Childminder - what do we do?

bhotshot007

Happy with the advice received - thank you.

Big Bag of Chips

Why do you think a nursing home is no place for a small baby? It's fair enough if you do think that, but think about your reasons and see if they are actually valid.

The sleeping in the car seat would be a personal preference and if you don't like it, then of course you can tell her you'd prefer she didn't leave the baby in the car. I have done it myself many times with 4 children and as the car is parked along side our sitting room window I could always see the child. I live in a rural area, not in a housing estate if that makes a difference.

It's your baby and you can say if there's something you're not comfortable with. But if she's a good childminder otherwise then you don't need to be too harsh with her. A conversation without confrontation is best. Just bring it up that you were uncomfortable with the idea(s) and be clear about what your objection is.

Peregrinus

I agree with Big Bag of Chips. When it comes down to details, people have a wide variety of notions about what is and isn't ideal when it comes to minding children. Your childminder has no way of knowing what your ideas about this are if you don't tell her, and she will default to doing things in the way that seems right to her.

You should talk to her about what you are comfortable or uncomfortable about, but you shouldn't need to be either defensive or aggressive/confrontational about this. And try to avoid any suggestion that you are critical of her standards. Assume that she is interested to know your views and preferences, and that knowing them will make her role easier for her.

Atlantic Dawn

Leaving her asleep in the car is pure wreckless, could go ablaze.

Rogueish

As above it is your child and if you aren't comfortable then speak but.... your childminder is including your child in everyday family life (a huge plus of having a childminder V a crèche IMO) which includes the elderly. I will presume that the baba was fed, changed and supervised while in the nursing home. I can pretty much guarantee it as the elderly love to see babies and the baby would have been oohed and ahhed over to within an inch of its' life. I have a 9month old too.... and 2 older children who as of yet do not seem to be emotionally scarred from my parenting. :-)

As for the sleeping in a car seat - it is a personal preference. If my 9month old fell asleep in the car I would leave her there and let her sleep. The car is pulled over right beside the kitchen window where I can see her. I have a personal choice of leaving her sleep peacefully or bringing her in lifting her and her screaming blue murder not going back to sleep and dealing with an overtired cranky baby for the rest if the afternoon.

Again both are my personal preferences but you did ask for other views. I really don't see the problem of visiting a nursing home and while the sleeping in the car seat may not be ideal it is probably not something your childminder does as regular thing. Just saying nicely that you would prefer if the baby didn't nap in the car seat should sort it out.

uck51js9zml2yt

What do you think the problem is with going to a nursing home?
Have you told your child minder.
As for the car. I have 2. If they were ever asleep in the car i left them with the window slightly open and just watched them.
Again, if shes nkyctold by you she won't know. I assume she's not psychic!

infogiver

I Don't like babies left alone in cars under any circumstances but I am puzzled about the nursing home ?!

beechwood55

Take it as a positive that she has told you about both of these events.

shar01

A nursing home? Where there are trained medical staff IF something were to happen...

Where your child may have brought a little bit of joy to someone's grandmother or grandfather.

:rolleyes:

neonsofa

I dunno, I get that many parents leave their kids in the car like that and even if I don't personally feel comfortable with it, I understand that they weigh up the risks/lack thereof and they make that parental decision, that is fair enough.

But a childminder doing it? It's not really their decision to make imo. They are being paid to do one job- mind the child. Fair enough she said she could see the baby or whatever but their one job is to take care of the child, they are being paid to do that so I really think leaving the child outside unattended is unacceptable from a childminder. I would think the same if she left the baby in the garden in the pram and stayed indoors, it's her one job to mind the child so the least she should do is keep her eyes on the child at all times, not just peep out the window to make sure baby is still there. I know that childminders need to make decisions all the time when minding kids and that you are giving them responsibility for making these decisions in your absence, but imo they should be the type of decisions that are in the best interest of your baby's safety- she looks warm, I'll take her vest off, her teeth are coming up I'll put bonjela on etc- not it's handier to leave her asleep in the car so I'll just keep an eye from the sofa. Her job is to keep the child in her care. She may think it's grand to do that, and she may be fine doing it with her own kids but I know myself when I have someone's child in my care I know that they are not my decisions to make, I take less "risks" because they are not my child, the person left them in my care and so my eyes never come off them. I would have thought that childminders should do the same especially as they are being paid to give a standard of care and imo that care should be constant. It's not like they are a parent juggling the household chores etc and they have to manage other tasks while having nobody else to help with the baby, I understand that as parents we do have to leave the baby unattended at times and we leave them in a safe environment and keep the monitor on or what have you, but a childminders one task is to watch the baby.

Big Bag of Chips

neonsofa wrote: »

it's her one job to mind the child so the least she should do is keep her eyes on the child at all times

Not necessarily, and only if the family have specified that. A childminder, as someone else mentioned is usually picked because the child is being minded and brought up in a 'home' setting. And therefore included in everyday life. I think if a child is playing in a sitting room, and the childminder has washing to put on, or meals to cook it is reasonable to believe they will leave the child playing in the sitting room, and go do their daily jobs. As children get older they'll join in the jobs or avoid them completely!!

It is impossible to put a blanket statement over all childminders and say their one job is to mind the child(ren) and therefore should never take their eyes off them. If that's a requirement you want in a childminder you be very specific about that from the start. Most childminders mind more than one child, of varying ages, it would simply be impossible to 'never take your eyes off them', unless you wanted your child with a minder where all children were confined to one room for the entire day.

It all comes down to communication between you both, what you expect, and what they offer.

Armchair Andy

If she could see your child from the window and the car window was left open then I see no problems. Have often done it with my 2.

I'd agree with the nursing home. With all her best intentions she told you so that's a very good thing.
I wouldn't sweat the small stuff.

bhotshot007

Thank you for your replies.

neonsofa

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Not necessarily, and only if the family have specified that. A childminder, as someone else mentioned is usually picked because the child is being minded and brought up in a 'home' setting. And therefore included in everyday life. I think if a child is playing in a sitting room, and the childminder has washing to put on, or meals to cook it is reasonable to believe they will leave the child playing in the sitting room, and go do their daily jobs. As children get older they'll join in the jobs or avoid them completely!!

It is impossible to put a blanket statement over all childminders and say their one job is to mind the child(ren) and therefore should never take their eyes off them. If that's a requirement you want in a childminder you be very specific about that from the start. Most childminders mind more than one child, of varying ages, it would simply be impossible to 'never take your eyes off them', unless you wanted your child with a minder where all children were confined to one room for the entire day.

It all comes down to communication between you both, what you expect, and what they offer.

It would be my opinion that the clue is in the name tbh. Yeah they need to do other stuff but they're being paid to mind the child and that is their priority. If they cannot do that, due to taking on too many children or having too many tasks in their day to give full attention, then they should not take on any more children or they should be the one to communicate that to the parents. You're right I shouldn't make blanket statements like that about constant supervision for all children, obviously as they get older they require less you're right, but the baby is 9 months old, it's entirely different to having a couple of older kids who you can leave in the next room with the door open which I would consider sufficient supervision btw, baby can be put in a buggy, play pen ,high chair, even just on the floor with doors closed if safe, it's so much easier than it is with older children who may not want to join you. So there is really no excuse imo.

And the most basic of things I would expect with any childminder without it needing to be communicated would be that the child would be at least in the same house as you, like I really wouldn't have thought that needed to be communicated to someone offering their services as a childminder. Fair enough on your point re constant supervision, but I really dont think parents should need to specify to a childminder that they'd rather their child not be left outside the house.

Big Bag of Chips

neonsofa wrote: »

I really dont think parents should need to specify to a childminder that they'd rather their child not be left outside the house.

Well as a parent I have left my children asleep in the car and watched them from the window. If I was minding a child (a new arrangement)and the child fell asleep in the car, and it hadn't been specifically pointed out to me to not leave them in the car, I would take the decision there and then to do what I'd done with my own children. I would then tell the parents that evening when they collected their child and give them the opportunity to tell me that they'd rather I did/didn't do that.

Which is what it sounds like this childminder did.

OP, your child will pick up bugs and colds whether they visit a nursing home occasionally or not. I don't think you need to be concerned about that. You could apply the same to playgrounds or playcentres for example.

infogiver

bhotshot007 wrote: »

It's all new to us. I suppose in relation to the nursing home it would be in the event she picked up a cold/bug or something. To be fair I'm not unhappy about it i just wanted to see others views on it - so thank you.

We'll have a chat with her and work out what we would like for us and what works for her.

Thank you for your replies.

Your baby needs to pick up as many colds and bugs as is needed to activate and build up her immune system. You'll realise this later.

Teyla Emmagan

And old people get far fewer colds than babies. They're more likely to be suffering from non contagious things like kidney infections. A creche would be a much more dangerous place for a baby!

The lines of communication with your childminders seem to be good OP, don't go in there all guns blazing and damage that! She sounds like she's doing a great job to me.

tobdom

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Leaving her asleep in the car is pure wreckless, could go ablaze.

I find this to be a fairly ridiculous, sensational comment to make on a thread where the OP is looking for advice and has some concerns......

The house could 'go ablaze' too........ also unlikely. As others have said, if you can see them/check on them regularly, I see no issue with letting them sleep a while longer in the car.

pwurple

I'd be delighted with the nursing home visit myself, I think it's great that children become familiar with people of all ages


The car.... I know people leave the baby alone in a car, I never did. Was worried about choking and the upright position, or overheating in the sun, or fumes from a fuel leak, or fire, or them waking up and me not hearing them.  Our carseat clicked in and out of the car, so if the baby fell asleep, I just lifted them into the house, it went a bit flatter when it was out of the car. Can the carseat you provided pop easily in and out of the car?

vandriver

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Leaving her asleep in the car is pure wreckless, could go ablaze.

Hyperbole,much?

Mrsmum

Personally I don't like to see children, my own or anyone elses, left finish off their sleep in the car. However having been a childminder for a while, in my experience parents can be very adamant that their child must sleep for a certain amount of time during the day. If this nap doesn't happen, they then have a desperate cranky child to deal with at pick up time or the child can't stay awake at say 5 o clock, falls asleep and then the parents can't get child to sleep at usual bedtime. Working parents need things to run smoothly at home in the evenings so can actually be annoyed with childminder if child doesn't get proper sleep during the day. So by waking the child. the minder might know she could kiss goodbye to sleeptime and all kinds of trouble for the parents follows on from that. And that she told you is a fantastic sign.
As for literally giving the child total undivided attention all day long and doing nothing else, people need to rethink the rates they pay if that's the level of service they require.
Have no problem with the nursing home at all. Surely parents take small babies to see elderly parents in nursing homes too and besides everything is an adventure & a learning experience to a small child.

December2012

Are you happy with somebody minding your child while they go about their day? If so you need to set out some ground rules you want, and see if they agree.

I would expect price to reflect that.

Personally it's not for me, but it works for others. As in all situations, it's about communication and realistic expectations.

neonsofa

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Well as a parent I have left my children asleep in the car and watched them from the window. If I was minding a child (a new arrangement)and the child fell asleep in the car, and it hadn't been specifically pointed out to me to not leave them in the car, I would take the decision there and then to do what I'd done with my own children. I would then tell the parents that evening when they collected their child and give them the opportunity to tell me that they'd rather I did/didn't do that.

Which is what it sounds like this childminder did.

OP, your child will pick up bugs and colds whether they visit a nursing home occasionally or not. I don't think you need to be concerned about that. You could apply the same to playgrounds or playcentres for example.

That's fair enough, but I would not do the same as a childminder even if I did it with my own kids. My parental choices would be entirely different to the choices I would make as a childminder and that is why I made the distinction earlier. You are being paid to mind the child and so it is your main role, as far as the employer is concerned. As a parent we are juggling so many things and some parents do choose to leave baby alone or to do certain things to accommodate those takes but imo when you are being paid to mind the child, that should be priority and all other tasks should be accommodated around the child and not the other way round imo. I also think it is a bit disrespectful to say it to parents after the fact, if you feel it may be an issue. If it might be an issue, imo don't do it until you clear it with the parents, unless it's an emergency or something that couldn't really be avoided at the time- eg. Giving calpol from the change bag if child seems in pain etc. Leaving a child in the car when you are responsible for keeping them in your care is imo completely unavoidable and imo shouldn't be done until parents give their go ahead. Much like allowing an older child out to play with the bigger kids, I wouldn't allow it without my supervision until I asked the parents what they want to allow.

But obviously we have different opinions, I am not saying either is right, just my own take on why I'd have issues with it. It's not so much about the car thing being a big deal, more the approach to how they took the liberty to do that, imo I'd find it unacceptable to do that. I just feel like as a childminder it'd be..not negligent, but I can't find the right term.. kinda not really doing the job you're being paid for.

Big Bag of Chips

I'd obviously have a more relaxed approach!! And I'd think that any parent that sent their child to me would be aware of that, and possibly even choose me for that reason. As you said, neither is actually wrong, just different approaches.

jimmycrackcorm

This must be your first child op. If these are the things that bother you then I think you'll be going through a lot of child minders.

Mrsmum

You can't always assume either that the minder who is very big on covering their ass (so to speak) by following 'rules' from A to Z is necessarily the best minder from the child's pov. Naturally no child should be minded recklessy but avoiding all experiences so as to avoid all issues is not much fun for a child. I know minders who never put a foot wrong but their approach is all business and I know others who treat the child exactly like a member of their own family. We must all make up our own minds which we want for our own children.

neonsofa

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I'd obviously have a more relaxed approach!! And I'd think that any parent that sent their child to me would be aware of that, and possibly even choose me for that reason. As you said, neither is actually wrong, just different approaches.

Yeah see I'd have a very relaxed approach with my own, but with others I wouldn't take the chance in case they weren't happy because at the end of the day they are employing me to care for their child. But it all depends on the relationship you have with the person. I know if I was minding nieces I'd know their mam/dads approach and would fall in line with that accordingly. But if I didn't know I'd always err on the side of caution.

Neyite

neonsofa wrote: »

That's fair enough, but I would not do the same as a childminder even if I did it with my own kids. My parental choices would be entirely different to the choices I would make as a childminder and that is why I made the distinction earlier. You are being paid to mind the child and so it is your main role, as far as the employer is concerned. As a parent we are juggling so many things and some parents do choose to leave baby alone or to do certain things to accommodate those takes but imo when you are being paid to mind the child, that should be priority and all other tasks should be accommodated around the child and not the other way round imo. I also think it is a bit disrespectful to say it to parents after the fact, if you feel it may be an issue. If it might be an issue, imo don't do it until you clear it with the parents, unless it's an emergency or something that couldn't really be avoided at the time- eg. Giving calpol from the change bag if child seems in pain etc. Leaving a child in the car when you are responsible for keeping them in your care is imo completely unavoidable and imo shouldn't be done until parents give their go ahead. Much like allowing an older child out to play with the bigger kids, I wouldn't allow it without my supervision until I asked the parents what they want to allow.

But obviously we have different opinions, I am not saying either is right, just my own take on why I'd have issues with it. It's not so much about the car thing being a big deal, more the approach to how they took the liberty to do that, imo I'd find it unacceptable to do that. I just feel like as a childminder it'd be..not negligent, but I can't find the right term.. kinda not really doing the job you're being paid for.

In loco parentis springs to mind. I entrust my child to a creche who will make the minor decisions in his day to day care. They judge if its warm or dry enough to play outside, what toys are suitable, what activities are appropriate, when he is sleepy to put him down for a nap and what to feed him for his meals.

They ring me if he's sick and get permission to administer calpol or make that decision that he needs to go home. Those are the important calls that are necessary. The rest, you have to trust their judgement.

A crèche is a specialised environment whereby the person is soley employed to only care after the children and there are usually educational elements to the day. A childminders in your own home is there to focus on your child and mind them, maybe do light housework duties relating to the child. A childminder in her own home is different - the rates are usually much lower because the baby is fitting into the stay-at-home- minder's life along with her other kids so will accompany them on errands and appointments.

If the OP does not want the child to accompany the minder to the supermarket or nursing home or any of those day to day things, they can source a different type of childcare and pay the difference.

I would have no concerns about a nursing home depending on the baby's age. As a newborn I would avoid a clinical setting but after 6 months I don't think I'd have an issue. I might ask that the baby not nap in the car seat as it's not recommended to have the baby in that seated position for long periods, but I wouldn't cite danger or irresponsibly as my reasons for fear of coming across as a bit of a helicopter parent.

I'm not seeing major alarm bells here OP - could it be that you are both a bit anxious about leaving your baby with someone since it's all fairly recent? I know it took me a good few months to fully stop fretting about my child being without me (and me without him!) all day.

Romantic Rose

Mrsmum wrote: »

You can't always assume either that the minder who is very big on covering their ass (so to speak) by following 'rules' from A to Z is necessarily the best minder from the child's pov. Naturally no child should be minded recklessy but avoiding all experiences so as to avoid all issues is not much fun for a child. I know minders who never put a foot wrong but their approach is all business and I know others who treat the child exactly like a member of their own family. We must all make up our own minds which we want for our own children.

Nail on the head! We're all different and we all want different things for our children. One person's right is another person's wrong. All I know is that finding a great childminder is like finding gold. I'd hate if someone smothered my child by hanging over them but at the same time, I'd like them to do plenty of interesting activities with them too.

I think it's great that they're incorporating new experiences into the child's day. If it was visiting someone in hospital, I might have an issue with it but visiting someone in a nursing home is a different story in my book.

On the sleeping in the car, I often do it as I know if I wake my child, they won't go back to sleep and I just run in and out of the house getting little jobs done, like putting shopping away etc. I'd just make sure they're not too hot or the window isn't open enough that a bee could fly into window etc.

neonsofa

Neyite wrote: »

In loco parentis springs to mind. I entrust my child to a creche who will make the minor decisions in his day to day care. They judge if its warm or dry enough to play outside, what toys are suitable, what activities are appropriate, when he is sleepy to put him down for a nap and what to feed him for his meals.

.

Absolutely, and I mentioned that in my posts, but leaving a child in a car is not making a judgement on what is best for the baby imo. Those decisions you listed are all to do with putting the child's interests first and are similar to the one I listed re taking off vest if warm, using bonjela if teething, there has to be freedom to make certain decisions when they are in your care. Because like you say, you are entrusting them to care for your child, not only that but paying them to do so. Leaving a child asleep outside the house doesn't fall into that imo.

Purpletoes

bhotshot007 wrote: »

It's all new to us. I suppose in relation to the nursing home it would be in the event she picked up a cold/bug or something. To be fair I'm not unhappy about it i just wanted to see others views on it - so thank you.

We'll have a chat with her and work out what we would like for us and what works for her.

Thank you for your replies.

Years ago with my first child I had to get a minder for her when I returned to work after maternity leave. She was only 8weeks old (baby not minder haha). We put an ad in the paper and interviewed. In hind sight after two more children I don't know how I did it. However.... This lady was a total gem and she minded my daughter better than I ever could have imagined however it prooved a different issue. While she was treated as part of the family being included, loved and adored it interfered with my being her mother. It went from random trips to family arc to me arriving to collect my daughter and her not being there or back for hours.

The point I'm trying to make is that while conversations can sometimes be awkward in these situations the fact remains its your baby and your rules. You are the employer not the friend so clear boundaries are necessary and the sooner they are established the easier things will be in the long run.

It sounds like your minder is including your child in all aspects of daily life which is a good thing. But I understand that your preferences may differ. Personally I wouldn't ever leave my child in the car so I would address it.

Hope things work out :-)