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Is this inappropriate behaviour?

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  • 09-04-2017 3:36pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey there,

    So I suppose a bit of background is sort of needed. I'm a college student who works part time on the weekends in a fast food restaurant, another important thing to this story is that I'm gay and as such, use apps like tinder and grindr.

    Anyway, when I started the job I realised that I recognised managers and co-workers on those apps but decided to not message them out of respect etc. I know they recognised me too but again didn't mention it, all fine.

    However, one of my managers started messaging me on it, nothing sexual but to me it is still a bit weird. The app was grindr and if you know the nature of the app, you know the nature of how conversations of it usually go. The first time I replied but the second time I just didn't.

    Now, nothing sexual or inappropriate was said but it still feels like he crossed a boundary.

    What should I do?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Wanderer2010
    Registered Users Posts: 6,740 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    Totally inappropriate for a co-worker to contact you in this fashion, even worse that it was a manager. OP, you were right to ignore it the second time. If he persists in contacting you, can you block him? If you can, then block him and say nothing about it in work, just carry on and do your work as professional as you can.
    If this guy does bring it up, pull him aside and just say "I don't mix work and my private life, can you respect that?" that should shut him up. If he gets nasty with you keep a log of activities and bring it higher, explaining you feel singled out. But telling him to butt out should do the trick.


  • Options
    #3
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    Nothing wrong with it at all, if you're not interested then say no thanks and just forget about it. If it persists after you have said you're not interested then it is inappropriate.


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    #4
    2Mad2BeMad
    Registered Users Posts: 2,791 ✭✭✭2Mad2BeMad


    Unless its on your contract stating co workers should not get into a relationship well then its fine, if you are not interested then say no thanks or just ignore


  • Options
    #5
    Zillah
    Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    GarIT wrote: »
    Nothing wrong with it at all, if you're not interested then say no thanks and just forget about it. If it persists after you have said you're not interested then it is inappropriate.

    He said it was nothing sexual, so nothing to say no thanks to. It would be bloody outrageous for a manager to proposition someone under them, on Grindr or anywhere imo.


  • Options
    #6
    mel123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,209 ✭✭✭mel123


    Zillah wrote: »
    He said it was nothing sexual, so nothing to say no thanks to. It would be bloody outrageous for a manager to proposition someone under them, on Grindr or anywhere imo.

    Why? Its outside of work hours, its not like its inappropriate behaviour IN the workplace.

    As another poster said, just message back and say as polite as possible your not interested and leave it at that.


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  • Options
    #7
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users Posts: 11,192 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    Do nothing op.
    Let's be honest, looks like he is into you by messaging you on there. He is just chancing his arm and there is nothing wrong with that.

    You didn't reply back to the second message so you gave him the hint you're not interested. As it stands there's no issue.

    If he keeps messaging or starts getting the hump then that's an issue. But cross that if it happens.


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    #8
    Zillah
    Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    mel123 wrote: »
    Why? Its outside of work hours, its not like its inappropriate behaviour IN the workplace.

    Because of the power disparity. Having a superior hitting on you is inherently inappropriate because you're put in a position of either accepting their advances or running the risk of negative consequences for their careers. There is a suggestion of extortion.


  • Options
    #9
    MonsterCookie
    Registered Users Posts: 957 ✭✭✭MonsterCookie


    Where does the Op say he was hitting on him?

    Must admit I'm unfamiliar with Grindr so correct me if I'm wrong but plenty of people have ended up in relationships with work colleagues and social media is just another avenue for facilitating this.

    Assume of course OP is not a child?

    As it stands it would be immature to make a big deal if it imo.


  • Options
    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Suppose I should clear a few things up.

    Grindr, for those of you who don't know, is a dating app for gay/bi/curious men but not often used for dating and more so hook-ups. If you're on the app it's assumed you're looking for that, from my experience anyway.

    The messages were in no way sexual but it's the fact he used the app rather than befriending me on Facebook or something like that.

    I'm well aware work colleagues can enter relationships, there are a few already where I work, don't see an issue with that. Also don't see an issue with couples meeting up from social media, I've met people on other apps and sites for dates and all that.

    I was over-reacting, it's a non-issue really. I'll just see how it goes.


  • Options
    #11
    Zillah
    Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    MonsterCookie wrote: »
    Where does the Op say he was hitting on him?

    He didn't, he actually said the opposite; we've gone off into a tangential hypothetical.


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