Sleep problems with toddler on arrival of new baby

finooola

Hi. My little lad (who will be 2 in March) used to be great for going to bed. We'd read him a story or two then we'd say goodnight and leave the room and he'd fall asleep himself. Sometimes if he was tired he used to even tell us "bye" before the story was over to send us out! Now since his baby sister arrived he won't let us leave the room and gets hysterical if we try. He doesn't enjoy stories anymore because he just sees them as a stalling technique to keep you in the room. He mostly has whoever is bringing him to bed sing him the same song over and over again (not fun for me the last few nights with a sore throat and failing voice!). Bedtime has gone from taking 10-15 minutes to taking an hour and half - two hours! It's really demoralising!

I feel bad for the little guy because using amateur psychology this would all seem to be due to him feeling a bit insecure due to his new sibling. But I don't know what to do about it. Me and his dad already don't make a massive fuss of the baby in front of him, and we both make time to play with him and make sure he knows we have time to do things with him like before. Obviously he doesn't have our undivided attention at all times anymore, but we try hard to make sure he's not feeling left out.

When we were initially getting a bedtime routine going with him we used to do that thing where if they're crying you leave them cry for a certain amount of time then go in and comfort them then lengthen the time you leave them crying. That worked really well and didn't result in much tears or trauma at all. Looking at Google it seems like this technique is what is being suggested for us now, but I can't see it working with a kid my son's age. He gets so upset, and he will definitely see us leaving him crying in the room as punishment, which I don't want.

What will I do? Is it time for a long elaborate nighttime routine in the hour before bedtime? It will be hard to keep that consistent since the baby is usually awake in the evenings. She's only two months and hasn't got a proper bedtime yet.

What will we do?

bp

You just need to ride it out if you can. Went through the same here. Just give him cuddles in bed and lie with him if possible until he is happy.

Give it a month - sounds like a lot I know, but will even out

bovril

We had a bit of this with our toddler. There is a 19mth gap. She regressed at sleep time. It's a way of them getting attention. I am breastfeeding the baby so the toddler saw me feeding the baby while she was being put to bed. We changed bedtime routine to everyone reading a few stories and then mam+dad+toddler all putting the baby to sleep for show. Kisses and lots of night night baby etc. Then we'd both put toddler to bed. There were a few nights where one of us would have to sing to her but after a few nights of the new routine she adjusted. I'd go back in and feed the baby after. The toddler's whole world has changed. It does get better. We also moved toddler to her own bed when our baby was about 3 months. This went surprisingly well. She had her big girl's bed!

finooola

Yeah, Bovril, I'm breastfeeding and I think that's definitely part of the problem. I try not to be holding the baby or feeding her around my son's bedtime, but it's not always possible.

bovril

bovril wrote:

We had a bit of this with our toddler. There is a 19mth gap. She regressed at sleep time. It's a way of them getting attention. I am breastfeeding the baby so the toddler saw me feeding the baby while she was being put to bed. We changed bedtime routine to everyone reading a few stories and then mam+dad+toddler all putting the baby to sleep. Kisses and lots of

finooola wrote:

Yeah, Bovril, I'm breastfeeding and I think that's definitely part of the problem. I try not to be holding the baby or feeding her around my son's bedtime, but it's not always possible.

In the early few months it's hard not to be feeding all the time! Baby usually needs a feed just when you've to do something else. Daddy was doing a lot but the toddler was demanding me to try separate me from the baby. In some cases I'd try finish the feed, spend a few minutes with toddler and then resume the feed. It will be better in time.

bp

A few times I bf the baby while siting in bed with the toddler. Wasn't ideal but was accepted

finooola

bp wrote: »

A few times I bf the baby while siting in bed with the toddler. Wasn't ideal but was accepted

My lad is still in his cot, but there is a bed in his room that I sometimes sing him to sleep in. It's not ideal though, cos I think he gets scared if he wakes up in the night in a different place to where he fell asleep.

I didn't want to do the move to a big boy's bed at the same time as the new baby. It will be soon though. He's huge. I think he could easily jump out of the cot, but he doesn't know it yet!

shesty

21 month gap here. Around the age of 2, bedtime became this epic installment every day :rolleyes: Whether it was the baby's arrival or just the age, I don't know.What I will say is that bedtime is anarchy the first few months. 9 months on, it has mildly improved but it's still pretty stressful.When the baby settles into her routine and has her bedtime, it will help but for the first few months it (unfortunately) was something to struggle through every day.

I stuck to our little one's routine. She likes stories. But I made it crystal clear every single night that "this is the last story. After this, it's time to go to sleep". She didn't necessarily like it (and still doesn't), but I have to stick to that rule because otherwise I'd be there all evening dancing to her whims. I've too much to do for that to be happening. She does howl and scream a bit, but it quietens quite quickly. I have hung around the landing and our room for a bit folding clothes etc, which can help.

The age doesn't help by the way, she's 2.5 now and the stalling tactics are getting more and more elaborate. I still stick to the routine. It helps that baby sister is going to bed at the same time now, but still. Don't worry about holding the baby or feeding her at bedtime. That's life, he has to get used to it. Very soon he'll have to share the bath or bedtime story with her. He will get used to it I promise, but bedtime is rough the first few months.You do have to be firm, and draw a line somewhere because you can't spend all evening trying to get him to sleep either, you need a break too.

finooola

shesty wrote: »

9 months

O_O

Thanks for the advice though! It somehow makes it seem a bit better that at least it's normal, even if there's no magic answer to it. And we haven't even tried to let him cry it out yet. I just couldn't face hysterical crying after a long day. But maybe it won't be so bad.

shesty

When I say "stressful" I mean it's been streamlined to 45 mins ish, if we're both there.:D

Don't get me started on what happens when only one of us is there to do it!I know, screaming and howling isn't ideal, we didn't so much go for crying it out as regular sticking our heads into her room and very firmly telling her it's time to go to sleep. That's partly why I'd stay around the landing tidying etc. I promise the length of time they spend shouting reduces significantly over a couple of days once you are relatively firm about your routine, but unfortunately doesn't really stop completely. I've also seen suggestions like putting a nightlight on a timer and agreeing with your toddler that when the light goes out it's time for sleep - something like that might help too??Or getting a Groclock and setting it for the moon to appear at a specific time in the routine, which means sleep.

He's totally normal. When they turn two they seem to suddenly realise they have bargaining abilities. :rolleyes: