Am I stupid to not have done it

Ialison

Everyone in my year is all about going to events, drinking and counting how many "shifts" they can get but I don't really have an interest in all of that..

I'd honestly rather stay at home and study. I'm 16 years old and I've never done any of the above and people say that I'm a freak and they don't include me in anything because i am "not like them" but I don't know... am I weird for not doing that stuff?

This is probably stupid but I'm just feeling a bit down at the moment /

Solomon Pleasant

Hi OP,

You're not weird at all, you're just different to the masses at your age.

When I was your age I was a lot like you and was almost ostracized because of how I was. I was just into books and investing in my education rather than going out and getting smashed at boring 18ths every weekend. I saw it as fairly pointless and the majority of people who did this kind of stuff on a regular basis now have fairly boring lives.

My advice would be to set yourself a goal, aim high, work hard, focus on yourself and what you can achieve and forget about what anyone else says to you because you have higher ambitions than sitting in a pub all weekend. Work hard and you'll do better than any of the people slagging you for being a bit different.

Best of luck OP!

spurious

The one glorious thing about getting old, is you learn to stop worrying about or caring what other people think.

You will find other people who do not think and behave like the herd.

Don't be worrying about not getting the shift. There are people go into their 20s or 30s and never have. And if they never ever did and were happy, so what?

Keep on doing the things you enjoy. Other people your age really tend to be so wound up in themselves that they actually hardly notice you.

Plough your own furrow. It will make you far more interesting than being one of the herd and there are always similar folk to yourself out there. Believe me.

Eire Go Brach

The older you get the less you care. It's an age where you are very conscious. But you are doing great so far.

Normal is boring. Be weird. Now that's fun.

sryanbruen

OP, you're exactly like me. I don't do things what my peers do. I instead stay at home, play video games, write songs, make videos or be on forums like Boards.ie. The odd occasion I meetup with my friends but not weekly or daily.

I always called myself awkward and weird just like what all my peers thought of me. I've come to love myself over time, however because when I did try a couple of times to do things like going out, going to youth clubs etc with my peers, I did not enjoy them. Like Solomon Pleasant said, you'll end up better than the majority of those people who go to pubs, get drunk, try act cool and all. You'll highly likely have a much more successful and exciting life in the future than them even though it does not seem that way right now.

Please do not feel that you're stupid or weird or anything like that. You're just different and there is nothing wrong with being different.

222233

Ialison wrote: »

Everyone in my year is all about going to events, drinking and counting how many "shifts" they can get but I don't really have an interest in all of that..

I'd honestly rather stay at home and study. I'm 16 years old and I've never done any of the above and people say that I'm a freak and they don't include me in anything because i am "not like them" but I don't know... am I weird for not doing that stuff?

This is probably stupid but I'm just feeling a bit down at the moment /

I did all "that" at your age and looking back I was the biggest freak of them all, once you get out of school you realise how little any of it matters. Be your own person, the party ends one day and if the party is all you have then you have nothing, do things that are of substance for you and if that's studying then do that.

Make the most of your youth whether you want to study or party, in the long run all that will matter is that your happy. If you plan on going to college you'll find that nothing that happened in secondary school even mattered, you meet people just like you, everyone says that but it's really true.

Your not a freak, you just have different priorities and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, the fact that your not following the crowd will only strengthen your character, you will be great. ENJOY your youth, don't worry about what you "should" be doing, there's no right answer.

freshpopcorn

Personally I think this would be better in Personal issues.I'm going against the grain of this thread.
You need to find the right balance in life in my opinion between work/relaxing.
When I was younger I had in my head I had to be a good little boy and study and stay at home. Then when I started going out I really enjoyed it. I learnt that you can do both and I regretted not let go sooner.
I personally think you need to find something you enjoy doing outside of study be it sport/music/dancing/or whatever.
You also need to mix with the right people that suit you. Theirs no point of hanging around with people you don't mix with be it for you or them. I've being both potions.
A. Tagging along with a group that I have nothing in common with.
B. Being in a group with somebody who doesn't fit in and not known what to say to the person.
The reason why I mentioned this is because you say your not included/fit it in. when I was in a group that I didn't fit in. it was hard for them to include me simply because I didn't fit in.
Same goes when I knew a guy who was hanging around with us. He obviously didn't want to be their and it was hard to fit him in.
I'm in my mid twenties now and all my social group would be mid and pushing into their late twenties. I think I wrote similar posts in personal issues and was told basically sit at home and study and ignore the crowd. I was delighted I didn't take the advice on. They guys at home every night studying and the guys who were out drinking/shifting girls are equally as successful. If you pushed me I'd say the guys who were a bit more socially active are probably more successful because their more socially aware/confident. Theirs only so much you can learn in a book.
Your 16 now and You'll probably be looking for Summer/Part time jobs now or in a few years and at your age now. I've known people get brilliant results at college and school and them not a having clue what to do in the work environment because they lived in books and never dealt with people.They new all the answers but couldn't talk to customers/their colleges about anything. This applies from people with Summer jobs in shops right up until people who've master and staring out their careers.
Be it going out to pubs/clubs or being part of group your interested in(These might met up in the pub occasional but you'll be with people with a common interest.) I think its important to have life outside of studying.
Now I'm not saying their's anything wrong with sitting at home studying but I do think it's important to have the right balance in life.

Ialison

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Personally I think this would be better in Personal issues.I'm going against the grain of this thread.
You need to find the right balance in life in my opinion between work/relaxing.
When I was younger I had in my head I had to be a good little boy and study and stay at home. Then when I started going out I really enjoyed it. I learnt that you can do both and I regretted not let go sooner.
I personally think you need to find something you enjoy doing outside of study be it sport/music/dancing/or whatever.
You also need to mix with the right people that suit you. Theirs no point of hanging around with people you don't mix with be it for you or them. I've being both potions.
A. Tagging along with a group that I have nothing in common with.
B. Being in a group with somebody who doesn't fit in and not known what to say to the person.
The reason why I mentioned this is because you say your not included/fit it in. when I was in a group that I didn't fit in. it was hard for them to include me simply because I didn't fit in.
Same goes when I knew a guy who was hanging around with us. He obviously didn't want to be their and it was hard to fit him in.
I'm in my mid twenties now and all my social group would be mid and pushing into their late twenties. I think I wrote similar posts in personal issues and was told basically sit at home and study and ignore the crowd. I was delighted I didn't take the advice on. They guys at home every night studying and the guys who were out drinking/shifting girls are equally as successful. If you pushed me I'd say the guys who were a bit more socially active are probably more successful because their more socially aware/confident. Theirs only so much you can learn in a book.
Your 16 now and You'll probably be looking for Summer/Part time jobs now or in a few years and at your age now. I've known people get brilliant results at college and school and them not a having clue what to do in the work environment because they lived in books and never dealt with people.They new all the answers but couldn't talk to customers/their colleges about anything. This applies from people with Summer jobs in shops right up until people who've master and staring out their careers.
Be it going out to pubs/clubs or being part of group your interested in(These might met up in the pub occasional but you'll be with people with a common interest.) I think its important to have life outside of studying.
Now I'm not saying their's anything wrong with sitting at home studying but I do think it's important to have the right balance in life.

I would really like to go out and do stuff like go to events and have a bit of fun but I'm not exactly trusted.. my parents like to push me to get good grades so they are happier when I am studying. That's probably part of the reason why I don't really got in and stuff. I have no self confidence whatsoever and I find it difficult in social situations so yes I really do agree with you on that. The only problem is, I am not allowed to actually go out and do fun things like other people my age. My parents think I will end up drinking and smoking but realistically the most I'd ever go drinking wise is as far as a cup of coffee !! Haha. But yeah, I'm not allowed to do things other people my age do. It's so hard just sitting at home and watching everyone else having fun on social media and posting fun pictures of them getting all dressed up. I guess you could say I'm jealous ((

freshpopcorn

Ialison wrote: »

I would really like to go out and do stuff like go to events and have a bit of fun but I'm not exactly trusted.. my parents like to push me to get good grades so they are happier when I am studying. That's probably part of the reason why I don't really got in and stuff. I have no self confidence whatsoever and I find it difficult in social situations so yes I really do agree with you on that. The only problem is, I am not allowed to actually go out and do fun things like other people my age. My parents think I will end up drinking and smoking but realistically the most I'd ever go drinking wise is as far as a cup of coffee !! Haha. But yeah, I'm not allowed to do things other people my age do. It's so hard just sitting at home and watching everyone else having fun on social media and posting fun pictures of them getting all dressed up. I guess you could say I'm jealous ((

Now this is a different to your originally post and the advice I can give you is talk to your parents and tell them how your felling regarding the pressure their putting you under and how you need time to yourself to go for starbucks or a disco. Or talk to aunt/uncle who'd have a chat with them about loosening their lease a little.
When I went to secondary school we did a little on study planning with the career guidance teacher and he always said to take a day off every week.
The people I know who had parents similar to yours their child either talked them around or they started defying them. IE sneaking out of the house etc. Most parents will come around once they figure our their little boy is getting big and they need to let him go into the big bad world.
Can I ask where are you from? How do they think you'll survive in over two years time when you might be moving out of home for college?

Ialison

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Now this is a different to your originally post and the advice I can give you is talk to your parents and tell them how your felling regarding the pressure their putting you under and how you need time to yourself to go for starbucks or a disco. Or talk to aunt/uncle who'd have a chat with them about loosening their lease a little.
When I went to secondary school we did a little on study planning with the career guidance teacher and he always said to take a day off every week.
The people I know who had parents similar to yours their child either talked them around or they started defying them. IE sneaking out of the house etc. Most parents will come around once they figure our their little boy is getting big and they need to let him go into the big bad world.
Can I ask where are you from? How do they think you'll survive in over two years time when you might be moving out of home for college?

I am from cork. And I'm not sure how they'll deal with it if I did move out and go to a college somewhere else e.g; Dublin, Limerick etc.

spurious

This is a different issue to the one you first posted.

freshpopcorn

Ialison wrote: »

I am from cork. And I'm not sure how they'll deal with it if I did move out and go to a college somewhere else e.g; Dublin, Limerick etc.

My advice still is still the same regarding talk to them about how your feeling or going to an aunt/uncle to have a chat with them.I think their putting you under a lot of pressure. Even from reading your previous posts I can see your under a lot of pressure from reading your past posts. My junior cert was a good few years ago now and I don't really member being under any pressure like that up until the last week or so.
Most people I know who had strict parents. They usually let their teenager go a bit once they were around fifteen. ie going out to discos or what they wanted to do. etc.
The reason I asked about college is because I find parents who generally don't let go once their child is around your age it carries on when their child is in college. Their child's life basically consists of an early morning bus followed by a day of lecturers and a bus home and maybe they were allowed to go shopping once a semester Now the person might have being perfectly happy I don't know but they really missed out on societies and even the class bonding. Most class bonding happens around a pub at college in my experience at the begging. Some drank and others didn't but for the majority of us it's where we found our friends. They people who wanted to just get pissed drunk, those who were into going to clubs, those who just want to chat, etc all got their chance to find their group and this would have being hard to do sitting in lecturers.
Now do whatever makes you happy. If that's staying at home studying do that ir if it's playing play station then do that but if you want a bit more freedom. You need to talk to your parents and get them to listen. Have you any older siblings you can talk to or are you the first? If you feel that they'd drive you insane in college. i'd look at going somewhere that would involve living away from home.

Whatislife01

Firstly, them parents who allow their teenagers to go to drinking events should be shot, it's illegal! Also why would you want to jeapardize your health. Teenagers unnecessarily get hyped up about shifts among other things, it's futile if you ask me. For now, I hate to break it to you but school is one of the most important things in your life, so try to get the best education you can receive. That being said, of course you should have the liberty to be able to go out with your friends , so maybe talk to your parents about it. I'm an introvert and proud, you do you so don't be adhering to societys wants. If you don't want to go then don't go, it's a personal decision. Good luck😊

freshpopcorn

Whatislife01 wrote: »

Firstly, them parents who allow their teenagers to go to drinking events should be shot, it's illegal! Also why would you want to jeapardize your health. Teenagers unnecessarily get hyped up about shifts among other things, it's futile if you ask me. For now, I hate to break it to you but school is one of the most important things in your life, so try to get the best education you can receive. That being said, of course you should have the liberty to be able to go out with your friends , so maybe talk to your parents about it. I'm an introvert and proud, you do you so don't be adhering to societys wants. If you don't want to go then don't go, it's a personal decision. Good luck😊

I went out when I was under 18 to festivals/events and I never drank with my friends.
I think all the OP wants is to socialise a bit and his his friends and his parents aren't allowing him to do that. I know education is important but if I was in the OP's position when I was doing my junior cert. I'd have being terribly miserable if all I knew in my life for the next few years was study/exams at school/college and something really important in my life would have suffered my mental health.

TheUnderfaker

I wish I had as much sense as you when I was your age, OP

Georginapapps1

I'm the same age and completely get you. I know so many people like you and it's completely ok to be bookish and a not party girl, it's hard to believe that the people around you look at you as a 'freak.' That's really immature, no one does that where I'm from. The sad thing is your friends have little tolerance for people any different to themselves. Which is bad because in life your bound to meet many different people from all walks of life, so why be so closed minded? You'd clearly prefer to be with the books then socializing, and if you do keep at it. But you seem like a responsible girl so your parents should budge and let you go out - it really wouldn't be fair if they didn't if your as hard working as you seem. Because even a little bit of socializing is beneficial, with too much time to yourself and at the desk you'll develop pretty bad social skills... which will effect you when you go to college, or get a job or meet new people etc.. You don't have to necessarily be a partier, but try to be a little more outgoing and it will be hugely beneficial!