Childminder - what do we do?

lazygal

No matter what, you need to talk to your minder. I've sent my children to a minder in her home, and I understood that this would mean they'd be taken in the buggy to the supermarket, to school to collect an older child and would be part of daily life in the minder's home. I had to address some concerns but don't let them fester because it will become impossible to bring up things that happened months back if you have fresh concerns about something else. We now have a minder in our home and again I've had to reiterate some things or ask that she do/not do other things.
It's all about communication of expectations IME. My minders weren't mindreaders and sometimes they wanted to check things with me. Keeping communication open is very important. I need to know I can tell my minder something without it being confrontational or difficult.

pilly

bhotshot007 wrote: »

It's all new to us. I suppose in relation to the nursing home it would be in the event she picked up a cold/bug or something. To be fair I'm not unhappy about it i just wanted to see others views on it - so thank you.

We'll have a chat with her and work out what we would like for us and what works for her.

Thank you for your replies.

I don't agree with the childminder leaving her in the car but the nursing home I don't see any problem with at all. To be fair I think it's good for kids to pick up colds and bugs, they grow a resilience from them.

BnB

If you want someone who is going to give your baby a normal upbringing where they go shopping, fall asleep in the car occasionally, visit people and generally have a normal day.... then get a childminder... who is looking after you child part time as part of their normal lives..... just like you have now. They are very very hard to come by and if you have a good one, then hold onto them.

If you want scheduled meals, scheduled sleeps, a 17 page report written up at the end of the year, HSE guidelines, constant supervision etc.... go to a creche. That's what they do. There's loads of them out there.... take your pick.

Neyite

lazygal wrote: »

It's all about communication of expectations IME. My minders weren't mindreaders and sometimes they wanted to check things with me. Keeping communication open is very important. I need to know I can tell my minder something without it being confrontational or difficult.

Fully agree - It's better to discuss, rather than confront. It's important to communicate rather than not say anything and you get a clearer idea of the risk assessment the child-minder did for both issues.

Some things you might want to let slide, some are a non issue. But even if its a serious issue you need to discuss down the line, good communication on the little things will stand to you. Especially when your child begins to tell you things - the fun begins then. I regularly get told that he had 'nothing' for dinner, when he's told me later what he did actually eat or he says he never went outside when he's covered in sun cream and sporting new freckles.

jimmycrackcorm

pilly wrote:

I don't agree with the childminder leaving her in the car but the nursing home I don't see any problem with at all. To be fair I think it's good for kids to pick up colds and bugs, they grow a resilience from them.

I don't think a nursing home is a den of illnesses, if anything a creche is exactly that.

I also have to question why people think a car is a problem other than automatically assuming a window won't be left open for air and the child will be left exposed to the sun (Ireland, in March). It's an enclosed area like a bedroom, it's more visible than a bedroom. And unless you use a wireless monitor you'll likely won't be able to hear noises from either.

Oral Slang

I wouldn't mind about nursing home at all & as others said babies & kids, as well as puppies etc can bring such joy to the residents.

The car I possibly would have an issue with - Apart from a fire risk, is the baby in an infant seat? If so, they shouldn't be left for too long a time as their airway can be restricted if their head rolls forward or is in an awkward position. As a parent you weigh up the odds, but as a childminder you shouldn't really take the risk with someone elses child. I've usually stayed in the car with mine if they fall asleep, or lift in the infant seat if they've only been in the car for a short while, but otherwise I attempted to do a ninja manoevre to get them into the house still asleep (rarely worked!)

Armchair Andy

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

This must be your first child op. If these are the things that bother you then I think you'll be going through a lot of child minders.

Looked we all started somewhere and sure enough we all made mistakes but importantly learned as we went. OP has resolved the issue with the childminder so well done to her.
I wouldn't pay this kind of "advice" any heed whatsoever.

Atlantic Dawn

tobdom wrote: »

I find this to be a fairly ridiculous, sensational comment to make on a thread where the OP is looking for advice and has some concerns......

The house could 'go ablaze' too........ also unlikely. As others have said, if you can see them/check on them regularly, I see no issue with letting them sleep a while longer in the car.

If you were looking permanently watching them from inside the house with the car keys in your hand so at the first sight of smoke pouring from the engine bay then yes I would have no issue, otherwise it's wreckless :rolleyes:

Dial Hard

Atlantic Dawn wrote:

If you were looking permanently watching them from inside the house with the car keys in your hand so at the first sight of smoke pouring from the engine bay then yes I would have no issue, otherwise it's wreckless

No more wreckless than driving them around in the car. In fact, far less so given the likelihood of being involved in a car accident versus the car spontaneously combusting while parked outside the house.

tobdom

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

If you were looking permanently watching them from inside the house with the car keys in your hand so at the first sight of smoke pouring from the engine bay then yes I would have no issue, otherwise it's wreckless :rolleyes:

Do you write for a tabloid by any chance?.....

Do you stand around in the house with a fire extinguisher in hand as well then, just in case the house goes 'ablaze'?..... What are the stats on cars going on fire while parked-up vs house fires each year?

I fully appreciate/respect some other views/concerns expressed on why some choose not to leave a child in the car (parked outside the house, while they are sleeping), but not this one.

FAILSAFE 00

vandriver wrote: »

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Leaving her asleep in the car is pure wreckless, could go ablaze.

Hyperbole,much?

You would think so.

However I have witnessed a parked car go on fire. It wasn't turned on, it just went up in flames. I never even knew that such a thing could happen until that day.

Nice car too.

tomred1

It's unsafe for the child be be allowed sleep for long periods in a car seat, i wouldn't be comfortable with the scenario that happened to your child. I would expect a child minder to plan their day around the child's nap times, so they are at home for their naps. I would also expect that the a childminder inform me of any trips she had planned for the day, its good to know where your child is a all times.

mirrorwall14

My toddler has been in a childminder now for nearly a year and a half. He absolutely adores it and they love him but it is organised chaos and he is part of the family (I wanted that for him as he is an only child). He went in the buggy/now walks the younger girl to school. He goes along to things like the carol service, matches etc with the childminder. The local supermarket all know him from going shopping. He has been to play areas, Mc Donald's (on a birthday) etc and the list goes on. If my childminder had to fill me in every time they went somewhere my phone would be hopping rofl.

If she's running late/going to be out around when I collect him then I get a call. Otherwise I'm delighted on how well he is getting on.

There's the odd difference in parenting style but I wouldn't change minder now if you paid me!

Jayop

Me thinks that some of you love the flexibility afforded by using a childminder over a creche, things like non fixed hours, early morning drop offs, school pick ups etc. But you don't want to afford the childminder the flexibility they need to do the things they need to do. Asking for a schedule in advance of when and where they're going every day is mental tbh. Need to pop to the shop for milk or something and what, they need to text you in advance and ask for permission?

Honestly, if that's your expectation then use a creche.

Alf Veedersane

tomred1 wrote: »

I would expect a child minder to plan their day around the child's nap times, so they are at home for their naps.

Occasionally children's nap times will be +/- 30 minutes so you can plan but they don't always follow the plan. And in a car seat they're more likely to fall asleep when they're tired.

uck51js9zml2yt

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Occasionally children's nap times will be +/- 30 minutes so you can plan but they don't always follow the plan. And in a car seat they're more likely to fall asleep when they're tired.

Agreed. When mine were smaller and in a carry seat i could bring them inside in the seat, hoping the change of air temperature didn't wake them. I usually left them in the car though. Plans go out the door where kids are involved:)

Rubberchikken

did you see the child asleep in the car or did the childminder tell you about this? also the nursing home visit?
if she told you then be thankful you seem to have an honest person minding your child.

as with others, i don't see an issue with the nursing home visit. doing normal things like that are part and parcel of growing and lerning and both a child and the residents of the home benefit.
the child isn't at any more risk of bugs/colds there than in a trolley at the local supermarket.

as for sleeping in the car, when mine were small and if one was asleep when i pulled up at home, i was always thankful for the opportunity to put away groceries/grab a peaceful cup of tea while still able to see junior from the window. a couple of minutes peace certainly gave me energy to keep going:)

but if you're uncomfortable with any of the issues you raised, then talking with her is the only way to deal with it. good luck

pwurple

I'm another person who has seen a parked car go up in flames. 20% of reported fires are vehicles as far as I remember.
Fire triangle -> Fuel , oxygen , ignition. 
Plenty of fuel in a car, a minor leak or spill and it's available
Oxygen, 
Ignition. Static electricity , electrical fault, arcing from another source, flashpoint on a hot day.

vandriver

pwurple wrote: »

I'm another person who has seen a parked car go up in flames. 20% of reported fires are vehicles as far as I remember.
Fire triangle -> Fuel , oxygen , ignition. 
Plenty of fuel in a car, a minor leak or spill and it's available
Oxygen, 
Ignition. Static electricity , electrical fault, arcing from another source, flashpoint on a hot day.

It's lucky we all drive diesel these days then!

Big Bag of Chips

pwurple wrote: »

20% of reported fires are vehicles as far as I remember.

What percentage of those go on fire and what percentage are burnt out?

There are always dangers.
Drive with the child in the car, you could crash/be crashed into. What are the statistics regarding children injured in cars going on fire accidently versus being injured in a RTA?
Bring the child to the post office, you could be caught up in an armed robbery, where a distessed child might add to the tension.
Stay in doors, you and the child could die of carbon monoxide poisoning!

This is always a contentious issue with some doing it and others never even considering it. It's up to each parent to decide what they feel is a big/small risk. If the OP sees it as a risk he'd rather not take, then he is of course entitled to ask the minder not to do it. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

tobdom

Sure it's not safe to leave a child with a person either, they can also go on fire....... http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/man-died-from-spontaneous-human-combustion-inquest-finds-26774631.html

neonsofa

I always felt uneasy about kids and babies being left in cars but never really could pinpoint the exact reason, apart from the fact that you can't see them, and that happens at night etc when baby is in another room or whatever so it seems illogical to have an issue with the car but I suppose what it comes down to for me is minimising risk where possible. It isn't possible to always have your two eyes on the baby, you have to sleep etc but when baby is in cot they are lying flat, breathing isnt restricted, the monitor is on or door is ajar etc. But if running into the shops you have the option to take them with you instead of taking the (small) risk of leaving them unattended in a car seat where they aren't lying flat. And for me personally, it seems that it is an easy enough risk to avoid and so i guess it just doesn't sit right with me to take that risk personally. Whereas other parents may religiously unplug all electrical devices every night to minimise risk of fire and I don't, so they probably view that the same way. We all do it as parents- weigh up the pros and cons and make a choice. And I suppose that's why I would expect a paid childminder not to take that risk, they are being paid so the parent doesn't have to risk leaving the child alone during those set hours.

I did once walk past a car with a baby left alone in it near the school and the mam had obviously ran across with the school child. The baby was wailing and I really did feel anxious and stood by the car til i saw the mam come back, i was just so concerned about the cry getting more and more panicked sounding, couldnt do anything but didnt feel right walking past the car either. In a house, someone would hear the cry before it got that hysterical and the baby would not have gotten to the state it did. Although in fairness most parents would probably have been quicker when leaving a baby unattended. But that makes me think that what if something happened if you intended to be quick.

Another time two little boys were in the car at the shops. One around 4 and the other about 6 or 7. The alarm went off when they were in the car and they looked so panicked and embarrassed.

So it'd more be things like that I would be concerned about moreso than risk of fire or abduction- both of those obviously worse scenarios but not half as likely!

pwurple

vandriver wrote: »

pwurple wrote: »

I'm another person who has seen a parked car go up in flames. 20% of reported fires are vehicles as far as I remember.
Fire triangle -> Fuel , oxygen , ignition. 
Plenty of fuel in a car, a minor leak or spill and it's available
Oxygen, 
Ignition. Static electricity , electrical fault, arcing from another source, flashpoint on a hot day.

It's lucky we all drive diesel these days then!

Lol, Good old greens eh! I drive electric, no idea how likely those are to burst into flames yet. I can't even bring a phone or laptop battery onto client sites, I'm lucky they leave me into the carpark.

I read this article years ago, on my first mat leave. Scared the crap out of me.
Leaving a child in the car

Neyite

I read that too on Maternity leave Pwurple. Did exactly the same to me.

neonsofa

That article was so terribly sad those poor parents

pwurple

neonsofa wrote: »

That article was so terribly sad those poor parents

Yeah, it's horrific. There's not much anyone can say about leaving children in cars after reading that.

tobdom

pwurple wrote: »

Yeah, it's horrific. There's not much anyone can say about leaving children in cars after reading that.

Really?! Maybe, don't forget your children (not saying this in a way related to the article, judging those people or whatever)? So a valid reason for not leaving a a child in the car (parked outside your house as they are asleep - as was the topic of discussion here) is that you might forget that they're there.....

What other activity/decision should one rule out, while allowing for the possibility that you might forget about your child?