religion101

LegacyUser

I am a single parent to my 8 year old son the last 7 years. I am from the uk and protestant religion but not practicing or religious in the slightest. My family all live in the uk

My son attends a national school, I wanted him in an educate together school where religion is not in the school but the waiting list was too long unfortunately

this is their communion year and my son feels very left out as everyone in the class is making theirs and they attend the church some weeks etc. He loves the school

My parents dont want him to be a Catholic as none of us are

However my son really wants to be, Ive met with the priest and he was very good. I just feel uncomfortable as I think if I was going to have him christened it would be protestant. he has a date set for him.

I have nothing against catholic religion, I am just not religious and feel this is being forced upon me (not by the church). My son will be very upset but I feel this is partly due to the school and his friends influencing him

the child's other parent only sees him once in the last year but getting angry over my concerns. they are also not religious in the slightest but adamant he becomes a catholic. I think they have no right to tell me as I raise him with no help from over the years.

I feel Im getting bullied by everyone over this. I want to say no to it all but im not the one attending the school

my parents arent forcing him to be a protestant, they just dont want him to be a catholic.

I just dont know what to do.

Taltos

mod note
Better here OP.
Closing thread until local mods have a chance to review.

Moonbeam

Mod note :
Please give advice only and keep this thread on topic .

Moonbeam

Personally I would talk to him ,bring him to mass or service and do something in place of communion .
It is your decision .
There are only 2 kids in my daughter's school not making communion and both kids are taking part to an extent and partake in religion in school but will not be having communion .

Pawwed Rig

Could you go through the motions of the clothes and the day out while skipping the ceremony? You could even goto the church and get photos with his friends and then head off on a day out.

eviltwin

Ignore everyone else and focus on your son. It's a private decision, nothing to do with the rest of the family. I'd be guided by him once he's actually wanting to do it for the right reasons and not just because he wants the money or to be like everyone else in the class. Make sure he is aware that it's a commitment that goes beyond the communion day. If he's prepared for that I'd respect that but if he's only thinking short term I'd probably say no. He needs to know that religion is not a fad, it needs to taken seriously and respected. If you feel the school is pushing him I'd talk to the principle.

Confused mum84

Could you ask the school/ priest if he could take part on the day in some way but not actually make his communion .. Maybe he could bring up a gift , join in with the songs, read a poem etc (kids love having a job) .. Getting christened seems a bit drastic.. Maybe if he still wants to do it in a few years you could support that . At the end of the day , he's your child & sounds like your doing a great job raising him . I hope you find a solution that works for both you & him & you can start looking forward to celebrations !

pwurple

The comment above about helping in the ceremony is what I would also suggest, and is often what I see around here, as our local COI and Catholic church parishes (and schools ) overlap. Talk to the priest involved about it. It should not be unusual. Is he the only child in this situation?

I don't often hear someone describing themselves as Protestant btw... usually it's COI or anglican, presbyterian etc.

MountainAshIRL

I have an unchristend child in a catholic school and I do worry about how he will feel when it comes to communion time. It's really not fair on these children especially when parents don't really have a choice to send their children to a non religious school, there is a place for religious education in schools but I do feel that preparation for scaraments should be removed from school. I feel that if it was me I would be trying to explain that you don't need to make such drastic choices just so you can fit in for one day and try to teach him that everyone is different and that's what makes life fun. Try to identify differences between his friends and himself, between myself and my friends etc this will hopefully normalize differences. I do this already with my 4 year old and he accepts that people are different and believe in different things, like different things.

byhookorbycrook

I wonder why exactly this has surfaced now, it may be talk of a day out, parties, money.I would try and explain that if he truly wants this religion, it's not just for the day, he must go to mass once a week and everything else that goes with it.

I agree with Pawwdred Rig, maybe set up a day out for him on the day.

evolving_doors

First off... forget about what others want (namely the father, son and the holy grandparents:D). You're the parent so it's ultimately your call.
Here's a question, do they take the same level of interest in how he's doing at maths, history, English.. sport in the school? But suddenly when religion comes into the mix it's a point of contention. If they keep asking just brush them off and tell them you've put it on the long finger for the moment and you're just trying to make it through each day as most parents are.

Forget about what your son wants for too. If he were in a Protestant school in the UK he'd probably want to join that practising majority too, so I don't think it's an innate wish to 'become Catholic'. What do you want for him? If you're ok with him jumping into a religion, then let him off and he can review the situation when he's older. As long as you keep talking to him about it and asking him what he thinks of the whole religion thing.

Sunny Dayz

At my son's communion a few years ago, one of the boys in his class AFAIK is Christian I think but not Catholic (not sure what faith/denomination). He attended the communion ceremony with his family in a nice outfit and did a reading / verse after communion which the priest introduced as M is going to read a short piece to wish his classmates well on their communion day. I thought it was a lovely way to include him and as he had taken part in the ceremony in a way, then he was included in the group/class photos after.

Mink

For what it's worth. I wasn't raised in any religion and went to a multi- denominational school. So there were catholic kids doing communion and I attended the ceremony and then in 6th class when the Catholics and protestants were doing confirmation (most of the class) I attended that as well.

There was no big deal made over it by my parents and I don't remember feeling left out and was happy to attend. I don't even remember any of my friends saying anything about money they got.

I think kids might only get worked up if you do or if you start asking them how they feel about it. Otherwise it's just a non-event

Pawwed Rig

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

, one of the boys in his class AFAIK is Christian I think but not Catholic (not sure what faith/denomination).

At the risk of being pedantic he is not a Christian. He is a child of Christian parents. Same way all of those who are 'making their communion' are not Catholics but the children of catholic parents. 7 year olds are far too young to have any concept of what they are signing up for at that age.
Sadly Irish people are happy for this segregation to exist.

mar2000

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Could you go through the motions of the clothes and the day out while skipping the ceremony? You could even goto the church and get photos with his friends and then head off on a day out.

I think this is a great idea.

Cabaal

religion1000102 wrote: »

However my son really wants to be, Ive met with the priest and he was very good. I just feel uncomfortable as I think if I was going to have him christened it would be protestant. he has a date set for him.

Your son is far too young to make such a long term life effecting decision, after all thw Catholic church no longer allow people to leave. Once a catholic always a catholic in their eye's. (There used to be an opt out option but they closed this option about 4-5 years ago).

The choice is yours as you are the parent.

Your son seems to only want to do something so he doesn't feel left out, either that or he's heard that they'll all make 100's of euro's from the day and he wants in on his deal to (I've met alot of Children like this).

If you don't want him to become a Catholic then don't, explain to him that when he's older if he wants to be one then he can and he can go through whats required to be one if he still feels so strongly about it and until then you could take him to mass every week and see how well this goes with him (after all mass every week is an important part of being a catholic).

My bet is he'll be bored by mass every week after awhile and he'll see its not all great fun and he won't want to go, after all the vast majority of "Catholics" don't even want to go to mass as shown by weekly mass numbers.

Other then that on the day of the event do something special for him instead, the suggestion of showing up for photos etc isn't a bad idea. Then go out for a nice dinner and make it a lovely family day.

evolving_doors

At the risk of being crucified... there are a few Church of Ireland of secondary schools that reserve places and offer means tested scholarships/bursaries for 'protestants' (sorry I'm not sure of the correct umbrella terms).

So maybe have a think about secondary schools and enrollment based upon religious affiliation before going the default Catholic route.

But if he's definitely going to the only local secondary down the road with the other kids from the same primary then ignore the above.


Edit: I hope i've offended every religion and none equally in that suggestion.

One eyed Jack

religion1000102 wrote: »

...

However my son really wants to be, Ive met with the priest and he was very good. I just feel uncomfortable as I think if I was going to have him christened it would be protestant. he has a date set for him.


...

I just dont know what to do.

OP I'm not going to dig too deep into the specifics of it as it sounds like you have enough to be dealing with already, but I'm not surprised the priest was so eager to have your child baptised that he forgot to mention that your child doesn't actually need to be baptised in the Roman Catholic faith to receive the Eucharist (or to celebrate the day with his friends for that matter). According to the code of Canon Law, 844, S.4:


§4. If the danger of death is present or if, in the judgment of the diocesan bishop or conference of bishops, some other grave necessity urges it, Catholic ministers administer these same sacraments licitly also to other Christians not having full communion with the Catholic Church, who cannot approach a minister of their own community and who seek such on their own accord, provided that they manifest Catholic faith in respect to these sacraments and are properly disposed.

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

At the risk of being pedantic he is not a Christian. He is a child of Christian parents. Same way all of those who are 'making their communion' are not Catholics but the children of catholic parents. 7 year olds are far too young to have any concept of what they are signing up for at that age.
Sadly Irish people are happy for this segregation to exist.

I don't think you're being pedantic PR, but if I'm not mistaken, that was an idea floated by Richard Dawkins, which displays a fundamental misunderstanding on his part at least, of religion. Again, I'm not going to get too much into the specifics of it, but my child is not just the child of a Roman Catholic parent and a non-religious parent. He was baptised and was raised in the Roman Catholic faith and is a member of the Roman Catholic Church. He is, a Roman Catholic child, and Dawkins can suck eggs as far as I'm concerned, me being the child's parent, and Dawkins, while he may be an eminent biologist, is a poor commentator on social issues.

I'm also surprised at the number of posters who advised the OP to ignore the wishes of the child's father, and her own parents. Life would be peachy if we could indeed like we do on social media put people on ignore and block them when we don't want to hear what they have to say, but unfortunately for the OP, I don't know the situation with guardianship and so on, so I can't comment on the legal aspects of the situation, but I wouldn't advise the OP to be ignoring the father of the child at all, or their parents for that matter.

There's likely a lot more going on OP and your child wanting to fit in with the other children in school and become Catholic is only what I would say is a symptom of a much larger issue that you would need to sit down and discuss with the father of the child, and with your parents.

religion1000102

religion1000102 wrote: »

However my son really wants to be

There are a lot of things our children want to be - and for the most part I advocate allowing them to explore and be who they want.

But when that something - whatever it is - is in some way permanent I start to question it closer. A piercing is one thing - a tattoo all down your back is another.

And the result of that questioning is often "I really do not care if this is what you want to do - but you can make that choice for yourself when you are 18".

The Catholic religion recently made changes internally to it's rules that once you have joined you can not leave. This has been discussed at length in the Atheism Forum of this site if you are interested - including a thread started just last week I think.

As such _for me_ it would fall under the "Wait until you are 18" rule to join. Nothing stopping them from attending masses or reading the books or whatever until then. But they would not be signing up with my consent until they reach that age. When they can drink and vote - they can join permanent life long religions too as is their whim.

And contrary to the nonsense in the post just above mine - you are the one parenting this child - so you are _the_ parent of this child. By all means _listen_ to the opinions of others - like your parents or the childs other parent - as the opinions of others can be inspirational to us. But _ignore_ their demands. The decision at this point is yours. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

One eyed Jack

Deleted User wrote: »

And contrary to the nonsense in the post just above mine - you are the one parenting this child - so you are _the_ parent of this child. By all means _listen_ to the opinions of others - like your parents or the childs other parent - as the opinions of others can be inspirational to us. But _ignore_ their demands. The decision at this point is yours. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Not going to bother getting into it with you tax, but everything regarding child welfare and parental rights in both the UK and Ireland says you are mistaken, and the above advice is simply misguided.

Sillybillyx

I personally think I'm my opinion it's wrong to label a child when it's born with a certain type of religion I understand each to the own but labeling someone before they can open their eyes as something they have no choice over he's 2 young to understand and just wants to be apart of what his friends are doing, maybe talk to him and explain the different religions of the world that way your educating him plus showing him he doesn't have to follow the crowd, I personally dislike religion this like of this starts separating people when we are all the same, I wouldn't allow him to change over it might be something he would regret later in life as a adult, I'd let him stick it out and have a special day for him the day of the communion go to the church see his friends then head off and doing something for him, this time next year he won't care if he made his communion or not 😊

One eyed Jack

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Not going to bother getting into it with you tax, but everything regarding child welfare and parental rights in both the UK and Ireland says you are mistaken, and the above advice is simply misguided.

Nothing misguided about it at all. What is misguided is telling someone they should be slave to the opinions of others when making decisions about their own children. The children that they - and no one else - are actually doing the parenting of.

I _strongly_ advice people listen to the advice of other peoples - especially people close to the children such as grand parents and absent parents are likely to be. The advice of others can help us think about issues clearer than we otherwise might - or in ways that we otherwise might not. So I am not with the posters who just say to outright "ignore" those people.

But in the end the decision is most often ours what we do with our children and your above advice is simply misguided.

Listen to their advice. Ignore their demands.

seamus

You can do what my brother and his wife are planning to do - take their kids to Disneyworld when the other kids are making their communion.

Maybe something like that would be a good idea. He just wants to do the communion to fit in. Dangle something exciting under his nose and his eagerness for communion will likely fade.