Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered drug user

Bulmers

have you ever worked out financial cost of your addiction or if not would you have rough guess?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Bulmers wrote: »

have you ever worked out financial cost of your addiction or if not would you have rough guess?

I have sometimes, I would rather not comment on it. I try live an honest life now, and it is true what they say honest money goes further. I scratch my head and wonder how the hell I did it, when I think what a €100 does these days, swimming lessons for the kids, or some other "luxury". That would have been gone in a short time back in the olden days.

It can be a battle if I am truthful, as I still have that mind set of entitlement, but I work hard and do lots of regular personal inventories, just to see what is going on in the inside and what that sense of entitlement is actually trying to hide !


Just to add, I think good mental well being is paramount for staying in recovery. If I was to dwell on the missed opportunities, or things I could have done, I would end up feeling quite sorry for myself, and that is a big no-no, it can actually spiral out of control and next of all everything is crap. I am not joking by the way. So yes I visit the past but I try not dwell.

m'lady

I have nothing to ask as, as it seems to have all been covered. I just want to say that I've read your thread with great interest and well done on your recovery, it's such an amazing achievement. Your thread is honest and frank, and a complete eye opener to me.
I honestly think you should write a book, it would be the best drug education not only our teenagers could get but also adults alike.

My daughter (she's in Transition year) was preparing a presentation on drugs for the 1st years during the week and I gave her a little insight into your post and she was amazed, as it's usually the 'junkie' stereotype we hear about, so it was an interesting comparison, and made it more realistic to some extent.

Well done again, you should be very proud.

CruelCoin

Sorry to be an asshat, but this question isn't often raised for fear of PC backlash, often spoken, rarely written.

How much support do you think you deserve / deserved? Self-infliction and all that jazz.

iLikeWaffles

CruelCoin wrote: »

Sorry to be an asshat, but this question isn't often raised for fear of PC backlash, often spoken, rarely written.

How much support do you think you deserve / deserved? Self-infliction and all that jazz.

Put yourself in AMA's shoes there and ask that question again.

CruelCoin

iLikeWaffles wrote: »

Put yourself in AMA's shoes there and ask that question again.

I'm sure you'd like to throw resources at him, but i'd like his answer, thank you.

iLikeWaffles

CruelCoin wrote: »

I'm sure you'd like to throw resources at him, but i'd like his answer, thank you.

How should I put this. Any person wanting help deserves it. Every person in the world will need help or support at some stage in their life. Even trolls.

somesoldiers

Well done AMA on your recovery and the honesty in your responses.

^^Can this thread not descent into chaos please?

tmabr

Hi, I am amazed to find out that there is such a thing as a functioning heroin addict. I dabbled in a lot of things over the years but i was terrified of heroin.

It has been mentioned previously about educating young people about the danger of drugs but they never tell you about the amazing feelings it gives (at the start) And the best quote i ever heard from trainspotting "take your best orgasm and multiply it by 1000 and your not even close" and "after all we are not that stupid". You tell a kid its awful and bad,they try it once and that,s it.

So i have a stupid question

if you won 100 million on the lotto while you were using could you keep going and not need to quit. Could you continue to function if finances were not an issue?

CruelCoin

iLikeWaffles wrote: »

How should I put this. Any person wanting help deserves it. Every person in the world will need help or support at some stage in their life. Even trolls.

Not having a magical money tree, we don't have the resources for everything we would wish for.

My question to the guest still stands, whether he needed help or not, does he think he is/was deserving of it?
Personally, i'd rather support those who are in need of help when it wasn't self-inflicted. How does he feel about receiving resources instead of others in need who had to do without due to resource limitations?

marienbad

CruelCoin wrote: »

Not having a magical money tree, we don't have the resources for everything we would wish for.

My question to the guest still stands, whether he needed help or not, does he think he is/was deserving of it?
Personally, i'd rather support those who are in need of help when it wasn't self-inflicted. How does he feel about receiving resources instead of others in need who had to do without due to resource limitations?

Does that also apply to conditions brought about by smoking, drinking, diet ,playing rugby , etc ?

Boards.ie: Niamh

Can we not go off on tangents here please? Let's stick to asking questions of the AMA volunteer, it's been really eye-opening and interesting so far.

Sinister Kid

Judging by this thread, people are very supportive of your progress.

In real life, have you had any negative reactions from the people you have told about your past?

Thoie

Well done on the recovery. Something I've always been curious about is how people get to the stage of injecting themselves. I used be terrible with needles, but as I've got older I can at least allow a doctor to take a blood sample now without fainting. I still can't look at the needle going in, and can't even watch other people getting injected.

Did you ever have problems with needles before you started injecting? Did the first injection feel like a huge, momentous step, or was it just a feeling of "I have to do this now?"

You mentioned a needle exchange, but where do the first needles come from - can you walk into a pharmacy and get them?

Puibo

iLikeWaffles wrote:

Put yourself in AMA's shoes there and ask that question again.

AMA has politely declined to answer some questions already and that's totally fine, I'm sure if he doesn't want to answer this then he won't.

CruelCoin

CruelCoin wrote: »

Sorry to be an asshat, but this question isn't often raised for fear of PC backlash, often spoken, rarely written.

How much support do you think you deserve / deserved? Self-infliction and all that jazz.

You can 'buy' that support in Rehab, different costs for different places.

Personally, Ive probably spent thousands in rehab fees over the years. OP could be the same. So, in that sense, he should and could have gotten great support.
But even if he didnt use private clinics, Im sure he has probably paid enough in taxes over the year's that alone would make him deserving, would it not?

I also believe, as someone else mentions, that I fully support resources being used on people who want to get clean. because when people get clean, they get back into life, and become productive members of society again, for the most part anyway

Again OP, thanks so much for doing this AMA. You have been very forthright and open. IMO , you are more than deserving of any and all supports you received.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

m'lady wrote: »

I have nothing to ask as, as it seems to have all been covered. I just want to say that I've read your thread with great interest and well done on your recovery, it's such an amazing achievement. Your thread is honest and frank, and a complete eye opener to me.
I honestly think you should write a book, it would be the best drug education not only our teenagers could get but also adults alike.

My daughter (she's in Transition year) was preparing a presentation on drugs for the 1st years during the week and I gave her a little insight into your post and she was amazed, as it's usually the 'junkie' stereotype we hear about, so it was an interesting comparison, and made it more realistic to some extent.

Well done again, you should be very proud.

Thank you, maybe some day. It's good to talk, best of luck to your daughter in her presntation.

Wellywoo

I've just read the whole thread in one sitting, and felt compelled to post because while it's left me feeling emotional, I am full of admiration at the same time and I wanted to say that.

I have a friend who's clean from an opiate addiction and they are as modest as you were in one of your earlier posts AMA; I can't imagine the amount of will and mental strength needed to break an addiction that has it's claws in you but you did it; yes as you said you had support but ultimately you did it, you turned your life around and it's nothing short of incredible.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

CruelCoin wrote: »

Sorry to be an asshat, but this question isn't often raised for fear of PC backlash, often spoken, rarely written.

How much support do you think you deserve / deserved? Self-infliction and all that jazz.

I suppose I pay my taxes just like everyone else does, therefore I suppose the state needs to provide some sort of help. That's what tax does isn't it ? To me they provided the help of a community addiction team, where I was able to talk to like minded people etc, a weekly meeting with a key worker. Important stuff.

I might also add that the recovery path I ultimately chose was completely free of charge. Any treatment centre I went to was covered by private health insurance.

I suppose life is about give and take.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

tmabr wrote: »

Hi, I am amazed to find out that there is such a thing as a functioning heroin addict. I dabbled in a lot of things over the years but i was terrified of heroin.

It has been mentioned previously about educating young people about the danger of drugs but they never tell you about the amazing feelings it gives (at the start) And the best quote i ever heard from trainspotting "take your best orgasm and multiply it by 1000 and your not even close" and "after all we are not that stupid". You tell a kid its awful and bad,they try it once and that,s it.

So i have a stupid question

if you won 100 million on the lotto while you were using could you keep going and not need to quit. Could you continue to function if finances were not an issue?

Not a stupid question at all, I think I mentioned earlier that I could have carried on. No one was holding a gun to my head so to speak !

But I was broken inside, finances were not an issue. It was similar to some sort of spiritual and emotional breakdown, the drugs were not working, and all the money in the world would not fix that.

What was different was that all the other times I had tried to get clean, it was for another reason, like the guards, or family, or relationships, etc. That never worked. I cannot explain why.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Judging by this thread, people are very supportive of your progress.

In real life, have you had any negative reactions from the people you have told about your past?

Thank you. I am writing these responses on a phone, so sorry for any brevity or spelling errors.

Interesting question, and I am quite a private person, it is not something I talk about openly. But to be perfectly honest I cannot get caught up with what other people think. If I meet someone and they are interested in personal recovery, no problem, let's get a coffee. If I am at a doo and someone quizzes me why I am not drinking, I generally say I am training for a marathon, or I am driving or something, I know when someone is being nosey I guess.

That proved difficult at the start, because I was very sensitive and caught up in what other people thought, "he is boring, he does not drink" blah blah.

After a while I realised I do not need to go to these things as much, and to hell with their questions. Took a while though.

Lots of sayings spring to mind, "what other people think is none of my business"

"Those who matter don't judge and those who judge don't matter"

Call me Al

I'm interested to know how you feel about the tag of "junkie" for drug addicts?

I know of some who have a real dislike it but it's regular usage for most people.

Or maybe you didn't feel strongly about it?
Eta you've turned your life around. I wish you well.

K.Flyer

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

"Those who matter don't judge and those who judge don't matter"

That line sums it up perfectly!

Thank you for sharing, well done and best of luck.

Puibo

How old were you at the height of your heroin addiction and were you in a relationship with anyone?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Call me Al wrote: »

I'm interested to know how you feel about the tag of "junkie" for drug addicts?

I know of some who have a real dislike it but it's regular usage for most people.

Or maybe you didn't feel strongly about it?
Eta you've turned your life around. I wish you well.

I don't like it, it is not a word I ever use, and I have an internal reaction when I hear it being used.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Puibo wrote: »

How old were you at the height of your heroin addiction and were you in a relationship with anyone?

I understand peoples queries I would probably be asking the same questions, but out of respect for others I am not going to answer these questions.

Call me Al

Did any of your friends from that time die from drugs or as a consequence of being a drug user?

If so how did you react, or how did you rationalise this if it didn't prompt you to change your drug taking habits?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Wellywoo wrote: »

I've just read the whole thread in one sitting, and felt compelled to post because while it's left me feeling emotional, I am full of admiration at the same time and I wanted to say that.

I have a friend who's clean from an opiate addiction and they are as modest as you were in one of your earlier posts AMA; I can't imagine the amount of will and mental strength needed to break an addiction that has it's claws in you but you did it; yes as you said you had support but ultimately you did it, you turned your life around and it's nothing short of incredible.

Thank you, I suppose that was my feeling about this AMA, I threw my name into the hat with the hope of even helping one person or trying to open peoples minds. In fairness to boards.ie they were very open once they verified my story, so repect.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Call me Al wrote: »

Did any of your friends from that time die from drugs or as a consequence of being a drug user?

If so how did you react, or how did you rationalise this if it didn't prompt you to change your drug taking habits?

I might have mentioned earlier that I didn't know anyone really on a personal level who used like I did. I knew lots of people who used lots of coke and were upstanding members of society, who were obviously in so much pain, but could not let anyone in. Some of these have since died, in their sleep, suicide, all very sad.

When I did get clean though and surrounded myself with other people trying to get clean, I got close to good people alot of people I know had a bad day, used for one last time and next tme I saw them was in a funeral parlour.

Scary at the start , quite unbeliveable actually. But that is the nature of addiction unfortunately. Lots of devasted mothers, fathers and kids. Unanswered questions, etc

Sorry I just saw your last question. When I was trying to get clean and failing and I knew people who were dying, logically you would think "That could be me in that coffin" but that never entered my head, sometimes I genuinely thought, lucky him. It seemed easier to die then keep in failing. There is a level of self hatred that goes hand in hand with addiction that is very hard to explain. If I didn't hate myself I wouldn't have been doing the things I did. Anyway thanks for asking..

Call me Al

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

I might have mentioned earlier that I didn't know anyone really on a personal level who used like I did. I knew lots of people who used lots of coke and were upstanding members of society, who were obviously in so much pain, but could not let anyone in. Some of these have since died, in their sleep, suicide, all very sad.

When I did get clean though and surrounded myself with other people trying to get clean, I got close to good people alot of people I know had a bad day, used for one last time and next tme I saw them was in a funeral parlour.

Scary at the start , quite unbeliveable actually. But that is the nature of addiction unfortunately. Lots of devasted mothers, fathers and kids. Unanswered questions, etc

Sorry maybe you did (quite likely). I've been dipping in and out of this thread since the start but may have missed it.
I ask because I have a family member whose mom had a troubled life with drugs (anything and everything she could get her hands on).

She gave her child a tough tough chaotic start in life and then od'd after she had started in a methadone regime.
I felt so very angry with her before and after her death, and have struggled to find the compassion that I know this woman deserved. Your insight has helped so thanks for that.