Teacher concerns about my 5 year old

LegacyUser

Hi all.

My 5 year old son is currently in Junior Infants in a Gaelscoil. Last November when at Parent Teacher meeting I was informed my child was the most watched child in school, that he misbehaved daily, hit other children, lied, wouldn't listen in class etc. I was also informed at that stage that his art work was miles ahead of the class for his age but nothing else. I worked very hard with my son with regards rewards, punishments etc to improve the behaviour and there aren't concerns at school regarding this anymore.

However today I have been informed that my child is not progressing well, lacks comprehension and that his teacher feels he stares through her when she talks to him in Irish. She said he is behind the class and is the only child in class who wont ask to go to the toilet in Irish. She reiterated again that his art and written work is miles ahead of the class which said at his age its usually the other way around. She also said he puts his finger in his mouth anytime she asks him something.

She also informed me that she has concerns for his behaviour towards another boy in class (his best friend) She said my son is constantly at his side and never gives him space or a break and that some days this child doesn't want to play with my son but that my child doesn't understand boundaries or to back off and give his friend space.

I'm a single working parent and don't have the support of his father who lives over two hours away.

To be honest this news was an awful shock as I thought my son had been doing well and seems to speak a bit of Irish at home, though I'm no expert so I don't know how much he should be speaking. I read to him every night and I always ask him questions about what I've read and he always understands what I'm reading. I think he had a very vivid imagination and is a great story teller and liar for that matter at times too.

I'm wondering now is my best bet to remove him from Irish school and put him into a regular English speaking school as I don't want him falling behind.

Sorry for rant. I'm very upset and don't know what to do at this stage

2xj3hplqgsbkym

It must have been upsetting for you to hear. It's hard to think on the spot when you hear something like that.

Do you think the teacher was implying that he has behavioural problems or special educational needs or a language problem?
Did she mention having him assessed in any way of offer any advice?

If I were you I would take a few days and read up on the issues you have mentioned.
Is there anywhere you can observe him with his peers to see how he interacts? Does he have play dates?

Then I would ask the teacher for another appointment to speak to her and see if she can offer any advice , have a list of questions ready if you think it will help. Ask about learning support in the school and if he has had any or can get any.

I wouldn't go switching schools straight away as unsettling him may make things worse.

eviltwin

Sounds a lot like my son. His first year in primary school was a nightmare for everyone. We eventually had him assessed and diagnosed with ASD and ODD. He got his resources and we tried some behaviour modifications and now, aged 7, he's a different child.

I'd make an appointment with either your GP or PHN and ask about an assessment of needs. It will flag any potential issues. I know how hard it is to hear these things from your child's teacher but they are there to help your son and support him. There is a special needs section on the Parenting forum and you'll get lots of support there.

You're catching this early and that's great, try not to worry.

beechwood55

Is his oral Irish at an equivalent level to his classmates? Does he understand simple instructions from the teacher?

appledrop

What is he behaviour + understanding of instructions etc like outside of school? Did he do the free preschool year? If so what were the reports like from them? It could simple be the case that he doesn't understand what everyone is saying in Irish + as a result he is acting out. You say you read to him every night but is that in English or Irish?

I would look into getting him assessed + then take it from there.

LegacyUser

What information did the teacher give you about how he/she is managing your little one's behaviour and support him with his difficulties in Irish?

There could be many functions of his "acting out" or feeling angry in school, not necessarily putting things down to a neurodevelopmental disorder like ASD or a conduct disorder like ODD.

For example, a specific learning difficulty like dyslexia could lead to a little one feeling quite frustrated or confused when learning Irish. However, assessment of dyslexia this is not recommended until age 6 and above (in and around first class).

I would start by asking the teacher what they are doing at the minute to help him.

farmchoice

when did he turn 5, if he has turned 5 since Christmas it sounds like he may just be a bit too young to have started this year and not emotionally mature enough for school even if he was '' academically'' ready.

pilly

I'm surprised at the amount of people immediately recommending assessments and suggesting special needs. Sometimes kids struggle starting school, it's not always a problem that needs a diagnosis. Sometimes they are just shy. OP has said he's excellent at his written work so dyslexia wouldn't appear to be an issue.

It could be just shyness OP especially if he's an only child, this will pass in time. Could also be the reason he's sticking to one friend. Don't be too hard on yourself over this, kids have different little personalities. Don't be too hasty to take him out of school as yet, it's almost the end of this school year anyway. Wait it out and see.

Talk to him in the meantime about whether he enjoys it or not, maybe he'll tell you why he's struggling.

jimmycrackcorm

Worried mommy wrote:

I'm wondering now is my best bet to remove him from Irish school and put him into a regular English speaking school as I don't want him falling behind.

I have a kid who had gone through Gaelscoil and had various issues. Switching to an English school won't make any difference because the issue isn't language.

In my case there was an SNA who wad able to help with the social issues.

trixychic

I'm having this problem with a boy in my sons school. He clings to my son and won't let him play with anyone else, he is very aggressive and manipulative with my son and it causes great upset for us.

My son has ASD and sensory issues which were caught by his junior infants teacher. She said she noticed he wasn't quite on par with what he should be. Now she didn't recommend assessments but we took that ball and ran with it. And thank God we did.

Maybe your soon has additional needs (that's what asd is. Not special needs per say) or maybe he is struggling with school. But personally I feel its out job as parents not to rule anything out and to ensure we help our kids in anyway we can. An assessment wouldn't hurt and at least you'd know.

To wrap up, id apply for assessment of needs and maybe speak to your public health nurse or doc to give help and support for you. These can be difficult times for parents.

Tayschren

pilly wrote: »

It could be just shyness OP especially if he's an only child, this will pass in time. Could also be the reason he's sticking to one friend. Don't be too hard on yourself over this, kids have different little personalities. Don't be too hasty to take him out of school as yet, it's almost the end of this school year anyway. Wait it out and see.

Talk to him in the meantime about whether he enjoys it or not, maybe he'll tell you why he's struggling.

Have to agree, the child is 5 and what you describe is normal behavior for many children. At least wait till next year and a new teacher before making any decisions. Your child might not like his teacher, hes 5 after all and people scare the little ones

denis160

I was in the same boat as yourself last year. Have twin boys, my 3rd & 4th to go to school, within 2 weeks was called in about 1 of their behaviour, first time for it to happen with any of my kids. Same as you, teacher noticed this, that & other things. I would have known myself that his behavior etc wasn't on a par with his brothers, but it wasn't until he was in the structured school setting that I realised how different it was.
Like your little boy, he seemed like he wasn't listened, he couldn't take instruction & on the yard, he actually stuck to the classroom assistants side for all of that year. Walking around the class, not asking to go toilet.
Ask the teacher what she thinks you need to do. If you think yourself there maybe behavioural issues, look for an assessment of need. I know with my son it is not a learning disability issue, it's his behaviour that is causing him to fall back in school. I have been really really insistent with the school, & in fairness his senior infants teacher has been on the ball with him, especially when I spoke to her in September & told her my concerns. She has lots of things in place to make his day (& hers easier). He gets learning support, has classroom breaks, he has to sit in front of her desk with nothing on his desk (distracted way to easily) & these things all work.
Your teacher needs to help you & your son out. She should be able to come up with some plan to put in place while he is in school, I would revisit & speak to her.

eviltwin

pilly wrote: »

I'm surprised at the amount of people immediately recommending assessments and suggesting special needs. Sometimes kids struggle starting school, it's not always a problem that needs a diagnosis. Sometimes they are just shy. OP has said he's excellent at his written work so dyslexia wouldn't appear to be an issue.

It could be just shyness OP especially if he's an only child, this will pass in time. Could also be the reason he's sticking to one friend. Don't be too hard on yourself over this, kids have different little personalities. Don't be too hasty to take him out of school as yet, it's almost the end of this school year anyway. Wait it out and see.

Talk to him in the meantime about whether he enjoys it or not, maybe he'll tell you why he's struggling.

An assessement is a very gentle chat with the parents and observation of the child. Its always worth applying for it imho because the lists for them are so long, if the OP feels its not needed fair enough but at least you are on the list if things don't change. Often times the first indication of a child with a special need is how they behave in school, it can of course be something totally innocent but it would be remiss to exclude something else and early intervention is key.

Moonbeam

I would request a needs of assessment to to rule out ASD etc
Once it is ruled out then you can work on the current issues knowing that there are no underlying issues.

trixychic

Assessments are very easy and gentle on kids. And as previously said the waiting lists are very very long.

No harm in applying.

76544567

Sounds like a perfectly normal child to me.

yellow hen

I think the suggestion of further investigation is daunting and even after 12 months I struggle to comprehend that my son might be on the spectrum. I completely understand how scared and worried you must be OP. Having said that, the assessments identified needs on my sons part and we now have access to services. Although terrified, I'm hoping that addressing these difficulties now will reap rewards in later years. He might just need a little crutch fir a short period of time. Try not to worry too much but do go ahead and request an assessment of need just to be sure he can fulfill his potential in the future.

shesty

OP the teacher has highlighted a number of things to you but has she suggested anything?Has she told you what she's implying?What I mean is has she made any recommendations.....get him assessed, a plan to help him in the classroom, or that she's worried he doesn't understand the Irish, or that he's a bit young or...what?She seems to have put a lot of statements out there but not given you a whole lot of guidance as to whether these things are a problem or not, if he will grow out of them or if some sort of intervention is needed.
I am not judging the teacher (I am the child of a primary teacher myself) but given that this seems to be something that's been brought up a few times, could you at least ask her what she's thinking or might suggest?Obviously you don't want a diagnosis or anything from her, just some pointers as to what you might do to help sort these things out.

LegacyUser

Hi all.

original poster here. Sorry I haven't been back on. I've had a few appointments etc and have been in a bit of shock/denial etc.

Anyhow I immediately contacted his Public Health Nurse for advise and she advised that as he had only recently been discharged from Speech Therapy she doubted very much that he lacked comprehension but she is going to have him reassessed just to be sure. She also contacted another nurse who performed a hearing test on my son. He doesn't have full hearing in his left ear so is been referred to ENT for that. She is also going to have a assessment of needs organised for him just in case there is something there. But she has met my son on numerous occasions and doesn't feel there is anything serious to worry about. However she did mention she would like to rule out ADHD / Dyslexia among a few others. Thanks to everyone for all your answers, advise etc. I really appreciated it even though I just felt I couldn't reply. I think I didn't want to really admit that something might be wrong.

pilly

Worried mommy wrote: »

Hi all.

original poster here. Sorry I haven't been back on. I've had a few appointments etc and have been in a bit of shock/denial etc.

Anyhow I immediately contacted his Public Health Nurse for advise and she advised that as he had only recently been discharged from Speech Therapy she doubted very much that he lacked comprehension but she is going to have him reassessed just to be sure. She also contacted another nurse who performed a hearing test on my son. He doesn't have full hearing in his left ear so is been referred to ENT for that. She is also going to have a assessment of needs organised for him just in case there is something there. But she has met my son on numerous occasions and doesn't feel there is anything serious to worry about. However she did mention she would like to rule out ADHD / Dyslexia among a few others. Thanks to everyone for all your answers, advise etc. I really appreciated it even though I just felt I couldn't reply. I think I didn't want to really admit that something might be wrong.

Well look, there still may not be anything wrong so please try not to over worry until you know more.

xzanti

I know how you're feeling OP.

When our little guy went into Junior Infants the teacher approached me. She said she was concerned that he had to be told a number of times to do something and that he was a lot more 'tactile' with the other kids than she'd like.

She also made a point of telling me that his artwork was way above his age group, but she said it as if it was something to be worried about.

I wasn't quite sure what she was trying to tell me, I went away feeling like someone had kicked me in the gut.

He flew through Montessori with no problems. Very sociable etc.

Anyway, it took a good year+ of assessments. An initial test of ASD which was clear. Then we had his hearing checked by a specialist on Leeson Street, no problems detected, hearing perfect. Then took him to a Speech & Language Therapist who assessed him for Auditory Processing Disorder. All clear.

Anyway, in the heel of the hunt we've discovered that he's just very hyper and seeks movement a lot.

The most frustrating part for us was trying to get answers from the Teachers. They really don't want to (understandably I suppose) say what they think could possibly be the issue. Your sent on a trail to find out for yourself.

Anyway, my point is, you're not alone in feeling the way you do. Keep in mind that a lot of other parents in your sons school have probably been approached for some behavior or other.

And remember, you know your Son better than anyone.

Best of luck.

yellow hen

xzanti wrote: »

I know how you're feeling OP.

When our little guy went into Junior Infants the teacher approached me. She said she was concerned that he had to be told a number of times to do something and that he was a lot more 'tactile' with the other kids than she'd like.

She also made a point of telling me that his artwork was way above his age group, but she said it as if it was something to be worried about.

I wasn't quite sure what she was trying to tell me, I went away feeling like someone had kicked me in the gut.

He flew through Montessori with no problems. Very sociable etc.

Anyway, it took a good year+ of assessments. An initial test of ASD which was clear. Then we had his hearing checked by a specialist on Leeson Street, no problems detected, hearing perfect. Then took him to a Speech & Language Therapist who assessed him for Auditory Processing Disorder. All clear.

Anyway, in the heel of the hunt we've discovered that he's just very hyper and seeks movement a lot.

The most frustrating part for us was trying to get answers from the Teachers. They really don't want to (understandably I suppose) say what they think could possibly be the issue. Your sent on a trail to find out for yourself.

Anyway, my point is, you're not alone in feeling the way you do. Keep in mind that a lot of other parents in your sons school have probably been approached for some behavior or other.

And remember, you know your Son better than anyone.

Best of luck.

Sounds very like my son who's just turned 4. He's a real sensory seeker and you have to ask him a question 4-5 times before he'll answer (unless of course it's if he'd like a sweet in which case he always hears first time around ). We've also been told that it's unlikely he has ASD but having read alot around it, I can see he's skirting close to it. We've decided not to pursue it for now as I do not want my son with a label for life if I can help it (really mean no offence to anyone who has a child on the spectrum). We're throwing all therapies at him for now and we'll re-assess next year. Whether they give his need a name or not, it's good to see where he has deficiencies OP so you can work on them. Try not to be fretting.

byhookorbycrook

Primary SEN teacher here. I'm glad you have gone the AON route,if there are issues, the sooner they are addressed the better the outcome. Even though I can spot a child with dyslexia at 40 yards and a lot of other things, we cannot diagnose them, so would never say to a parent that their child had x. He's very young to be diagnosed with dyslexia, most ed. psychologists aren't happy to do so until a child is 8.
Please don't be too worried (easier said than done) he is still the same child you know and love.