Toddler behaviour around 1 parent?!

Davywavy1982

Help! 19month dd acts so differently around daddy. She only wants to be held and in the lap etc and almost reverts back to a baby, won't walk, refuses to feed herself etc. Yet with mommy and grandparents she is fine. No problems and as soon as daddy appears she throws tantrums! She only seems happiest when I'm not around! Wakes a lot during the night 2. Has anybody experienced this before? And any tips to try and correct it!?

bp

It honestly sounds like a phase. Ignore bad behaviour eg daddy doesn't give into tantrums and it will pass

Davywavy1982

But it's going on 2-3 months at least!? How long do these phases take!? I just can't understand how she is so more content when I'm not there but when i appear her form goes bad, tantrums a appear all of a sudden!

D0NNELLY

Probably just over excited & tired. Are you out of the house during the day, and come home near need time?

sword1

Kids will single out which parent is the soft touch,no fault of the child,good sign if they know who is wrapped around their finger. Daddy will have to sort it out i think.

shesty

Phases can last for ages and she's entering a particularly difficult age.It's literally a whole heap of endless phases.Daddy has to put the foot down, she needs to get the same response from you both on everything. I know that sounds simple but I know how hard it can be!!!I think that will sort it but it will take a few weeks.

Davywavy1982

Thanks for your replies, I get home in the evenings maybe 90mins before bedtime. I guess that's the issue, I have been picking her up more etc and not as firm with her as mommy does. So how do I rectify it? do as mommy does? Be firmer, refuse her in my arms/ nap etc??

missvicky

We have the same issue with our little lady 18 months also. She spends most of the day with me and looks for daddy all the time and then when daddy does come home she gets excited for a few minutes and turns into a demon after that and clings to me. I tend to just leave her and do whatever I have to do so that she has no choice but to go to her dad. She's starting to come around a bit now and lets her dad help her more. If ye are firm with her and don't give in to the tantrums she will eventually learn there's no soft touch.

dub_skav

Davywavy1982 wrote: »

Thanks for your replies, I get home in the evenings maybe 90mins before bedtime. I guess that's the issue, I have been picking her up more etc and not as firm with her as mommy does. So how do I rectify it? do as mommy does? Be firmer, refuse her in my arms/ nap etc??

I don't think you should just "do as mommy does". I think you both need to discuss how you should handle each situation and what positions you should take when there is a tantrum etc. and both follow through.

Now, this may be closer to what mommy does at the moment than what you do, or it may not, but now is a good time to discuss among yourselves and agree your parenting philosophy so that you can both buy into it.

That may sound a bit new age or nitpicky but I think it is important to agree on the approach and get tips and insights from eachother, rather than assuming 1 parent's approach is the "right" one.

shesty

Exactly, don't refuse her hug or whatever. But the end result has to be the same....if she normally feeds herself, then you don't feed her. You could sit with her, sing her a song or something, but she feeds herself. It doesn't have to be exactly what your other half does, but the end result should be the same. As for the tantrums, a unified approach is needed as to how you deal with them all the time. Here, we pay little or no attention to them. So you decide what you both want to do.

Our little one (2.5 years) hurls herself at daddy in the evenings (though that may change soon as I'm returning to work!), wants him to play instantly etc. We have had to keep saying to her that daddy has to have his dinner, she needs to give him some time to eat and THEN he plays with her for a bit. It's a slow process though, daily reinforcement needed. Lately our 10 month old is all over daddy too, so I guess we're starting all over again!:rolleyes:

pwurple

It's very common, if that's any reassurance. 
We've the opposite problem in our house at the moment. I think it's a type of separation anxiety.

I get home from work about 30 minutes before Daddy, and she is stuck to me. Literally clung to my leg. can't even change my clothes or go to the loo, and cooking the dinner is tricky. Does the baby reversion thing too. As soon as he comes in the door she freaks out, and doesn't let him near me. Won't let her sister near me either. "My mammy."
To be honest, I think it's that she doesn't see enough of me. I've been working long hours and done some travel etc. My fix is to spend more time with her, until she gets fed up with me again.

Davywavy1982

Thanks hope it passes soon!!