Please Help we cant get our 3month old to sleep

Amateurrunner

Our baby is 3months old today and we have never really been able to get her to fall asleep well. We relied a lot on breastfeeding her to sleep at the start, being honest there have been some awful times she has got sick when I've tried to feed her to sleep when she wasn't even hungry - bad parent but we really cant get her to sleep. During the day I bring her on walks to get her to sleep usually around 2hours after she wakes. This works but I feel it is a v bad habit as we cant do this at night and nights are horrific.
I'm really looking for some tips for nighttime. She isn't bad once she goes asleep but please help. Tonight for example she has been tired since 6pm but eventually after lots of crying went to sleep after 930. After I feed her I i put her in her bed she cries. We tried playing lullaby machine with 15min setting but she just cries for 15mins. My husband ends up walking her around our kitchen island for hours - his poor back I sore from it. Now we are feeding her and then I hand her to my husband to start walking her around. Should we put her in her snuzpod after i feed 4 x amount of time even though we know she will cry and cry with the hope she will eventually close her eyes? What we are doing isn't working so she is crying a lot at the moment as she ends up overtired. Tried reading to her she just howled. Any suggestions, please tired mam and dad

uck51js9zml2yt

Spent hours rocking mine I the pram while my wife slept.
It was so bad I disconnected the basket from the wheels and carried it upstairs with him asleep in it for fear of waking him up.

I then spent hours sitting beside the cot when we moved him into it so he'd sleep.
There are no easy solutions......sorry

margo321

no real suggestions but it gets better. usually around the three months they sleep more in a pattern. try putting her down and pat her to sleep. to be fair they all get bad habits as people have to do what works. theyll grow out of bad habits. maybe wind or hungry? some people swear by leap weeks, maybe it coukd explain it. good luck

Wexy86

She might over tired so that might be the reason she can't drift off too easy, I've atttached a wake time guide. Once I started following this naps and over night sleeps got a lot better. Once I had the timings right I slowly weaning off the rocking/feeding to sleep. Little steps! 3 months is still very young so you might not get good results for another while. Best of luck

Macmillan150

There's nothing worse. If she likes movement, can you try a vibrating mattress or a swing ( fisher price type thing etc). Some babies find it hard to sleep, especially if they are too tired. If one of you could take her out in car or Pram in the early evening for a nap, she may sleep better later at bedtime. Also extremely rarely, there are some babies who cannot sleep without medication.

Singer73

Have you tried white noise? Hairdryer? Worked for us. Stopped using actual hairdryer and downloaded an hour of it as an MP3 from the net. Plug in speakers. Sleep well

lollpop

Congratulations on your baby!
3 months old is still very young. It's very normal that your baby needs help to get to sleep. Also, Some babies just aren't good sleepers, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. I know how difficult it is (I had a non sleeper) but I promise it doesn't last forever.

In the meantime, having had a baby that was a bad sleeper, I would say do whatever gets everyone the most sleep. Don't worry about bad habits, they likely wont last too long and even if they do you can change things later on. Try to make sure they get regular naps during the day. Normally they need a sleep every 1.5 to 2 hours at that age but try to figure out what your baby needs. At night, If you think baby needs to go to sleep around 8 then try to time the feed to coincide with that. Don't worry about boobing to sleep, it's one of the great benefits of breastfeeding!!

The HorsesMouth

Would you consider trying a soother? I know when bf it's a source on contention among many but I find it invaluable for when they are so young. It sounds like it would be what your little baby is looking for seeing they are looking to feed/suck when not hungry. Also maybe try giving a bath and massage at say 10 or 11 to relax them for the night?

Amateurrunner

Thanks for the help everyone. Funny that new film that is out Boss Baby totally true in our house. We tried 4 different types of soothers but she didn't take any of them which is a little annoying as she has taken to sucking her poor fingers at the moment. She seems to get excited by baths rather than relaxed so that didn't work for us. 1:45-2hrs is what she lasts without needing a nap during the day so we've done a lot of walking, got dome nice new runners for that. I went through a patch of getting upset about needing to bring her on walks to get her to sleep, esp a day it was stormy out and after trying and trying at home I just had to go out, I was lashed on but she fell asleep. Trying to think of it as getting fit now to stay positive but it's definitely easier with nice weather.

She likes hairdryer noise we have it permanently plugged in so if we are walking around our kitchen island we often turn it on to stop her crying. She goes to sleep in my husbands arms eventually often with hairdryer on. Maybe we should try putting her in snuzpod and playing hairdryer noise. I think it makes us feel better when she is crying that we are trying to comfort her by holding her but it doesn't stop her crying she can sadly be crying for hours.
I've never heard of a vibrating mattress before and we don't have a swing only a bouncer but I'd be willing to buy something if I thought it would help.

I'll have a look at the wake time guide now.

Thanks 4 the support it can be hard when you have people saying stupid things to me like - walking to sleep ah you don't want to get into that habit Nope you are right I don't I'd love to put my baby to bed when I know she needs a nap and for her to gently drift off to sleep, I'd even take rocking her in my arms but it doesn't work for me.

_Brian

Ours were both hard to sleep had night terrors.

First thing I'll say is nothing lasts forever and this hard time will definitely pass.

We used a CD player in their room with a nice relaxing cd on repeat, until they were about four !!

We resorted to having their cot close to a single bed in their room and one of us would lie on it and hold their hand until they were asleep, often rubbing their back as well for comfort. Some people said we were mad but honestly it's no bother and as a parent you'll do whatever is needed to help a child sleep.
As they got older this changed to reading books to them to relax and that progressed to sharing reading and then to solo reading.

Friends said that we should just put them down and let them cry. Absolutely not, it took no longer than reading to a toddler and your never chastised for doing that.

Find what works and do it, don't be swayed by people telling you that it shouldn't be done.

The cd on repeat helps drown out noises in the house as it's so local to them, that way your not tip toeing about when they're down.

Beanybabog

Singer73 wrote: »

Have you tried white noise? Hairdryer? Worked for us. Stopped using actual hairdryer and downloaded an hour of it as an MP3 from the net. Plug in speakers. Sleep well

I put my iPad on the floor and YouTube white noise playing. It does seem to work

Beanybabog

Would she fall asleep breastfeeding? I do that sometimes and transfer her to the crib. When desperate I let her stay in the bed!! Mine is a terrible napper and she did 2 and a half hours one day just because me and the husband were in the bed with her!

catrionanic

I have nothing to suggest that hasn't already been said, but just wanted to reply to say you are not alone! I have a 10 week old boy and this last fortnight he is impossible to get down for a nap. It takes forever for him to drift off and then he wakes crying after a max of ten minutes.... even going for walks doesn't help (I've just walked the length and breadth of rathmines with no success!). So I really can empathise and you have my full sympathies!

drunkmonkey

sandraiwhite@ya wrote: »

Some babies find it hard to sleep, especially if they are too tired. If one of you could take her out in car or Pram in the early evening for a nap, she may sleep better later at bedtime.

This is good advice.

You say baby only went to sleep at 9.30 after trying to get them to sleep at 6pm.
Let baby have an early afternoon nap and try putting them to sleep at 8.30.

Zebra2016

I really feel for you. I have a 7 month old that really struggled with sleep for the first 4 months. We tried everything, listening to everyone's advice, but nothing seemed to work. Time seemed to take care of it.

I remember doubting myself, thinking I was doing something wrong. Others would warn myself and husband about bad habits such as rocking, feeding to sleep and sharing a bed, but we did them all as we were desperate. Baby cried a lot and was unsettled due to over tiredness. She didn't like walks in the pram, or being in the car, so that wasn't an option. If she eventually feel asleep in my husbands arms he remained in the position for hours for fear she would wake. We often rocked her in the pram in the kitchen in the dark with the extractor fan on, while singing to her. We became very aware of her cues to sleep, and tried to respond as early as possible, like when she rubbed her eyes. Sleeping in the bed was a disaster as she wanted to nurse all night, just wanted to suckle for comfort. She was an extremely light sleeper and the least bit of noise would wake her, and we often blamed each other for waking her. It was extremely frustrating and stressful, however like your baby, once she got to sleep at night, she would sleep for a few hours at a time, but it was extremely difficult to get her back to sleep upon waking. She was a breastfed baby too.

Things switching at around 4 months, when everyone else baby had the '4 month regression', she improved (the benchmark was low!!) and is now a good sleeper, and sleeps in a separate room in her snozpod since she was 4 months. She wakes once a night on average and is fed back to sleep. She still needs feeding to sleep and had a minimium amount of sleep for her age. I don't think she will ever be a big sleeper, but we are very happy with her progress. She goes to bed late, at about 10:00 and gets up at 8. She rarely just drifts off to sleep when out and about and relies on feeding a lot to sleep, she is still exclusively breastfed. There are a few things I learned from the experience, not sure how helpful they are:

1. You are doing nothing wrong, you are doing a great job, time will take care of things, your baby will settle. Try not to get down, I know it's easy to say. Your baby's sleeping is no reflection on your parenting abilities.

2. Ask for help from others, it's exhausting not having a break. The idea of 'resting when your baby rests' only works if you have a baby that sleeps!! Get others to rock and hold her for awhile.

3. Go with your gut and do what you need to do to get baby to sleep. If you need to walk, rock or feed baby, so be it. It's not forever.

4. Listen to others to a point, but don't doubt yourself. People spout a lot of rubbish about giving baby bad habits.

Thinking of you, and wishing you and your baby well, hang in there.

Amateurrunner

I'm loving all the messages of support and feeling motivated by the general trend that it will get easier. I brought Clodagh on a walk at 445 and she slept for 15mins (455-510) today and it did make it slightly easier. It did still take a long time to get her down with multiple failed attempts - you just got to love how babies are great at looking like they are out cold until they hit their mattress but I think she has her first slight cold which doesn't help.

Zebra2016 number 1 above is v nice of you and I feel written by someone who has gone through similar feelings to me. I've definitely had days that I cried thinking that I was really **** and why can't I get my baby to sleep. Haven't had a day like that since weather improved.

I had it in my head all along that the first 12weeks are the hardest, now I have 16weeks as a goal.

Caitrinanic I really hope it gets easier 4 u too and anyone else reading this struggling to get their baby to sleep

wuffly

What Zebra said is great advice. I honestly thought my son hated me for the first few months he was a proper 4th trimester baby, wanted to be held all the time but still cried and had a horrendous witching hour from 5pm-11pm everyday sometimes longer. Never wanted to nap!
From about 4 weeks he was in the carrier/sling to get him to sleep. it was the only thing that worked and all those 'bad habit....blah blah bs comments' are nonsense, number 1 we did it because he needed to sleep (we needed to eat etc...) and there was no other way and no 2 he's 10 months now and couldn't be less clingy or more independent. Honestly if you find something that works do it, so called bad habits can be changed in time. We also used the dummy at lot from 4 weeks to 4 months, it really helped him to go to sleep on his own. Whatever you need to do, you won't need to do it forever.
We started a routine at about 3 months and worked pretty well after about a week.. it just suited him it's not for everyone. He is still not an amazing sleeper(i had to go back to work at 16weeks and he was in nursery where he go sick and it totally messed up his sleep) but we do get some good nights and he's great to sleep at the start of the night and we get some us time. He just seems to hit a leap or is teething every other week which wakes him during the night. In general he's a really happy kid. I found the sleep stress eased slowly when he started to smile at 10-12 weeks and we found out he was actually pretty happy!
Take every nap as a win no matter how short... take all advice with a dose of salt, every single child is different! You're doing a great job!

Amateurrunner

I totally said to my husband a few weeks ago "She doesn't like me" but gladly I feel like I've gone past that period. Onwards and upwards. Looking forward to getting some form of an evening back at some point.

drunkmonkey

Amateurrunner wrote: »

Looking forward to getting some form of an evening back at some point.

Best of Luck with that, I've been told at 5 you get a life back...I've only about 800 more broken sleeps to go : (

annoyedgal

Co sleeping worked well for my son. He always slept really well when beside his mum! I'd lie with him until he fell asleep then move him into the cosleeper. For nap time he would sleep in buggy or fall asleep in my arms after feeding.
He slept in my bed until one when he moved into his own cot and room. Now sleeps 7 to 7 like a trooper! Everything is a phase so hang in there!

Big Bag of Chips

How upset is she? Does she sound very distressed? Does she curls her legs up? Does her body seem tense? Is she happy enough and relaxed when she's awake during the day?

I know if you bring her to the doctor they might roll their eyes at the "over anxious new mammy", but I'd look for patterns, and I'd look for changes in her. She might be just a really restless baby, or there might be something actually bothering/paining her that would be worth getting checked.

I may be way off, but it could be something to watch for.