the way myself but I have noticed that some of my friends and family have basically ordered/told their boyfriends and husbands that they are not going out with their guy friends over Christmas.
I have one friend who told her boyfriend that the wedding they have on New Year's Eve is enough of a night out for him and he is not to go out with his friend another night because they get too drunk and he is hungover the next day.

I would have thought in this situation that he is an adult and if he chooses to get drunk on a night out that the hangover is his to deal with the next day and it's not her problem.

Another friend told her boyfriend he could go out but she was collecting him at 12:30 because he would have had too much to drink and he would again be hungover the next day. She told him if he was drunk when she collected he would be on the couch for the next few nights.

A member of my family was sick over Christmas, no seriously sick just a chest infection and expected her partner to cancel a night out with his friends that had been planned since last August as some have kids etc and it's hard to get everyone together. She wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days after he went out.

I'm single myself at the moment but hearing these stories has left me seriously wondering. Are most women afraid of how drunk their partners will get at Christmas or what is this all about? I have been shocked at some of the stories I've heard and seen. Girls ringing their boyfriends at 1:00 or 2:00 10 or 11 times to check where they are and when they will be home. I would have thought Christmas is a time to meet up with friends, have a few drinks and if you end up a bit under the weather once or twice over it, as long as it's not a regular occurrence then so be it. Am I alone in thinking this or what?!!

It's usually when the female partner has created a mother-son relationship with her adult partner, who rexiprocates by acting like an irresponsible child (going out to just get drunk as opposed to catcging up with friends, etc).

A woman calling her boyfriend 11 times on a night out screams of insecurities, on one or both parties. Tbey should grow up, before continuing their neediness.

ED E

To be frank OP it sounds like your friends/family are a bunch of geezers. Change your social circles up.

beertons

Award for longest thread title?

osarusan

Not wanting their partners going out at all is unreasonable.

Not wanting their partners so hungover and tired that they won't do anything all day is quite a different thing. Especially if there are kids that need to be looked after.

PucaMama

Some men like to pretend the wife or gf doesn't want them going out rather than say no themselves.

Dr Crayfish

PucaMama wrote: »

Some men like to pretend the wife or gf doesn't want them going out rather than say no themselves.

Yes and also some men seem to enjoy the whole "she won't bleedin' let me!" charade

whatdoicare

I don't mind at all if my hubby goes out but he flippin won't go out. His own stag night all he wanted to do was sit with his brother and buddy and watch sci fi movies, have a few pints and play game boards. He was in bed by midnight. But that's just who he is.

I do have some friends whose husbands take the mick though, they go out and get absolutely blind drunk and come home, piss all over the place - one even took a drunken dump into his kids toy box - so I could understand some ladies that have this situation going on maybe not wanting to be dealing with that nonsense.

It just depends on the situation, maybe the woman is very insecure, maybe they dont have the money and hubby tends to throw money around when hes had a few, maybe hubby gets rotten drunk - who knows, Id say its between the couple and what theyre willing to put up with from each other.

harr

I know men and women who's partners are the same and I never understood it..if my missus wants to go out who am I to stop her...same if I want to go out never has been a problem...then again I know lads who go out with the lads Saturday night and all day Sunday nearly every weekend and they wonder why the girlfriend has a problem with that... then there is the lads/girls who get messy drunk and the partner has to end up looking after them when they get home and the next day especially if kids are involved...I know people who are a complete disaster with a few drinks on board..
Should not be a problem if it's a few social drinks and it doesn't cause problems at home ...

RobertKK

I am glad I am single after reading all of this...

maudgonner

RobertKK wrote: »

I am glad I am single after reading all of this...

Me too.

But also slightly annoyed that I am, when I'm waaayyyy more normal than these folks*.





*Most of the time.

Riesen_Meal

This is immediate grounds for dismissal of a partner IMO...

Who am I to dictate to my missus when she could or could not go out with her friends on a night out?

She would never try stop me going out for a lads night, from a random "we are going to pub" night to a planned night out...

_Jamie_

No idea, OP, it's most odd. Controlling too on the part of the women. Or indeed, men who do the same to their partners. Sometimes, people use their partners as an excuse though because they don't want to go themselves.

endagibson

From one extreme:

whatdoicare wrote: »

His own stag night all he wanted to do was sit with his brother and buddy and watch sci fi movies, have a few pints and play game boards. He was in bed by midnight.

To the other:

whatdoicare wrote: »

get absolutely blind drunk and come home, piss all over the place - one even took a drunken dump into his kids toy box

:pac:

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Jimoslimos

Shinbin223 wrote: »

So this is something I've noticed among my friends over the last few weeks. I'm female by the way...

A female what?

Richard Hillman

Men need to start getting called out on this whole "the missus won't let me" or "I'll have to run it by the war office". It's bull**** and it's insulting to both friends and partner. Nobody falls for it anymore.

Because they're missing the M, N, O, & P.

CaptainR

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Men need to start getting called out on this whole "the missus won't let me" or "I'll have to run it by the war office". It's bull**** and it's insulting to both friends and partner. Nobody falls for it anymore.

"Run it by the war office"

That's hilarious, I like it

Shinbin223

In answer to some of the replies, none of these couples I'm speaking of have kids. The women have all had 1 or 2 nights out over Christmas, some got merry and were hungover the next day, some wouldn't be big drinkers.
On the men's side some of them hadn't been out since November so it's not a weekly occurrence where they go out every Saturday and get messy drunk, and spend Sunday unable to do anything. I can get why a girl wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour and there are probably lots of girls out there that don't want their partners going out for this reason.
But these lads I know generally don't get very messy drunk, they don't go out much at all and when they do it's the harmless few pints in the old mans pubs that they prefer. I was just shocked to hear and see this going on with so many couples I know. I'm not sure if it happens all year round or just Christmas as people have more of a tendency to want to go out. Personally I find it weird and controlling but I guess others have their own views on it too.

Mister Vain

whatdoicare wrote: »

I do have some friends whose husbands take the mick though, they go out and get absolutely blind drunk and come home, piss all over the place - one even took a drunken dump into his kids toy box

One of the funniest things I've read on boards in ages. :pac:

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

KERSPLAT!

sashafierce wrote: »

But you don't know the ins and outs of that couple. There is without a doubt more to it that you see. Obviously something happened that has in this case the women feeling uncomfortable about their partners going out. Men in my experience are messy drunks, they aren't great at checking in back home if they are asked to either. Women worry more than men also. My BF would never think to himself "oh I haven't heard from Sashafierce in ages I hope she didn't stumble and fall into the liffey." As an over thinker these are things I think of..

Is he allowed cross the road on his own?

I understand someone being worried but you can't check up on someone constantly every time they go for a few drinks.

I wouldn't be into checking up on someone. A text to say they're home would be nice but not expected.

FTA69

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

sashafierce

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Dr Crayfish

FTA69 wrote: »

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

Jesus, sorry but what a bitch!

Mister Vain

FTA69 wrote: »

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

Do you have an Eastern European las?

MuffinTop86

sashafierce wrote: »

I have no problem with my BF going anywhere but he is a horrible drunk and from past experience has scared me so im entitled to worry.

Exactly this. My bf isn't a horrible drunk, but he hasn't got a voice in his head that tells him that's enough. He has improved a bit though since the guards picked him up stumbling home once and put him in the cells for safety. I would never stop him going out but I won't sleep out of worry.

Mister Vain

My mates girlfriend is always ringing him when he's out. We were having dinner with a few people from work and when she called him she could hear a woman's voice in the background and was convinced he was cheating. They always seem to be arguing.

KERSPLAT!

They need to sort their drinking in that case... drink less or head home earlier. If they know how bad they get and how much you worry it shouldn't be a big issue

sashafierce

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judeboy101

Partners?? If a woman wont bother marrying a fella then she cant complain if he sows his oats. As Beyoncé says "if ya luv it then ya better put a ring on it"

Mister Vain

You'd want to be mad to put a ring on it.

GingerLily

There are loads of reasons; he can't handle his drink, he spends too much when out with the lads, his girlfriend is controlling.... and so on.....
........but in my experience it's usually an excuse lads use to get out of going for drinks.

mdwexford

Ridiculous carry on, don't know why people are in relationships with these weirdos. Must be very hard up.

If either party wants a night out with friends then they go do it, it's very simple.

FTA69

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Jesus, sorry but what a bitch!

My missus is a saint. She just can't handle the fact that sometimes I need to spend a day in a darkened room crying into my hands and throwing up every hour.

FTA69

Mister Vain wrote: »

Do you have an Eastern European las?

West Indian. Unluckily for me she also has a passionate hatred of the old Devil's Lettuce.

Mister Vain

FTA69 wrote: »

My missus is a saint. She just can't handle the fact that sometimes I need to spend a day in a darkened room crying into my hands and throwing up every hour.

Yeah I can see how some cultures might find that a bit odd. :pac:

sashafierce

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MuffinTop86

mdwexford wrote: »

Ridiculous carry on, don't know why people are in relationships with these weirdos. Must be very hard up.

If either party wants a night out with friends then they go do it, it's very simple.

Not if there's children involved.

judeboy101

Mister Vain wrote: »

You'd want to be mad to put a ring on it.

Not at all the smart lads get married in church but don't register it with the state. Win win.

Mister Vain

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Maybe so. I don't know the ins and outs of their relationship.

FTA69

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

Not if there's children involved.

Buddy of mine has two kids and I asked him last night can he not just head out and let herself mind the kids. He said it's not that simply when it's 7pm, one is refusing to eat her dinner and the other is sick and screaming crying constantly. Meanwhile the gaff needs to be cleaned and both kids bathed.

Good luck telling herself that you're leaving her in the middle of that to head out on the p*ss all night.

KERSPLAT!

sashafierce wrote: »

Again her paranoia comes from somewhere!

And is that always the case? Horse****

Not Propaganda

Easy to be on the outside looking in and thinking one partner is mad.

Dave0301

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Her own insecurities maybe?

Cee-Jay-Cee

I go out once every blue moon and I usually dread it as I get stinking hangovers and am completely out of commission the following day as a result. Because of this I have only been out 3 times in the last 2 years. I was out last Tuesday night with friends, it had been planned for weeks and I didn't want to let them down but I spent the day hoping some of them would cry off and we'd decide to put it off to another time but unfortunately no one did and I had to go out. I had 4 to 5 drinks (didn't finish any of my drinks and so in total only had 5 drinks absolute max) I was tipsy but not drunk but I had the worst headache the next day, I got up at 12:30 and had to go back to bed at 3 as my head was so sore. The day was a complete waste. I have vowed to go T-total from here on in, I probably wont but I should.

I can understand women laying down rules especially if their husbands/partners end up like me the day after. My wife encouraged me to go out when I was telling her I hoped it was cancelled and said just take a few pain killers and stay in bed (which is what I ended up doing)

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Omackeral

Shinbin223 wrote: »

I have one friend who told her boyfriend that the wedding they have on New Year's Eve is enough of a night out for him and he is not to go out with his friend another night because they get too drunk and he is hungover the next day.

Abort mission!