Dentist over Birthday?

LegacyUser

So I'm not sure how to think about this, I might not be justified so I'll just ask here.
For around a month now there's been talk about my birthday and as it falls during the Easter
Break which for teachers is holidays. It was kind of agreed that we would see each other that day. I'm private sector so I would take the day off. My oh had a dentist appointment
during these two weeks which was cancelled and moved to that day. So I got a
Message telling me that they would pick me up late that evening and be ready for a surprise.
I informed them about what I thought was the plan, and that I might cancel the day off. I feel quite upset about it because ita once a year and it stupidly means
Sonething to me. I mean there's two weeks there and it was just one
Day for them. I'm turning 24 now so maybe it's just frowning up
I don't know why I'm upset. Do I have any right to. Harsh realities
Completely welcome. And thanks for any help

GingerLily

Did you tell your partner that you'd like them to reschedule so you can spend the day together?

uck51js9zml2yt

Your OH needs dental work done. The dentist could see them on your birthday. Life happens OP. You're 24!


Harsh reality....I think you need to get perspective on things.

eviltwin

Sorry but anything medical has to take priority in my book. I'm sure he'd rather be doing something fun with you rather than going to the dentist.

baby and crumble

I can understand disappointment, OP, but in all honesty, dental and medical stuff HAS to come first. As someone who neglected her oral hygiene for a long time and had to get a significant amount of work done in recent times, it's not easy to get dentist appointments, and you can be SURE he'd rather not be doing it.

Why not keep your day off, have a lovely day (treat yourself to something!) and then enjoy the evening and the surprise he's organised for you. That sounds sweet.

And after a certain point, birthdays just become... well, another day, really. I'd never expect my partner to take a day out of her holidays to spend it with me, and I don't think 'd even waste a day off work for it anymore. I've had 34 of those already, and I only get a certain number of leave days a year!!!

woodchuck

Your post is difficult to read. Can you clarify if you both agreed that you'd take the day off to spend the day together?

amtc

It's my birthday today.
I make a big deal about my birthday. It's my special day.
I had plans with my mam, my best friend and my on/off boyfriend.
But life doesn't always work out this way.
My mam won a free hair appointment which could only be done today. My best friend's birthday was yesterday and she overdid it and is dying so I told her to go back to bed. Himself was called into work.

So I have my feet up with a book happy as Larry.

On the other hand if he can wait for dental work it's obviously not that urgent...

Ursus Horribilis

It looks like there has been a breakdown in communication here. Did you actually tell your partner that you were planning to take the day off and that you could do something on the day? I get the impression from your post that English isn't your first language. From what you've described, I get the impression that you didn't have anything more than vague plans. Am I right? It's just that your post is a little hard to read.

You've also not told us what it is your partner needs to have done at the dentist. Or indeed, what time the appointment is at. I know if I needed to go to the dentist for anything other than a routine check-in, I'd want to get an appointment for as soon as possible. Especially if it was for something like a broken filling.

Perhaps birthdays aren't important to him/her. Or they assumed you'd be doing other things on your day off. Communication is key.

Neyite

Mod:
OP, if you have an issue with a post, please report it and a mod will deal with it.

I'm not approving your most recent post. You know why. We care very much about being respectful towards each other on this forum, OP's included.

Neyite

Mod note:

Cards will be handed out for any more posts that bash the OP. Civil, helpful and constructive advice only please.

LegacyUser

I can see where everyone is coming from.

Yes english is not my firste language.

The issue has rose because it has been planned in advance and me being in the private sector with a very busy job I had to plan well in advance to take the day off. I would not have asked for leave if there was not a plan between us. It was a routine appointment which may have been able to be changed to a different date.

But I thanks for you help, as it has given me a different view on it. And maybe my feelings werent right.

But I didnt act on them whatsoever. But when are feelings justified? Cant one not be upset anymore. SO confusing

Vojera

OP, I take it that your other half is a teacher. I know from any of my teacher/SNA friends, they need to be in dire straits before they can take a day off during the school year (obviously because it leaves students and other staff in the lurch), so they tend to jam quite a bit into the midterms while they have the opportunity.

What I'm saying is that it may not be easy for your OH to reschedule this appointment as most likely it MUST be done before schools reopen, and there's obviously a reason the dentist moved the appointment in the first place. So you can ask your OH to try to reschedule for another day if you like, but be prepared for disappointment - it just might not work out that way and not due to the fault of your partner.

I do understand that it's disappointing when plans change, especially ones you've really been looking forward to (and I'm not above having a little strop myself at times over things like this), but sometimes life happens and you have to get over it. The idea above of taking the day and pampering yourself is lovely. Or you could take a different day off and spend it with your partner if it suits your schedules. Don't cancel everything because it'll leave you feeling worse in the end.

Bambi985

Could he stay over the night before and ye could have a birthday brunch the next morning before he takes off for his appointment?

i think it'd be a bit petty of you to kick up a fuss given that he's already making plans with you for the evening. Personally, I can think of nothing more blissful than a relaxing day off to myself on my birthday and then meeting my OH for a lovely dinner in the evening, but that's just me.

freshpopcorn

Is he a primary of secondary teacher OP?
Most primary teachers I know do courses during the Summer and this allows them to do take course days(essential days off during the year) Their aloud two or three) This might be a suggestion to him for the future.
I generally have no issue getting an appointment at my dentist but I could only get that day I suppose I'd choose going to the dentist over the Birthday. Did he try and change it?
I do see how you might be a bit disappointed OP but unfortunately these things happen. If I was you. I meet him before the dentist and do something with him and then meet him when he's done!

stargazer 68

Op if its a routine appointment he should be done in half an hour or so. Could you not go with him and then do something?

Big Bag of Chips

Well have you spoken to them about it? You seem to be annoyed without actually clearing the details. Do you want to go to work, or do you want to keep your day off. I had a colleague who took her birthday off every year. She didn't necessarily do anything out of the ordinary but she always took the day for herself.

You said you wanted harsh realities... Your birthday isn't significant to anyone other than you! And some would say that a 24th birthday isn't significant at all!! They seem to have something 'big' planned for you that evening. If you want to meet them during the day too then speak up. Routine appointment at the dentist shouldn't last all day, so there should be time to meet around it for lunch or whatever.

Your day can still be special. But you need to talk to your OH.

osarusan

Quick quuu wrote: »

So I'm not sure how to think about this, I might not be justified so I'll just ask here.
For around a month now there's been talk about my birthday and as it falls during the Easter
Break which for teachers is holidays. It was kind of agreed that we would see each other that day. I'm private sector so I would take the day off. My oh had a dentist appointment
during these two weeks which was cancelled and moved to that day. So I got a
Message telling me that they would pick me up late that evening and be ready for a surprise.
I informed them about what I thought was the plan, and that I might cancel the day off. I feel quite upset about it because ita once a year and it stupidly means
Sonething to me.

"It was kind of agreed that we would see each other on that day."

Apart from the unfortunately timed dentist appointment, did you actually have plans to be together for the whole day/most of it? Or did you just assume you would be doing that?

As somebody else has said, could you not still spend most of the day together apart from the time they are in the dentist? You could do a bit of window shopping or just relax in a cafe or something while you wait.

sbsquarepants

I don't know, different people value different things I suppose, but surely birthdays are only important when you're a child?
I'm 42 and I can honestly only tell you what I done for 1 of my previous 20 birthdays, and that was because the missus took me off to Wimbledon for my 40th (I actually have no idea if it was the day of my birthday or not). There's no way I would even think of taking a day off work for it, and not because I love work so much, just because it's a nothing day.

woodchuck

I think people are being a bit harsh here. Assuming there was no miscommunication, it was clear you were taking the day off to spend it together and it's just a routine check up he booked, then I would be disappointed too (even if there was no plan set in stone).

However, are you absolutely sure there wasn't a miscommunication somewhere along the way? Some people just like to take a day off on their birthday to chill out themselves. He might have thought that you were just meeting up in the evening?

LegacyUser

I thank you all the posts that were helpful and not acusitory. It's why people use a forum like this to discuss something that you cannot discuss with anybody else.

It is ecaxtly why I asked the question, and now I see the bigger picture. I feels like most people expect you to have people's agree with you when actually you just want help

miamee

Op, I had a routine dentist check up today plus a scale and polish and I was in and out in twenty minutes. It certainly shouldn't be taking up his whole day even if it's at an awkward time. However, talk to him and ask if he would still like to do something before the dentist appointment and then let him pick you up later in the evening for whatever he has planned.

SusieBlue

Don't write off the entire day. This appointment will only take an hour or two at most!
Have a sleepover the night before, and go for brunch the next day as PP suggested. Then while he's at his appointment, grab a coffee/get a blow dry/get your nails done, treat yourself in some way.
Then meet him again afterwards to resume in whatever you have planned for the evening.

No offence OP but this all or nothing attitude comes across a bit spoiled. There's no reason why you can't enjoy the day together even with the appointment.

I'm a year older than you and have ended up working for all my adult birthdays. I've only been with my boyfriend the last 2 years but he also went to work on those days. We celebrated with a nice dinner in the evening when we were both finished work. Maybe birthdays aren't a big deal to him.. Either way, communicate with him and let him know how you feel!

LegacyUser

The appointment is 3.5 hours away that's where he lives you see and it's at 4pm 🙁 It's unlucky I guess and not much can be done so it's ok

RhubarbCrumble

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I don't know, different people value different things I suppose, but surely birthdays are only important when you're a child?
I'm 42 and I can honestly only tell you what I done for 1 of my previous 20 birthdays, and that was because the missus took me off to Wimbledon for my 40th (I actually have no idea if it was the day of my birthday or not). There's no way I would even think of taking a day off work for it, and not because I love work so much, just because it's a nothing day.

Absolutely agree. Bar significant ages, I couldn't tell you the last time that myself or my partner 'celebrated' a birthday. We went away for a few days last year when my OH turned forty, but as you say, surely birthdays are just for kids otherwise.

Ursus Horribilis

How about having a conversation with your boyfriend about it? Even if everyone on this thread told you that he was an inconsiderate, neglectful swine who put his teeth ahead of your birthday celebrations, what would that achieve? It's your relationship, your boyfriend, your birthday. Talk to him, not us.

charlietheminxx

OP are you both into celebrating birthdays? I love them and enjoy making a big deal out of them for my other half and family etc but some people don't see them as a big deal, as evidenced in this thread.

If it was me I would never take an appointment for my boyfriend's birthday (and I say that as someone who has had to have a heap of dental work done recently) but he could just be on a different page when it comes to the significance of birthdays. Had you talked about it properly?

gaynorvader

Quick quuu wrote: »

The appointment is 3.5 hours away that's where he lives you see and it's at 4pm 🙁 It's unlucky I guess and not much can be done so it's ok

What?! Is this in Ireland? Because that sounds like he lives in Tralee and insists on going to the dentist in Dublin or something. Is there no dentist closer?

Big Bag of Chips

It's unclear OP, do you live 3.5 hours apart? Do you see each other often? I'm not sure if people are being accusatory, but you did say in your original post "harsh realities welcome". The harsh reality is birthdays aren't as big a deal to some people as they are to others. My own birthday isn't a huge deal to me, so I can't see myself getting overly excited about someone else's!!

Look, all you can do is talk to them. Could you travel to them the night before your birthday? That way you could still have the whole day together if you like. Something has come up to change plans from what was originally agreed (it's still unclear what was originally fully decided on). You mightn't think it's important enough to 'ruin' your birthday for. Your OH mightn't feel your birthday is THAT big a deal to cancel a rescheduled appointment for. You can compromise by travelling to their area the night before and still having the day together.