Why do some women have such an issue with their partners having nights out with the l

whoopsadoodles

PucaMama wrote: »

Some men like to pretend the wife or gf doesn't want them going out rather than say no themselves.

I was only talking about this recently.

I once caught the fella telling someone he wouldn't have a pass to go out some night. He used me as an excuse to get out of going out.

I would never ever stop a partner going out, and I would never ever guilt them into staying in.

It's something that actually gets on my wick, the whole being under the thumb thing, but I absolutely know that some lads exaggerate it because they don't have the balls to say they don't want to go out.

RayCon

Some people are arseholes (applies equally to both sexes)

oneilla

http://m.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=2057686488

mdwexford

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

Not if there's children involved.

We have two children.

We still have a life, if one wants a night out the other can mind them for the night and the next morning.

People make such a big deal over things sometimes.

Dave0301

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Her own insecurities maybe?[/quote]
Again these normally come from somewhere. Very few women are just down right crazy. They have usually been hurt or made a show of in the past that causes this[/quote]

Then a person (man or woman) shouldn't be in a relationship if they are bringing past grievances into it. I know this is easier said than done, but you should trust your partner completely on a night out.

If they can't handle their drink and continue to drink like a fiend, or they have a tendency to cheat then a decision needs to be made about the relationship.

DEFTLEFTHAND

They're bigger fools for listening to their partners OP.

They have to stand up for themselves early on in the relationship and make it clear that nobody is going to stop them from socialising with life long friends.

Galwayguy35

Mister Vain wrote: »

My mates girlfriend is always ringing him when he's out. We were having dinner with a few people from work and when she called him she could hear a woman's voice in the background and was convinced he was cheating. They always seem to be arguing.

He needs to dump her ASAP, she sounds like a bunny boiler.

Galwayguy35

Reverse the sexes in the OP and the responses would be very different.

Agricola

Lot of sense in this thread. It's easy to stereotype it as clingy women controlling their jack the lad partners but it's often a case of really boring fúckers who couldn't get married soon enough in order to get out of the whole drinks with the lads situation. Have a friend just like that, before he got hitched he treated socializing as nothing more than a mission to pull a prospective wife. Now that he was succeeded in that mission, he's forever using her as an excuse to get out of meetups. He would always take a night in over a night out, everytime.

But there's also the other side of the coin which is fellas that are complete and utter fúcking liabilities when they go out. Never know when to stop, can't refuse a drink and aren't able to stop buying them either. They need a mammy figure to keep some kind of handle on them or they could do themselves or others some harm.
It's more to do with our childish attitude to drink as a society more than anything.

sashafierce

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mariaalice

Christmas seem to bring out lots of stereotypes of relationships by those not in relationships themselves, and inevitable ends with and that's why they are glad they are single

They inevitable know lots who are being controlled by their other half but don't know any couples having lots of sex,fun, love, and a great time with each other.

Mister Vain

Learn to quote properly. Jasus.

denis160

mdwexford wrote: »

We have two children.

We still have a life, if one wants a night out the other can mind them for the night and the next morning.

People make such a big deal over things sometimes.

This 100%, we have 4 kids, both work & have busy lives with the kids, but if my oh wants a night out, there's no bother. I'll get upto them next morning till around 12 & then send the kids upto him 😀😀. Same goes for me.
Can't understand people ringing their partners warning them to be home by a certain time or bombarding them with texts, & ild never actually even consider telling him he's not going out.

pauliebdub

I think it's more about fellas looking for an excuse not to go out rather than mad controlling wives. Some men grow up and settle down etc and are no longer interested in mad sessions and the resulting hangover.

Mister Vain

Yeah I was never exactly into the mad sessions anyway. Women with non drinking fellas probably have it easier in that regard.

whoopsadoodles

sashafierce wrote: »

Sure that is inevitable unless its your first relationship. Everyone has scars/baggage from past experiences that change who you are and how you deal with situations. I guarantee none of these "crazy" women are really like this. Women just wanna feel respected.

Ringing your other half seventeen times when they're out with the lads is not going to gain you any respect.

And yes, some bitches do just be crazy.

Loveinapril

I used to be a total crazy about it, jealous and controlling. But my husband doesn't know when to stop either. The jealousy and general nutjobbyness is gone now, but for us there are still slight issues. My fella never comes home the night of drinking. If he goes out on a Friday night he will always stay out drinking and will either be back on Saturday or Sunday. His friends are all the same, we are the only ones without kids. He will need at least a full night and day to sleep and the following day will have the hangover. So for about four days that week, I won't see him or get much sense out if him. He does it less frequently now and it only causes issues when we have made plans that get sidelined due to a night/ nights out. The amount of times I have had wives or girlfriends of his friends ring me looking for their fella is shocking. The lads don't answer phones just to avoid the agro, which I can imagine just feeds into their paranoia.

Shinbin223

mariaalice wrote: »

Christmas seem to bring out lots of stereotypes of relationships by those not in relationships themselves, and inevitable ends with and that's why they are glad they are single

They inevitable know lots who are being controlled by their other half but don't know any couples having lots of sex,fun, love, and a great time with each other.

I'm not sure if that was directed at me or not but I'll answer. I do know couples who have great fun together and I have friends who are very happy in relationships both male and female. I would even say that some of the couples I've mentioned above seem to have very good relationships in general apart from this last week where they have told their partners for varying reasons they are not going out for a few drinks.
I understand if people have kids or have plans the next day that it's probably not a good idea for either party to be out and drunk the night before.
I just posted here to get people's views on this as it struck me as being a bit controlling on the girls part and quite unfair. They have had their work nights out and nights with friends and a few of them couldn't function the next day with the hangover. Their partners didn't get mad at them or ban them from going out again.

Then fast forward to this week and the man wants to go out with his friends for drinks and he is told no way. I don't think that's fair. In two of the cases the girls said in front of the group that they told their partners they weren't going out the nights they had planned and they weren't entering a discussion. I found it strange and unfair and just posted here out of interest to see other people's experiences.

nice_guy80

The quicker she realises that most of her 'friends' are just using, manipulative bitches, the better.

Robsweezie

OP, I assumed by the unfinished title that you were male..... and your OH caught you typing up the thread and bashed your head in before you could finish it.

bee06

sashafierce wrote: »

Sure that is inevitable unless its your first relationship. Everyone has scars/baggage from past experiences that change who you are and how you deal with situations. I guarantee none of these "crazy" women are really like this. Women just wanna feel respected.

Or the grown up thing to do would be to realise that a current partner should not be treated like a child/cheater etc just because a previous partner was.

I guarantee you, some of those "crazy" women are just crazy jealous women.

King of Kings

denis160 wrote: »

This 100%, we have 4 kids, both work & have busy lives with the kids, but if my oh wants a night out, there's no bother. I'll get upto them next morning till around 12 & then send the kids upto him 😀😀. Same goes for me.
Can't understand people ringing their partners warning them to be home by a certain time or bombarding them with texts, & ild never actually even consider telling him he's not going out.

for sure.

we've 3 and if either goes out the other is well able to mind the kids all day if the other is fubar'd.
that said the norm is an 11-12 midday.
but neither of us are that ill equipped that we can't manage the kids on our own for a day

but recently I met up with some old friends and the night turned into a 2nd day bender. was she mad? was she fcuk....she knew quite well these lads were dear old friends I hadn't seen in ages.
"
that's how it should be .

few things can make a man lose respect in my eyes quicker than saying "he has a pass " or "must obtain a pass" or using his partner as an excuse why he can't come out.

andekwarhola

If my wife wants a big night out with her pals, she lies on the next day and takes most of the day off re: the kids, She does the same for me. I'd hate to end up down that road of petty tit-for-tat permissions re: socialising.

That said, it's hard to judge these stories as you might have somebody acting genuinely unreasonably or the person in question might be taking the piss with the frequency or extent of the partying.

MadDog76

denis160 wrote: »

This 100%, we have 4 kids, both work & have busy lives with the kids, but if my oh wants a night out, there's no bother. I'll get upto them next morning till around 12 & then send the kids upto him 😀😀. Same goes for me.
Can't understand people ringing their partners warning them to be home by a certain time or bombarding them with texts, & ild never actually even consider telling him he's not going out.

12!??!!! :eek: If I'm dying in bed after a night out and my wife sent the kids up to me at 12 it'd better be because they're bringing me breakfast in bed or else we're getting a f*cking divorce!!!

If I'm planning a night out then I always make sure the wife is ok with having the kids all day the next day and that we don't have anything planned to do or anywhere to go etc. and vice versa when she wants a night out.

When in a relationship then you do have to consult your other half about these things, especially if you have children together and even more so at Christmas when family comes before friends.

What's wrong with these adult men that they can't tell their partners to dial back on the controllyness?

I'd say most of this is scapegoating the partner, it's not like adult men are incapable of telling their partners that they're going out and don't expect to be harassed when they're catching up with their friends.

If they're out for days at a time, or come home and vomit all over the house and spend the rent money on Tayto and pina coladas, then get another boyfriend because the one you have is broken/vice versa for vomiting pina colada loving girlfriends.

Mister Vain

Candie wrote: »

What's wrong with these adult men that they can't tell their partners to dial back on the controllyness?

Maybe because men are always in the wrong. You never hear of a woman going to the doghouse.

andekwarhola

Candie wrote: »

If they're out for days at a time, or come home and vomit all over the house and spend the rent money on Tayto and pina coladas, then get another boyfriend because the one you have is broken/vice versa for vomiting pina colada loving girlfriends.

Unfortunately the guy would then just put an ad on a matchmaking site for somebody who likes Pina Coladas and gettin' caught in the rain and she'd unwittingly answer it , starting the whole sorry cycle again.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

Maybe because men are always in the wrong. You never hear of a woman going to the doghouse.

I'm pretty sure it happens, just in a different way. Men are humans, not saints who never get pissed off.

andekwarhola wrote: »

Unfortunately the guy would then just put an ad on a matchmaking site for somebody who likes Pina Coladas and gettin' caught in the rain and she'd unwittingly answer it , starting the whole sorry cycle again.

If you like puking up at midnight

You're not the man that I married

Time to plan my escape

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

osarusan

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Is it inconceivable to you that some people would be overly controlling of their partners without good reason?


Certainly, some of those people who lament that 'Mary won't even let poor Joe out for a couple of pints with his friends at Christmas' are ignorant of the fact that for Joe, a couple of pints turns into an all-nighter and he's wrecked for the next 24 hours.

But also, certainly, some people are just overly controlling, and have groundless, irrational norms/beliefs/fears regarding their partner's behaviour.

KERSPLAT!

sashafierce wrote: »

The fact of the matter here is that all couples are different and all people handle drink differently. If you have a partner who goes out and has never caused you any worry and comes home with his wallet still on him, singing at the top of his lungs and still has money to pay his rent then obviously no man/woman is going to have concerns.

If you have a partner who can't handle their drink, gets in trouble, gets in fights, comes home with no belongings, comes home with an abusive attitude of course there is going to be worries every time they go out and that's all there is to it really.

That's not true either. I've never lost a phone, wallet, etc. Have never not come home if I was supposed to and in general I'm a decent drunk, IMO, but in at least one of my previous relationships there were issues with me going out. Having to be home at a certain time, warned about being drunk, told that I'd be taking the kids first thing the next morning because I'd have "the night off".

As you said, all relationships are different.

Your last line paints it as a black and white issue when it clearly isn't.

KERSPLAT!

osarusan wrote: »

Is it inconceivable to you that some people would be overly controlling of their partners without good reason?


Certainly, some of those people who lament that 'Mary won't even let poor Joe out for a couple of pints with his friends at Christmas' are ignorant of the fact that for Joe, a couple of pints turns into an all-nighter and he's wrecked for the next 24 hours.

But also, certainly, some people are just overly controlling, and have groundless, irrational norms/beliefs/fears regarding their partner's behaviour.

Absolutely this. Sums it up perfectly.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

KERSPLAT!

sashafierce wrote: »

Of course some people are just controlling but my opinion would be that MOST have a previous experience that has made them that way.
Obviously some people just like being in control over someone else but I really think thats the minority or at least in this case it is.

You shouldn't be projecting past experiences on new relationships. If someone cheats on you, you might be more wary in future but you can't think that every future man/woman you're with will cheat on you. Sure that's no way you live.

denis160

MadDog76 wrote: »

12!??!!! :eek: If I'm dying in bed after a night out and my wife sent the kids up to me at 12 it'd better be because they're bringing me breakfast in bed or else we're getting a f*cking divorce!!!

If I'm planning a night out then I always make sure the wife is ok with having the kids all day the next day and that we don't have anything planned to do or anywhere to go etc. and vice versa when she wants a night out.

When in a relationship then you do have to consult your other half about these things, especially if you have children together and even more so at Christmas when family comes before friends.

Ha ha, 12 is the wake up call, glass of water & 2 paracetamol, he'll usually just move from the bed to the sofa anyway & die a death there!

cookiexx

I'd never harass my fella when he's on a night out or bombard him with phone calls, but I would make it clear to him that I won't be happy if he drinks twice his body weight, arrives home at 6am and bails on all our plans the next day because he's nursing the worlds worst hangover and is stink broke from buying the entire pub shots the night before because #ladsontour.

That's happened a few times. Radio silence on the phone til 8pm the next day and "babe can't do anything for the next two weeks coz I'm flat broke".

He loses the run of himself sometimes especially when with a particular group of lads. He once disappeared for two days. The prospect of having to deal with me the next day helps to reign it in a bit.

FizzleSticks

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Nonoperational

If you have to modify and control someones behaviour dramatically from what is normal for them and what they want to do that's a recipe for disaster. Sure, ask them to be responsible etc, but some of the replies here are crazy.

GritBiscuit

Surely if HE doesn't have an issue with the woman in question, then nobody else should be taking umbrage on his behalf?

Having said that, I definitely know more guys who use the excuse of a disapproving partner to flake/end a night out prematurely than those who genuinely have chronically insecure gf's...

Widdershins

Jesus. Men coming home after a night out and peeing all over the house and sh1**ing in toyboxes? Yes, I'd have a problem with that!

MuffinTop86

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

You shouldn't be projecting past experiences on new relationships. If someone cheats on you, you might be more wary in future but you can't think that every future man/woman you're with will cheat on you. Sure that's no way you live.

I don't think she means a past relationship, I think it means an experience of the current person on a night out being messy or losing things etc, therefore its worrying when they go out on the lash.

MuffinTop86

My parents used to tell me stories of when we were kids and they'd go over to the next door neighbours house for drinks when we were asleep (arguably neglecting, but we survived) and the neighbours husband, would have been mid 30s at the time, would get up out of bed in the middle of the night and pee down the staircase. Some men are just messy fools!

professore

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

The problem with that kind of rationale is it can be used to excuse anything, e.g. of course there are paedophiles but MOST had a previous experience that made them that way.

I think a good test is if the guy finally comes out, if the he gets loads of calls and / or she happens to be in the area" then there is a problem. If not, then he's full of it.

professore

Candie wrote: »

What's wrong with these adult men that they can't tell their partners to dial back on the controllyness?.

You could ask adult women in controlling/abusive relationships the same thing.

professore

GritBiscuit wrote: »

Surely if HE doesn't have an issue with the woman in question, then nobody else should be taking umbrage on his behalf?

Having said that, I definitely know more guys who use the excuse of a disapproving partner to flake/end a night out prematurely than those who genuinely have chronically insecure gf's...

I think that's because if a woman did it with her friends they would very quickly say the guy was controlling and abusive, whereas guys generally don't, or at most just some harmless slagging. I could be wildly wrong here though.

professore

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

My parents used to tell me stories of when we were kids and they'd go over to the next door neighbours house for drinks when we were asleep (arguably neglecting, but we survived) and the neighbours husband, would have been mid 30s at the time, would get up out of bed in the middle of the night and pee down the staircase. Some men are just messy fools!

Jesus Christ.

GritBiscuit

professore wrote: »

I think that's because if a woman did it with her friends they would very quickly say the guy was controlling and abusive, whereas guys generally don't, or at most just some harmless slagging. I could be wildly wrong here though.

I was wondering when you'd show up waving the "what about the poor battered men" flag...seriously...I read the post above and made a mental bet when you'd hone in on the thread. I've been here a wet weekend and I don't think I've seen you post about anything else!

whoopsadoodles

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

I don't think she means a past relationship, I think it means an experience of the current person on a night out being messy or losing things etc, therefore its worrying when they go out on the lash.

Look.

If a lad is going to act the absolute gobshyte on a night out, he's going to do that whether you ring him a hundred times or not.

In my opinion, if he has a hundred missed calls from his other half, he's more likely to get annoyed about it and stay out drinking than if he was just left be.

You can't control people, it's not normal. You can worry about them, that is of course normal. But I guarantee you, your partner is more likely to fcuk it all up with a few drinks on him when he thinks you're expecting him too, than if you just realise that you're not his mam and he'll come home when he wants to come home.

And if he's regularly fcuking up, then that's a whole 'nother matter altogether. And something that calling him all night won't fix.

darced

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prinzeugen

Nonoperational wrote: »

If you have to modify and control someones behaviour dramatically from what is normal for them and what they want to do that's a recipe for disaster. Sure, ask them to be responsible etc, but some of the replies here are crazy.

My Ex tried that "modify" phycologists crap on me.. They didn't know I was had been brought up by the master of manipulation, my stepmother. (Think Louis from Malcolm in the middle but 1000 times worse and without the fun).

Spotted it a mile away and ended it. Not doing that again. My current OH and myself are 15 years together and would have no problems with each other doing our own thing.

We don't own each other!