My alcoholic sister's children

ilovetea1

Approximately 6 months ago it became apparent that my younger sister is an alcoholic. As a family, we had some indication that she had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for some time but we were unaware of the extent of it, until one day approximately 6 months ago she seemingly began experiencing the DTs from apparently trying to cut down on alcohol intake at home. This resulted in a hospital admission. It was at this time that we realised she was drinking morning, noon and night. In the hospital, she was detoxed over approximately 4 days and then sent home. She didn’t ever reach the point of admitting that she is an alcoholic. She said she knew she drank too much and would have to try and “cut down” but showed no understanding that she would need to give up alcohol altogether in order to get better. She was sent home and began drinking immediately. She has 4 children all of primary school age. Lately, it has become evident that there is domestic abuse occurring in the house between herself and her husband (both giving and taking from what I can gather) which the children have witnessed. He seems to also have an alcohol problem. As a family, we have approached them both on numerous occasions about the drinking and have tried to encourage her to seek help for her addiction but she has no interest. Now my real concern is the children. What would you do in this situation? I am worried sick for their welfare and have considered calling social services but I am so worried about the consequences that this could bring. There is no denying that the situation they are in now is terrible and far from ideal but I’m so worried that an alternative could be worse. Unfortunately, I just would not be in a position to take them myself. I have my own two children and I work and I struggle myself to afford childcare etc. There is no one else in the family in a position to take them. I welcome any advice.

Big Bag of Chips

Call Tusla, immediately!

Worrying about the consequences of what might happen if you call them, is better than worrying what might happen if you don't. Your sister and her husband are not in a position to care for them. How do you know the children aren't only witnessing the domestic abuse, but victims of it too? Do you think your sister and her husband would be controlled enough in a drunken rage where they are giving and taken, to not hit a child who got in the way? They need, and deserve to be cared for. Children will only be removed if necessary. A social worker will be assigned to the family to try help them. Maybe the threat of losing their children could be the kick they both need to sort themselves out.

Call Tusla. If you don't you are complicit in the neglect of your nieces and nephews.

Call me Al

What an awful situation to be in. You have my full sympathy.
I dont think I could stand by and watch it.
When you've said you're concerned about everything going on in the house what have they said?
Do they realise they are a risk to their children? I am assuming they drive around during the day with their kids in the car while under the influence, and take other chances with their well-being? Are you or another sibling in a position to take these children and bring them to school GPs appointments etc. ?

D0NNELLY

Call the authorities.

Xterminator

OP of couse you feel sorry for your sister, however her choices in life have led to this path.

Her children on the other hand are completely innocent and could be affected for life by what is happening at home. The fact you have knowledge of this situation mean you are morally obliged to try to contact tusla and be an advocate fro the children. they need one!!

please act today, it can be anonymous.

http://www.tusla.ie/children-first/how-do-i-report-abuse

hdowney

I know it's hard, she is your sister after all, and she may not immediately understand why you have done what you did, but it NEEDS to be done. They are innocent children caught up in a homelife that is not suitable at all, and will have lasting impact on them. The sooner they are removed from the situation the safer they will be, the less long term damage will be done, and perhaps it is just the jolt that your sister and her partner need to see they have serious problems and need to get help.

Your main concern NEEDS to be these children. Neither your sister or her partner are in a position to care for them at present, nor can they see the detrimental effect it is having on the children. Alcoholism puts the drinker in their own little bubble, where no-one else matters. It's a hard and true fact. Right now those children need you to step up and do what is best for them. I completely understand you'd prefer family to take them, and that this is not possible. But the fact of no family being in a position to take the children is not a good enough reason not to ring the appropriate authorities and get help for all concerned.

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miamee

From what I know, removing children from the family home would be a very last resort and only if absolutely necessary. Hopefully that would not be the case with your sister's family but if things were that extreme the children would be better off in a safe, loving environment with foster parents even if they are strangers than to be left to the care of two alcoholics.

sadie06

hdowney wrote: »

The sooner they are removed from the situation the safer they will be, the less long term damage will be done, and perhaps it is just the jolt that your sister and her partner need to see they have serious problems and need to get help.

If the children are fed, clothed, physically unharmed and turning up for school it is highly unlikely that they will be taken at all. It's a sad fact that the whole system would grind to a halt if the children of all substance abusers were taken for that reason alone.

You should definitely report it though, as it may form part of the picture. If she is drinking as much as you say, the school are probably aware of the situation also. A wake up call might be just what they need as a family, but don't expect lightening speed in action being taken.

In a way this should allay your fears...nobody is going to march in there and take her kids!

LegacyUser

Why would you ask what should I do here? The reality is that your sister is drinking to excess and so is her husband. You don't know what this is like for there 4 children to witness this. Along with this her or her husband could turn nasty and lash at one of the children.

What happens if your sister gets into the car and drives them some morning to school drunk? How would you feel if you heard that she killed herself, the children or someone else?

At this stage you have no choice to but to report them. I would also contact the local gardi station and give them the car reg of the car or cars they drive. Let them get a random breath test that will get them off the road before they kill themselves or the children.
This could be wake up call they need.

I know of a family where the mother was drinking and her husband told her numours times that it had to stop. He eventually realised that drink was more important to her than the children. He went to court and now has sole custody of his children and they are far happier away from her.

One of my freinds had a family with a man who was fond of drinking to access. She eventully realised that he was not going to change so she told him to leave the house. Her children are now young adults and are doing well.

No one will give your relatives their childhood back and they need and deserve someone to stand up for them now.