Any regrets not going for 2/3/4 children

saggycaggy

Hey,
So i'm very blessed with 2 healthy girls and only every so often I get very broody and then when it passes I think phew I'm so glad that has passed.
My girls are 4 and 8-both at school so we're financially slightly better with less childcare etc, although it's constantly expensive having children and especially as the years go on.

In one way i'd love another but in another way I should be just happy with my family and enjoy them getting older but I'm worried I'll ultimately regret it in years to come. I know people say if you're even thinking about it you should for it it but I have to be practical and realistic too, it's no longer just an extra spud in the pot- the costs are a big deal and we don't have a very big house etc and no family support around us.

Any regrets not just going for it? or are you happy with your decision after taking certain factors into consideration?

Thanks!

mordeith

No, two is plenty

Fr Tod Umptious

Have 4.

Even with 3 we had a niggling feeling that we would like another, so we had 4.

But that's it, there is no niggling feeling that we would like 5.

eviltwin

I have two and every decision I make has to be made with their best interests at heart. My youngest would love a sibling but I can't justify the extra time and money it would involve and I'm at a stage in my life where I'm enjoying not having to wipe bums and do feeds. Two is enough for me.

jlm29

I can't tell you about regrets, I'm interested in this too though. I'm currently expecting my third, I've always wanted a big family, but like you, I realise we have to be practical too. My OH was adamant that two was plenty, but obviously I got around that one!
Sometimes I feel like I'll be done after this, I feel I wouldn't want more. More days, I look at the baby stuff waiting to be used, and I feel really sad that after I finish with it this time I'll be getting rid!

saggycaggy

jlm29 wrote: »

I can't tell you about regrets, I'm interested in this too though. I'm currently expecting my third, I've always wanted a big family, but like you, I realise we have to be practical too. My OH was adamant that two was plenty, but obviously I got around that one!
Sometimes I feel like I'll be done after this, I feel I wouldn't want more. More days, I look at the baby stuff waiting to be used, and I feel really sad that after I finish with it this time I'll be getting rid!

Funnily my husband has always been the one to want more but I just didn't. I never felt sad putting the baby stuff away-this is why I'm confused, I just get this feeling every so often and then I like the thought of a larger family.
Should my own kids ages come into play?
Ah hopefully this feeling will pass again and i'll get on with life with my 2 :P

skallywag

More than happy with one!

bp

I would like 3 but have been told no! I don't think I will regret it as my life right now is very good. I need to think of the well being of my current children and then as they get older and have separate activities we couldn't drive three to three different locations!

Feeling sad!

I have two, a girl and a boy. I would definitely like to have one more and I'll see after that. I grew up in a big family and I want my children to learn to share their toys and space and have to think of other people. I don't want them to be lonely when I leave this planet so I'm going to try to make sure they have plenty of company. I'm a teacher and I definitely see some very spoiled children. I'm very conscious of this with my own and it's one the reasons I'd like more. Also, I just have that feeling that my family isn't complete yet, that there's still someone missing.

Cunning Stunt

I have two. Most days when I'm trying in vain to get food into one in the kitchen, and the other one is running riot in the living room I think two is plenty! But some days I think about having one more. I kind of ping-pong between it. I guess it's because we lost our firstborn aswell, that I think 'we would have had 3 now'.

I will be 40 in a few yrs though and I always said I would like to be finished nappy changing by the time my 40th rolls around, not to mention that they say pregnancy is a bit more risky the older you get ( not stating it as a fact - just what I read!). For me it would mean a 3rd c-section aswell.

farmchoice

have 3 and am happy with that. i was happy enough with two, i didn't fancy doing all the baby stuff again but herself really wanted another so we did and i'm glad we did but that's enough now.

even though we are both a bit sad that that's the end of babies in the house i feel i just dont have the energy to do it again.

Cunning Stunt

It's the logisitics of having more than two aswell that's a bit daunting for me- we wouldnt even be able to fit them in our car because they would all need car seats. Also, we live abroad and travelling home with 2 is hard enough. I don't think we will be having any more, but I hope I don't regret it later!

farmchoice

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

It's the logisitics of having more than two aswell that's a bit daunting for me- we wouldnt even be able to fit them in our car because they would all need car seats. Also, we live abroad and travelling home with 2 is hard enough. I don't think we will be having any more, but I hope I don't regret it later!

as a parent of 3 i could give you loads and loads of reason why you shouldn't!!! personally i found the change from 2 to 3 very challenging there really is a complete change in dynamic in the house and it just goes mental!!!

having said that in may ways its great change too the third multiplies the crazy by a factor of about 5 but multiplies the love and fun by a factor of at least 10

Jan_de_Bakker

2 is plenty.

3 is more kids than parents and we can have a mutiny on our hands .

Especially this one is quite tough , he is restless most nights (he is 15 months) and keeps us up.

the other lad (5 now) was a great sleeper by this stage.

Also I think people need to take more responsibility , ill get shot here of course but the world just can't sustain people having 4,5,6,7...etc kids anymore.

I live in Spain, id say average is between 1-2 kids per family, occasionally you will see people with 3 kids.

Practically never with 4.


Im always amazed when I go back to Ireland the amount of large (4+ kids) families I see ...

farmchoice

Jan_de_Bakker wrote: »

And how could you "regret only having two"? what does that even mean ? in ****ing 2017 with 7+ BILLION people on an unsustainable course to destruction ...

i dont think this is the forum to be lecturing people on the size of their family in relation to planetary over population.
there was a thread on this very subject in after hours recently where there was a good discussion on it.

we get it, you have two and think that's enough and you have it spot on and no one else should have any more than that.

this is actually a surprisingly common belief in people with 2 children i find, in fact i think i though a little bit like that my self at the time.

IvyTheTerrible

I have two children (one nearly five and the other nearly one), and most of the time, I'm happy with two. I don't think we have the money or the patience to have more than that. The only reason I occasionally get a bit broody for a third is because I just love love love being pregnant!

shesty

I have two small kids, and I want another.We'll certainly try.I'm tired, the house is mad, but you know what....if I don't at least try I'll always feel we have two plus a phantom child that never was.I know that's more in my head than anything else, but there you go.I also don't want to regret it in years to come-I always find my biggest regrets are about things I don't do, than what I do manage to do.The days that my two are nuts, I do wonder why on earth I would want to introduce another one into the mix, but then I remember (and they show me every day) that none of it lasts forever.We are sleep deprived, have a house full of baby stuff, have very little time to ourselves, so feck it, might aswell go again now while we're in the thick of it.

Sunny Dayz

I have the one child, no more no less. I've never been a broody person, yeah babies are cute and all but I'm quite happy to hand them back to their parents. I just don't have that desire in me and I find it difficult to understand people who have yearnings for kids, who would like x, y or z no of kids, it's just not in me. Each to their own I guess.


I'm at the stage now where most people my age are getting married and having kids, some onto their second or third child. I'm not going to lie, you do feel the pressure from other people indirectly, "Did you hear so-and-so is expecting..." "so-and-so [who got married after you] is expecting...", "any news..." etc etc. They might not mean anything by it but I does make me feel a little self conscious.


I couldn't imagine having another child now. My own child is preparing for secondary school. We do a lot of things together as a group of 3. Throw a new baby into the mix and it's teenage and toddler tantrums at the same time, it's two very different timetables and no more doing stuff altogether. I don't want that, I'm happy with things as they are.

LegacyUser

To feeling sad - don't have another child. Your post is all about what you want. As a teacher you see all types of kids. You spend all day with kids. Why do you feel I have another child and see how it is like then?

Do you think having another few children will make sure your kids won't be lonley when your gone? Do you honestly think that all families are their for each other as adults? The reality is that by the time you die your children should be adults with their own lives.

It is up to you to show you kids how to share and ensure they don't grow up spolit.
Do you expect your oldest child to mind the others?
Do you expect your children to accecpt that they can't go on the school tour abroad like their friends in secondary school becuase their is no spare cash due to having a load of kids?

What happens when you kids reach college age - how will you afford to pay for them at that stage?
What happens if they come to you and say could you give us some money towards buying our first home?

If you bring a child into this world you have to think about the cost of bringing them up. You want have the money to let them do extra activities. Also you want to have the money to give them a good education espically now when most people are going to college.

missvicky

I have 2, a 4 year old and an 18 month old, boy and girl. My OH is deadset on just the 2 but I can't get the feeling of having 1 more out of my head. I feel I will regret not having another. Yes it is utter madness at home but I wouldn't have it any other way

Moonbeam

I am an only child and I have 4 kids 2,4,6, and 8.
I always wanted 4 and the day I gave birth to my last one the longing went,I adore kids but the youngest will be 3 in April and for me that is way too much of an age gap and I really do not want any more ever,unless someone donates them to me then I will take them lol

pwurple

We have two... and while we would love more scamps around, I think it would be fostering rather than go through pregnancy again. There are loads of children in the care system.

We did apply, but one of us would need to give up work to be approved. So maybe in a few years, when we have some financial headroom to give the single income a go.

Lisha

No regrets. Have 2 a boy and a girl. I always thought I'd try for a 3rd so to give daughter a chance of a sister. But my pregnancy was rotten and labour was horrific (vbac) so it was decided in labour ward thst 2 will do .

2 is perfect for us. It's too hard to work and have a lot of children. I'm back working full time now and TBH it's great to be able to have the money to give them the things they need (want )

Roadtoad

Friends had three, said they would go one more. Twins. God is still laughing.

December2012

Have 2. Want no more. Happy with my lot.

Cunning Stunt

Just found this funny post online about having 3 kids, thought I would share it here:

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, BabySwing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins
1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

tickingclock

That's is hilarious

Mink

Feeling sad! wrote: »

I grew up in a big family and I want my children to learn to share their toys and space and have to think of other people. I don't want them to be lonely when I leave this planet so I'm going to try to make sure they have plenty of company. I'm a teacher and I definitely see some very spoiled children.

It's definitely a dilemma, however the reasons above are not reasons to have another kid - so that the existing children will share, have company and not be spoilt.

I sometimes think that these are reasons dreamed up by mothers/ mothers-in-law to guilt trip us into producing more grandchildren

I've seen siblings who are very close but also siblings that haven't spoken in 10 years, or have very little to do with each other. I've had to leave someone else's house with my son because the other kid (who has a sibling) refused to share and got really aggressive. And I've seen some very very spoilt kids (who had siblings, often several).

The best reason for having another child, is that you want to raise another wee one up into the world and give them your love.

Neyite

Feeling sad! wrote: »

I have two, a girl and a boy. I would definitely like to have one more and I'll see after that. I grew up in a big family and I want my children to learn to share their toys and space and have to think of other people. I don't want them to be lonely when I leave this planet so I'm going to try to make sure they have plenty of company. I'm a teacher and I definitely see some very spoiled children. I'm very conscious of this with my own and it's one the reasons I'd like more. Also, I just have that feeling that my family isn't complete yet, that there's still someone missing.

Having an only child does not mean that they will be unable to share or that they will be spoiled or selfish. It's an unfair assumption tbh.

My only child is far from spoiled, he is polite and and well mannered, and has a very giving and generous nature. I have to stop him from giving his toys away to random kids who take a shine to them. He shares everything, and he plays extremely well with other children, and very mindful of playing in the vicinity of smaller babies who might be crawling or wobbly.

Having several children is no guarantee that a) they will all get along as adults and b) that they will even end up living near each other enough to be company for each other when you are dead.

Feeling sad!

I'm entitled to my opinion and I don't need to be jumped on by the usual mob gang on boards. I want a big family, I have more than enough love to go around. I grew up in a big, close knit family and I want the same for my children. It was down to my parents that we are so close and I'm sure I'll nurture the same relationships in my own wee ones.

I've been around enough children in my life to see certain patterns of behaviour too. I never said if you grow up as an only child, you will not be good at sharing but I definitely think that children who grow up in bigger families are generally better at sharing and thinking of others.

goz83

I don't think there is any danger of me feeling like I "need" more children.

1 was a surprise. We started young. I was 19 when he was born.
2 was enough for me. She was such a lovely baby.
3 was another blessing, but he is as crazy as me.
4 was getting paranoid. Do I have too many? But I wouldn't send her back.
5 was breaking the mold. She is so advanced. Walking at 8 months and has a very cheeky smile.
6 (nothing there yet)

I would be happy with 1 or 10. What matters is they are loved and nurtured and are raised to be good people, who will contribute to society. Holidays are expensive :pac: