Drifting through life

LegacyUser

I'm 24, finished up college two years ago, never had a serious relationship, haven't bee with a girl in over 2 years, work from home and have next to no social life and am currently on medication for depression.

I would say I have one friend who I could whatapp whenever just 'checking in' and would meet up and do stuff with him on his days off. Then I have a group of friends on whatsapp group chat who I would chat to on a group and occasionally meet up maybe once a month. Then there is a college group from my course which I would meet up with maybe once a year.

I really struggle going to clubs, I'm not sure what it is whether it is claustrophobia or social anxiety or something else but I'll be fine and then suddenly I have to get out of there and I leave and head home.

I try to get out every day even if its just a walk to get out of the house but I struggle to have any real social interactions most days. I have no idea where I could ever meet a girlfriend.

I think I tend to be quite good at chatting to people when we actually go and meet up but its the maintaining the relationship and meeting up regularly that I struggle with. The depression obviously doesn't help as in the evenings I just want to crawl up in bed. I'm also a bit of a snowflake and feel the world is against me.

I'm hoping people could offer suggestions to get out of this rut.

fizzypish

Easier said than done but forget the GF. You'll get one when you get on. Worrying about it won't speed up the process. Women can smell desperation so not giving a **** is the way to go (I've nearly had to burn entire wardrobes the stench had permeated so badly). Anyway, forget it. I hate night clubs too. I feel your pain. Stop going. You want to meet people try joining clubs. Chess. Running. Social drinkers. zumba. Whatever floats your boat. Join up, expand the circle of friends. All easier said than done. Do ****, even pointless **** so your mind is active and unable to dwell. Also, your not a snowflake. I'm not. Your friends aren't. The world isn't out to get you, it genuinely doesn't care about you. That's a bit harsh but I'm a pessimist. Good luck de-rutting yourself!

baby and crumble

Definitely stop fixating on the girlfriend, OP. If you're not getting out and meeting people as friends etc then trying to get a GF just won't go well.

I'd advise signing up for an evening class or something, just to give yourself a structure, especially since you work from home. Think of something totally off the wall you've always wanted to try and try it. Pottery, cooking, rock climbing, painting, coding, whatever. You'll meet people that way, develop a hobby, make yourself more interesting and improve your confidence. That'll help with everything.

silverharp

Are you in Dublin? a town or in a rural area? You have one advantage if you are working from home and that is time, take small steps in a few areas. Set some fitness goals , if you have a gym you can get to join it and get a programme going and as was said above find stuff you would like to do and find a social way of doing it. Also look at your career, its unusual to be working from home so soon after college so unless its well paid and sustainable in the future look to advance it.

LegacyUser

fizzypish wrote: »

Easier said than done but forget the GF. You'll get one when you get on. Worrying about it won't speed up the process.

I know I should stop fixating on this but really don't know how to to be perfectly honest. All my mates have girlfriends or have great luck with girls, they all keep talking about them or there many adventures and I just feel left out. Without going to clubs it seems very difficult to get anywhere.

I'd advise signing up for an evening class or something, just to give yourself a structure, especially since you work from home.

I've tried meetup but couldn't find anything near enough to me that interested me. "Went" to a boards drinks before but left without talking to anyone. Just don't have the confidence, I feel like I don't belong.

Are you in Dublin? a town or in a rural area?

I'm in Dublin.

Also look at your career, its unusual to be working from home so soon after college so unless its well paid and sustainable in the future look to advance it

The issue is if I do take a job I'd be taking a 50%+ pay cut. although I am beginning to think it might be worth it to get more of a social life or at least social interaction each day.

hoppo1982

Perhaps you could try group therapy where by you are in a safe environment with others who may have similar struggles.

You won't expand your group of friends this way but you will get to speak openly in a safe and secure place to people of all ages, backgrounds and opinions.

This may help your self-esteem and ability to be more relaxed in social situations.