Do you judge single people?

Your Face

Everyone gets judged no matter what.

Anyone ever see the clip from first dates Ireland where the very pretty female date admits to having never had a relationship, the amazed reaction of her male date says it all. Its not judgement exactly but society seems to have an unconscious exception of certain patterns of behaviour.

PARlance

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

I'm a 37 year old woman and happily single. I get my *ahem* needs met through dating and short term flings, but I am most definitely not looking for a long term partner/husband, and I don't intend to have children at all.

There are some people who just cannot fathom this, and who assume I'm just "putting on a brave face" and saying don't want a partner when in fact I'm secretly just dying to "settle down". I've found them to be patronising and condescending, saying things like "you're great to keep going on your own", "you're right to enjoy your life now and don't worry, you'll definitely meet someone" or the spectacularly irritating "oh you just haven't met the right one yet".

I'm not quite sure are those people just very insular and small-minded, and thus unable to comprehend that others don't make the same life-choices as them or do they genuinely pity me.

Still plenty of time














for those people to realise you're happy the way you are.

This Fat Girl Runs

I'm 40, childless, celibate and single and the only thing that bothers me about other people judging me is being told I need a ride. Like that's all I'm good for. Not, you need a partner but a ride. Bugs the heck out of me especially when they keep going on and on about it (yes, I know someone who does. Annoying as feck!)

Other than that, I go to the cinema alone all the time and out to restaurants and gigs etc. I prefer it actually. I can do my own thing on my own time and not have to cater to anyone's whims and whinges (speaking from experience having had an ex like that). If I ever did meet someone who would/could be a partner, it would have to be someone who appreciates time spent apart as well as together.

myshirt

Humans need to be loved, fed, and understood.

You're fooling yourself believing it is natural and healthy remaining single. You need companionship.

babi-hrse

Your mates real issue is the fact he thinks people are judging him. It's fine to be single but if he wants to be with someone you've just outlined his issue. He's not comfortable in his own skin. How can a prospective companion be comfortable with him.
As someone else said people have enough to be thinking of without thinking about a single man in the cinema.
I'd just assume someone just wanted to watch a film on their own.
He should work on this then see if he still has the original question after

babi-hrse

As for single people I have an aunt and she is very happy the way she is. Has her own place has her own job doesn't grow up with responsibilities when she feels maternal she just projects it onto her neices and nephews. She's travelled the world and drops in for flying visits and is the most interesting person in the room.
Somehow to see her settle down would seem wrong as she always consults for advice but never has to take it. To see her with someone would look like their input would restrict her decisions

missmatty

I was single most of my life bar two short and unsuccessful relationships and entered my thirties quite happy with the situation. I met my partner four years later (who i had already known as a casual work friend for many years) at a friend's wedding, and we are getting married in a month's time. I was a bit worried about losing my space in a relationship but it has all worked out very well. We are very well suited. If it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone.

madmaggie

No, I do not judge single people. I'm single myself and very happy. I've been told that I'm too independent, whatever that means.

mickmac76

I'm quite happy to be single in my thirties and able to do what I want. The only problem is well meaning people who are more concerned with my single status than I am.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

myshirt wrote: »

Humans need to be loved, fed, and understood.

You're fooling yourself believing it is natural and healthy remaining single. You need companionship.

While that is true.

All of those needs can be healthily met on a continuous level without the need for a lifelong monogamous partner ie marriage.

*and I'm not against marriage btw.

Glenster

learn_more wrote: »

Yes, I do. Single people are usually too good for everyone else ( like myself ) and thus have a harder time meeting an equal. It's a cross to bear but since I'm in the top 10% catch wise it follows that I'm great to be with which means I enjoy my own company more so than lesser people would. It's not so bad really. Preferable actually I'd say.

Or they're delusional gremlins.

paleoperson

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

While that is true.

All of those needs can be healthily met on a continuous level without the need for a lifelong monogamous partner ie marriage.

*and I'm not against marriage btw.

How is what he said true?

It was possibly the dumbest post in the whole thread, claiming it's not "natural" or "healthy" to remain single.

You do not need to have a romantic partner to be happy period.

parishsavings

I have been mostly single throughout my life. I would actually have been slightly judgemental myself, for example, if a girl was really nice and was long term single I'd be wondering why on earth is she still single?!! But my judgemental nature has gone away over the years. People always tell me I'm a great fella but sure I'm still single!

Pingi

I go to the cinema more often alone than with my OH or friends. I'm from outside of Dublin but live in Dublin so most likley everybody else in the cinema would an a stranger so I don't care even a tiny bit. I go maybe twice a month alone no hassle.

When I lived in my hometown (small town) there was no way I'd go alone I'd be far too self conscious. I would know loads of people there and they would judge and possibly ask questions.

Mountainsandh

I'm married with kids and no, I don't judge single people.

Although I would wonder about some, just wonder about whether they're happy about being single, or if they're hurting, and would like to find someone. Not judging, just worrying a bit.

I love going to the cinema on my own, sure you could never judge someone going to the cinema on their own, could be a happily married new father for example, looking for a short break away.
I'm the happily married mother (not even "new" !) looking for a break away. I go off for week-ends on my own too, sometimes. Love it.

I'd never judge someone for being single. But I judge people for getting married too quickly, especially the ones who obviously just want to get married, not be married.

They're the fools in life who pay a heavy emotional price for their short marriage.

LLMMLL

This thread would make you think the opposite, that it's single people judging the relationship people. So many people going on about how miserable married people are. I don't understand why people can't acknowledge that there are both good and bad points to being single or married.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

paleoperson wrote: »

How is what he said true?

It was possibly the dumbest post in the whole thread, claiming it's not "natural" or "healthy" to remain single.

You do not need to have a romantic partner to be happy period.

Should have been more clear. I agreed with the line where the poster said- "Humans need to be loved, fed, and understood."
This part I agreed with.

The second line of my post did actually disagree with the point- "You're fooling yourself believing it is natural and healthy remaining single."
This part I disagreed with.

Saying someone can't feel love in their life if they're single is complete non-scene.

pilly

LLMMLL wrote:

This thread would make you think the opposite, that it's single people judging the relationship people. So many people going on about how miserable married people are. I don't understand why people can't acknowledge that there are both good and bad points to being single or married.

This is what I don't get. I've been both married and single and don't judge anyone but single people can't expect not to be judged if they're constantly judging others.

It works both ways folks.

pilly

pilly wrote: »

This is what I don't get. I've been both married and single and don't judge anyone but single people can't expect not to be judged if they're constantly judging others.

It works both ways folks.

While I get your sentiment, that's not how the world, society, or logic works.

Ben Gadot

This Fat Girl Runs wrote: »

I'm 40, childless, celibate and single and the only thing that bothers me about other people judging me is being told I need a ride. Like that's all I'm good for.

That's so insulting. Probably the type of dick head who would tell you to cheer up.

I do feel awkward about being single when it comes to certain social events. Like I had to avoid a best friend's wedding recently because I knew I was the only one in the circle still single.

Other than that though I could care less. I go to the cinema on my own, have meals on my own and I'm happy doing it.

whoopsadoodles

Ben Gadot wrote: »

I do feel awkward about being single when it comes to certain social events. Like I had to avoid a best friend's wedding recently because I knew I was the only one in the circle still single.

That's very sad. Why would you not go to a wedding single?

digzy

Cousin of mine is 40 and would have issues with alcohol and depression. He's single.
My uncle in law gave him some funny advice......'would you ever settle down and get married......and be miserable like the rest of us'

Ben Gadot

It is sad admittedly. I guess it's just events like that when I feel ashamed of being 30 and the only one single.

I definitely don't judge couples anyway, as I've seen the good and bad. Basically as long as your status is for the right reasons then that's all that matters.

whoopsadoodles

Ben Gadot wrote: »

It is sad admittedly. I guess it's just events like that when I feel ashamed of being 30 and the only one single.

I definitely don't judge couples anyway, as I've seen the good and bad. Basically as long as your status is for the right reasons then that's all that matters.

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of being single at any age. And you're only a wee pup at 30!

Hopefully you don't let something like that happen again and see that no one cares less that you don't have a +1 there. Easier than having someone new anyway sure there'd only be minding on them

Galwayguy35

myshirt wrote: »

Humans need to be loved, fed, and understood.

You're fooling yourself believing it is natural and healthy remaining single. You need companionship.

That's a load of baloney.

I'm quite happy on my own and just because someone is single doesn't mean they're celibate.

eviltwin

I'm not single but my partner, friends and I have a lot of different tastes so I tend to do a few things solo. I've been to the cinema alone, concerts etc. Once you get over the initial worry that people will be staring at you its fine, no one cares. So no I don't judge anyone who is single or even assume someone by themselves is single. You just don't know.

Ben Gadot

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Ben Gadot wrote: »

It is sad admittedly. I guess it's just events like that when I feel ashamed of being 30 and the only one single.

I definitely don't judge couples anyway, as I've seen the good and bad. Basically as long as your status is for the right reasons then that's all that matters.

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of being single at any age. And you're only a wee pup at 30!

Hopefully you don't let something like that happen again and see that no one cares less that you don't have a +1 there. Easier than having someone new anyway sure there'd only be minding on them

Well I did feel stupid for not going. Like I knew it was stupid and I have gone to lesser friends' weddings as single as well. I dunno......maybe it just wasn't a great moment in time for me. I explained all of that to him anyway so he understands...

McCrack

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Was having a conversation with a mate of mine the other night. I'm 33, 34 in a month, he's just turned 36. He keeps asking (usually during inebriated states) if he'll ever find the one and settle down and have a family. I never want kids, so he's asking the wrong person. He thinks that he is constantly judged for being single, worrying that people think there's something wrong with him, etc, etc. Me, couldn't care less. While i miss the companionship of having a missus, i never want kids so my options are limited, and i'm ok with that. And i usually give no fcuks what people think of me. I know who i am, what i like, etc.

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons.

So, AH, do ye judge us lucky folk?

You should have left out the mate bit, this is clearly all about you

Irish_rat

Single life is the way to go once you have a lot of things going on and not wallowing away.

In a relationship right now again and it can be hard going.

purple_rose

Why would someone be afraid of going to the cinema on their own. You're in a dark room, no one is gonna see you.

sassyj

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I think that people do. Maybe not exactly judge. But once you reach the age when most people are coupled, the social life does dry up: couples would far rather socialise with other couples, and at some level the same-gender-as-you-partner does worry about you trying to steal his/her partner.

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship. Unkind people may call them crazy or suchlike. So by association some will wonder if any single person they meet falls into this category, or is just recently-dumped (and thus damaged goods).

I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who was single until 40 (apart from a couple of brief 3-month datings along the way). In my 20s I was more conscious of it. But by my 30s, if no friends wanted to so someplace I wanted to go, then I very happily went alone (and sometimes I didn't even bother checking with the friends, I just went anyways).

This is utter bullsh*t. Any meaningful backup to your pronouncement beside anecdotal evidence???

Quite a few over-35 single people on this thread, by your reckoning most of us are mentally damaged in some way. And age wise, how does it work, 34 and single, AOK. 35, ok now you've mentally deficient in some way and are unable to form relationships.

There are countless reasons people end up single, that you would presume the above speaks volumes about you.

A really uninformed, ignorant thing to say about people.

They're are tricky people of all ages on the dating scene as there are in life.

Heckler

Never had an issue going to the cinema alone. Unless you or your friends are dicks you won't be talking during the film anyway so why the need for company !

I'm 44 and single, was married for a time and yeah I miss it like hell. Wouldn't judge anyone for being single.

2 of my closest childhood friends are married a long time with kids and seem very happy. They don't mention them much when we meet up until I ask about them (godfather to one) but I have other married with kids friends and they seem to spend half any night out bitching and moaning about mortgages and kids.

Myself and my ex-wife never wanted children and we never owned a house. Was happy to rent forever as we moved around a lot.

Agreed at the lunacy of that comment by Mrs OBumble. Bonkers attitude.

Noddyholder

I wouldn't be judging anyone, Some people for a lot of different reasons remain single, I know lots of people who are single, Some try to hard and others are happy with there lifestyles and live a very active life, it's all down to ones choices,
I also know of people in relationships who shouldn't be and there only in them because they think they have to be.

Optimalprimerib

purple_rose wrote: »

Why would someone be afraid of going to the cinema on their own. You're in a dark room, no one is gonna see you.

I prefer seeing films that I want to see on my own. I hate a film being ruined on me by someone saying its sh1te. I enjoyed gravity for example but my two mates hated it, so it took from the experience.

pew

No i wouldnt judge anyone for being single. At times my insecurity would get to me somewhat, especially with family events, but i moved passed that.

I used to be friends with a girl who i thought was absolutely lovely. But when she got into a relationship she wouldnt associate with me or my other friend, because we were single. If she found out either of us were seeing someone or were in a relationship she would be all over us like a rash.

I ended up cutting her out of my life because when she did it, it made me feel abnormal or weird for being single. It was like she thought less of me when i wasnt seeing someone.

Honestly, i don't understand why anyone would be judged for being single.

pilly

Deleted User wrote:

While I get your sentiment, that's not how the world, society, or logic works.

I don't get your point? So it's okay for one group to judge another whilst giving out about being judged?

notsoyoungwan

myshirt wrote: »

Humans need to be loved, fed, and understood.

You're fooling yourself believing it is natural and healthy remaining single. You need companionship.

I'm loved, fed and understood. I have plenty companionship.
And I'm single.
Go figure.

Wanderer2010

Not at all. I'm definitely in the "people are too busy thinking of their own lives to notice who is single or not" camp. I mean, does anyone out there really care if someone is single at 40 or 50 etc? Really? I doubt it somehow.

What bothers me about relationships is how certain people can manage to be hooked up/married, despite being a horrible and nasty human being. I know a woman at work who never grew up=- shes 35 going on 9, you know the type, pure Mean Girl, gossips about everyone behind their back, spouts some horrible rumours about others and is in general a despicable person. And yet.....shes happily married to a bloke who is the complete opposite, lovely decent chap, they have a kid together. It BAFFLES me how people with nasty personalities can get someone.

Then you have young people, mostly from the country, who have had teenage sweethearts since 15 and are still together at 23 and 24 and talking about their future as if they will always be together and nothing could happen to split them up.

KyussBeeshop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kz7YUdy-Cg

:pac:


I think it's kind of a sad reflection on someones personality, when they look down on people for being single, when in a relationship - it just reeks of insecurity - as if they're the kind of person who has to seek out petty 'faults' in other people, in order to feel good about themselves.

Avatar MIA

Judge no, But that old saying, "confirmed bachelor" comes to mind. :pac:

Sound Bite

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship. Unkind people may call them crazy or suchlike. So by association some will wonder if any single person they meet falls into this category, or is just recently-dumped (and thus damaged goods).

I only judge people who make comments like this! Seriously wtf?

Bambi985

I think people judge. In varying amounts according to age and gender. I.E a 30-something single woman will probably be subjected to more scrutiny than a 20-something male. We've got a real hard-on for the married and mortgaged by 30 with kids a year later lifestyle in Ireland. Especially the older generation and especially in non urban parts. Someone who hasn't subscribed to that same lifestyle makes lots of people suspicious and they can often suffer socially too.

I'm coupled up now, and I swear one of the nicest things is to not have to deal with the "why are you still single?" And "you'll meet him when you least expect it" comments of my single 20s.

kerrylad1

Always wondered why a very good mate of mine was single.Early forties,Good job,own house,good looking chap,etc.Woke up this morning at 6am,turned on my phone,text he sent me at 4:30 am came through.(I love you mam).Text him back(I love you too son).Haven't heard back from him yet.Mammies boy.

fatknacker

I don't feel judged at all. Some people are curious as to why I'm single. I wouldn't call that judging. Then when I reply, they understand why.

My usual response is "ugly, stupid and lazy people get married and spawn too"

jamesbere

Bambi985 wrote: »

I think people judge. In varying amounts according to age and gender. I.E a 30-something single woman will probably be subjected to more scrutiny than a 20-something male. We've got a real hard-on for the married and mortgaged by 30 with kids a year later lifestyle in Ireland. Especially the older generation and especially in non urban parts. Someone who hasn't subscribed to that same lifestyle makes lots of people suspicious and they can often suffer socially too.

I'm coupled up now, and I swear one of the nicest things is to not have to deal with the "why are you still single?" And "you'll meet him when you least expect it" comments of my single 20s.

Their we're a group of girls I did leaving cert with, and you could tell they were going to be married with kids before they were 30.

Lovely women, down to earth but you could tell their type.

Beric Dondarrion

No. Would never judge anyone who is single. Male or female. I have friends who are coupled up and I have friends who are single. Some by choice, some because of circumstances. All good people in their own rights. Who they are/aren't with never comes in to it when I'm spending time in their company. It's their deeds and actions, as well as my own, that is more important.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I was single till I was 35. Married 8 years now and 2 children and while I wouldn't change it for the world I do envy some single unattached friends of mine from time to time but they also envy what I have at times too.

I have never and would never judge anyone for being single whether it's by choice or circumstance, I don't think many others would either.

OP maybe your friend is still single because he is so insecure and slightly paranoid. He needs to understand people have their own lives and problems to care about and very very few people could give a flying fcuk whether he's single or not. Maybe if he were a bit more secure in himself he'd meet someone and find what's he's been looking for. Insecurity is not attractive.

Widdershins

I wouldn't even notice. The only people I judge at the cinema are people who disrupt the movie, which rarely happens. Does he spend his life wondering about everyone's personal life?