Constant gnawing worry

LegacyUser

I think I just need to write down how worried I sometimes feel. It's nearly 4am and I can't sleep, the same thoughts go round and round in my head and I never reach a definitive conclusion.

I'm 29 and recently quit my job in another country and moved back to my family home in Ireland. It was a 'good' job on paper but I despised it, and had been thinking of coming home for at least 2 years. I feel like I just ran out of steam with my life over there, and I wanted the comfort of family, basically to take a step back for a few months and figure out what to do next. Now that I'm here, I veer between calmness- feeling the peace I was craving, and blind panic about what to do now.

I'm nearly 30, living at home, and about to be jobless (although I did get 3 months' gardening leave which is a massive plus, has allowed me to save more and relax about having time off). I have solid work experience over the last 5 years away, but I stress about it not being relevant in Ireland. I'm also thinking of retraining in accountancy, but worry I'll be putting my life on hold for another 3 years. I worry I'll never be able to buy a place, any place, as a single person, which really makes me just feel like giving up. Obviously living at home isn't ideal but I feel there'll never be another way to save a deposit. The things I want are simple but I just feel like they're so out of reach.

Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way or has any advice. I've been out of college a good few years now, had lots of good times and am fortunate in many ways, but I just feel low level anxiety all the time. I'm flailing, worrying what to do next. I want to embrace the next stage of my life- drinking less, having a quieter, more settled type of lifestyle, maybe meeting someone- but it's like I don't know how. I didn't think I'd feel so clueless at this age.

Parchment

I get you - i feel like this a lot.

You mention drinking - i never drank that much but quitting really helped me feel more calm.

Overall i just had to step back and look at the big picture. We are only here for a short time, worrying does nothing except make you feel worse. Write down your worries and work through them, they feel smaller then.

Also dont beat yourself up about being fortunate, thats just piling another level of guilt on top of your worry. Just give yourself a break - we are all doing the best we can.

BetsyEllen

I think your worries are completely normal OP, a lot of us have these kinds of worries now and again.

I think the problem for many of us is that when living in Ireland, you are bombarded with expectations.
According to society you should leave school/college, get a good job, meet a partner, get engaged, get married, buy a house, have a baby and this should all be done by the time you are 30.

I am 30, separated for 3 years, living by myself in a rented house and I have 3 cats :P pretty far away from where I 'should' be!

Sometimes I have a little panic too - will I meet someone? Should I panic because I don't have a baby? Should I be saving more for a mortgage?

Taking out a mortgage is hard when you're single and I'm not sure I'll ever get there. But if I don't it's not the end of the world.
What you need to do is realise that you're actually in a good position.
I would love to be able to live with my Mum and Dad and save some money for a while!
And to have the option of going back to education to pursue a career I'd like.

If your parents are happy enough with you being home with them then there's no problem. You may not be in a position to get a mortgage now but that doesn't mean you won't be in 2,3,5 years...
You will meet someone when the time is right. It's certainly nothing to panic over, as I regularly tell myself.

You're about to be jobless but as you said, you have 3 months pay and as you have little expenses living at home you have the freedom to be patient in your job search and not take the first thing that comes along.

Everything will work out, try to enjoy what you have in the meantime.
Think of all the times you were away and yearning for home - you're there now, so make the most of it

LynnGrace

Agree with previous posters, I think what you are feeling is very natural.

And just to add that you have made a number of changes recently, so some things are possibly just hitting you now. It was a big decision, I imagine to quit the job, but fwiw, I would say you did the right thing. Life is too short to stay in a job that you say you despised.

I'd recommend giving yourself a break, literally, relax and enjoy being home first before taking any decisions.

When you feel a bit more rested and relaxed in general, start to do some research, for example, you mention retraining in accountancy. Maybe try to get chatting with people in that field, and get a feel for whether or not that is the direction for you.

All the best, you sound very grounded, and I am sure things will work out well.

LegacyUser

Hi Feeling Low,

I know you stressed out at the moment. You did the right thing leaving the job you did not like abroad and coming home. All jobs are relevant as you learn new skills along with meeting and dealing with different people.
If you worked abroad I would gather your paperwork to show where and when you worked and sign on when you looking for a job. It may take some time to sort this out but you will a lump sum back.

In regards to changing carears would you consider going to a carears service. They can do tests ect and see where your strenghts lie. They may suggest other jobs that you could consider. Your college time in the past could lend itself to further training or a masters along with your work experience todate. This will cost you some money but long term it could help you find the right job/career path.

If you are thinking of doing accountancy speak to someone doing this and see what they say. You may decide I would like this or realise that something else would suit you better.
Now that your back in Ireland contact old friends as they may know about jobs going in companies or know of people elsewhere that may be in a position to help you.

When you get work just have a date in mind that you plan to move out of the family home by.
You have gone through a lot in a short period of time so just stop now and take some time to decide what you want to do next. In five years time you will be glad you did this.

Noo

Are you back in ireland for good now or is moving abroad again (a different country than before) an option for you? I'm not trying to suggest it, im just looking for a bit more info on your mindset regarding it.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks so much for the responses, I really appreciate it. Helps to just hear other people experience similar things and don't have it all figured out. I think the turning 30 in a few months thing actually is a source of more pressure than I would have thought. It does seem to be this age society has as an arbitrary point for where you're supposed to have achieved X, Y, Z. Of course there's internal pressure too although I don't know where that comes from, my family have never put pressure on me to do anything except try to be happy!

To the other poster who asked, I am mainly looking for jobs in Ireland but I would consider elsewhere if I really couldn't get anything decent, I really don't think that will be the case though. I'm also not mooching off the state so why shouldn't I have some time off.

It's just a bit jarring when you feel like you're happy enough and then all of the worry hits you in a wave at 3am! I am starting to have a bit of a plan so now I need to just build on that and keep researching/applying for jobs. It's easy in theory to say to be kind to ourselves but sometimes it's harder than others Thanks again.