He forgot my birthday

pilly

Script wrote: »

Yep it's a good point - but I know that isn't the case

I wasn't expecting or wanting anything grand - a card and a flipping emoji cushion would have done the trick.

Agreed, it's the little bit of effort that's appreciated.

neonsofa

pilly wrote: »

Something to take into consideration though OP is maybe he's short of money at the moment?

Tbh most people don't expect anything expensive, it is the thought that matters, even lighting a few candles in the house and sticking her fave movie on netflix and a hand made card would be better than promising a surprise and then...nothing.

Script

THIS!

BetsyEllen

Forgetting the birthday - I'd be hurt but would forgive and move on.

Lying about having a surprise for me? I'd be very p'd off.
Why lie? It's very immature to do so and it would put me off a person really.

westernlass

It happened to me with my now husband.  He forgot one year and didn't get me anything.  I thought I would be ok but it really hurt.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt the next year but as he was broke he didn't get me anything not even a card and then got frustrated with being broke.  We both were but I had saved a few euro a week to get him something small.  He learnt there and then that he needs to plan ahead with money and we very nearly broke up.  He did make me something after the second time as a make up present. 

We both now make a big deal of birthdays as to me its important to let the other person know you love them.  We actually don't get gifts but we do something.  Might be make dinner or run a bath or if we can afford it, a weekend away but we do something nice for the other person.  And always a card.

Script

westernlass wrote: »

It happened to me with my now husband.  He forgot one year and didn't get me anything.  I thought I would be ok but it really hurt.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt the next year but as he was broke he didn't get me anything not even a card and then got frustrated with being broke.  We both were but I had saved a few euro a week to get him something small.  He learnt there and then that he needs to plan ahead with money and we very nearly broke up.  He did make me something after the second time as a make up present. 

We both now make a big deal of birthdays as to me its important to let the other person know you love them.  We actually don't get gifts but we do something.  Might be make dinner or run a bath or if we can afford it, a weekend away but we do something nice for the other person.  And always a card.

A card would have meant the world - I keep them, because I am a saddo, but I always have (meaningful ones) and the topic of card-keeping actually came up in work today (not the birthday topic, kept that one quiet ) but it was a common theme that people do this and read back on them from time to time - it would have been a nice keepsake. Anywho.

westernlass

Script wrote: »

westernlass wrote: »

It happened to me with my now husband.  He forgot one year and didn't get me anything.  I thought I would be ok but it really hurt.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt the next year but as he was broke he didn't get me anything not even a card and then got frustrated with being broke.  We both were but I had saved a few euro a week to get him something small.  He learnt there and then that he needs to plan ahead with money and we very nearly broke up.  He did make me something after the second time as a make up present. 

We both now make a big deal of birthdays as to me its important to let the other person know you love them.  We actually don't get gifts but we do something.  Might be make dinner or run a bath or if we can afford it, a weekend away but we do something nice for the other person.  And always a card.

A card would have meant the world - I keep them, because I am a saddo, but I always have (meaningful ones) and the topic of card-keeping actually came up in work today (not the birthday topic, kept that one quiet ) but it was a common theme that people do this and read back on them from time to time - it would have been a nice keepsake. Anywho.

The big thing that changed is I got mad.  I showed him it was important to me and had the conversation.  You can't ignore this if you want it to be different next year.

Airyfairy12

He sounds really inconsiderate but to lie about planning a surprise for you is utterly mean. I wouldnt be making much of an effort when his birthday comes along, don't put in more effort than you receive, you'll only be walked on. x

sadie1502

Well a card is all I ever want a gift is nice but a card means everything to me. I'm not into grand gestures at all but yes the lie would really bother me. It's the first year I hope it's not an indication of what next year will be like. My first year in any relationship a big deal was always made of all occasions not because anyone demanded it it was the way things went. But if your OK with that well I don't see it as a problem but it would be for me especially the lie.

osarusan

Him promising a 'surprise' and then not following through at all show you how little he actually cares about it.

Rekop dog

neonsofa wrote: »

Tbh most people don't expect anything expensive, it is the thought that matters, even lighting a few candles in the house and sticking her fave movie on netflix and a hand made card would be better than promising a surprise and then...nothing.

He got her flowers though no? Am I reading her post wrong? There's thought in that, it's a recognition of her birthday.

neonsofa

Rekop dog wrote: »

He got her flowers though no? Am I reading her post wrong? There's thought in that, it's a recognition of her birthday.

He bought her flowers when he realised he forgot her birthday and promised her a surprise on the Sunday. He never did give her the surprise he promised.

Edit to add: flowers to say sorry kind of take the niceness out of them imo. It may sound petty but to me it just turns the flowers into a reminder of why they were bought! if he had gotten her flowers for her birthday (ie didn't forget it and actually thought to get them for her, as opposed to oh I forgot so I better buy flowers to apologise) then I agree that would have been lovely.

Rekop dog

neonsofa wrote: »

He bought her flowers when he realised he forgot her birthday and promised her a surprise on the Sunday. He never did give her the surprise he promised.

We don't know that, just because he didn't say it straight away in the morning doesn't mean he forgot at all. OP got herself in a tizzy by mid afternoon as if it was midnight.

Main point here is everyone is going on saying a small gesture is all that matters. There was one.

By OP's reaction here since, his gesture clearly wasn't enough for her, so perhaps he panicked when he picked up on her 'is that it' face and made the Sunday promise. But as another poster pointed out it may have be a money issue, possibly likely as it was before end of month when most get paid these days.

neonsofa

Rekop dog wrote: »

We don't know that, just because he didn't say it straight away in the morning doesn't mean he forgot at all. OP got herself in a tizzy by mid afternoon as if it was midnight.

Main point here is everyone is going on saying a small gesture is all that matters. There was one.

By OP's reaction here since, his gesture clearly wasn't enough for her, so perhaps he panicked when he picked up on her 'is that it' face and made the Sunday promise. But as another poster pointed out it may have be a money issue, possibly likely as it was before end of month when most get paid these days.

Well the op said

Script wrote: »

I can confirm he did forget - at the time i wrote the post he had already text me about something else and we had a phone call where was no mention of it so I had a distinct feeling he had.

There was Facebook posts put up and then he did text about 3 in the afternoon

He did turn up with flowers which were lovely and said he had a surprise .

We can only take op at her word when she says she can confirm he forgot.
If he did admit to forgetting then the flowers are not imo a thoughtful gesture, they are at best a last minute purchase to show up with something, or a gesture to apologise for forgetting.

Rekop dog

neonsofa wrote: »

Well the op said



We can only take op at her word when she says she can confirm he forgot.
If he did admit to forgetting then the flowers are not imo a thoughtful gesture, they are at best a last minute purchase to show up with something, or a gesture to apologise for forgetting.

But she didn't admit he said he forgot, her basis for him forgetting was that they communicated earlier and he didn't mention it then. He could have delayed it for a number of reasons.

Anyway people here jumping down his throat based on conjecture rather than actual proof.

pilly

Rekop dog wrote: »

But she didn't admit he said he forgot, her basis for him forgetting was that they communicated earlier and he didn't mention it then. He could have delayed it for a number of reasons.

Anyway people here jumping down his throat based on conjecture rather than actual proof.

Who's jumping down anyone's throat?

neonsofa

Rekop dog wrote: »

But she didn't admit he said he forgot, her basis for him forgetting was that they communicated earlier and he didn't mention it then. He could have delayed it for a number of reasons.

Anyway people here jumping down his throat based on conjecture rather than actual proof.

Then she said he did text at 3. It is implied that this text at 3 shed light on the fact he forgot. It's not as if she is going to give a breakdown of the content of their texts at 3pm. In relationship issues we can only go by what the op tells us, she said she can confirm he forgot. Nobody is "jumping down his throat". He was the one who chose to announce that there would be a surprise on Sunday, if he thought the flowers were sufficient then there was no need for him to say that, he did say that and then didn't follow through. If you promise a gesture it's usually the done thing to actually deliver on that.

woodchuck

Ok so the facts are:
1. He texted you at 3pm to wish you a happy birthday.
2. Bought you flowers that evening.
3. Promised you a birthday surprise on Sunday, which never materialised.

It's not clear to me whether or not he actually forgot your birthday, but even if he did, points 1 and 2 make that arguably forgivable (i.e. he forgot, but tried to make up for it on the day).

Leaving it at 1 and 2, things might be ok. But point 3 is the BIG issue here. It reminds me of an ex, who would always promise to do x, y or z and then never did. But I never pulled him up on it, I'd always just end up secretly disappointed. So OP, I think you need to nip this one in the bud. Ask him why he made a promise to you that never materialised (making it clear that it's not about the surprise itself, but the broken promise).

Script

Not sure if Rekop has done something similar and now trying to latterly rectify it but

At 3 pm text wayin verbatim
"Happy birthday, in case you thought I forgot xxx"

"When did you remember"

"Ah babe"

Later admits, verbally and therefore being paraphrased as can't recall exact phrasing : he forgot.

Does that clarify it?

The flowes, as previously said were "lovely" but we're, as pointed out by neon sofa, a last minute gesture, rather than a thoughtful one.

Woodchuck yes completely agree point 3 is the pivotal point; everything's else is easily rectified or reconciled. His friends even told him he ****ed up.

pilly

Script wrote: »

Not sure if Rekop has done something similar and now trying to latterly rectify it but

At 3 pm text wayin verbatim
"Happy birthday, in case you thought I forgot xxx"

"When did you remember"

"Ah babe"

Later admits, verbally and therefore being paraphrased as can't recall exact phrasing : he forgot.

Does that clarify it?

The flowes, as previously said were "lovely" but we're, as pointed out by neon sofa, a last minute gesture, rather than a thoughtful one.

Woodchuck yes completely agree point 3 is the pivotal point; everything's else is easily rectified or reconciled. His friends even told him he ****ed up.

Don't think you have to justify yourself, I think most believed you when you said you could confirm that he forgot. You're the one in the situation so you know what happened.

Script

Ah but Ain't it great to prove a point

Rekop dog

Script wrote: »

Not sure if Rekop has done something similar and now trying to latterly rectify it but

At 3 pm text wayin verbatim
"Happy birthday, in case you thought I forgot xxx"

"When did you remember"

"Ah babe"

Later admits, verbally and therefore being paraphrased as can't recall exact phrasing : he forgot.

Does that clarify it?

The flowes, as previously said were "lovely" but we're, as pointed out by neon sofa, a last minute gesture, rather than a thoughtful one.

Woodchuck yes completely agree point 3 is the pivotal point; everything's else is easily rectified or reconciled. His friends even told him he ****ed up.

Yes that does clarify it. But I can't but feel this completely all falls back on you for having the poor judgement to go out with someone who would formulate a text such as "ah babe":pac:

Script

Quick get out clause I think :P

juno10353

He forgot, he wished happy birthday at 3.00 when he realised. He turned up with bouquet of flowers. Spent weekend with OP but didnt surprise as promised. Maybe short on cash, who knows. Poor guy. He tried, but kept digging that hole. You are on his case and as you say his friends have got on his case telling him he messed up. Are you going to let him off the hook, I'm sure he has learnt what is expected going forward

njs030

Isn't it time to forget about it a week later? People make mistakes it's hardly the end of the world!!
So what if he forgot until 3pm and got you last minute flowers isn't it better than nothing!
I agree he shouldn't have promised a surprise when there wasn't one but being questioned about what time he remembered it was your birthday is a little heavy too and probably he felt put on the spot.

I'd hope you've let it go now op!

sadie1502

juno10353 wrote: »

He forgot, he wished happy birthday at 3.00 when he realised. He turned up with bouquet of flowers. Spent weekend with OP but didnt surprise as promised. Maybe short on cash, who knows. Poor guy. He tried, but kept digging that hole. You are on his case and as you say his friends have got on his case telling him he messed up. Are you going to let him off the hook, I'm sure he has learnt what is expected going forward

Cop out. A card a phone call when your not prompted to do so means much more. Poor excuse in my opinion. Money is irrelevant.

eoinzy2000

Why is OP on a public forum discussing personal issues like this? For me, that says a lot more about the level of insecurity and requiement for validation from random nosey strangers like myself. The world is a truly f***d up place. I feel sorry for anyone trying to form real relationshios these days. No room for error or development. Couples cant develop their own standards and morals anymore. Its pretty grim

eoinzy2000

It reminds me of the old 'my sister said you shiuld be taking me out to dinner and buying me flowers' **** i used to get when i was 18/19. That was also grim

Tokyo

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