Wrongly Accused Of Molestation

cosha

Hi. I'm looking for some advice on a subject that has been playing on my mind now for the last year or so.

Approximately a year ago I got chatting to a girl from my locality (that I have never spoken to before). I was chatting normally to her and then she stated how a friend of hers had made an accusation against me to which I was shocked and ever since then it has constantly been playing on my mind. I did not realise it but it turned out that she was a friend of another girl whom my mother used to babysit approx 25 yrs ago, I was 8-10 yrs old at the time so what she said was a big shock to me. I have not seen this girl since my mother stopped babysitting her even though she only lives approx 5 miles away from me.

This girl I was chatting to had not long before that gone out with my cousin for a period so that is probably how they ended up talking about me. This conversation I had took place in a pub and she seemed to have a lot of drink on her so this made it more difficult for me to know if I should take her seriously or not. Anyway she stated to me that her friend said to her that I molested her while she was being babysat by my mother so you can understand why this has bothered me so much. Her exact words were that "I molested her" that "she thinks something happened one time" and that "it was me"...she is "not sure what happened but something definitely happened in that house". She finished by saying that I shouldnt worry about it because her friend "dosnt care because we were always so nice to her"!!

I was shocked to her this and was thinking that in the last 25 yrs she has been been going around thinking this and I was going on with my life being none the wiser. My mother babysat her for 5 yrs and in that time we were never anything but nice to her, we treated her like a sister and were really sad to see her go when my mother stopped babysitting her.

Under no circumstance did I ever do anything to her, touch her in any way or make her do anything! I remember when I was a young lad (I suppose when I was upto about 10 yrs old) I used to be bad for pulling my pants down and I did do this one time when she was in the room. It lasted a few seconds and she started laughing and that was it! Do I deserve to be accused of molestation 25 yrs later for this?

I feel I need to do something as to be accused of molestation is very serious and I dont know how many people she may have said this to! What if anything should i do? I do not know what kind of a person she is nor do I know exactly what she did say as the girl I spoke to could have greatly exaggerated what she said or there could have been drink involved when they had this conversation and she may have said something as a joke!
Should I completely ignore this?
Should I go back to the friend and ask her about it again?
Should I contact this girl and ask why she said this even though I havnt seen her in 25 yrs?
Should I contact a solicitor for advice?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I dont know if I can keep going on the way I am with this playing on my mind so much!!

dartboardio

I think you needn't worry that much. This girl is most likely trying to make a mountain of something small and trying to scare you. It would be different if you were 20 years old when your mother babysat her, then people might want to take it further. Though if she brings it to the "authorities" they'll probably just shrug it off as kids experimenting kind of thing? That's if you genuinely didn't do anything.

Sleeper12

8 to 10 years of age. Some kids play mommies and daddies at that age. You show me yours and I'll show you mine, type of thing. Perhaps this happened and you don't remember or maybe she played with someone else and is mixing you up.
I can't see the law having any interest. Best try put it out of your mind. I can't see you being able to do anything about it. If they are her genuine memories,then they are her memories.
The only thing that you could do is approach her about it and find out what she remembers. You have the option to say that you don't remember it that way and say you are sorry if it did happen.
Getting a solicitor involved will have the only effect of it being more on her mind and telling more and more people.
It's a tough situation. Best left alone IMO

cosha

dartboardio wrote: »

I think you needn't worry that much. This girl is most likely trying to make a mountain of something small and trying to scare you. It would be different if you were 20 years old when your mother babysat her, then people might want to take it further. Though if she brings it to the "authorities" they'll probably just shrug it off as kids experimenting kind of thing? That's if you genuinely didn't do anything.

Thank you for your reply. This was the first time I ever spoke to this girl and to be honest I did find her a bit nasty/ spiteful in some of the other things she said also so I suspect that you may be right. I have thought that this and the mixture of alcohol may have made her exaggerate what was told to her but I guess its the not knowing that has had things playing on my mind!!! I genuinely did not do anything but when someone says the word molest to you its not the easiest thing to get our of your head unfortunately!!

cosha

Sleeper12 wrote: »

8 to 10 years of age. Some kids play mommies and daddies at that age. You show me yours and I'll show you mine, type of thing. Perhaps this happened and you don't remember or maybe she played with someone else and is mixing you up.
I can't see the law having any interest. Best try put it out of your mind. I can't see you being able to do anything about it. If they are her genuine memories,then they are her memories.
The only thing that you could do is approach her about it and find out what she remembers. You have the option to say that you don't remember it that way and say you are sorry if it did happen.
Getting a solicitor involved will have the only effect of it being more on her mind and telling more and more people.
It's a tough situation. Best left alone IMO

Thank you for your reply. I forgot to add that my mother babysat her until she was 5yrs old so I was a few yrs older than her so there was def never any playing any playing mommies & daddies etc. I tend to agree with a previous reply when they said that it may have been the girl that I was chatting to that was just being a bit nasty towards me and maybe exaggerated a lot on things that were said to her! I would love to approach the girl my mother babysat and ask her exactly what she did say but things are never that straight-forward ie I have not seen her in 25 years so what kind of a person is she now? How would she react if I was to contact her out of the blue etc.

As you said I think in the long run Im going to just have to try & put it out of mind! I dont think people quite realise sometimes when they make comments the effects it can have on other people & their families! If I was to say to my mother that a girl she babysat made a comment like this it really couldnt have anything but a neagative effect on her!!

Andrea B.

" I dont know if I can keep going on the way I am with this playing on my mind so much!!"

This line stands out.
My suggestion;
1. Sit with a family member, friend, GP, someone rational. Explain exactly as per your post.
2. Arrange an informal meet with the girl who recounted this to you, with your witness present.
Explain the effect this is having on your mental health. Ask her to contact you within next few days if there is anything further she wishes to add or retract before you make contact with the accuser.
3. Line up your ducks. A close as possible chronolgy of ages etc.
4. Contact the alleged accuser for an informal meet with your them and your third party witness.
Explain what has happened and where it has left you.
Absorb their response and consider what actions are warranted, if any, after that meet.

goz83

Sounds like gossip and sh1te talk. The girl your mum babysat probably said nothing of the sort. Ignore it. If you happen to hear this other girl talking about it again, call out her bull.

Samuel T. Cogley

Let sleeping dogs lie. Do not, under any circumstances, approach the person without taking legal advice.

Pat Mustard

Mod:

See forum charter. Thread closed.