Encouraging a 5 yr old to "join in".

squirterist

Hi,

My 5 yr old daughter started school in Sept, after 3 part time years in a playschool. She has always been very independent and can play for over an hour at home with her toys, humming away happily to herself. She isn't your typical girlie girl and is more interested digging for insects, making up stories, and playing on her own with small toys. She loves tv, tablet, games on phone too and if I didn't limit it, she would watch shows all day.

She interacts well with her cousins and at parties/get togethers. I also organised a play date with girls from school and all seemed well. She plays alongside other children very well but not together with them if that makes sense.

She seems to find yard/play time hard at school and this is making her emotional, every couple of weeks, she cries at bedtime saying she has no friends, and when I tell her how to join in, she says that she hates tag, and tag is all they play and also that no-one wants to play her games so she plays on her own. She is starting to feel left out, but she is kind of isolating herself too.

This also happens at her afterschool, which she attends twice a week.

I completely understand where she is coming from, as we are both introverts and mostly do our own thing in group situations too(but she wouldn't be witness to that).

Has anyone any idea how to help her with this, I admire her independence but feel so sad for her when she gets upset about not joining in.

Thanks in advance.

Chocolate fiend

Can you talk to her teacher. The first year or so in school the teachers are usually watching the time in the playground very closely and making sure everyone has someone to play with.

Also are you sure she isn't playing? My older son used to tell me that he didn't play with anyone or do anything all day, one day I was walking past his school at lunchtime and saw him involved in a huge game of some sort. I asked him that night what he played that day and he told me he spent lunch alone!

Eleanor2017

inviting other kids for play dates might help?

Moonbeam

Is there a reason for it?
My 6 year old isn't a member of the "lost my teeth group" in school and as a result she claims at times that there is no one left toplay with.
Does she have a best friend?

ItsShane

My 5 year old son is exactly like this.
He loves being the in the company of other kids, but often plays alongside them and rarely actually joins in with their games.
He recently told me he had no friends and it really upset me to hear it.
He was invited to a birthday party for a boy in his class in February but he didn't play with the boys in his class while in the play area. Instead, he played with the cousin of the birthday boy who was also feeling left out.
I imagine it's something that'll just resolve itself. Like your daughter, he too is very independent and will gladly play by himself. You've pretty much described my son word-for-word.

generally with first year in school, it can be tough.Especially if the other kids in the class already know each other from outside of school.
Have you tried checking out any local kids physical activities, like football or anything?

byhookorbycrook

I'd mention it to the teacher but you'd be surprised how many children say this. And possibly even more surprised to find out it may mean for 2 minutes, they were alone and then joined in with everyone else. Or that they insisted everyone had to play their game and then got upset when the others didn't do so.
I'd definitely consider inviting a class mate over (I loathe the term "play date") more frequently.

Eleanor2017

I also loathe the term play date! I don't even know why I used it.

Hannibal_Smith

I think in Junior Infants they are all bringing their own personalities and styles of play to the yard. I think when they move up through the years they start to find like minded people.

My youngest is his own man. Not to the same extent as your daughter, he will certainly play with others in the yard. But there are days when he wanders off by himself and sometimes I wonder is he cutting himself off. But unlike your daughter he's not getting upset by it. Maybe he will in time!

If she's upset, I would mention it to the teacher. I know there was a lad in another class who felt.lonely at lunch time and they organised a buddy system, sounds so American I know! But it worked. They all had a partner for lunch time and they had to play with that person, at least as far as I can remember that's how they did it. I know they solved it though.

squirterist

A very late thanks for all your responses. The situation has improved a lot! Just wanted to recommend this excellent site to anyone facing similar issues.

http://www.solutiontalk.ie/parenting-tips-with-dr-john-sharry-supporting-a-shy-school-child/