A general vent

pilly

I have 3 children and worked throughout their childhoods, I never expected any concessions because I was a parent because it always drove me mad as a single person. I once worked with a woman who at most worked 30 hours per week due to bringing Johnny to the doctor/dentist/optician blah blah blah.

I don't see how it's acceptable to only work 30 hours and get paid for 39.

When it came time for me to look after my mother after a bad fall I had to use up my holidays and I'd no problem with that.

I've never understood this "working from home" due to family commitments either, if you've family commitments then surely you're not really working?

I've no problem with not taking holidays July/August though because it's peak season anyway when everything costs more.

Some people above though have said that OP shouldn't be expected to stay late and she hasn't actually said she has to or that she has to do extra work.

Sometimes you have to let it go OP if it's not effecting your day to day. If you do need some extra time for looking after your parents though then ask, can't see how they can refuse.

TheDoc

Snookercues wrote: »

Hi all,

OP here. As I expected I knew people would have really different views on this, and of course that will always be the case.

Just to clarify - I haven't asked to work from home as it has been made implicitly clear to me by my manager that it is not an option. I asked to leave 15 mins early one day a week to get an earlier train, and I was told that I would have to work up that time on my lunch break. This is all fine and I have absolutely no problem with this, IF this was the consistent policy throughout the firm!!!! Only yesterday, 3 people with children arrived in 1 hour late / went home an hour early due to "child issues". No mention of working up the time there!

Also, for after work events (which again I have no problem attending), it is always taken as given that I will be in a position to attend, whereas that outright expectation is not placed on those who have children,

Essentially my issue is that 1. in the place where I work (so as to not generalise!), there is an unwritten rule that those with children get more flexibility and a blind eye is turned to it 2. it promotes a message that those of us without children's private lives are less important. To the poster that said "what personal commitments are more important than a sick child?" - my father has very bad Alzheimers and my mother is unwell and I try my best to help her out at home to enable her to rest etc - is that not as important as a sick child"???

I just don't think it is equitable that there is an unwritten rule that if you have children, that you automatically get great flexibility.

Obviously I don't know the full context or situation, but if that was happening on my place and you then came in to me as a manager and outlined that situation was like "Can we sort something out" I'd be like "Whatever you need, lets organise something".

Managers or line managers arn't robots, they are humans too. I fully appreciate you might want to keep your business your business, I know I'm like that where I should walk into my boss and ask for some time or concession where I had **** in my life and never did, but it does sound like you could really benefit and appreciate getting some flexability but you are getting annoyed at others having it. But you yourself, havn't asked or explored it.

I never personally had this issue when I was not a parent, and I don't have it now as parent. I get what that poster above has said about kids come along then all of a sudden they are the only thing that matters. Have missed meetings, come in late or whatever if there has been issues with my kids and when I'm approached by people about it I'm very much "Sorry, my kids health is more important than our quarterly stat meetings" or whatever.

I guess I don't personally mind much because I'm of the mindset once you come in, do you work well, then what else matters. I work in a company with a culture of people staying late to try impress and I rail against that. Or people spending a third of their day chatting getting coffee etc.

I think we have the same sort of thing in our department, my boss might nip around and be like "I have to head to pickup kid from creche he/she is sick, I'll be online when I get home" and its not big deal. Or someone might fire a text saying they are working from home or will be sporadically available if their is family issues.

Think it has a nice dynamic in the teams around me and there isn't much envy or "oh look at them slying off again".

Obviously you might get some venom if you raise it officially as an issue, but maybe with the situation you have outlined, you might be best either speaking to your boss for some flexability, or if the done thing is people up and leave or orgnaise between themselves just be like "talk to you tomorrow folks, got to scoot, parents unwell". If you have a good team ethic I'm sure people will care and offer their help assistance etc. where possible, even if its covering some stuff.

My grandmother who I'm close to is perishing in front of me with Alzheimers. I hope you're mam gets better and hope things go as easily as possible with your Dad. Feel for you massively.