Child access

Egan2012

Hi guys ,
OK so , I have 2 kids that live 3hrs car journey away from me. My ex split up with me and decided she wanted to move to the opposite side of the country with them. I went to court got my guardianship sorted and my maintaince sorted. It's there every week without fail. In court I said I would be able to take the kids for one weekend a month which entails me driving 3 hours to collect the kids drive 3 hours back to where I live on the Friday. I would drop them home then on the Sunday which is the same again. 6 hours driving. I will take them for 2 weeks of the summer and I will collect them on Christmas day and keep the for a week. The reason I can only take them for the 3 days in a weekend in a month is due to work. I work night shift and the days off stagger. I have an arrangement with the company that one weekend in the month I can take 3 days together.
I give my ex ar least 3 weeks notice to let her know when my next weekend is. I try to keep the weekends the same but sometimes instead of the 4th weekend I'm the month I might have to take them the 3rd weekend of the month. It's going to be either one of them.
Lately I am getting texts off her saying she is taking me to court because I'm not seeing enough of the kids. For instance she text this morning saying when their midterm break is in April are my taking them for the week ? I said I'm working and I will be down to collect them on the last weekend in the month as arranged with her.
Her response was see you cout.
She seems to be under the impression I can just take a week off hear and there to to take the kids. Don't get me wrong I would have them living with me tomorrow if I had half the chance.
But if I don't work she gets no maintaince so how would that go down ?
Any thoughts much appreciated.

Applepie15

Hey, I am right there with you, in a similar situation.

Its pure bitterness on here side, you want to get on with your life and still be a big part of the kids lives and she wants to use the kids as a baseball bat and beat you down with it every chance she can and its not right but keep the head up and think of the kids, it’s a big commitment for you and she’ll never see it that way but the kids will appreciate it so remember that.

Straighenup

I'm pretty sure the only thing the she could get the court to do is limit your access. Maintenance is agreed and you say you're paying it, she could look for an increase but thats another matter.
You said you could only take the kids those days due to work and if that is the case, I dont know what more she wants from you? It was her idea to move so far away. I dont know if you are in a position to try and get a new job or to relocate closer to your kids, I would imagine that much travelling will become an issue, if not for you, for them eventually(perhaps not).
All you can do is your best, just be sure to keep a calm head and not put anything silly on text/email. Also, hang in there, you never know how things will work out in the future, be the Dad your kids deserve. Little victories fade quickly, so keep an eye on the long term. Best of luck to you whatever happens.

Applepie15

The courts are not interested in how far you travel or how hard your work just so long as you keep paying your maintenance, thats our judicial system, its a failure. Be positive and it will eventually work out. 
I went through the same rubbish, she moved away and I travelled miles & miles for the kids, she made so many issues for access but I kept at it for the kids. 

Remember, pay maintenance, maintain access, build relationships with the kids, mind yourself and move on with life as best you can.

Egan2012

Applepie15 wrote: »

The courts are not interested in how far you travel or how hard your work just so long as you keep paying your maintenance, thats our judicial system, its a failure. Be positive and it will eventually work out. 
I went through the same rubbish, she moved away and I travelled miles & miles for the kids, she made so many issues for access but I kept at it for the kids. 

Remember, pay maintenance, maintain access, build relationships with the kids, mind yourself and move on with life as best you can.

Thanks for the reply.
Nice to know I'm not the only one. As far as I'm concerned I'm not the one that moved and there isn't anything I can do about it. I just don't reply to here anymore not unless it's about the kids. When they were living here I had them everyday and would drop them home before I would go to work. It's hard that they have moved so far away but it's a fact of life. I was the one that went to court because I wanted to pay maintanince and sort my guardianship. Maintanince is there every week.

I will say one thing though. Bitterness is a vile thing. I wouldn't mind if I was the one that done something wrong. Anyway that's a whole other story.

Egan2012

Straighenup wrote: »

I'm pretty sure the only thing the she could get the court to do is limit your access. Maintenance is agreed and you say you're paying it, she could look for an increase but thats another matter.
You said you could only take the kids those days due to work and if that is the case, I dont know what more she wants from you? It was her idea to move so far away. I dont know if you are in a position to try and get a new job or to relocate closer to your kids, I would imagine that much travelling will become an issue, if not for you, for them eventually(perhaps not).
All you can do is your best, just be sure to keep a calm head and not put anything silly on text/email. Also, hang in there, you never know how things will work out in the future, be the Dad your kids deserve. Little victories fade quickly, so keep an eye on the long term. Best of luck to you whatever happens.

Thanks for the reply. Well I do the best I can with them. If the right job did come up down the country I probably would consider moving. The thing is , because she decided to updticks and move so far away is it right that I have to give up everything to follow her? Doesn't seem fair to me. I already got rode by a judge because I originally went for custody of the kids. Then got screwed over finnancially wise buy my ex , I'm not talking about maintanince , I would pay anything for my kids. I just don't think that I should have to upsticks to follow her.

Dravokivich

I don't envy the position you are in. But to be honest, I think she's bluffing. She knows the position you are in and is trying to put pressure on you to re-act in a manner that can be manipulated. She can cry out court all she wants until you see an application in the post. Just keep focused on what you can do for the kids and leave the stirring to her.

Egan2012

Dravokivich wrote: »

I don't envy the position you are in. But to be honest, I think she's bluffing. She knows the position you are in and is trying to put pressure on you to re-act in a manner that can be manipulated. She can cry out court all she wants until you see an application in the post. Just keep focused on what you can do for the kids and leave the stirring to her.

Hi there,
Thanks for the reply. I'm just at the stage now where I'm ignoring her messages unless it's some info on the kids.
Just say for instance if it did go back to court , would a judge really expect me to put my job at risk by travling more ? If I lost my job what happens with paying maintanince ? I wouldn't be able to afford what I'm paying now ? .

Would I have a case of getting her to travel half way to meet me ? I know she doesn't drive but there has been a couple of occasions where she wanted me to take the kids spare of the moment , I said grand but you are going to have to bring them here she said fine and her dad dropped them to me.

Dravokivich

From experience I've known people to cut work hours to make access with their child. My expectation regarding maintenance would be that it's determined by your means to pay it (I'm not in receipt of it so haven't gone through that). So it does seem to follow that reduced hours in work, should reduce maintenance payments. Even before that, did you have someone present the outlay you face to see your children when considering maintenance payments?

I'm kind of in a flipped up version of your circumstances. My son is with me. However his mother then choose to move a considerable distance away and she's since been trying to use that as a means to dispute current access. While also looking for me to be involved in bringing him to her and collecting him from her. I don't have a means to do so, nor intend to make my obligations dependent on the availability of someone else.

I think that's something you'll need to take into consideration if you express a similar request or mention it in a more formal setting. You acknowledge she doesn't drive, so you don't want to be left in a position where you can't see the children because she didn't have a lift arranged. Especially when she's trying to impress upon you, that you don't see them enough already.

Egan2012

Dravokivich wrote: »

From experience I've known people to cut work hours to make access with their child. My expectation regarding maintenance would be that it's determined by your means to pay it (I'm not in receipt of it so haven't gone through that). So it does seem to follow that reduced hours in work, should reduce maintenance payments. Even before that, did you have someone present the outlay you face to see your children when considering maintenance payments?

I'm kind of in a flipped up version of your circumstances. My son is with me. However his mother then choose to move a considerable distance away and she's since been trying to use that as a means to dispute current access. While also looking for me to be involved in bringing him to her and collecting him from her. I don't have a means to do so, nor intend to make my obligations dependent on the availability of someone else.

I think that's something you'll need to take into consideration if you express a similar request or mention it in a more formal setting. You acknowledge she doesn't drive, so you don't want to be left in a position where you can't see the children because she didn't have a lift arranged. Especially when she's trying to impress upon you, that you don't see them enough already.

All seems rediculus to me to be honest.

Fourtwenty

Guys.......for the love of God will some of you form a group and lobby for your children's right to equal access to both parents...or get involved in an already existing group.....
The world has changed and by and large good men take a far more active role in their children's day to day care....but the courts continue to not exercise this right on behalf on Irish children...
The problem is you need to organise yourselves into a group with a very articulate media savvy spokesperson.....
It's far to profitable for the legal system as things stand...so they won't change things...
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a huge issue in child custody and access issues in Ireland and worldwide.