Month old baby

deh983

Hi all. This might seem like a really silly post but I feel like I'm a bit lost. We have near 3 year old and a one month old. I seem to have forgotten everything from the first time round plus he cried all day everyday for 6 weeks so it's all a blur.

The new baby has just floored me completely. I can't figure her out at all. For example the last 2 days she has woke from a nap after only 30-40 mins and will not go back asleep. This is after 2 weeks of sleeping for 2-3 hours between feeds. I have made sure not to keep her up too long and let her get overtired etc. I know they have no routine at this stage but she just seems to never be happy these last few days.

I suppose I'm looking for some sort of typical day or something. She is formula fed every 3-4 hours. I really don't know what I'm doing to be honest.

Beanybabog

I can't help, I posted a similar thread!! Mine has been on and off, napping ok for a while, then not at all, then okish again. Just posting to say it's not just you! There's lots of us struggling with naps

catrionanic

She may well be going through her first developmental leap (have you heard of the wonder weeks app? If not, check it out). Babies go through the first leap 4.5-5.5 weeks after their due date, typically. Usually they are much more alert and awake more, but also very cranky - wanting to be held and talked to all the time. The leap lasts a few days and then they usually go back to normal... and they usually start smiling for the first time once the leap is over, perhaps to reward you for putting up with their cranky behaviour!

catrionanic

My little boy is only 8 weeks old and I'm already struggling to remember his behaviour when he was 4 weeks old and going through his first leap - so don't feel too bad that you've forgotten what happened three whole years ago!

deh983

I have that app and she's not in a leap at the moment. Wouldn't mind not napping if she was in good form but she's literally cried all day nearly.

Feel so sorry for the toddler.

I just hope it's not reflux or tongue tie or something like that.

shesty

Hey OP.I have 2, the eldest was 21 months when the youngest was born (youngest is nearly one now).
I have nothing scientific to base this on but from what I've seen in my pair I think 4-6 weeks is almost the hardest in a way.The first two weeks or so they are kind of recovering from the birth and are in litle newborn comas :-) but they (and their systems) seem to start waking up round 3.5 weeks, and everything kicks into motion....wind, digestion, cramps, the works. My oldest cried every evening for three or four hours from about three weeks til about 6.5 weeks.My younger didn't but she had spells of crying every day from around a month til about seven weeks.My older girl had silent reflux so I was paranoid about the younger having it too but no...she was just kind of coming to life!Unless you really feel there is something off, I'd just try to ride out the storm with the crying.Keep telling yourself it won't last forever (that will be your mantra over the next year). And roll with the naps, no point in trying to figure out her routine now.She hasm't got one.I promise you, it will get better :-)

deh983

shesty wrote: »

Hey OP.I have 2, the eldest was 21 months when the youngest was born (youngest is nearly one now).
I have nothing scientific to base this on but from what I've seen in my pair I think 4-6 weeks is almost the hardest in a way.The first two weeks or so they are kind of recovering from the birth and are in litle newborn comas :-) but they (and their systems) seem to start waking up round 3.5 weeks, and everything kicks into motion....wind, digestion, cramps, the works. My oldest cried every evening for three or four hours from about three weeks til about 6.5 weeks.My younger didn't but she had spells of crying every day from around a month til about seven weeks.My older girl had silent reflux so I was paranoid about the younger having it too but no...she was just kind of coming to life!Unless you really feel there is something off, I'd just try to ride out the storm with the crying.Keep telling yourself it won't last forever (that will be your mantra over the next year). And roll with the naps, no point in trying to figure out her routine now.She hasm't got one.I promise you, it will get better :-)

Thanks for your reply. I'm just finding it hard with the toddler aswell. He's has been great & there's no tantrums or anything from him yet. It it's just the guilt of having the baby in my arms for hours at a time & not getting to give him any attention. If/when she wakes too early from her sleep what do I do with her? She's obviously still tired so isn't happy no matter what I do. I actually went to bed last night dreading her waking up today. I'm afraid I won't cope with no partner to help.

shesty

Are you breast or bottle feeding?
Do you have a sling?
If you can get a sling and get her into it, do.It will free your hands up.It is so so hard.The first few weeks are really tough with two, so don't beat yourself up.The guilt is awful (I know, you're saying everything that I did).If you can get help, do.Do you have anyone around that might drop in for a bit to give you a hand?
If you're breast feeding, set up the toddler beside you with crayons or stickers or a book that you can read.You have one free hand for him.If you're bottle feeding, give that a go too. Something he can do beside you but not need your hand all the time :-)
You kind of just muddle your way through the day.I tried to do a little outing for my toddler when I could.And if the baby slept, I tried to give my toddler some time with just me, which she loved.I'm sorry, but it's all you can do.It's hard, I remember the guilt of those first few weeks.You will get better at it, as the baby sits up and looks around more, and can sit in a bouncer chair etc (their older sibling becomes their entertainment, they can't take their eyes off them!!)
At 12 weeks I decided to get baba into a napping routine, so honestly, I used to let my toddler watch tv for a bit and then bring baby upstairs to her basket for her sleep.She was a 40min catnapper, but even 40 mins was better than nothing.Especially when the routine settled and my toddler knew she had me for uninterrupted time at specific points in the day....I'd come down from putting the baby down and she would bring me her colouring books amd crayons, or her jigsaw.(Nowadays she goes up to see if the baby is awake!)Children are very accepting in their own way.But the first few weeks are hard.

deh983

shesty wrote: »

Are you breast or bottle feeding?
Do you have a sling?
If you can get a sling and get her into it, do.It will free your hands up.It is so so hard.The first few weeks are really tough with two, so don't beat yourself up.The guilt is awful (I know, you're saying everything that I did).If you can get help, do.Do you have anyone around that might drop in for a bit to give you a hand?
If you're breast feeding, set up the toddler beside you with crayons or stickers or a book that you can read.You have one free hand for him.If you're bottle feeding, give that a go too. Something he can do beside you but not need your hand all the time :-)
You kind of just muddle your way through the day.I tried to do a little outing for my toddler when I could.And if the baby slept, I tried to give my toddler some time with just me, which she loved.I'm sorry, but it's all you can do.It's hard, I remember the guilt of those first few weeks.You will get better at it, as the baby sits up and looks around more, and can sit in a bouncer chair etc (their older sibling becomes their entertainment, they can't take their eyes off them!!)
At 12 weeks I decided to get baba into a napping routine, so honestly, I used to let my toddler watch tv for a bit and then bring baby upstairs to her basket for her sleep.She was a 40min catnapper, but even 40 mins was better than nothing.Especially when the routine settled and my toddler knew she had me for uninterrupted time at specific points in the day....I'd come down from putting the baby down and she would bring me her colouring books amd crayons, or her jigsaw.(Nowadays she goes up to see if the baby is awake!)Children are very accepting in their own way.But the first few weeks are hard.

Thanks so much for all the advice. Twice today she has woke after half an hour. I just can't deal with that everyday. I pick her up & she's back asleep in 2 mins. I think I'll have to look into a sling. This just isn't practical for everyday.
I'm beginning to wonder does she have silent reflux or something that she won't stay asleep

Marz66

Hi deh

How long will she sleep if she sleeps on you? My 6 week old will sleep only 10-20 mins in Moses basket, she often wakes with wind but would sleep 2 hours if she sleeps on me. I can walk around with her on my shoulder. Haven't mastered sling yet.

deh983

Marz66 wrote: »

Hi deh

How long will she sleep if she sleeps on you? My 6 week old will sleep only 10-20 mins in Moses basket, she often wakes with wind but would sleep 2 hours if she sleeps on me. I can walk around with her on my shoulder. Haven't mastered sling yet.

She will sometimes. It's like she's fighting something. I think it's probably wind but I can't get any more out of her before she starts to get tired. I'm going to bring her to the phn this morning just to have a check over her and put my mind at ease!!

shesty

Do OP.For what it's worth, I swung from 'she 100% has silent reflux, I'm bringing her to the doctor' to 'it's just wind' about 10 times a day (and more at night) with the second.My second was gulping a lot, very hard to settle.I tried to just keep her upright as much as possible, which is where the sling came in so handy, especially as the day went on and she got tireder. I also had a bouncer chair that was inclined upright a bit and if I'm honest, she slept in that a lot (she liked the noise of the dishwasher!).I resigned myself to the 'third trimester' theory, and decided to just roll with it for the first twelve weeks as best I could.It was all I could do.But you don't get a second to yourself, if I'm honest and your house falls apart around you.I learned quickly that the minute one or the other of them slept, I had to eat....because I might only get those ten minutes to eat....and everything else could wait.It's a big adjustment from one to two, I met plenty of mums whose mothers moved in for the first three months, or who had the older in childcare during the week, when no.2 arrived.My older was a 40min catnapper though, so I had learned the hard way first time round.I'd suggest finding yourself a group of some sort too be it a breastfeeding group or a mother and toddler group....they were my saviour second time, where I realised I wasn't crazy and it IS hard and it wasn't just me.They got me through some tough mornings.

circadian

Babies generally have sleep cycles of 30-45 mins and aren't good at self soothing so they're not likely to roll over and do back to sleep.

Keep doing what you're doing, and if the baby wakes just give them a pat or cuddle and they should go back to sleep. Obviously as the baby gets older you could consider training to self soothe.

I remember it being tough and getting our LO to sleep for longer didn't always work out. If you're concerned about it you should talk to the health nurse or doctor.

It's amazing how quickly you forget how tough the first few months are!

deh983

Thanks all for your replies & support. Brought her to the phn and she piling on the weight etc. She couldn't really offer any advice. She suggested she might be a straining grunting etc if she's finding it hard to poo so I can try some freshly squeezed orange juice in water. It's mad coz at night she is out like a light & not a peep. It's just the naps. I've watched her today and she'll wake and get her soother and slowly nod back off herself only to wake a few mins again later. So frustrating

fixXxer

If bottle feeding, it might be worth switching brands. I remember something in the AMA: Breast milk scientist thread about different formulas having different recipes and some can cause problems.

dori_dormer

We used infacol before every feed and it made a world of difference for the wind issue.
My 2nd also had a 30 minute nap cycle. You get used to it. Someone's of I was quick enough of get him down for another 30. But he'd only be awake 90 and he'd want another nap. I also used a sliing. I used white noise to try and keep him undisturbed by the toddler.

Marz66

We're using Infacol here and it's helped as well - it's easy to use and baby doesn't mind it.

Also white noise sometimes works. I get her to sleep, transfer to bassinet when she's sound asleep, play white noise (search YouTube) and leave phone beside her. I really didn't think this would work but i get 30 mins - 1 hour this way. But that's only when she transfers easy, she normally wakes on transfer. If she wakes after 10-15 mins, I find walking around with her on my shoulder often gets her back to sleep. I need to try the sling again but it's hard to find the time.

Did you also try raising the top of her bassinet/moses basket a little. My one starts gurgling when I lie her down flat. I don't think she has reflux, just her digestive system isn't mature yet.

Fair play to you, you are doing great. If she is sleeping lots at night, she must be very happy and content so well done you. My toddler is still in childcare for part of the day but even the few times I have them together are difficult! He will be home with me soon and I'll have to face the music.

I am also going to try a parent toddler group. it should help to know that this is normal for toddler and baby territory.

deh983

Marz66 wrote: »

We're using Infacol here and it's helped as well - it's easy to use and baby doesn't mind it.

Also white noise sometimes works. I get her to sleep, transfer to bassinet when she's sound asleep, play white noise (search YouTube) and leave phone beside her. I really didn't think this would work but i get 30 mins - 1 hour this way. But that's only when she transfers easy, she normally wakes on transfer. If she wakes after 10-15 mins, I find walking around with her on my shoulder often gets her back to sleep. I need to try the sling again but it's hard to find the time.

Did you also try raising the top of her bassinet/moses basket a little. My one starts gurgling when I lie her down flat. I don't think she has reflux, just her digestive system isn't mature yet.

Fair play to you, you are doing great. If she is sleeping lots at night, she must be very happy and content so well done you. My toddler is still in childcare for part of the day but even the few times I have them together are difficult! He will be home with me soon and I'll have to face the music.

I am also going to try a parent toddler group. it should help to know that this is normal for toddler and baby territory.

I managed to get an hour and half from her earlier in the kitchen with the extractor fan on!! My toddler is in Creche 2 mornings so at least he is getting out.

I'm afraid she's only sleeping at night as she's exhausted from the day! What do you do with your little one when she wakes?? As in how do you keep her happy until the next feed?

I've sourced the local parent toddler group too so am going to give that a go next week. I don't remember this with the toddler. Just goes to show it'll all be a distant memory soon enough. (I hope!!)

circadian

Can't recommend white noise enough. A year later and we all sleep with white noise on now!

shesty

deh983 wrote: »

I managed to get an hour and half from her earlier in the kitchen with the extractor fan on!! My toddler is in Creche 2 mornings so at least he is getting out.

I'm afraid she's only sleeping at night as she's exhausted from the day! What do you do with your little one when she wakes?? As in how do you keep her happy until the next feed?

I've sourced the local parent toddler group too so am going to give that a go next week. I don't remember this with the toddler. Just goes to show it'll all be a distant memory soon enough. (I hope!!)

This is what i mean by muddling through your day....extractor fans, dishwashers, slings, whatever works.I ran with it til 12 weeks and then I decided she was old enough to implement a bit of a routine, napping in her cot and bringing her up fairly regularly for naps (two hour rule :-) ).I had to suck up the 40min nap in the morning though,and as she got a bit bigger (like 15/16 weeks) she did 40mins round 9am and then was awake til about midday, when she fell back into bed asleep.That nap I could try to stretch, because the toddler was also asleep at that time.She usually looked for another nap round 4 pm.....I'd try the cot, but more often than not she was in the sling while I made dinner.You just do what works.11 months on, I can tell you that it does stretch longer and it does work out once you drop to about two naps in a day, you get the stretch in time.
Honestly though, both of mine have been forty min catnappers and I learned to just roll with it.It does sort itself out in time.And no.2 has far more to look at and be interested in than no. 1, there's a lot more noise going on!Don't beat yourself up, you are doing great.And definitely see if you can find a group (or even set one up!) For moral support.We all need it :-)

Marz66

Wuhoo for an hour and a half nap with extractor fan!

My one doesn't be awake for too long in the day except when she has wind. She sleeps 3 hours but only if she sleeps on me. If I try and get her napping only in her bassinet, I know I'm going to have the same problem as you. If the sling doesn't work, I'm screwed.

deh983

shesty wrote: »

This is what i mean by muddling through your day....extractor fans, dishwashers, slings, whatever works.I ran with it til 12 weeks and then I decided she was old enough to implement a bit of a routine, napping in her cot and bringing her up fairly regularly for naps (two hour rule :-) ).I had to suck up the 40min nap in the morning though,and as she got a bit bigger (like 15/16 weeks) she did 40mins round 9am and then was awake til about midday, when she fell back into bed asleep.That nap I could try to stretch, because the toddler was also asleep at that time.She usually looked for another nap round 4 pm.....I'd try the cot, but more often than not she was in the sling while I made dinner.You just do what works.11 months on, I can tell you that it does stretch longer and it does work out once you drop to about two naps in a day, you get the stretch in time.
Honestly though, both of mine have been forty min catnappers and I learned to just roll with it.It does sort itself out in time.And no.2 has far more to look at and be interested in than no. 1, there's a lot more noise going on!Don't beat yourself up, you are doing great.And definitely see if you can find a group (or even set one up!) For moral support.We all need it :-)

Can I just ask what you do with them when they wake early?? My one wakes & is obviously still tired so just cries & it's that I can't take. When I'm trying to get her asleep she curls up in a ball in my arms and goes red in the face. I've tried winding her more etc & nothing helps. We've already had this fight at 6:30 this morning & now I'm stressed already thinking about having to do this all day.
Sorry for all the comments questions but it's really stressing me out at this stage

shesty

I had a big reply written earlier that vanished....

Well when you say she wakes early - I presume you feed her is it? And wind her? I don't know OP, I'm not really an expert - my younger howled every morning from about an hour after breakfast.She obviously wanted to sleep but it happened to clash with the time that I wanted to myself and the toddler dressed etc. After a few days of her screaming in her basket, I just started putting her in the sling. Dressing the toddler with her in the sling. It's not pretty. But it was the only way I could manage.

From about 4.5 weeks she slept from about 9 til roughly 3 every night then would be awake. She had awful trouble with wind, grunted and groaned all night.I would (breast)feed her round 3, often fall asleep with her on me well propped up with pillows etc, and I'd wake a good hour or so after that. Used to try to transfer her to her basket, whereupon she would grunt herself awake .So honestly - I used to lie back almost flat, put her on her tummy, lying on my tummy, with her head on my chest, and her blanket over her. Only way I could get a few more hours sleep. I thought she would never spend a full night in her own bed. This just repeated til the morning, from 3am she woke for a feed every 1.5 hours or so. She tended to be very windy all that time. I spent many nights walking round the room with her on my shoulder, rubbing her back, bicycling her legs on the bed, rubbing her tummy, lying her on her side, trying to get it out. She never settled well if wind (up or down) was bothering her, and it always seemed to be bothering her....and if all else failed, I gave her a dose of Gripe water. That worked for her, maybe Infacol might work for you.
Generally anyway, she ended every night tucked into the bed beside me.This was against every golden rule I had for my older child - but I needed the sleep as No.1 is a crack of dawn riser, and always was. No.2 though - I felt she would sleep longer but she was being wakened by hunger first then wind second. I felt once that passed and she was older, she would be a good sleeper (thankfully she is) so I broke some of my own rules!

I think I know how you feel OP. I think (and please correct me if I'm wrong) you feel a bit similar to how I felt - you don't know this baby, you can't figure out what makes her tick, but yet, you did this all before so you feel surely you should be able to work it all out, make the routine happen and make her sleep etc as needed? Because you could do that or think you were able to do it with no. 1. That's how I felt anyway. It was very hard the first 9 weeks or so. It takes time to realise that they are a different child and what worked for one doesn't always work for the other - so you have to change your methods. I realise that with no.2 a few months in, she was waking at night (wind) and I used to go in refusing to take her out of the bed, trying to make her go back to sleep (because that's what I did before). Eventually I gave up and realised that if I took her out, tucked her in beside me, and kept her kind of upright, the wind would all pass out quickly and she'd sleep again. Whereas if I insisted on leaving her in the bed, she couldn't get it out, and would never go back to sleep properly, instead wailing every 20 mins or so til dawn. But no. 1 never had that problem with wind, so I never had to deal with it. She had other issues!

I guess what I'm saying is - can you come up with something else when she wakes at 6:30? If you think it's wind, maybe lying on her tummy on you will help. Maybe getting her cosy and warm with you she might drop off. Maybe you have to sit up with her lying on you. Unfortunately maybe you have to get up and leave her be awake for an hour or so - I used to end up putting no.2 in a vibrating chair and running the tap or dishwasher in the kitchen so she'd snooze for even 30 mins while I dressed no. 1. I just took the view - I only have to get by like this til about 12 weeks and then I can look at getting structure into our day. Then I can put my foot down and be firm about naps etc.

I know that's really long and a bit all over the place but I hope it helps a little bit. I do remember the confusion and stress of it all, you're trying to fit a newborn into your life and routine, but really what has to happen is that your routine has to change slightly to fit the newborn....but that all takes time.Try not to stress too much, definitely get a sling and when all else fails - put her in the car seat and drive

deh983

shesty wrote: »

I had a big reply written earlier that vanished....

Well when you say she wakes early - I presume you feed her is it? And wind her? I don't know OP, I'm not really an expert - my younger howled every morning from about an hour after breakfast.She obviously wanted to sleep but it happened to clash with the time that I wanted to myself and the toddler dressed etc. After a few days of her screaming in her basket, I just started putting her in the sling. Dressing the toddler with her in the sling. It's not pretty. But it was the only way I could manage.

From about 4.5 weeks she slept from about 9 til roughly 3 every night then would be awake. She had awful trouble with wind, grunted and groaned all night.I would (breast)feed her round 3, often fall asleep with her on me well propped up with pillows etc, and I'd wake a good hour or so after that. Used to try to transfer her to her basket, whereupon she would grunt herself awake .So honestly - I used to lie back almost flat, put her on her tummy, lying on my tummy, with her head on my chest, and her blanket over her. Only way I could get a few more hours sleep. I thought she would never spend a full night in her own bed. This just repeated til the morning, from 3am she woke for a feed every 1.5 hours or so. She tended to be very windy all that time. I spent many nights walking round the room with her on my shoulder, rubbing her back, bicycling her legs on the bed, rubbing her tummy, lying her on her side, trying to get it out. She never settled well if wind (up or down) was bothering her, and it always seemed to be bothering her....and if all else failed, I gave her a dose of Gripe water. That worked for her, maybe Infacol might work for you.
Generally anyway, she ended every night tucked into the bed beside me.This was against every golden rule I had for my older child - but I needed the sleep as No.1 is a crack of dawn riser, and always was. No.2 though - I felt she would sleep longer but she was being wakened by hunger first then wind second. I felt once that passed and she was older, she would be a good sleeper (thankfully she is) so I broke some of my own rules!

I think I know how you feel OP. I think (and please correct me if I'm wrong) you feel a bit similar to how I felt - you don't know this baby, you can't figure out what makes her tick, but yet, you did this all before so you feel surely you should be able to work it all out, make the routine happen and make her sleep etc as needed? Because you could do that or think you were able to do it with no. 1. That's how I felt anyway. It was very hard the first 9 weeks or so. It takes time to realise that they are a different child and what worked for one doesn't always work for the other - so you have to change your methods. I realise that with no.2 a few months in, she was waking at night (wind) and I used to go in refusing to take her out of the bed, trying to make her go back to sleep (because that's what I did before). Eventually I gave up and realised that if I took her out, tucked her in beside me, and kept her kind of upright, the wind would all pass out quickly and she'd sleep again. Whereas if I insisted on leaving her in the bed, she couldn't get it out, and would never go back to sleep properly, instead wailing every 20 mins or so til dawn. But no. 1 never had that problem with wind, so I never had to deal with it. She had other issues!

I guess what I'm saying is - can you come up with something else when she wakes at 6:30? If you think it's wind, maybe lying on her tummy on you will help. Maybe getting her cosy and warm with you she might drop off. Maybe you have to sit up with her lying on you. Unfortunately maybe you have to get up and leave her be awake for an hour or so - I used to end up putting no.2 in a vibrating chair and running the tap or dishwasher in the kitchen so she'd snooze for even 30 mins while I dressed no. 1. I just took the view - I only have to get by like this til about 12 weeks and then I can look at getting structure into our day. Then I can put my foot down and be firm about naps etc.

I know that's really long and a bit all over the place but I hope it helps a little bit. I do remember the confusion and stress of it all, you're trying to fit a newborn into your life and routine, but really what has to happen is that your routine has to change slightly to fit the newborn....but that all takes time.Try not to stress too much, definitely get a sling and when all else fails - put her in the car seat and drive

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply & all your suggestions.
Your dead right about not knowing her & trying to figure her out while at the same time trying to keep everything together & a toddler happy. Luckily he is very good and isn't bothered that we e spent all week mostly at home.
To be honest I'm feeling a bit teary this week so that isn't helping either. Thank god it's Friday & I have my partner home all weekend.

shesty

It's a lovely time of year to have a baby.I spent a lot of the first two months in the back garden.I'd bring duplo etc out for no.1. And we got her some garden bits....sand table, slide, that kind of thing.Eased my guilt a bit!I also remember hitting a wall around 7/8 weeks and just losing the will to go anywhere or do anything with them most days.It did pass eventually, after a couple of weeks (didn't help that we were all unwell).
I don't think nature ever really intended us to do all this without help and support.You are doing great, just get through each day one at a time and when it's all going to pieces take a deep breath and tell yourself tomorrow is another day.(and laugh sometimes.....it's all you can do at the madness :-) )