The 45 minute intruder!!

Mink

Beanybabog, my lad was exact same as your baby, and at around the same age. The 45 min naps drove me bonkers, and the whole general-not-seeming to settle into a predictable routine.

He's 4.5 years now and 90% of the time, after about 9 months, he was predictable. He had a nap time, he had a bed time, life calmed down.

It's just a waiting game for you now, and keep at it with trying to encourage a routine, the main thing to know is that it will all definitely settle down soon so hang in there.

Beanybabog

Well today she woke and managed to resettled herself and now has been asleep for over 3.5 hours!! I'm half tempted to wake but that never did me any good before and sure if she's tired she's tired

catrionanic

My wee fella has become a sleepaphobe the last week or two. He's 10 weeks old tomorrow. It's so so difficult to get him to go down, even though he's really tired, and I spend so much time rocking/patting/shushing. He finally goes down and is awake within 10 minutes crying! Almost always impossible to get him back to sleep too. I've been on so many long walks without success. A dodey helps somewhat but only alongside other tactics. It's almost impossible to get anything done in the house as he's crying for attention all the time.

This all started 8 days ago when he had his vaccines. I'm hoping it will pass soon

deh983

Same here with 6 week old. Some days she is perfect others like today are a nightmare. She's slowly wearing be down

catrionanic

deh983 wrote: »

Same here with 6 week old. Some days she is perfect others like today are a nightmare. She's slowly wearing be down

Deh983 I've seen you post a few times and it sounds like things are really tough for you. What sort of support do you have? Have you gone to any local mother and baby groups? Being alone all day with a toddler and a baby who won't sleep could wear anyone down, but it sounds like you're not getting much enjoyment out of life at the minute... maybe speaking to someone in a similar situation could help?

deh983

catrionanic wrote: »

Deh983 I've seen you post a few times and it sounds like things are really tough for you. What sort of support do you have? Have you gone to any local mother and baby groups? Being alone all day with a toddler and a baby who won't sleep could wear anyone down, but it sounds like you're not getting much enjoyment out of life at the minute... maybe speaking to someone in a similar situation could help?

Oh god is it that obvious that I'm struggling!! I went to my go on Monday and was prescribed something for pnd. Was the hardest thing I've had to do but so glad I did.

Beanybabog

deh983 wrote: »

Oh god is it that obvious that I'm struggling!! I went to my go on Monday and was prescribed something for pnd. Was the hardest thing I've had to do but so glad I did.

Good woman, I know how hard that is and you're brave. I went once before for anxiety myself (not pregnancy related) and I know how hard it can be to ask or help but I also know these things can turn around very quick. Exhaustion is a killer at 6 weeks. Have you anyone to help you with the baby? Let you sleep, clean up for you etc?

deh983

Beanybabog wrote: »

Good woman, I know how hard that is and you're brave. I went once before for anxiety myself (not pregnancy related) and I know how hard it can be to ask or help but I also know these things can turn around very quick. Exhaustion is a killer at 6 weeks. Have you anyone to help you with the baby? Let you sleep, clean up for you etc?

I have help from my mam etc but she can't be here 24/7 either. My partner is very good but works long hours & is exhausted himself. Everyone keeps telling me after 6 weeks it gets better! Our first cried for 6 weeks so I should be well used to it.

Sorry for hijacking your thread. Hope things improve for everyone soon!

Beanybabog

deh983 wrote: »

I have help from my mam etc but she can't be here 24/7 either. My partner is very good but works long hours & is exhausted himself. Everyone keeps telling me after 6 weeks it gets better! Our first cried for 6 weeks so I should be well used to it.

Sorry for hijacking your thread. Hope things improve for everyone soon!

It is hard. I can't recall when I felt I turned a corner but maybe 8 weeks. At 4 months it's grand,, I'm getting a proper night sleep so while I give out about her napping it's no where near like the early days. I feel for you but it WILL get better

deh983

Beanybabog wrote: »

It is hard. I can't recall when I felt I turned a corner but maybe 8 weeks. At 4 months it's grand,, I'm getting a proper night sleep so while I give out about her napping it's no where near like the early days. I feel for you but it WILL get better

Thanks so much. The thing is I know it will get better but I just get myself a bit worked up and overthink things too much aswell. I also get terrible mammy guilt with the toddler not getting any attention.this too will pass

Beanybabog

deh983 wrote: »

Thanks so much. The thing is I know it will get better but I just get myself a bit worked up and overthink things too much aswell. I also get terrible mammy guilt with the toddler not getting any attention.this too will pass

Sadly my friends told me guilty is their default state these days!! We all get worked up though. I didn't have the baby blues but after a week or two I burst my stitches and it was a Friday night so I couldn't get to the doctor to get the antibiotic - if you saw me you'd have thought someone had died I cried so much!! I remember my husband hugging me and shushing me like a baby lol. It's no fun at the time but it's par for the course- we all get meltdowns and bad days. That's not belittle your PND,you needed help, but more to say that the women who don't get PND aren't exactly flying around thinking theyre mother of the year. Id challenge anyone to say they never had a meltdown or a cry or some really bad days. One of my friends who's so relaxed has only remembered since I had my baby that hers has colic and she reckons she blocked out the weeks of dispair at the start when she cried for hours on end - she recalls them saying they'd have no more kids it was just too awful... now they're trying for number two lol

shesty

:-( it's so hard.Two is as much of a shock to the system as the first, in a different way. I remember getting to about seven weeks on number two and feeling day after day that I just didn't have the energy for any of it....I just couldn't even put the effort into getting them out to the car and going somewhere.Taking the buggy in and out of the boot seemed like the most monumental task ever.Result was we spent several days a week at home, which made it worse because then I felt bad for sitting at home all day.It got much easier around ten weeks or so though.

You do get over the guilt.Well you kind of have to let it go.You are one person and you know what.....kids are very adaptable.And when they are small they quickly get to a point where they don't remember a time before the second child.And you kind have to realise that all you can do is your best for both of them and really, that you haven't the energy to feel bad about it the rest of the time.And that's ok. Before you know it they will be playing with each other and you'll realise they are actually ok with it all, even if you aren't.
Being a mammy is tough and it's definitely ok to ask for help.

deh983

Anybody having any luck with the short naps?? Ours are getting worse if anything else

Beanybabog

deh983 wrote: »

Anybody having any luck with the short naps?? Ours are getting worse if anything else

Funny enough, I am!! (The OP). I don't think it'll last as she always reverts to not napping but I've got a few good ones- she's sleeping a lot more in her pram so a walk helps. Today she went to baby swimming for the first time and was shattered!! Fell asleep in the car and the at home we put her in bath and fed her and she slept for 2.5 hours!! Then did another 45 mins later which was ok as it was 5pm so I didn't want her down too long: I think if she's busy she gets more tired and is more likely to stay down

shesty

I found my first went through a period of about a month where her naps shortened to 25 mins , no matter how tired she was....right before she started sleeping longer naps.Also developmental leaps play havoc with their sleep. (I can attest to this after a disaster of a day and night yesterday with my one year old, who is learning loads of new skills right now!!!)
Persevere, I promise you it will improve!
Also deh, when they get more active they do sleep longer.....your baba is still quite small, right?

deh983

shesty wrote: »

I found my first went through a period of about a month where her naps shortened to 25 mins , no matter how tired she was....right before she started sleeping longer naps.Also developmental leaps play havoc with their sleep. (I can attest to this after a disaster of a day and night yesterday with my one year old, who is learning loads of new skills right now!!!)
Persevere, I promise you it will improve!
Also deh, when they get more active they do sleep longer.....your baba is still quite small, right?

Yes she's only 7 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that she'll fall asleep against my chest no problem but the minute I lie her down she's awake within a few minutes.
This too shall pass

shesty

deh983 wrote: »

Yes she's only 7 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that she'll fall asleep against my chest no problem but the minute I lie her down she's awake within a few minutes.
This too shall pass

It shall.Both mine were the same.Second used to go into a beautiful deep sleep in the sling but when I put her into her bed,she'd howl within ten mins.As I said before, I rolled with it for about 11 weeks, and then started being a little firmer about being in her basket for naps.She made the change fairly easy, but still only ever napped for forty mins at a time til she got much bigger. Just hang on in there :-)....I know it's not ideal, but these days, my baba is 1, and I love when she snuggles up on me for a little snooze. (Usually pre-bedtime!!!).I appreciated her baby time more than the first I think, because I knew how quickly it passed :-)

catrionanic

Naps still unpredictable here! He's 10 weeks and going through leap 3 so I'm just winging it! We have both our families coming over Easter bank holidays for his christening so things will be a bit hectic (my husband's family live in Wales and haven't seen him for five weeks and will be wanting to cuddle and play with him all the time rather than letting him nap) - so I'm a bit worried about how cranky he will be from being overstimulated/not getting enough nap time.

catrionanic

I am now 90 mins and counting trying to get him down for a nap. Three times I've got him to sleep, put him in his cot, and he's awake within 5 mins and won't resettle. Currently on attempt 4 and ready to give up. He's so tired - yawning, eyerubbing etc - and hasn't slept for 5 hours. Why won't you sleep little one?!??

deh983

catrionanic wrote: »

I am now 90 mins and counting trying to get him down for a nap. Three times I've got him to sleep, put him in his cot, and he's awake within 5 mins and won't resettle. Currently on attempt 4 and ready to give up. He's so tired - yawning, eyerubbing etc - and hasn't slept for 5 hours. Why won't you sleep little one?!??

Did u have any joy in the end??

catrionanic

deh983 wrote: »

Did u have any joy in the end??

Fourth time lucky!!! I swaddled him that time (usuallly only swaddle at night) and that seemed to do it.

That was at 5.30 and he fell into such a deep sleep that I had to wake him at 8.30 as it was close to his bedtime! Have just got him down again two minutes ago, it's almost 10pm, so that should be him until his 3.30am feed fingers crossed!

We are getting him baptised this weekend, and both our families will be in Dublin for it from Friday until Monday... my husband's family live in Wales so will be super excited to cuddle him and play with him 24/7, but that means it'll be hard to prise him from their arms and put him down for naps! Any suggestions for how to politely but firmly explain and extricate the baby?!?! They were last here when he was two weeks old. I wasn't confident feeding around them, and they camped out on our sofa for 10 hours per day and wouldn't leave the house, so I spent hours per day sat staring at the bedroom wall while feeding him. This led to tension and tempers getting raised - I actually had to ask them to leave one night at 9.30pm and they refused! - so I'm very conscious about this and don't want tempers to flare again, but at the same time this is my house and my baby and they need to learn that my word is the final word when it comes to what the baby does and when. Help?!?!

wuffly

catrionanic wrote: »

Fourth time lucky!!! I swaddled him that time (usuallly only swaddle at night) and that seemed to do it.

That was at 5.30 and he fell into such a deep sleep that I had to wake him at 8.30 as it was close to his bedtime! Have just got him down again two minutes ago, it's almost 10pm, so that should be him until his 3.30am feed fingers crossed!

We are getting him baptised this weekend, and both our families will be in Dublin for it from Friday until Monday... my husband's family live in Wales so will be super excited to cuddle him and play with him 24/7, but that means it'll be hard to prise him from their arms and put him down for naps! Any suggestions for how to politely but firmly explain and extricate the baby?!?! They were last here when he was two weeks old. I wasn't confident feeding around them, and they camped out on our sofa for 10 hours per day and wouldn't leave the house, so I spent hours per day sat staring at the bedroom wall while feeding him. This led to tension and tempers getting raised - I actually had to ask them to leave one night at 9.30pm and they refused! - so I'm very conscious about this and don't want tempers to flare again, but at the same time this is my house and my baby and they need to learn that my word is the final word when it comes to what the baby does and when. Help?!?!

When you feel he needs a nap just swoop in and take him, don't leave any room for objection. I would just talk to the baby 'hi sweetie... do you need a nap, aw yes.. lets go for a little snooze..' and nab him from who ever has him. Also mention you are going to sleep when the baby sleeps so they can go out for a bit. Or put the kettle so you can have a cuppa when he is down. I used to stress so much about my mother and sis in law hearing him howl blue murder when he wouldn't nap... if your little person is like this try and put out of your mind that there are other people there... you don't need extra stress making it harder. You know whats best, nod smile and do things your own way...

If they are camping out in the house put them to work, dinner, teas, etc.... When we first had visitors after our son was born we still stupidly acted as hosts, never again. Anyone that visits to see the baby now can either cook dinner or keep an eye on him while I do. I find it works better if you give options but only ones that work for you. IE we are going for a nap, so you guys can go for a walk or if you are staying it would be great if you could get the dinner started or do the wash up.... Hopefully you are feeling more comfortable with the feeding now, do it whenever and where ever you like...

For me a lot of dealing with family and baby is my own confidence. Now that I feel more comfortable and confident with myself as a parent I feel more able to assert myself. I also know my son a lot better now so I do know what is best and what works for him. You know your little person. He may not like to nap but he needs to and you know whats best.

Re naps my little man is 10 months and it took ages but he's a pretty good napper these days... leaps and teething do mess with it but he is a million miles from the baby that would only sleep in the carrier. It does get better! best of luck hope ye have a fab day for the christening x

catrionanic

Thanks wuffly, that was super helpful! I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and steal him out of their arms when I need to. They are the sort to object though - "ah he's not crying, he's happy here, leave him with me", "this boy is full of life, there's no way he will go for a nap" etc. I think you're right, a lot of it is confidence. Hopefully my husband will back me up.

Beanybabog

catrionanic wrote: »

Thanks wuffly, that was super helpful! I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and steal him out of their arms when I need to. They are the sort to object though - "ah he's not crying, he's happy here, leave him with me", "this boy is full of life, there's no way he will go for a nap" etc. I think you're right, a lot of it is confidence. Hopefully my husband will back me up.

Just say no, he need his nap.ive had this too, you have to just take him. I often feed mine in bed before her nap so that gives you an excuse to leave and chill him out?

fits

How much of parenting is fending over enthusiastic relatives off the babies lol!

My boys are really fussy by five every evening. Reflux baby is especially difficult to get daytime sleep into unless I hold him. They are 17 weeks now.

Beanybabog

fits wrote: »

How much of parenting is fending over enthusiastic relatives off the babies lol!

It's also about training the relatives lol!!! They seem to have trouble remembering that they had their go, now their son/daughter is a parent and it's up to them to parent how they see fit. If it's any consolation at 4 months my LO is great fun when she's well rested so they are coming around to the idea that she has to nap so she'll play!!

wuffly

fits wrote: »

How much of parenting is fending over enthusiastic relatives off the babies lol!

So much! Until they start moving lol!

Hubby should def be backing you up! Just don't let them rattle you with silly comments or if baby won't nap. I used to feel like such a failure if the nap didn't happen. You know what your little one needs. I just tend to ignore the person that is trying to hog the baby (in the same way they are more or less ignoring me).

Beanybabog

wuffly wrote: »

I just tend to ignore the person that is trying to hog the baby (in the same way they are more or less ignoring me).

Ugh I hate that ignoring thing... do they ever make you feel that you (the bloody mother!!) are in their way?! I feel like that sometimes, with my OWN baby in my OWN house and no one wants me there. If I wasn't breastfeeding I'd never get to hold her

Beanybabog

wuffly wrote: »

I just tend to ignore the person that is trying to hog the baby (in the same way they are more or less ignoring me).

Ugh I hate that ignoring thing... do they ever make you feel that you (the bloody mother!!) are in their way?! I feel like that sometimes, with my OWN baby in my OWN house and no one wants me there. If I wasn't breastfeeding I'd never get to hold her

fits

My wonderful mil didn't see the boys for over a week there and when she came over she was 'like a junkie getting a fix' as my husband said and completely overwhelmed the babies. We had to bring them into another room. As soon as they left the babies calmed down. Even grandad was trying to tell her to relax a bit. She's been a huge help to me though so I find it hard to do anything about it. I think the boys had just forgotten her too and were making strange a bit.