Sisters lying and keeping secrets!

LegacyUser

Hi,

What would ye do in this situation?


Majority of my sisters keeping secrets and lying to me...
They all know everything apart from me.
But yet if I tell one sis one thing they all know so I will not be telling anything only when asked


My sis got married rec and her sis in law rang her up and told her she was not going to wedding.
I asked her what she said, she said that all and hung up( I knew she was lying)
I since asked my other sis who told me what she did say...

I also asked the sis that got married when was the interiew for the guards.She lied and said given no date.
He told me the truth when I was down visiting... that he had got date 3 weeks ago.I knew she waa lying when she tried to answer question for him.

Also my cousin was on Dragons Den but no one of them told me! I was texting one of them that v same night....
They all knew cos they tagged each other on fb.I am not on that.


So I don't why all the lies and secrets but can guarantee won't be open anymore with them...

Xterminator

HI Op

it sounds like there is an inner circle, and your not in it. Probably stings a little to be excluded, but if you think about it perhaps you can come up with a reason why?

I personally would want to be part of an inner circle that deals with lies and secrets. I'd consider it a backhanded compliment that they knew not to include me in their schemes, and cut contact down to polite civility.

so my advice would be to be the better person, let them have each other and you go your own way. Not fall out twith them just cut down on contact and keep it impersonal.

silverharp

Ive no idea how old you are, whether you are living at home or not but honestly if they are all head wreck just drop your contact way down and keep the chit chat superficial if you cant trust them not to gossip. Do you have parents that can keep you in the loop and just keep updated that way?

LegacyUser

silverharp wrote: »

Ive no idea how old you are, whether you are living at home or not but honestly if they are all head wreck just drop your contact way down and keep the chit chat superficial if you cant trust them not to gossip. Do you have parents that can keep you in the loop and just keep updated that way?

I am 35.Both parents passed away so I reckon.I'll forever be out of the loop.
I visit all the time 2.5 hrs and make most initation to meet up. I think I won't bother anymore.
The more you do for people, the worse you are treated.

I think I will definitely limit contact and definitely it impersonal xterminator.

Two sisters visited other wknd( I since found out I was second choice but how and ever they came)

I asked any news at home.One sister said no and this was a blatant lie with guard interview and Dragons Den and whatever other secrets there are!

GingerLily

It's not really any of your business why someone declined to go to got sisters wedding or when your sister has/had a job interview. That's her business she's entitled to the privacy.

I can see why your annoyed about the Dragons Den thing, but probably just that your not on Facebook, so you will get excluded from some things.

You have to earn trust and friendship, even with your siblings, it sucks that you feel left out but that's life, it's not always easy!

GingerLily

Double post

LegacyUser

GingerLily wrote: »

It's not really any of your business why someone declined to go to got sisters wedding or when your sister has/had a job interview. That's her business she's entitled to the privacy.

I can see why your annoyed about the Dragons Den thing, but it could easily just be that your not on Facebook so you will get excluded from some things.

You have to earn trust and friendship, even with your siblings, it sucks you feel left out but that'd life, it's not always easy!

I get that but I'm the ONLY sister left out.
I wouldn't mind say if me and another were left out but no it's just me

GingerLily

Sorry your feeling left out, I've felt like the odd one out before in my own family, it's a tough lesson but you just have to accept it, you'll feel so much happier when you do.

LegacyUser

A few weeks ago in group chat my sister asked one sis how was work.
I text said sister and she said oh nothing that was just a general question( more lies)
Found out she applying for jobs.
Like why lie about that

December2012

Why do you think they left you out? How is your relationship apart from the secrets. Do you guys have any fun?

LegacyUser

I have no idea.
We went for a wknd away 2 yrs ago organized by me.It was great fun and really thought be annual thing.

I tried to organize another one last year but they all had "excuses "
But as predicted as I told them when someone tries to organize a night out their partners they all jump on board and they did.They were all suggesting dates but not one suggested a date when I was organizing girls wknd.

They knew I was pissed off with that and I even what I said would happen with them suggesting dates did happen!

retro:electro

I would agree with GL and say that most of what you've provided above isn't really any of your business. I've two sisters and they are best friends and tell each other everything. I'm usually the 3rd wheel but I put that down to me being younger and the mentality that they still see me as the baby. I'm okay with that. I know they'll inform me of the important stuff and anything other than that isn't my business really. We still all have fun together- they're just closer. Maybe set up a family/sister WhatsApp group to try and keep in the loop?

December2012

I just re read your original post. they communicate with each other on Facebook, but you don't use that. That's on you. I'm not saying you need to use Facebook, but I don't think you can get annoyed that they are talking to each other in a medium that you are not part of. They don't have to include you in everything that they talk about.

LegacyUser

Only the Dragons Den thing was on fb.
They communicate via text or in person.
They certainly wouldn't be putting other info on fb.....

retro:electro

sistersM wrote: »

Only the Dragons Den thing was on fb.
They communicate via text or in person.
They certainly wouldn't be putting other info on fb.....

I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, but do you think that maybe you're a bit nosey? I mean I'd never dream of asking anyone what the other person on the phone wanted, or ask someone about the date of a job interview. These are things that some people like to keep secret for personal reasons.. You say that "he" told you about the date, who is "he"? A sisters partner? Why would you be asking about your sisters partner's job interview? The Dragon's Den thing they should have told you about yes, but maybe they thought you knew? How did you see them talking about it on FB if you're not on it?

notsoyoungwan

You might not like it but you've no right to know what's going on in your sisters' lives and they do have a right to privacy from you, if that's what they want.
I have 4 sisters, 1 of them knows pretty much everything going on in my life and vice versa, 2 of them know most things but not the most personal and I'd imagine they'd say similar about what I know about their lives, and the 4th... well, for a variety of reasons I go out of my way to ensure she knows very little about my life.

That's life, that's families, that's friendships.

LegacyUser

They told me about fb.I asked about the phone thing when I found out she had told every one else apart from me....
She also told everyone else about guard date. ..
Not me...

As I knew my sis was lying or actually highly suspected she was.I asked my bro in law when he got date and he told me while she tried to interrupt him with oh no it was after that.I know was lies cos she can't lie for **** plus he basically told me she was lying in no uncertain terms.


The main thing is they all lying and keeping secrets from me yet I do most of the running and organizing of things or trying to.
I said after last time , I'd never organize anything again.I was so hurt and very.upset by it all.So much so I was trying to hold back tears in work but thankfully no one said a word.

I was even more upset when they all suggested dates for the partners thing and no "excuses " then.
Although had to get babysitters for most of them.
I told them if ppl want to go somewhere they will go.

Big Bag of Chips

Do you tend to be a bit opinionated, OP? Do you always have something to say about someone else? The only reason I ask is, what the sister-in-law said was irrelevant. You only wanted to know what she said out of nosiness, (and to maybe have a bitch about her?)

I have a couple of sisters. 1 I'm friendly enough with, and we will tell each other some stuff. The other I exchange mundane pleasantries with but I will not get involved in any sort of discussion with her. She's ALWAYS right. She's ALWAYS giving out about something someone said, someone said. She is an authority on everything and has an opinion on everyone and everything and rarely a positive opinion!

So I keep my distance and tell her very little. She finds out general stuff about my life from other family members, which I don't mind, but I will avoid engaging her in conversation at all costs! I'm not suggesting you are like my sister but in families there will always be people who gel better than others. If my sister wasn't my sister then I know for definite we wouldn't be friends, and she wouldn't be someone I'd socialise with.

I'm not sure if there's anything you can do. So some sisters don't tell you stuff, but you tend to find out anyway from other sisters or family members. I agree with maybe setting up a WhatsApp group. That way you can check in with them to see what's going on. But be aware that others will probably still have a stronger relationship than you and may still talk to each other outside of the group.

LegacyUser

I've no problem with privacy.It's just I am the ONLY one left out which is very hurtful but I know what do in future now.Play at own game.I thought we were a close family.Ironic eh.

LegacyUser

We had a whatsapp group with everyone but that a saga for another day!
No, not opinionated. Very quiet.

orthsquel

OP are you the only one of you that lives a fair distance away? If they all live in close proximity to eachother they could be engaging eachother regularly / living in eachother's pockets on a day to day basis so big news to you is no news to them a short while later.

I'm not close to my sister or sister in law at all anymore. I don't tell them anything.... I just don't feel comfortable talking or engaging with them about my own life, simply because they're not asking out of concern or genuine interest whatsoever.

It's hard to gauge in your situation, you may not be out of the loop for any other reason than you live further away - out of sight, out of mind.

If you're eager to share news and expect the same back, if you are living far away it's just that whatever news to you is not news to them. Travelling a couple of hours to you may be nothing, some people would drag their heels visiting anywhere than 10 minutes away, and maybe that is an issue your siblings have, rather than you personally... like it's more convenient for them for you to make the effort, but it's an effort for them to make the same.

retro:electro

sistersM wrote: »

We had a whatsapp group with everyone but that a saga for another day!
No, not opinionated. Very quiet.

How did you see their Facebook chat?

LegacyUser

I did not see the fb chat.
They told me....

Another sis lives a fair distance away but she is kept in loop too.
I wouldn't mind if two of us didn't know but it is just ME.
I kinda get the feeling some ppl might think I am being over dramatic.Perhaps I am. It's very hurtful when you know your sisters are lying to u.

Another thing happened before where my sister was supposed to have "depression " and they were all lying to me.It eventually came out.

I be telling them the bare minimum from now on like they do to me.I wish it wasn't like this but it's families as someone pointed out.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't mind if I was not the only sister left out but I am the ONLY one left out.
Yes two of them are closer and that's not a bother.
The point I've been tying to me is I am the ONLY sis left out of everything.
The trying to organise a wknd away with us and the "excuses" was very upsetting and then I even told them that when partner one come around they all jump on it and they did... No "excuses" then.

sistersM

sistersM wrote: »

I visit all the time 2.5 hrs and make most initation to meet up. I think I won't bother anymore.

I asked any news at home

sistersM wrote: »

We went for a wknd away 2 yrs ago organized by me.It was great fun and really thought be annual thing.

I tried to organize another one last year but they all had "excuses "
But as predicted as I told them when someone tries to organize a night out their partners they all jump on board and they did

sistersM wrote: »

I'm the ONLY sister left out.

So what's different about you? As Anna pointed out, the natural dynamics of siblings can lead to one person feeling left out or other siblings being closer but that's just natural. How many sisters do you have and where do you fall in the age range?

I get the impression from your posts that you:

1. Don't live at "home" but they do?
2. Have partners but you don't?
3. Are closer in age than you are?

I think "secrets and lies" is a bit over the top, it just seems that you're in a different dynamic to them.

GingerLily

Are you possibly a busybody OP?

You were out of line talking to the brother in law about this interview date, it's got NOTHING to do with you.
Your not entitled to an adult family holiday, your not entitled to know private information of your sisters, your not entitled to friendship with your siblings.

I think you need to take a step back from your sisters, for everyone's benefit.

LegacyUser

GingerLily wrote: »

Are you possibly a busybody OP?

You were out of line talking to the brother in law about this interview date, it's got NOTHING to do with you.
Your not entitled to an adult family holiday, your not entitled to know private information of your sisters, your not entitled to friendship with your siblings.

I think you need to take a step back from your sisters, for everyone's benefit.

No, quite the opposite.They always wanna know everything about me and I tell 'em.
Me and another sis lives away but I have to say again I'm the ONLY sis left out.


I know not entitled to a holiday but suddenly when group one was on they all shouting dates.I tried to get a date from them for months.They just didn't wanna go.
I am the only single one..

I think none of ye can see how upsetting this is but I know just keep at a distance from now on. Cheers.

witchgirl26

OP I get that you're upset but at the end of the day they're not keeping massive stuff from you, are they? I would be fairly close to my sister but yet she didn't know my other half had started a new job until I mentioned it in passing. I didn't keep it from her and may have mentioned it (or may not have) but realistically it wasn't much to do with her so didn't seek her out to say it.

In regards the Dragons Den thing - my friend missus out on some stuff not being on FB but honestly was this really a massive thing? I rarely have a clue what my cousins are up to except for when I see something on FB. And they told you about the chat afterwards when you asked so obviously not keeping it from you as such.

The holiday thing - people have lives and are not always free when you want to go away. Are there kids involved? Is that maybe what's led to the not being able to commit. I'd love to go away with my sister but with her having 2 kids it's just not a possibility anymore in the same way it once was. And we do have separate lives.

Honestly I think maybe the fact that you seem to living away from everyone is highlighting this a little more but maybe an actual open chat with them all about how you're feeling would be the best way forward. Maybe they haven't even realised how left out you feel. That said, they don't have to share everything with you. Interview dates or anything. It's up to them. Same way as it's up to you what you share.

I'd be the type of person who'll share anything with people I know and not care but I know others who are more guarded the older they've gotten in terms of what they let people know. They've been hurt, not necessarily by the people they're not telling stuff to, and are protecting themselves a bit. And you can't get upset if they decide to share things with one person but not you. The only person you can get upset with about that is a significant other not a sister.

I'm sorry if any of this was harsh but I think you need to step back a bit from the situation and look at it objectively.

LegacyUser

I don't understand why she needed to lie about interview date when he had got it...
There are kids with 3, not 2 of them.
Interestingly they used that as one of their "excuses" yet their pArtners would have been around.

No trouble at all getting babysitters when both parents be away.
The other sisters had excuses could not get off work etc yet they no trouble getting time off for races and colour runs..

They of course did not tell me that.I found out after.

retro:electro

sistersM wrote: »

I don't understand why she needed to lie about interview date when he had got it...
There are kids with 3, not 2 of them.
Interestingly they used that as one of their "excuses" yet their pArtners would have been around.

No trouble at all getting babysitters when both parents be away.
The other sisters had excuses could not get off work etc yet they no trouble getting time off for races and colour runs..

They of course did not tell me that.I found out after.

Your posts are becoming increasingly harder to follow. How are you finding out all of this info about them? And again, how did you see their Facebook conversation? You seem awfully bothered by what they may or may not be telling you about their personal lives. If I had a sister who wanted to know every detail about mine and my partners lives I'd probably be very selective in what I told her also.

5rtytry56

witchgirl26 wrote: »

... step back a bit from the situation and look at it objectively.

Please Do This for the sake your own well-being OP.

dee_mc

OP, it sounds like your sisters have more in common with each other than they have with you. That's just life: don't take it as a rejection that for whatever reason there's an easier, more natural dynamic between the rest of them than there is with you!
I'd suggest just taking them as you find them, accepting that ye are not in each others pockets and nor should ye be - enjoy the interaction ye do have and stop analysing who has more contact with whom!
Re the group holiday thing, it sounds perfectly reasonable that your sisters would prefer to include their partners and perhaps their children too, considering the fact that they probably don't get to spend loads of time together and probably can't afford lots of holidays with different combinations of family and friends - like you, I don't have a partner, but I can see what life is like for those of my friends and family who are in relationships and/or have children, so I set my expectations accordingly.
It sounds like things are really strained at the moment and you're clearly very hurt by the perceived slight, but take a step back and try to make the most of the relationship ye have/can have instead of yearning for the relationship ye had/'should' have.

Big Bag of Chips

But what difference did it make to you what date his interview was? What difference did it make to you what the sister-in-law said? People who work have limited time off and have a right to be selective about how the use it. Maybe they'd prefer a few days away with their own partner than all their sisters. A colour run isn't going to use up as much annual leave as a holiday.

My family would know general stuff about my life but they mightn't necessarily be told specific dates and times. They don't need to know.. and probably aren't all that interested in knowing either! I have lied to them on occasion about things that I didn't want them knowing. I lied about my driving test date because I didn't want them all knowing I was doing it. I told them I had a date for a month later. When I passed the test I told them I'd gotten a cancellation! I've lied about plans I've made because I don't want their opinion. You seem very angry about your sisters, and also very entitled to information that doesn't really matter. That could be why some sisters hold back from you. You seem bitter about how they spend their free time. You might think you are very quiet and that can't be a factor, but there's obviously something your sisters are picking up on that makes them wary of sharing stuff with you. You're giving out that they don't tell you anything, yet you seem to find it all out anyway, so somebody is telling you something!

What do you want, OP? The only person we can advise is you. Nobody here can contact your sisters and tell them to tell you stuff. So you either try to engage your sisters on a more social lev, not purely 'information gathering'! Or you accept that you might not be in on all the news as it happens, but you'll hear about it eventually.

December2012

What are the actual lies though?

ibarelycare

Jesus people on here love being harsh. OP has said repeatedly that someone told her about the FB/Dragon's Den post. She may not be "entitled" to a friendship with her sister's, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be hurt by their actions. Serious lack of empathy on this forum, not sure why it is but people love trying to turn things around on the OP.




OP have you ever tried to talk to your sisters about how you're feeling?

kylith

OP, if I were you I'd be telling them how upset I was that they could make time for everyone but me and to be left out of the loop in all their news when I made a point of trying to keep in contact. Then I'd tell them to shove it and not darken their doors again. It's not worth getting yourself upset about if they don't want to keep in contact.

lawred2

sistersM wrote: »

Hi,

What would ye do in this situation?


Majority of my sisters keeping secrets and lying to me...
They all know everything apart from me.
But yet if I tell one sis one thing they all know so I will not be telling anything only when asked


My sis got married rec and her sis in law rang her up and told her she was not going to wedding.
I asked her what she said, she said that all and hung up( I knew she was lying)
I since asked my other sis who told me what she did say...

I also asked the sis that got married when was the interiew for the guards.She lied and said given no date.
He told me the truth when I was down visiting... that he had got date 3 weeks ago.I knew she waa lying when she tried to answer question for him.

Also my cousin was on Dragons Den but no one of them told me! I was texting one of them that v same night....
They all knew cos they tagged each other on fb.I am not on that.


So I don't why all the lies and secrets but can guarantee won't be open anymore with them...

Are they all homebirds? Have you moved away?

Big Bag of Chips

ibarelycare wrote: »

She may not be "entitled" to a friendship with her sister's, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be hurt by their actions......

OP have you ever tried to talk to your sisters about how you're feeling?

Nobody is saying she shouldn't be hurt. She can't help how she feels, but at the same time she has no control over what her sisters decide to share with her.

I mentioned my sister who I have a very superficial relationship with and tell her nothing of any importance. We swap general chit chat whenever we meet. She asks questions, maybe she's genuinely interested, but it always seems like she's nosing just to have something to give out about later. I don't particularly like her as a person. If she wasn't my sister I would have no relationship with her. Now, she might sense this from me, I'm sure she does, and maybe she's upset by our lack of relationship.... But... That's not going to change how I feel about her. If she told me in a heart to heart that she was upset and felt left out of my life I'd make a few awkward sounds of understanding (maybe) but it wouldn't change our relationship. I'd still be careful about telling her anything and I'd still keep our relationship on a superficial level.

I wouldn't be going away on holiday with her, that's for sure!!

Again, I am not liking the OP to my sister, but I am giving examples from my own experience. Not all families gel, and just because you are blood related to someone it's no guarantee that you will actually like them. OP has no control over how her sisters carry on. She only has control over how she chooses to deal with it.

twill

I can only say what I suspect, which is that family dynamics have shifted since the death of your parents. I see it as significant that it is a group of sisters. I have observed occasions in which a group of grown women, in the 'bonding' process, will turn on and exclude someone they see as a more vulnerable member of the group, just as you might see in school.

Or in other words, what you may have in your situation is a shower of bullies.

Don't make the effort. If you are in contact independently with nieces or nephews, stay in contact, but otherwise, sad to say, you can't rely on your family at this point in time. Stick with those you can trust and have a great life without this stress until they make the effort to build bridges with you.

dori_dormer

I know how it feels bring left out. I moved away for a few years and my other 2 sisters became quite close. They took up running and exercising together and webby shopping together. They'd never ask me and I felt very excluded. They'd also know a lot about each other's lives as they'd chat when out together.
Unfortunately I had to just get over it. They were entitled to their friendship! I worked on rebuilding my friendships with my sisters individually. I live further away and just have to accept they are closer and can be spontaneous when I can't.
I also know I have often forgotten to tell people important info. When you've told 2 or 3 people something, you get bored of repeating yourself and easily forget who you've told or not told. It's only human.

Neyite

I'd be closer to some siblings than others. And I think the sibling dynamic changes as you progress through adulthood too, it adjusts. Some news I'm happy to share with everyone, other bits and pieces I share with only the one I'm closest to. And they do likewise. Then life stages help - I tend to talk more to the sibing who also has kids around the age of mine, as we've stuff in common.

For some reason, they want to know all your business but yet exclude you from theirs. Only you and they might uncover the reason. There are a couple in my family who I would tell nothing to. Some of the reasons are:

-They are opinionated and treat me like I'm 5.
-Their idea of keeping my secret is telling everyone and then telling them not to say it back to me.
-They have different belief systems/ values to me and I know they'd be critical.

They are family, though. And it's kind of mad that I'd willingly donate a kidney to them but not trust them as far as I could throw them - only siblings eh?

Look, there are a couple of ways to go from here. If they are the kind that would take on board your feelings and recognise your hurt at how they exclude you, and try to repair that, then talk to them.

If they arent. If they are the type to gossip about you telling them how you feel or talk behind your back, disengage. Stop asking questions. Answer theirs blandly with little information (work? grand thanks, you? Relationship? all good there. and so on.) If you get told news, give a polite appropriate response and leave it at that. Accept they have their clique and you are not part of that (hurtful I know, but it gets easier after a while.) and surround yourself with people who are good for you.

orthsquel

sistersM wrote: »

No, quite the opposite.They always wanna know everything about me and I tell 'em.

OP from what you're saying you're open with them when asked about stuff in your life, and they are not forthcoming with some things and lie about others. It could be the problem is them, not you. Perhaps they feel jealous about your life or feel bad about themselves in comparison to you for whatever reason?

I can understand not sharing personal information... however it seems that you feel ostracised by your siblings - have you ever approached the subject of not being included in things and how it makes you feel with any of your siblings? Maybe they need to know you need to feel more included or that they may need to make a bit of effort to include and communicate with you? It can be frustrating when you are the one doing the running around...

Also has this been going on a long time or is this a recent change?

notsoyoungwan

Having re-read your posts op, you remind me a bit of one of my sisters. She is pathologically nosey and has actually said the words "I have a right to know" when asking me whether or not I was in a relationship. She doesn't get that we are not close, never were close, that I'm quite a private person in general etc- as far as she's concerned if she wants to know something she's entitled to know it. She has (finally!) learned that I don't tell her personal information about myself (or anyone else) so she goes to others to find out about me- to the extent that when she heard I was going to visit a family member who had a terminal illness she asked her to find out information and relay it back. All that has achieved is a stronger determination on my part to ensure that she only knows what I want her to know. And I think even less of her because she doesn't respect me and my privacy. The way you are going around questioning people and double-checking things reminds me of that and would just make me clam up more if I was subject to that.

XsApollo

GingerLily wrote: »

Are you possibly a busybody OP?

You were out of line talking to the brother in law about this interview date, it's got NOTHING to do with you.
Your not entitled to an adult family holiday, your not entitled to know private information of your sisters, your not entitled to friendship with your siblings.

I think you need to take a step back from your sisters, for everyone's benefit.

Out of line asking her brother in law did he get an interview for the guards yet?
Is that a joke?
Everybody is out of line then asking anybody about anything.
The Brother in law obviously had no problem telling her as he told her.

XsApollo

Anyway to your original question of what would ye do.

Back away, it's obvious they don't want to tell you stuff.
Let them be and move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks for last few responses especially Ibarelycare for picking up on it first.
It really did feel like I was being attacked there for a while.

Last year they all kept it a secret that my sis had depression.
They knew I was angry but yet doing same again only worse as kept out of more things now
So there is no point in talking to them.

I will do as suggested as answer with one liners.

The two sisters that keep most of the lies are the two that want to know everything about my life.

LegacyUser

At this stage I would be polite to them when you meet. I feel that you have tried hard in your own way to be friends with them and to know what is happening in their lives.
They are not going to change so why keep making the effort with and for them.

I have a friend with a few siblings. Like you they spent time trying hard to keep in contact with them, to arrange things and to show interest in what was going on in their lives. They never asked very personal questions.
A few things happened within their family over the past few years. My friend realised that they were been used by the siblings in various ways. My friend made the decision to step away and to work on their own life. Now they tell their family only what they want them to know.
They said just because we are siblings does not mean we have to be joined at the hip, be best buddies and know everthing about each other.

In regards to the sisters that want to know everthing about your life - don't share information. In fact the best thing to do with them is to ask very personal questions back - ie when are you going to have a child, when are you getting married, start to tell them how to lose weight if they are heavy. I am sure both of them have something they don't want to be asked or get upset/unhappy when certain things are mentioned.

charlietheminxx

I don't think you're being fair here OP, your sister's struggle with depression is none of your business unless she decides to confide in you. I've been reading along the thread and didn't plan on contributing but seeing your latter posts, I think this needs to be made clear to you.

People's private lives are their own business. That includes their mental health and their job prospects and what they tell you is up to them. It is also none of your business who else they decide to share that information with, be it your other sisters or not. These aren't lies. You don't have to tell everyone everything all the time. Keeping information quiet/private is not the same as lying.

I get that it doesn't feel nice to be excluded and left out, I'm that way with one side of my family but you know what? We just don't have that much in common and I have my own life and my own friends to share things with. Focus on positive relationships you do have in your life rather than lamenting the ones you have with your sisters.

The holiday thing- people generally have limited time and money for holidays. Most years I'm fortunate and I get a long weekend away with my friends and a separate break with my other half. That being said, if it came down to having to choose one holiday, I would probably choose one where my partner was included because I like spending time away from everyday life with him. Maybe your sisters could only afford/manage/sort childcare for one holiday? They have every right to choose one that includes their partners and children instead of a girly one.

My point is, hopefully without being too harsh, you're coming off as having a sense of entitlement when it comes to what your sisters tell you and having a holiday with them whether it's what they want or what suits them. You need to live and let live OP. It's nice to make the effort but at the same time, you can't force people into being closer to you than they feel.

witchgirl26

sistersM wrote: »

Thanks for last few responses especially Ibarelycare for picking up on it first.
It really did feel like I was being attacked there for a while.

Last year they all kept it a secret that my sis had depression.
They knew I was angry but yet doing same again only worse as kept out of more things now
So there is no point in talking to them.

I will do as suggested as answer with one liners.

The two sisters that keep most of the lies are the two that want to know everything about my life.

OP maybe your sister just didn't feel comfortable telling you about her depression. And why would that make you angry? There are many reasons people don't share certain things. For example - 1 of my brothers didn't know I'd had a medical procedure a few years back. I didn't tell him as he lives a bit away and hadn't been around for the whole lead up so it would have been a much longer conversation etc that I just didn't feel like having. I told him after but that was my choice.

Maybe they are living vicariously through your life which is why they want to know but it's up to you what to tell them. You don't have to give them all the details and if they're practising that right, you can too.

Honestly I do get why you might be hurt but they're aren't lying to you.

December2012

I think that its likely that they didn't tell you about your sister's depression, because they know how you react. And from what you've typed, you're more angry that they didn't tell you confidential and sensitive information, rather than you examine the reasons why the person did not feel like telling you. And if you can't see that, and if you still take that as lying and as a slight against you, then you have some serious self reflection to do.

That was her story to tell. Not theirs. And she does not have to tell you.

Same with the job interview, same with the reason about the sister in law.

Still no actual lies either - so you should consider how you perceive things to be.

GingerLily

When I have found out family members have had mental / physical health problems after the fact, I never once thought to get annoyed because I didn't know sooner, I was much more concerned about them and how they were doing now and what I can do to support them.

You're making her depression about you OP, I can see why she didn't want you to know at the time.