Worried my housemate stole from me

Melisandre121 · 19-03-2017 12:40am #1

I've known my housemate about 3 months.

Absolutely lovely girl, comes across very genuine, we get on great. Over a week ago now I noticed my favourite eyeshadow pallet was gone. Searched everywhere and couldn't find it. Tonight my housemate went to bed and left her bag downstairs, the bag was open and I noticed my eyeshadow pallet in it. I'm shocked.

The one thing I'll say is, we've become good friends over the past while, and we're both laid back and very much "pop into my room and borrow something if you need it."

So maybe she borrowed it and forgot to give it back? Still though, it freaked me out a bit to the point I'm lying here unable to sleep thinking about it.

I've popped into her room when she's not there if I need a bit of hairspray or whatever (as I mentioned we're both laid back about that type of thing) but I've never taken something and held onto it for that long. Should I give her the benefit of the doubt? Or should I confront her?

Aeternum · 19-03-2017 12:46am

Did she know you were looking for it? Maybe just try asking her has she seen it first, explain that you can't find it and see does she own up.

Melisandre121 · 19-03-2017 12:47am

Aeternum wrote: »

Did she know you were looking for it? Maybe just try asking her has she seen it first, explain that you can't find it and see does she own up.

No I never mentioned it as I assumed she wouldn't know where it was. I'm just freaking out a bit feeling I trusted someone who may have stolen from me. But maybe I'm jumping to conclusions too quickly.

punisher5112 · 19-03-2017 12:49am

Take her bag?

19-03-2017 12:52am

So you can go into her room & take anything
She can go into yours & take anything
I'm not sure why you think she stole from you?
She obviously just borrowed the eyeshadow, the same way you borrow her hairspray. She just hadn't got round to putting it back.
Don't see the big problem

njs030 · 19-03-2017 12:52am

She could have the same one it's not as if they are one of a kind items?
Maybe ask her about it before jumping to conclusions.

punisher5112 · 19-03-2017 1:11am

Take her bag, take item back, replace with inferior quality product.

Take everything from her room and super glue it to the ceiling.

Melisandre121 · 19-03-2017 1:15am

notjustsweet wrote: »

She could have the same one it's not as if they are one of a kind items?
Maybe ask her about it before jumping to conclusions.

No it's mine, double checked and it's missing two of the colours that had fallen out - same as mine. But maybe you're right and I'm jumping to conclusions. Thanks.

Melisandre121 · 19-03-2017 1:17am

bubblypop wrote: »

So you can go into her room & take anything
She can go into yours & take anything
I'm not sure why you think she stole from you?
She obviously just borrowed the eyeshadow, the same way you borrow her hairspray. She just hadn't got round to putting it back.
Don't see the big problem

Bit of a difference between spraying a bit of hairspray in your hair and putting it back and taking an eyeshadow pallet, putting it into your bag and still not returning it over a week later.

19-03-2017 1:20am

Melisandre121 wrote: »

Bit of a difference between spraying a bit of hairspray in your hair and putting it back and taking an eyeshadow pallet, putting it into your bag and still not returning it over a week later.

Ah she might just be way more laid back than you, she borrowed it & presumed if you wanted it you would ask.
You know, like normal people!

njs030 · 19-03-2017 1:31am

Melisandre121 wrote: »

No it's mine, double checked and it's missing two of the colours that had fallen out - same as mine. But maybe you're right and I'm jumping to conclusions. Thanks.

Maybe if you'd given all the information in the first place posters would have been better informed?
Though then you wouldn't have been able to make snarky comments to people trying to help you would you!!

Melisandre121 · 19-03-2017 1:35am

notjustsweet wrote: »

Maybe if you'd given all the information in the first place posters would have been better informed?
Though then you wouldn't have been able to make snarky comments to people trying to help you would you!!

Where did I leave snarky comments....? I was genuinely thanking you for your help. Wow, chill out there haha

Lau2976 · 19-03-2017 1:41am

Mention you can't find it first, it could all be nothing. But if you accuse her of stealing it could greatly affect the relationship, which seems pretty good, in a way that can't be fixed. She might see it as an attack on her character that you would assume she stole instead of something else.

Melisandre121 · 19-03-2017 1:44am

Lau2976 wrote: »

Mention you can't find it first, it could all be nothing. But if you accuse her of stealing it could greatly affect the relationship, which seems pretty good, in a way that can't be fixed. She might see it as an attack on her character that you would assume she stole instead of something else.

I think you're right. I just got a shock and jumped to the worst conclusion because I've had dodgy housemates in the past and I just thought "not again" instantly. But I'll just mention I can't find it and hopefully she'll say "oh yeah I borrowed that!" And all will be well again, haha. Thanks.

punisher5112 · 19-03-2017 2:01am

Change the locks({!!???

freshpopcorn · 19-03-2017 4:04am

It's very easy to borrow something and forget to give it back in my opinion and experience.

Tokyo · 19-03-2017 5:54am

You've both created an environment where it's okay to walk into each other's rooms, and borrow something without asking. And the issue now is... your housemate went into your room... and borrowed something, without asking...

You haven't taken any steps to verify how all of this occurred, such as a simple "hey, did you borrow my eyeshadow palette last week?", but instead presumed that your housemate stole from you, and went through her bag without asking. Unless there's something I'm missing, your behaviour is far more questionable at the moment.

The obvious solution is to ask her if she borrowed your eyeshadow - if she says yes, then problem solved. And if you're unhappy with the open borrowing of each others belongings then have a conversation about it and change the terms - borrow, but ask permission. If you're both open enough to effectively share your belongings, then you should be open enough to a simple conversation about it.

tomwaterford · 19-03-2017 6:31am

You haven't taken any steps to verify how all of this occurred, such as a simple "hey, did you borrow my eyeshadow palette last week?", but instead presumed that your housemate stole from you, and went through her bag without asking. Unless there's something I'm missing, your behaviour is far more questionable at the moment [/quote]

Tbf....I read it as she seen in the bag and not that she went through the bag??

Why not just ask her OP??

Tokyo · 19-03-2017 8:42am

tomwaterford wrote: »

Tbf....I read it as she seen in the bag and not that she went through the bag??

If the OP managed to verify that "it's missing two of the colours that had fallen out", it implies that she took the eyeshadow from the bag, opened it to check, and replaced it again.

To me that seems a lot more than a cursory passing glance in terms of invading privacy, particularly when a "hey <housemate>, did you borrow my eyeshadow last week?" would set everything straight.

charlietheminxx · 19-03-2017 8:02pm

Yeah I think maybe you've overreacted slightly here OP. You've set up a chilled sharing environment between you. It's a broken eyeshadow palette, I'd just ask her casually has she seen it. If she says no then you have a problem but you should give her that opportunity and the benefit of doubt.

Worried my housemate stole from me

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