No point starting anything new now-advice???

Big Bag of Chips

By the way, it's healthy to have different opinions to others. But putting across different opinions doesn't always have to be aggressive. Maybe you could join the debating society in your college to see that it is possible to have an educated differing of opinions without it being an argument.

Join Toastmasters. It will broaden your mind, and your social circle.

http://www.dublintoastmasters.ie

thepikminman

workworkworkworkworkwork wrote: »

I think part of the reason jobs are often depressing is because we work for so many hours. It is so repetitive, and so gets very boring. Working part-time is a good way to enjoy what you do, i think. I work part time now and it does make a big difference, at least to me (although you have to sacrifice some earnings). Most jobs are not as interesting as we think they're going to be, but what usually happens is as we get older we either eventually find something that we DO like enough most of the time to do long term, or just accept the fact that jobs, like other things, are disappointing. Im ten years older than you OP and just this year started working in a job i enjoy. And by enjoy I mean I find it pleasant about 80 percent of the time, with the odd moment of boredom or frustration or whatnot. Because I've also had the ''bad jobs'' in the past so maybe I am just happy to be in a job where I don't have to deal with narky customers/cleaning toilets or being spoken to like an idiot, which you tend to get in jobs where you don't need good qualifications. Also, another suggestion, and a good backup to have, I think, is an idea where, if you have to, you can work for yourself. That way, once you have a backup option that you know you can do, it takes the pressure off, as well. Don't really know what else to say, just sometimes, like in my case, it can take aaaaaaaaaages to find something that you enjoy/are comfortable doing.( By the way none of what i've said is intended to be offensive so if anyone is offended, wasn't my intention, it is only my own personal opinion on jobs and how they've tended to be, in my own personal experiences.)

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If you're struggling socially and rubbing people up the wrong way, it's understandable that you're going to adopt the bitter mindset you've got now. Are you familiar with the saying "If you run into an assh*le in the morning, you ran into an assh*le. If you run into assholes all day, you're the assh*le" ? Now I'm not saying you're an assh*le because there seems to be a nice person in there, trying to get out. I think you need to change your attitude and way of dealing with people if you're to have any sort of rewarding and fulfilling life. I'm not just talking here about your tendency to lash out at people but the whole package. The anxiety, the excessive timidity, perhaps your general demeanour. It's interesting your family felt the need to tell you that you're such a nice guy. I don't think that happens in most families and I wonder did they say it to try and make you feel better about yourself?
I agree with Big Bag of Chips regarding asking for counselling. It's probably something that needs CBT or some other sort of therapy. I'm not a medical professional so I don't really know. But the college counsellor would be a good start and they should be able to get the ball rollling.

That is, of course if you want to change. What would you like from life? Would you like to have friends? A social life? A partner? A family of your own? If you continue the way you're going, the chances of these things happening have been diminished. If you are to have any sort of working life at all, you're going to have to learn how to get on with other people, communicate well with them and to form working relationships. I also get the impression you don't know how to be assertive and instead, you lurch from one extreme to another i.e. timidity to aggression. Assertiveness is a great life skill to have and would greatly help you.

*sits back and waits for the inevitable bile-filled backlash

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, I think you really are all confused. Your posts contradict yourself at every turn. To be honest you're not making much sense and I think that's more down to your age, and your limited view of the world. You have a lot of time to grow and mature and to figure out who you are. Not everything is negative, and honestly, most if not all of the posts here were positive towards you until you started going on the defensive and throwing judgements around on other posters.

If you're surrounded by negative thinking and negative comments you're naturally going to think everyone is negative. And that's really not always the case. It's actually rarely the case in everyday life, outside of your immediate surroundings. People in general are too busy worrying about their own problems and lives to be bothered being negative about others. Some people thrive on it, of course, and you will always meet those kind of people, but the trick is to see them for what they are, block them out and move on. Engaging with them and trying to reason with them will get you nowhere except frustrated and they'll be happy because they're giving out about someone/something! It's their reason for being.

If there's a counsellor in your college it might be worth having a chat with them. Just to maybe get things off your chest and maybe even get a bit of guidance towards what direction you might move in next.

You're 23, you don't realise it but you are only starting out. You have years ahead of you where you will realise that what you thought you knew at one time, you're still only figuring out the older you get. I know telling you that is making no sense to you, because at your age we all knew it all!! And we wouldn't have listened to someone telling us we didn't. It's only as you live life a bit more you realise you're still figuring it out as you head for 40

You clearly have big ideas. Put them to good use.

Thanks guys, I really think you're right, It's scary how accurate you were with lots of the stuff you said.

The "meeting a**holes all day" quote really made me think. I do always think I meet them all day, and nobody else does so it must be my demeanor. I know I give off an impression of being p*ssed off, but that's just from being anxious. And when anybody talks to me, seeing a grumpy guy there, and I come out with this timid, extra-polite voice, of course they're gonna attack. But it is my problem, not theirs.

You all mentioned counselling and CBT. I've been to 6 different counselors and done CBT. I went to see my college counselor and she literally got up mid-session, walked to the door, and turned off the light while I was sitting down, speaking my little heart out (lol). She turned it back on for a second and said "I'm sorry but at this point in the day I just really can't be bothered with any of this". And honest to god, I was being too polite if anything, nothing like the way I am on here. That was the last counselor I saw, because none of them helped anyway. As I'm sure you all saw, I find it hard to take advice from people when I assume I know more about my life than they do- after all, I am me, they're not me, and I know I'm not even telling them everything because my anxiety gets in the way/I know It'll come out the wrong way and somehow offend them.

But you're all right. You can't get anywhere hating the world, I'm a perfect example of this. It's unfair and sad though, loneliness creates desperation, desperation creates anger and self-disdain, and with no positive results after years of trying, all 3 get stronger and stronger, pulling you in deeper and deeper, making it harder each day to escape from.

But I will try, the alternative's not pretty, so I don't have much of a choice.

Thanks for the link and debating suggestion Big Bag Of Chips, I never thought of debating, don't know if I could work up the courage to speak in front of people, but now that you mention it, I don't think I'd have a problem if I had a point to argue.

Thanks again guys, it's really a boost to see that there definitely are helpful people out there after all.

Big Bag of Chips

Toastmasters is ideal to help you if you suffer from anxiety and fear of public speaking. You're not going to be thrown in at the deep end and forced to stand up in front of 100 people and argue your point!!

I'd 100% recommend you go for it. You'll learn so much from the people there and it will open so many opportunities for you.

Taltos

Mod Note
Closing per the charter.