Mother abusive to dad

LegacyUser

What to do when our mother is being emotionally and verbally abusive to our father? Our mother was admitted to psych ward a few years ago for bi polar and paranoia and we are still in this situation. She is verbally abusive and has threatened to stab my dad in his sleep. She calls Kim names like ugly and tries to isolate him from his friends and calls him gay for having male friends. He can't even go to the pub on a Saturday night she starts on him before going and has on occasion waited outside the pub for him and one time attempted to go in and make a show of him.
At this point in time my father has left the family home and is staying else where this has happened a few times before too and he has returned to the home for a period before it all kicks off again. I have told her the next time she threatens him I will call the guards. She had been taking tablets for depression and paranoia but has admitted to burning them recently as she feels there is nothing wrong with her. We don't know what to do next we want the best for both of them

Fakediamond

I suggest you support him as best you can and give him information on domestic abuse so that he can make an informed decision on how to proceed. Only he can make the decision to leave, but it sounds like a dangerous and toxic environment for him to live in safely. She's probably not going to change as long as she keeps projecting all of her problems onto him. Maybe the realisation that he's not coming back will make her get help for herself. Mental illness is treatable and so cannot be used on an ongoing basis for her bad behaviour.

Horrible situation for you as well, can't have been easy growing up in that environment.

Emme

Could you show your father this link:

http://www.amen.ie/

How old are you and the rest of the children? It can't be easy living in a volatile environment with somebody who is potentially violent.

LegacyUser

Thank you we are all 30+ my parents are in there late 0s which makes this such an awful ordeal. None of us children live at home and worry that something will happen one night. The. Exit time she makes these threat if we ring the Gardai what will happen? I don't like the thought of our mother being locked away but at the same time something drastic needs to happen. She has these rages and she could do anything while in one. She's very paranoid and thinks a lot of people are talking about her

Emme

Could you and your siblings get together and approach your mother's GP? I'm not sure what can be done but make your concerns about your mother's health known to him or her. Also tell your GP that your father is being abused and that you don't feel safe around your mother.

LegacyUser

Thanks Emme. We have done that we all went to the gp with mam and the gp said if she doesn't agree to take tablets she will have to have her sectioned so she agreed to take them but this didn't last long she burned them not long after. At this stage I think the only option left is to get the guards involved at the next threat to show her we are serious.

silverharp

when your dad is there does he sleep in his own room? if not he should and just lock the door each night as a basic safety measure

pilly

Atwitsend wrote: »

Thank you we are all 30+ my parents are in there late 0s which makes this such an awful ordeal. None of us children live at home and worry that something will happen one night. The. Exit time she makes these threat if we ring the Gardai what will happen? I don't like the thought of our mother being locked away but at the same time something drastic needs to happen. She has these rages and she could do anything while in one. She's very paranoid and thinks a lot of people are talking about her

If you call the Gardaí she will be taken to a psychiatric ward which would be the safest place for her while she's in that state. Don't worry she won't be put in prison. Gardaí know how to deal with people who are mentally ill.