Why do guys always lose interest in me?

Aurorastar

This happens to me a lot and I don't know why so just wondering if you guys have any advice. I'm early 20s, female. I can get dates no problem but I can't seem to keep a fella.

One recent example of this would be I was seeing a guy who lived about an hour away from me. Went on one date, it went really well. We were laughing the whole time. 2 weeks later still no sign of a second date even though we agreed to meet up a few times but he had to postpone them. After he postponed the date again I just said look you're obviously not that interested. He disagreed with that and said he was interested but said if that's how you feel then no bother.

We didn't text for a few days but I kind of changed my mind and thought maybe I was hasty saying there's no point talking. So we started talking again and he ends up saying after what I said the last time I should be the one to make the trip down to him instead. I told him I would meet him halfway as we agreed before because I wanted to get a feel for him given he had postponed the date twice already at this stage. He agreed to meet halfway, we didn't set a date or time yet but he kept saying I must not be that interested if I won't travel all the way to see him. Bare in mind I've only met him once. Now his texts have dropped way off and he hasn't answered my last text which I don't think is nice. He just doesn't seem interested.

I don't know if it's my personality or looks or what. But this guy was always saying I'm out of his league looks wise and I'm stunning, I make him laugh, hooked on me etc. It might have been my fault for assuming he wasn't interested but he agreed to meet up twice but had to cancel twice. Guys always say how am I single, I'm very good looking etc. I can't be that great if guys keep losing interest.

Any advice would be welcome. If anyone has actually read this far

sozbox

Aurorastar wrote: »

... he ends up saying after what I said the last time I should be the one to make the trip down to him instead...

he sounds like a jackass. maybe the issue isn't you, but the guys you meet? What are you looking for?

Aurorastar

sozbox wrote: »

he sounds like a jackass. maybe the issue isn't you, but the guys you meet? What are you looking for?

He didn't say it in those words exactly but he wanted me to come down to him because if I was interested I would according to him. I'd have no problem doing that if he actually seemed interested in me. Maybe it is the guys I meet, I think they're nice then they turn out not to be.

Big Bag of Chips

Did he travel to see you the first time? All the way to your area or did you meet him halfway? If he travelled an hour to your area, then I think it only fair that you travel an hour to his. Everything you said about wanting to be sure and only met him once etc, he could say exactly the same about you.

Are your standards too high? Do you expect the men to do all the running? Men can be just as unsure/insecure as women and afraid of pushing too soon and being rejected. If you'd like a second date with a fella, suggest it and organise it. Don't send passive aggressive messages about not being interested!

Online dating is a curse because it seems to have cut out a lot of regular face to face meeting, where you have a good idea whether someone I'd interested in meeting you or not. Messages can be misread, lack of messages misinterpreted. Confusion on both sides and people holding their cards too close to their chest and then getting bothered when the other person doesn't know exactly what they're thinking. You met this guy once. He doesn't know you. He's as unsure about you as you are about him. He's only human!! It might be worth bearing in mind for the next time. If you want something, organise it. If it doesn't work out well then at least you found out, properly.

Aurorastar

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Did he travel to see you the first time? All the way to your area or did you meet him halfway? If he travelled an hour to your area, then I think it only fair that you travel an hour to his. Everything you said about wanting to be sure and only met him once etc, he could say exactly the same about you.

Are your standards too high? Do you expect the men to do all the running? Men can be just as unsure/insecure as women and afraid of pushing too soon and being rejected. If you'd like a second date with a fella, suggest it and organise it. Don't send passive aggressive messages about not being interested!

Online dating is a curse because it seems to have cut out a lot of regular face to face meeting, where you have a good idea whether someone I'd interested in meeting you or not. Messages can be misread, lack of messages misinterpreted. Confusion on both sides and people holding their cards too close to their chest and then getting bothered when the other person doesn't know exactly what they're thinking. You met this guy once. He doesn't know you. He's as unsure about you as you are about him. He's only human!! It might be worth bearing in mind for the next time. If you want something, organise it. If it doesn't work out well then at least you found out, properly.

Yes he did travel to my area first. I suppose I felt he wasn't interested because he cancelled a meet up twice, and only told me when I asked if we were still meeting up. And he was the one suggesting these. It was his idea to meet halfway but now doesn't seem to want to.

Big Bag of Chips

So move on! He doesn't seem interested, whether that's because of how you reacted to his suggestion of travelling to him, or whatever. Who knows, he's hardly likely to tell you! But next time if a fella travels an hour to meet you, then it is only right that you travel an hour to meet him the next time. And you also should suggest dates, not wait for them to.

Somethings things happen and dates have to be cancelled... I'm still waiting to hand my friend her Christmas present!! Various meetings planned and postponed or cancelled due to one thing or another.

If you're interested, show interest. More than just texting. Fellas are insecure too and if you're not giving much of a signal, then people will automatically think you're not that keen.

If it is a common thread in your relationships that you have no problem getting dates, just find it difficult to get a second, maybe you need to take the lead a bit more.

Aurorastar

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So move on! He doesn't seem interested, whether that's because of how you reacted to his suggestion of travelling to him, or whatever. Who knows, he's hardly likely to tell you! But next time if a fella travels an hour to meet you, then it is only right that you travel an hour to meet him the next time. And you also should suggest dates, not wait for them to.

Somethings things happen and dates have to be cancelled... I'm still waiting to hand my friend her Christmas present!! Various meetings planned and postponed or cancelled due to one thing or another.

If you're interested, show interest. More than just texting. Fellas are insecure too and if you're not giving much of a signal, then people will automatically think you're not that keen.

If it is a common thread in your relationships that you have no problem getting dates, just find it difficult to get a second, maybe you need to take the lead a bit more.

You're right, I kind of assumed by me texting him he'd assume I am interested. Not that experienced with dating at all. I just assumed the guy takes the lead if he's interested because that's what everyone tells me! He hasn't answered my last text and seems distant so I don't know if I should send one last text saying I'd like to meet him again, kind of worried he'll say no or just ignore me again! think he's lost interest because he thinks I'm not that keen

wirelessdude01

Sounds like you both played games and/or are inexperienced. Regardless at this stage bridges have been burnt so better to forget and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

Texting is no substitute for meeting, and from his perspective he travelled to you, and you were only interested in seeing him if you weren't put out and if he travelled again. Maybe he suggested meeting halfway thinking you'd say no, that it was only right after he made the effort the first time that you return the favour. To him YOU are the one who doesn't seem too interested if it means having to make an effort!!

See how things can easily be misunderstood?

I don't know if its worth sending another message. Maybe leave it a day or two. If you do though, I think your message needs to be an apology! Not grovelling or anything, but acknowledging that you may have been a bit harsh and not having much dating experience you weren't sure how to proceed. Offer to meet up with him, in his area. See what happens. If it doesn't happen, move on a little bit wiser for the next one!

Ash.J.Williams

Aurorastar wrote: »

This happens to me a lot and I don't know why so just wondering if you guys have any advice. I'm early 20s, female. I can get dates no problem but I can't seem to keep a fella.

One recent example of this would be I was seeing a guy who lived about an hour away from me. Went on one date, it went really well. We were laughing the whole time. 2 weeks later still no sign of a second date even though we agreed to meet up a few times but he had to postpone them. After he postponed the date again I just said look you're obviously not that interested. He disagreed with that and said he was interested but said if that's how you feel then no bother.

We didn't text for a few days but I kind of changed my mind and thought maybe I was hasty saying there's no point talking. So we started talking again and he ends up saying after what I said the last time I should be the one to make the trip down to him instead. I told him I would meet him halfway as we agreed before because I wanted to get a feel for him given he had postponed the date twice already at this stage. He agreed to meet halfway, we didn't set a date or time yet but he kept saying I must not be that interested if I won't travel all the way to see him. Bare in mind I've only met him once. Now his texts have dropped way off and he hasn't answered my last text which I don't think is nice. He just doesn't seem interested.

I don't know if it's my personality or looks or what. But this guy was always saying I'm out of his league looks wise and I'm stunning, I make him laugh, hooked on me etc. It might have been my fault for assuming he wasn't interested but he agreed to meet up twice but had to cancel twice. Guys always say how am I single, I'm very good looking etc. I can't be that great if guys keep losing interest.

Any advice would be welcome. If anyone has actually read this far

I'm not too fond of this chap. He made the issue of not calling you your fault which it wasn't.

njs030

Aurorastar wrote: »

After he postponed the date again I just said look you're obviously not that interested.

We didn't text for a few days but I kind of changed my mind and thought maybe I was hasty saying there's no point talking.

This is quite a lot of drama for someone you've met once.
Things happen you aren't the centre of his life after one date, he cancels so you move on and if he's interested enough he will make an effort to see you.
The whole "forget it you don't like me enough, oh no maybe I'm wrong" sounds like very low self esteem and insecurity.

noodler

Wouldn't be overly worried if you are only in your early 20s BTW.

Aurorastar

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Texting is no substitute for meeting, and from his perspective he travelled to you, and you were only interested in seeing him if you weren't put out and if he travelled again. Maybe he suggested meeting halfway thinking you'd say no, that it was only right after he made the effort the first time that you return the favour. To him YOU are the one who doesn't seem too interested if it means having to make an effort!!

See how things can easily be misunderstood?

I don't know if its worth sending another message. Maybe leave it a day or two. If you do though, I think your message needs to be an apology! Not grovelling or anything, but acknowledging that you may have been a bit harsh and not having much dating experience you weren't sure how to proceed. Offer to meet up with him, in his area. See what happens. If it doesn't happen, move on a little bit wiser for the next one!

I never even thought about it like that. I was interested and did genuinely like him. Just wasn't sure he was all that interested in me, looks like he thought the same thing. I don't even know If I will send him another text, he seems to have lost all interest at this stage.

Aurorastar

notjustsweet wrote: »

This is quite a lot of drama for someone you've met once.
Things happen you aren't the centre of his life after one date, he cancels so you move on and if he's interested enough he will make an effort to see you.
The whole "forget it you don't like me enough, oh no maybe I'm wrong" sounds like very low self esteem and insecurity.

I realize I'm not the center of his life, I just thought postponing it twice is a bit much especially after we hadn't met up for a few weeks. It just felt like too much time between the first and second date.

Aurorastar

noodler wrote: »

Wouldn't be overly worried if you are only in your early 20s BTW.

I suppose so, just quite liked him and we got on extremely well from the start.

Big Bag of Chips

It's all a learning experience. Some of the people here have been through it. Others never had to go through it because how you ended up with someone was you met them out one night, then arranged to meet out again the following week, and then it went from there. Online dating and prolonged periods of texting isn't 'dating' or 'seeing' someone. It's texting someone! Not the same thing at all.

You're only starting out. You'll make mistakes, as will the fellas you contact, but it's not the end of the world. You'll move on a bit wiser.

njs030

Aurorastar wrote: »

I realize I'm not the center of his life, I just thought postponing it twice is a bit much especially after we hadn't met up for a few weeks. It just felt like too much time between the first and second date.

It depends on the reasons, but if you thought it was too much then just drop contact and leave things.
Texting saying you aren't interested in me is (no matter you realise it or not) looking for attention and validation and changing your mind a few days later makes it very clear you are very interested and invested in someone you've met once.

You are young and these things take time but in future say nothing or if you do make the dramatic statement then stick with it and let him come back to you if he wants to.

BetsyEllen

Don't text him again. He hasn't answered your last one and silence speaks volumes.

Move on.

pilly

This sounds like a very familiar story. One that has been posted twice in the last few weeks maybe?

Aurorastar

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It's all a learning experience. Some of the people here have been through it. Others never had to go through it because how you ended up with someone was you met them out one night, then arranged to meet out again the following week, and then it went from there. Online dating and prolonged periods of texting isn't 'dating' or 'seeing' someone. It's texting someone! Not the same thing at all.

You're only starting out. You'll make mistakes, as will the fellas you contact, but it's not the end of the world. You'll move on a bit wiser.

Just an update. He ended up sending me a snapchat around 2 days after ignoring my text. His snapchats consisted of "you should come down to watch a movie" " why do you have to live so far away" and after me asking why was he ignoring me he said he was "busy" but is interested. He barely texts or keeps in contact yet will still tell me he's interested and apparently thats why his ex broke it off because he's never available to text. Even more confused now than ever.

Aurorastar

pilly wrote: »

This sounds like a very familiar story. One that has been posted twice in the last few weeks maybe?

I have no idea about that this is the first thread I've started about this.

Maximus Alexander

If you're having this much drama with someone you met once then he's probably not the right guy like. I'm sure some will have other views; but when you meet the right person it tends to be easy from there on out in my experience.

Sephiroth_dude

Aurorastar wrote: »

Just an update. He ended up sending me a snapchat around 2 days after ignoring my text. His snapchats consisted of "you should come down to watch a movie" " why do you have to live so far away" and after me asking why was he ignoring me he said he was "busy" but is interested. He barely texts or keeps in contact yet will still tell me he's interested and apparently thats why his ex broke it off because he's never available to text. Even more confused now than ever.

He sounds like a wreck head, block and ignore.

Aurorastar

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

He sounds like a wreck head, block and ignore.

That's exactly what I thought, he's being so confusing. I've given him loads of chances to say he's not interested it wouldn't bother me that much at this stage but he won't just admit it. He even mentioned there being a next date but no concrete plans, like what?:/

Big Bag of Chips

Why are you giving him the chance to say he's not interested?! You're allowed not be interested in the current setup. You tell him that you're not interested and then just move on. He's not the only fella you'll ever meet!

He's already had one girl finish with him because he was 'too busy' for her. Some day he'll meet a girl he's not too busy for. But that's not you, and probably won't be the next few!

Sephiroth_dude

Aurorastar wrote: »

That's exactly what I thought, he's being so confusing. I've given him loads of chances to say he's not interested it wouldn't bother me that much at this stage but he won't just admit it. He even mentioned there being a next date but no concrete plans, like what?:/

I wouldn't even bother waiting for him too admit at this stage, move on too the next guy and forget this dweeb .

Aurorastar

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Why are you giving him the chance to say he's not interested?! You're allowed not be interested in the current setup. You tell him that you're not interested and then just move on. He's not the only fella you'll ever meet!

He's already had one girl finish with him because he was 'too busy' for her. Some day he'll meet a girl he's not too busy for. But that's not you, and probably won't be the next few!

True. I just got caught up in all the compliments he gave me, took him at face value when I probably shouldn't have. He has time to keep in contact with texts but no time for a second date. Says it all really. I asked him directly is he still interested, he said yes I am and his explanation was this has always been his problem "too busy to be around".

Big Bag of Chips

Well you're not interested any more, so it's actually irrelevant whether he's interested or not.

Move on.

Aurorastar

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Well you're not interested any more, so it's actually irrelevant whether he's interested or not.

Move on.

Yep there's no way it should be this hard at the start so I'm done. Thanks for all the advice, much appreciated.

76544567

Don't text. Speak on the phone. And don't ask what people think of you after only one date. That's needy.
Also be aware that men will compliment you to the heavens rather than say something bad about you to your face.
Figure it out yourself and don't depend on what he says to know if he likes you or not, especially if you have to ask him what he thinks of you.
I can't stress enough. Texting is just all wrong for dating.

Aurorastar

76544567 wrote: »

Don't text. Speak on the phone. And don't ask what people think of you after only one date. That's needy.
Also be aware that men will compliment you to the heavens rather than say something bad about you to your face.
Figure it out yourself and don't depend on what he says to know if he likes you or not, especially if you have to ask him what he thinks of you.
I can't stress enough. Texting is just all wrong for dating.

I understand that but he gave me unprovoked compliments as well and kept texting me the same as before we had the first date so I assume he wasn't that turned off by me? He even said I'm out of his league looks wise. Maybe he did lie about being attracted to me but he didn't have to keep texting after the first date and he did.

batmanrobin

Aurorastar wrote: »

but he didn't have to keep texting after the first date and he did.

But you don't care right? You're not interested? I ask only because it sounds like you are still very much interested.

Don't go down the road of trying to convince yourself deep that down surely he must like you because he texted when he didn't have to.

People continue texting for all sorts of reasons, and usually talking a lot of ****e! He's "too busy" to meet. No he's not. He's just plain not interested enough. He might like you to a certain extent, but if he really liked you there would be no too busy.

Just delete and ignore him. He's not interested enough and you don't need to waste your time.

njs030

Aurorastar wrote: »

Maybe he did lie about being attracted to me but he didn't have to keep texting after the first date and he did.

Plenty of reasons, passes the time, boredom, keeping his options open and so on.

If he liked you he'd have found time to see you. Dating isn't texting, it's face to face contact. You've met him once and he doesn't want to see you again, if he did he'd make it happen.

Aurorastar

batmanrobin wrote: »

But you don't care right? You're not interested? I ask only because it sounds like you are still very much interested.

Don't go down the road of trying to convince yourself deep that down surely he must like you because he texted when he didn't have to.

People continue texting for all sorts of reasons, and usually talking a lot of ****e! He's "too busy" to meet. No he's not. He's just plain not interested enough. He might like you to a certain extent, but if he really liked you there would be no too busy.

Just delete and ignore him. He's not interested enough and you don't need to waste your time.

I'm not interested in him in particular but he was the first one I met from a dating site and I was already fairly insecure about my looks thinking he won't like me even though he saw accurate pics of me and was attracted then. So it stings a bit if I'm honest. He did say after the date he was shocked that I'm even single but he obviously lied.

76544567

Men will say anything to get the ride.
And most anyone will not say anything but nice things to someone they've just met, even if they don't mean them.
You have a lot to learn i think. Number one, don't believe everything just because you want to believe it.

Even the it's not you it's me line when people break up is 99% of the time a lie, and we've all heard that one. All wanted to believe it too.

Aurorastar

Aurorastar wrote: »

This happens to me a lot and I don't know why so just wondering if you guys have any advice. I'm early 20s, female. I can get dates no problem but I can't seem to keep a fella.

One recent example of this would be I was seeing a guy who lived about an hour away from me. Went on one date, it went really well. We were laughing the whole time. 2 weeks later still no sign of a second date even though we agreed to meet up a few times but he had to postpone them. After he postponed the date again I just said look you're obviously not that interested. He disagreed with that and said he was interested but said if that's how you feel then no bother.

We didn't text for a few days but I kind of changed my mind and thought maybe I was hasty saying there's no point talking. So we started talking again and he ends up saying after what I said the last time I should be the one to make the trip down to him instead. I told him I would meet him halfway as we agreed before because I wanted to get a feel for him given he had postponed the date twice already at this stage. He agreed to meet halfway, we didn't set a date or time yet but he kept saying I must not be that interested if I won't travel all the way to see him. Bare in mind I've only met him once. Now his texts have dropped way off and he hasn't answered my last text which I don't think is nice. He just doesn't seem interested.

I don't know if it's my personality or looks or what. But this guy was always saying I'm out of his league looks wise and I'm stunning, I make him laugh, hooked on me etc. It might have been my fault for assuming he wasn't interested but he agreed to meet up twice but had to cancel twice. Guys always say how am I single, I'm very good looking etc. I can't be that great if guys keep losing interest.

Any advice would be welcome. If anyone has actually read this far

He is just keeping you hanging in case he gets bored. He clearly doesn't like you so tell him you are not interested if he contacts you again. If he doesn't contact you don't bother. You clearly just haven't met the right guy yet. Him complimenting you and you getting on well on first date doesn't mean there is a spark and there clearly wasn't for him when he wasn't chomping at the bit for date two. You deserve someone who cannot wait to meet you again - everyone does.

Bambi985

Aurorastar wrote: »

I understand that but he gave me unprovoked compliments as well and kept texting me the same as before we had the first date so I assume he wasn't that turned off by me? He even said I'm out of his league looks wise. Maybe he did lie about being attracted to me but he didn't have to keep texting after the first date and he did.

Sounds like a messer to be honest, and is probably rolling out all the same lines to half a dozen of other women he's met online too. Loves the attention he does. Always be wary of some lad who's all talk and no walk, all about the OTT compliments and then the radio silence until he gets bored and decides to have another bite, he's more often than not full of shyte and only out to get his own end away.

batmanrobin

Aurorastar wrote: »

I'm not interested in him in particular but he was the first one I met from a dating site and I was already fairly insecure about my looks thinking he won't like me even though he saw accurate pics of me and was attracted then. So it stings a bit if I'm honest. He did say after the date he was shocked that I'm even single but he obviously lied.

He might have meant it, but that shouldn't matter. Your self esteem shouldn't hang on whether someone thinks you're attractive or not.

If you are insecure about how you look, then I'd worry you'd wind up with one messer after another.

You really need to work on your self confidence. That way it won't matter to you whether someone thinks you're good looking or not. You'll have your self belief and everything else will be water off a ducks back, as it should be!

professore

One simple rule when dating - look at their actions, not their words. Talk is cheap, actions are expensive. He is looking for sex, nothing more. Move on and find a guy who doesn't play games. And don't hang your self esteem on what someone like this thinks of you. You are following the players handbook to a "T" - compliment her and then pull away, and she will come running. Don't lower yourself to that crap.