Why do some women have such an issue with their partners having nights out with the l

Widdershins

darced wrote: »

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Weekends are short enough and lots of things are on a Saturday only..maybe things the poster wants to attend

whoopsadoodles

darced wrote: »

Why would he make plans for the next day after drinking? No offence but you sound like the controlling type.

In fairness, perhaps the plans were made before the drinking.

sashafierce

sashafierce wrote: »

The fact of the matter here is that all couples are different and all people handle drink differently. If you have a partner who goes out and has never caused you any worry and comes home with his wallet still on him, singing at the top of his lungs and still has money to pay his rent then obviously no man/woman is going to have concerns.

If you have a partner who can't handle their drink, gets in trouble, gets in fights, comes home with no belongings, comes home with an abusive attitude of course there is going to be worries every time they go out and that's all there is to it really.

Sorry now but if I had a partner who couldn't look after himself to this extent, I'd be sending him home to his mammy.
Your supposed to be a partner not a parent

sashafierce

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darced

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bmwguy

It's 2 minutes past midnight and I'm still out. I'm now late. I'm in so much trouble.

I don't have a problem with my hubby going out. Wouldn't contact him either, sure he's gonna wake me up with drunk chat anyway.

What I do hate though........ Snoring! Only ever happens when he's had a skinful. Anyone have any tips for stopping that?

whoopsadoodles

bmwguy wrote: »

It's 2 minutes past midnight and I'm still out. I'm now late. I'm in so much trouble.

Me too


















Not really though because I'm not with someone who treats me like their 13 year old daughter.

Widdershins

darced wrote: »

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Presumably she has a reason for telling him not to get too drunk. It's part of caring about someone, sometimes telling them something they don't want to hear.
No reason to think that's the case from their post, but if they have a busy life and responsibilities I don't blame them for expecting the partner to hold up their own end.

prinzeugen

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

I don't have a problem with my hubby going out. Wouldn't contact him either, sure he's gonna wake me up with drunk chat anyway.

What I do hate though........ Snoring! Only ever happens when he's had a skinful. Anyone have any tips for stopping that?

Swift kick to get them to turn over ,make sure to say sorry (Insert pet name), smile.

If it does not work repeat.. A thinner pillow helps. If you have two, take away one. Opens the airway.

bobskii

why would anyone stop their partner going out? It means hours of peace and watching what u like on TV :O

Agricola

Agricola wrote: »

Lot of sense in this thread. It's easy to stereotype it as clingy women controlling their jack the lad partners but it's often a case of really boring fúckers who couldn't get married soon enough in order to get out of the whole drinks with the lads situation. Have a friend just like that, before he got hitched he treated socializing as nothing more than a mission to pull a prospective wife. Now that he was succeeded in that mission, he's forever using her as an excuse to get out of meetups. He would always take a night in over a night out, everytime.

But there's also the other side of the coin which is fellas that are complete and utter fúcking liabilities when they go out. Never know when to stop, can't refuse a drink and aren't able to stop buying them either. They need a mammy figure to keep some kind of handle on them or they could do themselves or others some harm.
It's more to do with our childish attitude to drink as a society more than anything.

Unfortunately you are not only describing men there, that paragraph applies to both sexes in Ireland. Taking that into account, your last sentence is very true IMO, and warrants a thread if its own.

In relation to the original topic, I think women are getting dealt a harsh hand here. Just thinking of any male friends I have who are in a serious relationship (close friends who would talk about relationship things) out of about eight of them, one might have trouble getting out because of "planning permission with herself". And to be honest, we know ourselves that that suits him and he is happy.

I don't think this 'under the thumb' phenomenon can be mostly attributed to women...at all. I know more girls who have gotten some level of shít from their men for wearing too revealing of an outfit out, or not being home by a certain time, or get the "What guys were talking to you?" "What were you doing while your single friend was hooking up?" interrogation, I know more of those girls than guys who are "under the thumb".

None of these things can be isolated to one sex. My own experiences are anecdotal, as are those of everyone else in this thread, but I think it's clear that relationships are complex with no clear heroes or villains. She might be a complete bitch for not letting him out, but maybe that's because he's a complete nightmare to live with in the day(s) following his night out.

ChikiChiki

If only I'd seen this before I headed off to meet the lads who I haven't seen all Christmas at 1pm today. Arrived back an hour ago.

Currently I'm dispatched to the spare room without blankets but I've informed her I'll be leaving tomorrow. Ah I'll see how it plays out anyhow.

My friends were around long before her. I'll be dawned if she gets her way.

whoopsadoodles

ChikiChiki wrote: »

If only I'd seen this before I headed off to meet the lads who I haven't seen all Christmas at 1pm today. Arrived back an hour ago.

Currently I'm dispatched to the spare room without blankets but I've informed her I'll be leaving tomorrow. Ah I'll see how it plays out anyhow.

My friends were around long before her. I'll be dawned if she gets her way.

I actually don't think the spare room sleeping when pissed is a bad thing. It means you both get a good nights sleep.

Sober partner isn't disturbed by fidgeting drunk partner, and hungover partner isn't then woken by chirpy smug partner at 6am. Win win.

Although that also means no spooning which isn't ideal for any parties.

JupiterKid

I was in a relationship where I and my ex partner would usually meet friends together on a night out, but we would go out with mates from time to time (usually it was me as I was 10 years younger and at the time none of my mates were married). I'd never stay out till the next day but at times I'd get blind drunk which did upset my then partner. We were a gay couple BTW. My serious drinking sessions were warning signs of a developing problem with alcohol that I'm still trying to get to grips with.

Yes, I'm sure there are controlling and insecure partners of both sexes in relationships but in my experience so many Irish men have a very bad relationship with booze and end up coming home completely wasted. That is not pleasant for any partner to deal with.

So, people should be more tolerant of their OH's socialising but often concern for a partners going out with the lads shenanigans is well founded. There's another Irish online forum (not naming names) where women are at their wits end over their hubbies/boyfriends carry on at weekends.

Basically, it shows the serious problem with alcohol in our society.

MuffinTop86

If the people who said they're out after midnight are actually out then why did you bother if you're staring at your phones?

Anyway, I'm in a 7 year relationship, we like to go out separately. As I've said, I worry that sometimes he gets messy or doesn't come home that night. I never worry that there's cheating involved because we trust each other. And I also never object to him going out nor does he, and we don't have kids so that's handy.

cookiexx

darced wrote: »

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No offence but you sound like you're prone to the same kind of binge drinking.

JupiterKid

Just take a quick look at the thread here on AH over proposals for the minimum pricing of alcohol. The outrage and anger is palpable.

Lets face it - there is a pretty serious problem with alcohol in Ireland. A "good" night out is often judged by how completely wasted everyone got. Sad.

darced

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jackofalltrades

Candie wrote: »

What's wrong with these adult men that they can't tell their partners to dial back on the controllyness?

Because more than likely they've been conditioned into it by their childhood.
Their mother had free reign in the house by a husband who "wanted a quiet life".
Their mother did everything for them and in return they did what they were told.
They then go out in the world looking for the same thing off a future partner.
And the cycle continues.

sashafierce wrote: »

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If a person behaves like the above, then you're dating an alcoholic/problem drinker.
Sure you get that behaviour in younger people, but if you're still doing that in your late 20's or early 30's then you've got a problem.
In which case you have to ask yourself why you are going out with someone like that?
Because that's not a healthy relationship to be in.

Cupcake_Crisis

My ex used to use me as an excuse not to go out with the lads ALL the time. It was head melting. He was happy enough sitting in every night and any time a friend would ask him out it'd always be 'ah the missus has plans for me"

Do I ****! I was sick of the sight of him. I'd say his friends thought I was the biggest bitch in the world.

hatrickpatrick

I'm sure this will be an unpopular opinion but in my view this is pretty much entirely the lad in question's fault. I'm not even going to begin attempting to explain why some women are this possessive and and want their guy's social life to die, but this almost always rears its ugly head fairly early in a relationship and it's one of the most obvious slippery slopes ever - this is a case of standing your ground when it first starts to happen, and ending the relationship if this results in more drama than you can handle.

Obviously if you let someone get used to / comfortable with bossing you around like this, then it will get progressively worse over time. The trouble is that too many lads are blinded by the honeymoon period infatuation and act like excited puppies for their GFs, jumping and barking on command - stand up for yourself at the beginning and you'll (a) never end up with a total asshole because the relationship won't survive long if she is one, and (b) someone with only mild controlling tendencies will never 'blossom' in this way because you'll nip it in the bud early on.

To put this more bluntly: Learn to say no in a relationship, exercise that from the very beginning, and you will never end up as a "ball and chained" lad. Personally my own rule for relationships is "my family, friends and hobbies were here before you, so if you try to come between me and any of those things, you can f*ck right off and find someone else".

In my view, as harsh as it sounds, ideally just dump anyone who treats you like this early on. There are plenty of women out there who are independent enough to not want their BF to be glued to their hip 24/7.

I'm not sure if the same applies with reversed genders, as lads who want to destroy their girlfriends' social lives in this manner tend to use a different and far more destructive technique of isolation (ranging from destroying the woman's self confidence to guarantee obedience, 'you're lucky to have me so don't piss me off', and lying to her about her friends not wanting to hang with you, 'oh yeah I met the girls last night in town, strange they didn't invite you' <--- usually completely made up)

I had one friend whose "boyfriend" if I can call him that (more like serially cheating gobsh!te who liked to have a safety net waiting at home for him) told her that he'd run into her friends and they'd told him she'd done something that pissed them off and b!tched to him about her, so she cut contact in anger. I pointed out to her that he'd never even seen pictures of these people (not on Facebook) so how could he possibly have recognised them to talk to, and her response, terrifyingly, was essentially "look I know he's probably lying but I'd rather believe that my friends are b!tches than believe that he isn't 'the one', so..." - when someone is this far gone, there's unfortunately not a huge amount anyone can do to help them out.

bmwguy

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

If the people who said they're out after midnight are actually out then why did you bother if you're staring at your phones?

Anyway, I'm in a 7 year relationship, we like to go out separately. As I've said, I worry that sometimes he gets messy or doesn't come home that night. I never worry that there's cheating involved because we trust each other. And I also never object to him going out nor does he, and we don't have kids so that's handy.

I wasn't out, I was only messing I wouldn't be on my phone on a night out, in fact it's a new years resolution to not be on it much at all anymore its gone beyond the joke.

Staring incessantly into phones is a bigger relationship killer than staying out late I'd say.

pickarooney

darced wrote: »

Why would he make plans for the next day after drinking? No offence but you sound like the controlling type.

Ah for ****'s sake. Why not double down and call her an enabler for his alcoholism while you're at it.

whoopsadoodles

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

If the people who said they're out after midnight are actually out then why did you bother if you're staring at your phones?

Anyway, I'm in a 7 year relationship, we like to go out separately. As I've said, I worry that sometimes he gets messy or doesn't come home that night. I never worry that there's cheating involved because we trust each other. And I also never object to him going out nor does he, and we don't have kids so that's handy.

I was out, but I was on the bus home. Not because I was on a curfew (Jesus even the thoughts of that) but because it costs €3.30 for the bus or €35 for a taxi and Christmas was 'spensive.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with worrying about the person you're with, I don't think anyone would say otherwise.

Trying to deal with issues while people are out trying to enjoy themselves is just going about the whole thing the wrong way. As I said earlier, if someone has issues so bad that they're constantly fcuking up when they're out, then by all means address them maturely, but don't address them just before they're about to leave on a night out. It achieves absolutely nothing and will ultimately cause resentment on both sides.

wdmfapq4zs83hv

Haven't read the replies but I know in my circle its a case of the wives are stuck with the kids all day while hubby dies of a hangover all day. Not a problem for me as long as its not every weekend, thats unfair

s4uv3

bobskii wrote: »

why would anyone stop their partner going out? It means hours of peace and watching what u like on TV :O

Yes!!
My fella went out last night and I was delighted with myself, watching all the shyte on telly that I'd never admit to watching :pac:
Cuppa tea, dog beside me, happy out...

bobskii

yes that's exactly what I do when mine is out!enjoy the peace while it lasts!!

nullzero

Was going to express an opinion on this but the missus isn't too pleased at the prospect... Gotta go.

MadDog76

Troy Putrid Waist wrote: »

Haven't read the replies but I know in my circle its a case of the wives are stuck with the kids all day while hubby dies of a hangover all day. Not a problem for me as long as its not every weekend, thats unfair

"Stuck" with the kids??? Unless they're little monsters, or aren't wanted, being "stuck" with the kids all day while my wife is recovering from a night out is a pleasure and so it should be ......... my wife feels the same.
I love my wife so I'm happy for her to have a night out and a well deserved day in bed ........... I love my kids so I'm happy to have them all to myself on those rare days.

the purple tin

FTA69 wrote: »

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

What's that got to do with the price of guinness?

Mister Vain

I'm pissed after 3 pints so I usually go home around 11:45. I might try and last the extra 15 minutes tonight though.

whoopsadoodles

Mister Vain wrote: »

I'm pissed after 3 pints so I usually go home around 11:45. I might try and last the extra 15 minutes tonight though.

Not sure if in right thread.......

King of Kings

i heard a new one yesterday......a shockingly new low mark.

the man had a "spirits pass" (exact quote) on christmas day because there was expensive whiskey being passed about.
turns out he is banned from drinking spirits cos she doesn't like it

he said this and his gf also repeated it to my lady friend the other day too.
like wtf....is there no respect for oneself.

I know them very well , there is no history of alcohol issues.

Mister Vain

That reminds me of the fella that once said to me, "My missus says I don't have enough money to go out."

Cartouche

A lot of my mates say they can only go out when they get the "visa" from the missus. Its like they need permission and it has to be planned in advance. I have one mate in particular whose missus only lets him out a few times a year, so he has to choose his nights carefully. Its so controlling. She also brings half her family on their holidays, her sister went on the honeymoon with them....bizarre
I actually blame the lads always for letting someone have the reign over them like that.....

bobskii

I actually caught my other half doing this once or twice.he doesn't need a 'visa' from me,never has.but he uses it as an excuse when he hasn't made up his mind whether he wants to go or not to something that's pre planned.He wouldn't do it with his friends cos they all know I don't care how often he goes out.