I just......

thelad95

Had my first sh*te in 6 days, I swear this is the greatest high known to mankind.

I feel so light like I could run a marathon now if I wanted.

Hande hoche!

****e thread.

hungry hypno toad

Any pics of this beast, OP?

hungry hypno toad

Hande hoche! wrote: »

****e thread.

I've seen worse.

Your Face

You ok hun?

hungry hypno toad

Your Face wrote: »

You ok hun?

He died of dehydration from the exertion of giving birth, imagine being stuck on a toilet for 6 days.

Teddington Cuddlesworth

Have you had surgery on your backside recently op?

Arghus

Fair play to ya OP, we were all rooting for you.

hungry hypno toad

Teddington Cuddlesworth wrote: »

Have you had surgery on your backside recently op?

No, but he might be in need of reconstructive surgery now.

Parchment

You should probably see a doctor.

Radiant Cool Crazy Nightmare

More importantly, how many courics was it?

Cee-Jay-Cee

Do you hold it in and then treat yourself on day 6 or were you constipated?

BBDBB

how many flushes?

Effects

Who the f?ck gives a sh?t?

infogiver

Well done.
Don't let it get that bad again.

Boom_Bap

Perfect place for one of my favorite jokes.

What did the constipated mathematician do?

He worked it out with a pencil. :pac:

nullzero

BBDBB wrote: »

how many flushes?

More importantly, how many Couric's?

nullzero

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Perfect place for one of my favorite jokes.

What did the constipated mathematician do?

He worked it out with a pencil. :pac:

Why did the Baker have smelly hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Aglomerado

One for the log tables....

Conor Bourke

Describe it for us using this handy scale

thelad95

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Describe it for us using this handy scale

Type 1 followed seconds later by a big glorious type 3.

seamus

6 days? ****ing hell.

I'm not sure if I have gone a single day on this earth without dropping some kids off at the pool.

Maybe, maybe, I've gone a day, when I've been sick or something, but I genuinely don't recall. I cannot imagine 6 days. It'd be like carrying a small child around in your intestines, the size of it.

Aglomerado

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Describe it for us using this handy scale

I quite like your signature when paired with this chart....

Conor Bourke

Aglomerado wrote: »

I quite like your signature when paired with this chart....

Irish Guitarist

Did you leave it under the pillow for the shite fairy?

Roger Hassenforder

The feckin waltzers in Funderland literally spun the sh1t out of me.
I reckon centrifugal forces* pushed water to the outside my colon -had a majorl rush of watery poo 2 hours later, followed immediately by a very dry one. No fun I tell you.

I'm still not right.
*That or it was campylobacter...

jester77

6 days :eek: You must be walking like a cowboy after that one!

LirW

The poops you have after having a C-Section... that's a very new chapter in my life. Feel ya, OP.

Beasty

hungry hypno toad wrote: »

Any pics of this beast, OP?

Please!!!

Don't bring me into this

harry Bailey esq

thelad95 wrote: »

Type 1 followed seconds later by a big glorious type 3.

Sweet.Did you require a second visit about an hour or so later that was a number seven(I call it the rearguard)? If so,you've turned out a textbook festive sh1te.Ubiquitous around the country in the week running from the 28th of Dec through to the turd of January.An absolute classic.

Hector Bellend

I took an exceptional dump this morning also.

It was intense

me_irl

Well done.

kfallon

Say your bunghole was like a bloodorange after squeezing out a 6 day baked bum loaf!

nullzero

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

Did you leave it under the pillow for the shite fairy?

Sorry to tell you but the poo fairy doesn't exist.

Outlaw Pete

thelad95 wrote: »

...followed seconds later by a big glorious type 3.

So, just to be clear, you describe a Type 3 (phallic shaped) shite stretching your ring as being "glorious" and the "greatest high known to mankind"?

Have you ever thought about going for a drink in The George, OP... you may just have discovered your G spot?

ToddyDoody

thelad95 wrote: »

Had my first sh*te in 6 days, I swear this is the greatest high known to mankind.

I feel so light like I could run a marathon now if I wanted.

The fertiliser company won't be recruiting you any time soon.

Harry Palmr

Six days?! Fancy giving us a glimpse of your typical grocery list? Do you ever do any exercise?

greencap

Harry Palmr wrote: »

Six days?! Fancy giving us a glimpse of your typical grocery list? Do you ever do any exercise?

FFS 6 days. I'd say its pancakes and lard, with chips and bread.



I'd normally be jealous of a 6 day-er, but recently discovered a secret technique that almost instantly doubles standard yield.

You just have to raise your feet on something solid so you're in a more squat position. They make special foot stools for it.

Its amazing. Plus rumor has it several people, by way of using this technique, have achieved the fabled no-wiper.

Elemonator

What have I walked in on.........

Harry Palmr

Yep I'm aware of the "Asian" squat stance, makes sense when you think about it.

TerrorFirmer

My housemate actually bought a 'squatty potty' as a joke but now insists it's the only way he can go. Haven't tried it yet. Perhaps I'm missing out on a sensational experience.

Six days though, good god. I mean, when you think of all the food you're eating on a daily basis and for six days it's just backing up in your system with nowhere to go....a friend of mine didn't go for something like 10 days once and had to go to the doctor about it in the end. Towards the end of the ordeal he was actually hobbling around like a decrepit 105 year old man.

greencap