Just turned 18, never drank before and not sure whether to start or not

LegacyUser

I just turned 18 years old last week. When I did my confirmation I took "the pledge" , as they call it, to not drink until I was at least 18. I said that once I actually got to 18 I'd re-evaluate my choice and decide what I wanted to do.

Anyway as most of my friends and peers approached 15 or so they started experimenting with alcohol. By the end of Transition Year I'd say 80% of the people in my year were drinking, but I still had a few "sober-buddies" on nights out who were staying away from drink for health reasons, fitness, GAA etc. By the time Christmas of 5th year came about, I was literally the only person, male or female, left in my year who didn't drink at all.

I'm now into the second half of my Leaving Cert year and I still haven't touched drink. Besides the pledge there's a reason I'm such a stick-in-the-mud about drinking. There's quite a few alcoholics in my extended family and I didn't want to end up like them. Also, my late grandfather on my dad's side also had an affinity for pints in his day to the point where none of his children (my dad, 2 uncles and an aunt) will even touch the stuff, full-stop. My mother has seen enough of it too on her side of the family so she only takes a drink at Christmas time.

I have a very addictive personality myself, and I'm afraid that I might get too fond of it if I start, considering my family's history.

I've suggested going bowling and going to the cinema to my friends instead of going drinking a few times and they always look at me like I've 2 heads. In fairness, they've never pressured me to drink but they can't understand why I'm so staunch about it.

My friend asked me one night: "Grasslands, you wouldn't go to a crackhouse if you didn't do drugs, so why do you bother going to pubs and clubs if you aren't going to have even one pint?" It made me wonder why I was even bothering... really I just want to stay in the loop and have a good time like everyone else.

On top of this, a friend of my family who never drank or smoke his whole life got a cancer diagnosis last year. It kind of opened my eyes to the fact that me staying away from alcohol my whole life isn't going to grant me god-like health or anything.

But now that the pledge is up, I'm not sure what I want to do. It's very alienating on nights out and at parties when everybody else is going about the place off their head and I'm left looking after people who've had too much, because there isn't really anything else for me to do. Have you ever been in a nightclub while sober? It's painful. At this stage nights-out are becoming like a chore to me, because in rural Ireland they all revolve around drinking.

So what do I do? I honestly can't decide what I want. Do I start taking an odd drink and stop being such a stickler about this or should I keep doing what I'm doing. I would like to give it a try, but I'm just afraid of what it's going to do to me, even though in the long run it probably won't affect me much at all.

Any and all advice appreciated.

Too long; Didn't read: I'm a lad who just turned 18 last week. I've never touched drink because I wanted to keep "the pledge" and there's a history of alcoholism on both sides of my family. Being sober has become very alienating at parties and nights-out and I don't know whether I should start taking an odd drink or not, considering my own addictive personality and my family's history.

LegacyUser

It's great that you're having conversation with yourself about this, and now one with us, but I think you could ease off on the overthinking and labelling. You're 18, don't start self-identifying as a drinker or non-drinker, or as someone who has an "addictive personality", don't start making hard, unsustainable rules for yourself that become burdens to carry for years.
Alcoholism is a terrible, destructive thing and being tee-total can be socially isolating. The vast majority of us are not in either camp though, most of us like a drink now and then, don't let it get in the way of our ordinary lives, have an occasional over-indulgence, perhaps go through a period where we do a bit too much of it and go through other periods where we have long dry spells and it never dawns on us to worry about it. You don't have to drink. You also don't have to be a non-drinker. You don't have to keep drinking if you start and you don't have to stop at the first hangover, you can just learn to go easy on yourself and have a rounded relationship with alcohol which will change over the years and doesn't in any way define you as a person.

Microphone

Microphone wrote: »

My friend asked me one night: "Grasslands, you wouldn't go to a crackhouse if you didn't do drugs, so why do you bother going to pubs and clubs if you aren't going to have even one pint?"

"Eh because I want to be with my friends and they refuse to entertain the idea of doing anything other than going to the pub!"

My son is in the same situation as you, he's never drunk or taken drugs and has no intention of doing either. If anything, seeing the state his friends got into drunk made him more sure it wasn't for him.

If the only reason you're considering starting to drink is because you feel alienated by your friends then I would recommend re-thinking your friends and your social life. You're not a "stickler" just because you've no interest in drinking, you're friends are painting you as one because they can't comprehend how anyone can enjoy themselves without drinking, an all too common attitude.

If you "want to give it a try" then by all means have a pint and see how you go, but seriously consider the reason(s) you're doing this.

Walter H Price

i had to give up alcohol for over 2 years due to stomach problems a few years back so i definitely get where you're coming from with being looked at like you've two heads for not drinking. As a culture id say we have a seriously unhealthy relationship with alcohol , it really took me having to stop drinking to see that. before hand i probably would have been like one of your mates started sneaking cans when i was 14 all through school and college every social thing centered around alcohol and getting p!ssed , its only when you stop and take a look at it from the out side you realize just how kinda fcuked that is.

That said a drink or two can be really enjoyable in a social setting , when i started drinking again i decided to ditch the pints and cheap cans altogether the stuff you only really drink to get drunk to be honest , i'd now have a glass of wine with dinner if i'm out , 1 or 2 nice G&T's or a bottle or 2 of some craft beer if we end up out for drinks , i find that's much more relaxed and you have way more control , i go with the mindset now that i'm going to enjoy the evening the banter the food the gig whatever and having a dink is part of that if i fancy it but i am 100% not going to get drunk. Pick a drink find something you enjoy and set a limit of 1 or 2 make it a social thing not a lets get hammered thing.

witchgirl26

OP I agree with the others saying about overthinking it.

I didn't really drink until I was 18 as there was quite a relaxed attitude to alcohol in my family so it was never seen as a "forbidden fruit" kinda thing. There are a couple of alcoholics in my extended family and I do find myself easily addicted to things or else a little obsessive. It was a concern but I've never had that issue with alcohol. Just because members of your family have had problems with it, doesn't mean that you will. However it might mean you could recognise signs of an issue if it does start to become one.

Look if you want to have a drink, do. If you don't, then don't. I don't drink a lot at all but have always enjoyed going out with my friends and having a laugh. It hasn't inhibited that. Now if friends are taking advantage of you being the sober one and constantly relying on you to make sure they get home etc, then that's a conversation to have with them that it's your night out too. You don't have to decide right now just because the pledge is up if you want to drink or not. If you feel like trying a pint or something sometime, do. If you don't like it then you don't have to keep drinking.

JustAThought

Sounds like you're very caught up over it - its great to be responsible, but drink is not a demon and if you try a bit of one you won't go up in smoke. No harm in being the one who dosn't drink much or has mostly soft drinks and just takes an odd one occasionally, but if you excludeit totally as an option you will over time find yourself left out.
If you are out with friends by all means ask to take a sip of theirs to see if you like or hate the taste instead if spending e5 or e6 on something you may not like the taste of.Personally I don't like the taste of ( most) beers, & don't like the harshness of vodka or gin. There is no point in wondering if you will be an alcoholic if you have never even tried any drink. Its hard when everyone goes out with the objective of just drinking & talking but that is the reality in Ireland. Go along, join the craic, have your coke or rock shandy & see if there is something you might enjoy an occasional glass of.like many good things in life - cars, food, good clothes you don't have to speed, be obese or a shopaholic to enjoy the good thjngs about them. Balance , enjoyment, appreciation and moderation is important.

Big Bag of Chips

At the end of the day, it's completely your choice. I'm not a big drinker. Never was. I'd still have a few. But even that wouldn't be enough for my friends, and I used to get slagged for not drinking enough :rolleyes: This didn't just happen in my late teens, early 20s! This continued long into my 30s. I stopped drinking a year ago and my friends seem better able to accept that than me drinking, but not drinking "enough"!

I understand why you're overthinking this. You're 18. Your friends' lives are consumed by going out at the weekend and getting hammered. And at 18 your friends and socialising with them is a huge part of your life. Alcoholism is rife in Ireland. Even people who mightn't be considered alcoholics could certainly be considered problem drinkers. The problem with problem drinkers, is it's acceptable in every town in the country every single weekend..Some people grow out of that need for alcohol, some don't and that's when it starts to become a problem, usually for their families. They don't have a problem with it. They're just "enjoying a few drinks". It can take years from the person who "just enjoys a few drinks" to realise they are causing problems for the people in their life.

You are the only one who can make the choice for yourself. But the fact you are aware of the problems alcohol does cause for a lot of people, means that you would be more mindful of it. Yes, you have an addictive personality, but if you're aware of that then you have the chance to rein yourself in if you feel it slipping. Not drinking is unusual, but it's not unheard of. My brother has never drank. He never really got much stick for it because he was always confident in his choice, so his friends accepted it. Your friends, whilst they comment on it, don't actually care! It doesn't affect them in any way. So you decide what you want to do, for yourself. It's nobody else's business, and it has no affect on anyone else either.

bp

I rarely drink (as in twice a year) and didn't through college for health reasons so spent every weekend in night clubs sober and honestly I just got over it. I never had beer glasses on ( no morning after regrets about smooching someone unattractive), drove home (no queues for taxis for hours - before deregulation), saved a fortune.

It is hard to dance etc sober at the beginning but I wanted to dance, flirt, be a teenager so I had to just go for it. Go with what feels right to you, the partying only lasts a few years until people get into relationships, sport etc

uck51js9zml2yt

Jackie hit the nail on the head. You really need to evaluate your friends and get new ones who will respect your decisions.

scarepanda

OP, I'm just shy of 30, my first drink was 2 years ago and since then I've had maybe 5 shots. Growing up I had no interest in drinking. I still don't, the alcohol iv had was more out of curiosity than anything else.
When I was your age I was the one always wanting to go out, every weekend. I never drank. My friends were fine about it, it was just me.
I did drop some good friends home after nights out, but out of choice, I was never used and abused as a taxi driver, nor as minder of my drunk friends. I would keep an eye out for them, but never at the detriment of my night out. As far as I was concerned, as a sober person that wasn't my responsibility. And my friends understood that. You don't need to be drinking to go out to pubs and nightclubs. You can still have as much fun as the next person that's drunk. You can remember all the antics from the night before the next morning. Even when your sober you can still join in with the drunken antics of your friends and have the craic.
Don't let your friends make you feel self-conscious about not drinking. It shouldn't bother them if your not drinking, it doesn't impact on them in any way, if it does bother them is their own insecurities coming through.

Like other posters have said, don't over think it too much. Don't make a hard and fast decision as to whether you will or won't drink now - Your only 18. If someone is bothering you about drinking, you don't need to explain yourself or your decision to them. 'no' is a full answer.

Walter H Price

Briar Blue String wrote: »

Jackie hit the nail on the head. You really need to evaluate your friends and get new ones who will respect your decisions.

To be honest i think the OP at 18 will struggle to find many of his peers who don't drink and who's whole social life is kinda based around drinking , pubs and clubs and to be fair he did say his mates aren't pressuring him into drinking, they just find it odd.

There's still plenty you can enjoy about going out without drinking , i often used to order non alcoholic beer when i couldn't drink , most places do Becks or Erdinger N/A, just to feel a bit more normal avoid the irritating why aren't you drink chat and all that, works a charm

mohawk

Plenty of people I went to college with and have worked with over the years don't drink. One friend used to drink pints of lucozade cos they felt in a dark pub or club it looked like cider.

As long as your not the kind of person who is watching what people are getting up to when they are drunk and then judging or telling tales. Then the vast majority of people don't really care if you don't drink and if they do then are they the friends for you.

If you don't feel drinking is for you there is nothing wrong with that. There are so many people that need to take a long hard look at their relationship with alcohol. Fair play for putting thought into this.

Also hangovers are evil.

freshpopcorn

What ever you decide to do I do think the best option for you is to be straight about it with your friends. The only non drinkers I've ever heard getting hassle generally have endless made upstories about being on antibiotics/etc and these people receive hassle in my opinion!

DoctorBoo

Don't bother - it is totally overrated. You can enjoy yourself without it, so do!