Feeling helpless and like a failure

LegacyUser

2016 was a shocker and 2017 doesnt look much better.

I'm self employed with some staff and I'm penniless, no savings, living on the overdraft. My business account is overdrawn, we have debts to suppliers we cannot pay and keep fobbing them off or part paying. I hate what I do, but dont ask me what I want to do as I cannot think that clearly.

I'm on a relationship that has no future, she cannot have children (due to age) doesnt want to marry me, shes divorced and wont marry again as is her right,and we've not been intimate in the past 2 years, she just tells me shes not interested. I cannot afford to move out as Ive nothing pay for a deposit, and I cannot stay with friends as I cannot pay my way.

Ive to attend a wedding this weekend which I can ill afford to do.

I just feel overwhelmed and depressed. Do I close my business and call myself a failure? Do I end my relationship after a decade?

<mod snip> touching on a forbidden theme...

Airyfairy12

Youre not a failure, these things happen. If the business isnt working out and its causing you financial problems then the most logical thing to do is close it down, its costing you money that you cant afford. Sign on social welfare until you get a job somewhere and talk to someone about making a plan about your debt and finances..call MABS perhaps?

Your relationship was over long ago, youre flogging a dead horse. Get your finances in order then get the ball rolling on moving out. Theres no point holding onto things that arent working for you anymore.

Rubberchikken

for your sake and your staff's sake, you have to get the business end sorted. talk to MABS, talk to your bank, talk to someone. the longer that's left go on the worse it's getting.
once that's being sorted then you might be able to see what you want to do relationshipwise. is there any family or friend that would let you stay free of charge even for a short while until you get things together.
as for the wedding at the weekend, if you genuinely can't afford to go or even don;t want to go, then don't. when someone is struggling with things, especially money worries, adding to them with something that could be avoided is the thing to do.

best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi desamparado,

I completely sympathise with you, you're in a bad place at the moment.
The crucial thing to remember is that it's just 'at the moment'.

I have a small business, marriage broke up a few months ago, spent a few months living out of the office because I personally hadn't the money for a deposit, never mind ongoing rent and bills.

The one crucial thing to do is focus on maintaining (and when you can - improving) your business, it may not be paying its way (or you) at the moment but ending it at the moment will just realise all debts immediately... so don't do that.

Sometimes we let things get on top of us because we can't see the wood for the trees (usually comes from stress, anxiety and depression that can arise when we stop running businesses correctly) Ask for help, put your pride on the back burner.

Your personal relationship may be a factor causing you more stress or indeed your problems may be causing problems with the relationship. Again, I would suggest not considering ending it until your head is in the right place.

The key to solving all of your problems may just be your own psychology at the moment.
Can you talk to a counsellor or therapist? The very act of vocalising your problems to somebody that you don't have to feel guilty about burdening can be very helpful.

Just remember - nobody expects you to fix all your problems in one go, just do one at a time, start with the smallest and keep progressing and as soon as possible start paying yourself again.

Parchment

Contact MABS.

SATSUMA

Sounds like you're going through hell right now. Firstly get some support from a friend and touch base. Definitely go to MABS. One step at a time. You say you hate what you do so wrap it up. Imagine the relief. Once there is a bit of pressure off you things will become so much clearer. Stress and overwhelm are horrible feelings. Let it go. Mind yourself, deal with your relationship once the business is wrapped up. You're not a failure stop worrying and sort this out bit by bit.

You will look back on this thread next year and you won't know yourself!

Best of luck

Xx

LegacyUser

its funny what a difference a week or so makes. I have spoken to people around the work situation as well as an accountant and a solicitor and while things arent great they are workable and with regard to a lot of the company debt its not something ive to take on personally when i close the business which is a massive relief

SATSUMA

desamparado wrote: »

its funny what a difference a week or so makes. I have spoken to people around the work situation as well as an accountant and a solicitor and while things arent great they are workable and with regard to a lot of the company debt its not something ive to take on personally when i close the business which is a massive relief

Fair play for taking action. Best of luck in the future.

Wesser

Good for you. Professional advice always worth it.

angeleyes

Wesser wrote: »

Good for you. Professional advice always worth it.

Just want to wish you the best of luck and at least you've taken the first step - it can only get better from now on.

LegacyUser

Don't look at this as the end - look at it as a new beginning.

Firstly what I'd to, if you can, is to discreetly sell some items from the business on Donedeal to generate some extra cash for personal yourself. If that is possible. Like items of plant or machines or whatever. For example if you've vans, sell a van taking a decent portion of the sale price as cash to pocket and the rest can be by cheque or transfer to put through the books to account for the disposal of the van.

Then see about officially winding up the business. Talk to your accountant, solicitor, MABS, bank, whoever you need to to see this is done properly and a line can be drawn under it. Feck the creditors, its not personal, it's just business. They'd likely do the same to you if the situation were reversed.

At the same time be looking for work and get on to social welfare to see what you are entitled to claim.

I'd also be inclined to ditch the dead end girlfriend. Doesn't sound like anything with a future.

Have you any ties to family in the area. If no, nothing stopping you from moving elsewhere in the country for a new beginning or even abroad to somewhere where there's loads of work. Endless possibilities out there. You've no doubt build up significant experience and competencies from your business that will be very valuable when looking for work.