Tantrums at bedtime/during the night

kicked89

We've had an awful few weeks of sleeping in our house, our DD is 5 and DS is just gone 2.

DD had been in her own bed until she was 2 and a half when she started sleeping in her own room with no problem. DS is still coming into our bed (goes to sleep in his own and comes in during the night at some point). Not ideal but said we would wait until same age as DD stayed in her own bed and work on it then.

However, DD has now started having tantrums every night before bed. Terrible tantrums. She is fine until it's time for me to say goodnight. We have our routine, book alone while daddy puts DS to sleep.. chats about the day etc.

I think it initially started as one nightmare and went from that to saying she was scared every night. We assure her all is ok, lots of cuddles etc.. This has totally escalated and now every night without fail she will scream and it's now at the point where she says that someone is going to come in and last night was saying that she'll be killed by the morning. I have no idea where this has come from or where she would even hear something like that. It definitely has escalated though and is as if the fear is growing in her head as the days go on. There is no reasoning with her about it all and I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

After a battle every night, she would go to sleep however, it's now happening during the night. DS wakes in a panic and we all end up awake for ages once kids are settled again. DD is upset and I'm frustrated.

I am presuming she ultimately just wants to come into our bed and probably thinks it's unfair that DS is in our bed (I'm not happy that he is in our bed but it's never been a problem until now and I have explained he was a baby etc and will be out of our bed soon).

We've tried rewards (which initially worked), punishments, worry plaque, lamp in her room etc etc but nothing seems to be working. Every night seems to be a new fear.

I am at my wits end and literally have no idea what to do. No explanation, comfort etc works when it comes to letting her know that everything is OK and we are there to make sure she is safe. Once bed time hits, it's game over for everyone.

I would probably give in and have 4 of us in the bed for a nights sleep but it's a big no-no for daddy. He is adamant she sleeps in her own bed. To be fair, 4 in a bed is not ideal but mother guilt is at it's highest and I obviously will do what I can to make sure they are both getting a good nights sleep.

I won't give in and sleep in her bed as I feel that's just ridiculous and we should be able to sleep in our own beds.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Any tips? I can't ignore the fact that she's saying she's scared but I do feel it's totally escalated at this stage and probably could have been avoided if we just gave in and let her into our bed!

Neyite

He is adamant she sleeps in her own bed.

This jumped out at me. If he's the one that's adamant, why are you the one up half the night trying to settle her?

Tbh, I would go in with her if I were you, or send your partner in to stay the night with her as a short term measure. She's getting overly anxious about something approaching bedtime so is massively wound up and stressed by the time it comes around and you need to crack this nut first.

In a few months once the nightmares have faded and been forgotten about then you can work on both children staying in their own beds applying the same rule to both of them as the 2yo is old enough now for his own bed so once she sees that the rule applies to both children and not just her it might be easier to manage.

Could you put the toddler in the same room as company for her? Would that work?

pwurple

Has she a little nightlight, or something that can reassure her during the night that everything is not scary?
Or something like a comfort blanket, teddy etc. Small children do get frightened on their own when they wake up. 
I don't know how you're managing with 3 in a bed, let along 4. My children sleep like manic whirling starfish in my experience. Anytime I've let mine in, I last about 30 minutes until one of gets a foot in the eyeball, and then evict.

Lizzy8

A comfort teddy and little fairy lights (with low battery) was great for my little one.