At wits end

LegacyUser

Please help. We are at our wits end with our daughter.

13 years old and her grades are collapsing. She is intelligent but not perfoming. Bit of a drama queen and threatened suicide last year. School became aware and notified us and we ended up at Pieta House. She seemed to respond but grades recently are collapsing.

Got called by school and told she is well capable but not performing so we arranged grinds. In the meantime she is having trouble "with eating gluten" and spends an hour in the loo with upset stomach and getting sick. Gluten intolerance is in the family.

Few weeks back went to GP as she had stomach pains, got nowhere really, then last week multiple fainting in one day and into hospital. No sign of any cause, its a mystery.

Since transpired she is making herself sick, is deeply unhappy, hates us, her entire family and just wants to be out with her friends. But the next day she is fine. She turns into a raging lunatic when told no. Now it's come back to us she rang her friends to say she was on the bathroom floor with a blade threatening to kill herself. We went straight back to Pieta House, also to our GP looking for assistance, GP has faxed an urgent request for counseling to the Lucia Clinic or something. - hell, I even put her in the car and drove to the hospital to have her sectioned before changing my mind. Drove out again and took her home. She refused to eat the small bag of fruit I got her for lunch, so spent 3 hours on the couch as I would not let her move until she ate something.

My wife is in bits, I am ready to snap, her favourite Auntie is in despair. We are seeking help from all and everyone but getting nowhere. Its almost like she has a switch where she goes from a sweet child to a raging, ranting lunatic. We cannot manage her and its affecting the whole family. We need help and dont know what else to do.

The danger is she will attack her mum and I will hurt her. The worst I will do is stick her in a headlock and leave her in A&E if she goes wild again. The paper trail is there, we need help, have asked for help but are getting nowhere.

What the feck do we do?

Please, someone, tell us what to do.

LegacyUser

anon reply

OP I know from first hand experience of a neighbour that you are wasting your time waiting for help from public services.

They are underfunded, underserviced and just don't have the resources available to help your daughter and your family, not because they don't want to, or because they are not qualified, but because the system is a mess.

You need to throw money at this situation.
My advise would be to pay for a full medical with blood tests to check to see if the problem is hormonal or medical.
After that look into private clinics that can cater for your daughters psychological needs, family councilling, even inpatient. ...if necessary.
Try not to focus too much on her grades, get her mental health in order first, she is young she will catch up in school.
Best of luck OP

Ghekko

Did this happen very suddenly? Is she on social media a lot? Could she be a victim of online bullying at all, driving her to have thoughts of self loathing? The vomiting/pains may be a sign of an eating disorder. You poor things having to witness your little girl go through this. Is there anyone aside from yourself and your wife who could have a chat with her - what about her auntie? Are her friends willing to talk to you or their own parents about things she may have said to them as to why she is acting like this? You may have tried all these angles already. I really don't know what to do. If she is losing weight and refusing food perhaps contact Bodywhys for a chat and see if her actions are common behaviour for an eating disorder. Sorry I can't be of much help, I couldn't read and not respond.

Loveinapril

The grades are the very least of your worries here.
She sounds like a child completely struggling with hormones (moodswings) and is craving attention through her behaviour. You sound really angry with her. My gut would say she needs a bit of nurturing. How are you speaking with her about it? Are you expressing concern, asking her in a kind way how she is, what she wants? 13 is a funny age as there is such a huge transition from being a child to adulthood. It sounds like she needs to be minded like a child but spoken to like an adult. Have there been any changes at home recently; family stresses, bereavement, moves, etc.? Do you know her friends?

LegacyUser

So. Things have settled down again. Somebody has flicked the off switch and she is a normal child again. We had a meeting with the school, and the year head has given us good support and pointers of what to do.
Pieta house have arranged another course of counselling and starts next week, while our GP is arranging an urgent meeting with a clinic called Luchinda? or something similar.

We had a family meeting last night and I pointed out the three main issues.

1. The complete loss of trust caused by her lies and deceit.
2. The tantrums which have reduced my wife to tears on a daily basis.
3. The complete loss of interaction with the family, in favour or her friends via instagram, fb, etc etc.

We have been advised that if she kicks off again and we cannot cope, then take her to A&E, just in case it turns violent. It is better to admit we cannot cope, than allow it to get out of hand.

Here is hoping we can get to the bottom of this.

Thanks everyone.

Ghekko

I'm glad you now have a plan in place. Hoping all works out and that your daughter gets the help she needs.