Nearly 3 year old wont sleep alone..help!!

ch1981

My daughter is 3 in a few months and has never slept all night. I had postnatal depression and to ensure everyone got sleep we put a double bed in her room and me or my husband would sleep with her.
Fast forward 2 years and we are still doing the same thing!!
She goes to bed at 745 with me. She then holds my hand thrashes around and finally goes to sleep an hour or so later. If im still awake I creep out and within an hour shes awake calling me. I get back in and generally fall asleep and thats it untill morning although she may cry out a few times for my hand.
Id like my evenings, my bed and my husband back now! I just dont know how to achieve this. Is she too old for controlled crying? Will it be too much of a shock for her to not have us with her? I tries thw gradual retreat and being in the room without touching her but that just seemed to drive her mad.
I know its my own fault and I have caused this mess but I really would like this to end. Any tips would be appreciated

2xj3hplqgsbkym

You did what you had to do at the time to get through so don't keep blaming yourself .
Of course it is not too late to change her sleeping habits.
If I were you I would get a (recommended) sleep consultant to help you start off and plan a routine you can stick too. Even if it is €200 it is worth it for your peace of mind and allowing you to have your evening/ night back.

If you don't want to get a sleep consultant, read up on different techniques and choose 1 that suits your family.
Before you start anything, get a full nights sleep, go to your parents or friends. It is so hard to commit to a routine when you are tired. Then try and time it so you can do two nights, then your husband etc...
Good luck, it is hard to start but will be so worth it, in 6 months you can just put her to bed and say good night and it will be amazing!

Lolococo

ch1981 wrote: »

My daughter is 3 in a few months and has never slept all night. I had postnatal depression and to ensure everyone got sleep we put a double bed in her room and me or my husband would sleep with her.
Fast forward 2 years and we are still doing the same thing!!
She goes to bed at 745 with me. She then holds my hand thrashes around and finally goes to sleep an hour or so later. If im still awake I creep out and within an hour shes awake calling me. I get back in and generally fall asleep and thats it untill morning although she may cry out a few times for my hand.
Id like my evenings, my bed and my husband back now! I just dont know how to achieve this. Is she too old for controlled crying? Will it be too much of a shock for her to not have us with her? I tries thw gradual retreat and being in the room without touching her but that just seemed to drive her mad.
I know its my own fault and I have caused this mess but I really would like this to end. Any tips would be appreciated

I feel your pain. We also had to go to bed with our daughter for her to sleep. Eventually I got fed up of having to spend up to an hour waiting for her to drift off before I could go down stairs. One evening, I explained to her that this evening you are going to go to sleep by yourself and reassured her that I would wait in the landing. I left the hall light on and her bedroom door open so that she could see me. There was loads of tears and she kept getting out of the bed but I persisted, putting her back into the bed and saying I was out in the landing. I read a book and eventually she fell asleep. I kept this up each night eventually moving into my own bedroom- she could hear me moving around and was reassured. She now goes to bed herself every night, we just tuck her in and we go down stairs. A night light in the landing is also useful so that if she does wake up during the night she is not totally in the dark. Hope this helps.

jlm29

I've seen a book called the no cry sleep solution recommended a lot. I've never read it, so it might be for younger kids. There's another called sweet sleep, again, I haven't read it, but I've seen many recommendations on different forums

margo321

You do what you have to do. Children are a lot of work. Could you pretend to go to work and let your husband do the story and new bed routine. She might accept change of routine better from him.

Wexy86

jlm29 wrote: »

I've seen a book called the no cry sleep solution recommended a lot. I've never read it, so it might be for younger kids

I'm in the middle of listening to the audiobook for the no cry sleep solution(using amazon audible for a free month) and there are some bits aimed at toddlers that would help, a lot of the techniques don't appear to be age dependent but more repetition and consistency over a few weeks to slowly change the habit. My 6 mo has a lot of sleep bad habits so I've done a lot of research to slowly change them. With the help of this book I've got rid of the dummy and the feeding to sleep.

For your situation I'd give the 'Sleep Lady Shuffle' method a go. Basically you sit in a chair beside your kid and comfort her where needed and as the nights go on you move the chair further and further away. You're still there to reassure her but slowly building a new routine rather than the cry it out. If you google there's a lot more detail

Also came across a US based Facebook page called respectful sleep training/learning that might help, they do seem to be advocate of CC/CIO but a search or posting your own situation may help.

Best of luck :-)

ch1981

Thank you I will try those books.
What age was your child when you explained to her that she would be going to sleep alone? Currently tucked up in bed with her !😂

Lolococo

ch1981 wrote: »

Thank you I will try those books.
What age was your child when you explained to her that she would be going to sleep alone? Currently tucked up in bed with her !😂

My daughter was 2 and half. I was going back to work from maternity leave and knew I wouldn't be able to manage a baby, sleeping with my daughter until she fell asleep and work. For the record she still wakes some nights looking for me but I just go into her room to reassure her and she goes back to sleep. What ever you do be consistent and don't be hard on yourself. Good luck

sonandheir

Every time I've switched a sleeping routine (moving into a new room, cot to bed) I've introduced something new.

You mentioned she was in a double bed, can you change this to a single and make a big deal that this is her new big girl bed. Also consistency is key, stick with the new bed through tantrums etc. Consistency is crucial in so many aspects of parenting.

Paddy Cow

sonandheir wrote: »

Every time I've switched a sleeping routine (moving into a new room, cot to bed) I've introduced something new.

You mentioned she was in a double bed, can you change this to a single and make a big deal that this is her new big girl bed. Also consistency is key, stick with the new bed through tantrums etc. Consistency is crucial in so many aspects of parenting.

I was going to say the same thing. A double bed is massive to a child and she might feel more secure in a single. Easter is coming up so you could tell her that the Easter Bunny needs the bed for twins or something and in return she can pick out her own bed and he'll bring her an extra big easter egg. Then take her to a furniture shop that has kids beds made up with princess covers and make a big deal about how she's doing such a good thing. If she chooses her own bed it will help the transition. Get her a few new teddies that she can cuddle and say that now you won't fit in the bed but will sit beside her until she goes to sleep and try and get further away each night.

ch1981

Thanks for all the advice. I think the single bed is great idea, I can see that working and I wont be able to give in because there will be no room for me so I will.have to stick with it!

ch1981

Thanks for all the advice. I think the single bed is great idea, I can see that working and I wont be able to give in because there will be no room for me so I will.have to stick with it!

Cunning Stunt

Sorry not much advice but just want to chime in and say you are not alone OP - we have this with our 3 year old son too. Daddy sleeps in his double bed with him every night. It too was supposed to be a temporary measure, while mammy got some sleep with newborn little sister, but now its become the norm! It would be nice if we could sleep together in our bed again sometime but for now this is what works for us. 
On a side note, I notice you said she will thrash around for an hour or so before sleeping. Does your little girl have a daytime nap still? If you want her to fall asleep quicker, maybe you could try taking away the nap, but it may take a week or so to kick in. Our little lad used to take FOREVER to go asleep - daddy could be up there for an hour and a half some nights - but removing his daytime nap mean that he's now asleep within 20 mins or so.

ch1981

I tried no nap but she kept waking up all night like she was overtired but I didnt persist maybe it takes a while to kick in. Yesterday she slept for 2 hrs in the day and took 2 hours to sleep at night! Its usually a hours nap but maybe I should shorten it

Makapakka

Lolococo wrote: »

I feel your pain. We also had to go to bed with our daughter for her to sleep. Eventually I got fed up of having to spend up to an hour waiting for her to drift off before I could go down stairs. One evening, I explained to her that this evening you are going to go to sleep by yourself and reassured her that I would wait in the landing. I left the hall light on and her bedroom door open so that she could see me. There was loads of tears and she kept getting out of the bed but I persisted, putting her back into the bed and saying I was out in the landing. I read a book and eventually she fell asleep. I kept this up each night eventually moving into my own bedroom- she could hear me moving around and was reassured. She now goes to bed herself every night, we just tuck her in and we go down stairs. A night light in the landing is also useful so that if she does wake up during the night she is not totally in the dark. Hope this helps.

I'm did the same. Had to stay in the room and sneak out so eventually one night I told her I was going to wait in my room until she falls asleep. It's now part of the routine and I'm so glad! Now I just have to get her to stay in her bed haha