Baby pictures on Social Media. From polite request to remove to threats of violence.

rondog

Reminds me of my cousin who wouldn't allow any pics of his child on social media.He completely changed his mind when he realised the baby was fully clothed in most photos with a hat and all you could barely see was a tiny nose and mouth.
If children are fully clothed I don't see the problem with one or two pics being put up if the child is in a large group of family or other crowd.
OP -your child really isnt that important that people would take notice of him/her

Teyla Emmagan

You don't seem to be able to let things go OP. Either in real life or on this thread. You are like a dog with a bone.

Supplying further "evidence" doesn't change the situation. You have made a mountain out of a molehill. Make amends with your family and stop digging. Accept that you unnecessarily exacerbated the issue.

BnB

EagererBeaver wrote: »

There is absolutely nothing precious about it whatsoever.

Hey, I'm not saying it's not their right. It is 100% their right as parents and it should be respected.

But yes - It is most certainly precious.

I wouldn't worry about it though, all parents (myself included) have their oddities and precious things about their own kids. No great harm in it.

valoren

The brother in law was the one who escalated this. The photo had their kid in it and for me they get to have the final say on what public pictures are posted.

He was the one who sent messages, albeit to offer an explanation for events, to apologise.
Could he not simply delete it, or his wife delete it and nothing thereafter?
OP is simply standing his ground on principle reading the messages and the brother in law is laying down the law, both riling each other up.

It's not a case of OP sending a message like "Take the pic down. Now!" or anything confrontational as opposed to "Can you do me a favour please?"

If that was the case then the brother in law was perfectly entitled to quite rightly have a major problem with OP and his wife for being assholes about a picture.

GingerLily

I think you need councilling, you seem easily unhinged OP

LegacyUser

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You don't seem to be able to let things go OP. Either in real life or on this thread. You are like a dog with a bone.

Supplying further "evidence" doesn't change the situation. You have made a mountain out of a molehill. Make amends with your family and stop digging. Accept that you unnecessarily exacerbated the issue.

Thanks. I'm no angel here, I know that. I just thought that making a polite request would resolve it instead of it escalating. It was too much to expect as you can see. It's the notion of this being exploited and manipulated into something that it's not that riles me up. The idea that we're insensitive jerks who obsessively monitor people's facebook for a trigger is false. If it was another family member then the exact same request would have been made. Perhaps it was too much to expect a little courtesy. If they had a problem with a simple request then it's really not my problem.

tea and coffee

Like many things in life, it's not about who's right or wrong. There are no absolutes. Both parties were a bit silly (but I stand by my initial post in that theOP was more silly -doesn't make the BIL not silly though )

The_Conductor

I'm unfollowing the thread- as to be brutally honest- I'm actually annoyed with the OP at this stage........

K_P

DEFCON1 wrote: »

We're planning to arrange a clear the air meeting to avoid that. We'll do it in public with cctv in case he becomes punchy so to speak.

Ah Jesus man, would you calm down. The matter has been dealt with, dealt with again and again and again. You sound like you're gunning for a fight yet you accuse him of needing to have the last word. You sound like you WANT him to get "punchy" with your talk of CCTV. It was a silly incident blown out of all proportion and for the sake of any kind of future family relationship, forget about it.

And by the way, saying that you brought up the hospital "snub" as proof that you don't get annoyed by these kinds of things is just ludicrous. If you weren't annoyed by it, why even mention it, why would you even remember it. Clearly it bothered you. You're determined to paint yourself and your wife as reasonable people dealing with a crazy brother and sister in law when, in fact, you all sound as bad as each other.

If you want a long lasting family feud over a photograph and hospital visit then by all means organise your public "clear the air" meeting that you know, you KNOW, will do anything but clear the air. If you want a happier more peaceful family life, grow up and move on

Sorry OP, from reading your 2nd post, you yourself seem to have escalated this situation.
When he text you after the cinema to explain, you should simply have replied with a thanks.

Oh, & maybe they have something going on in their lives? He said he didn't need hassle.
Maybe do a bit of that mind reading you expect others to do.

meeeeh

Op just stop with drama. There's so much unnecessary talking, messaging, meets planned and so on about one group photo it's ridiculous. Like you we don't put kids photos online but there might have been some posted by others. Because I know it's nothing excessive I let it slide. I can understand that is not acceptable to you but things can be dealt in a lot less heavy handed way. It just seems like you were all looking for an argument and found one.

You are asking for an opinion on a non issue. You will get plenty replies because it's an easy one. Whatever we say you will all continue to bicker among yourselves on family occasions. After all you are not looking for a resolution you want confirmation that you were right.

LegacyUser

bubblypop wrote: »

Sorry OP, from reading your 2nd post, you yourself seem to have escalated this situation.
When he text you after the cinema to explain, you should simply have replied with a thanks.

Oh, & maybe they have something going on in their lives? He said he didn't need hassle.
Maybe do a bit of that mind reading you expect others to do.

They deleted it. And they got a thanks. The text to explain what happened came the following day after he created war with his mother and sister about it. He gave an explanation. I gave an explanation. I didn't need an explanation or an apology. It was finished once it was deleted from my end. To suggest I am the **** stirrer here is wrong. He decided it was unfinished business, wanted the final say. He send ME a message. He got a reply. It became a tit for tat. I had no problem telling him what's what. It ends up in him saying he'll show me another side of him if I continue to be 'fcking smart' and continuing this whereas it's him who has been contacting me. I was riled up about that. If I was intending to escalate this further I could have by telling him to fck off. I think I showed some restraint in not replying there.

Big Bag of Chips

I read the first few lines of that second post and scrolled to see how long it was, and scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled. So I stopped reading.

The fact that you would write such detailed posts outlining such minute detail about something that should have been sorted in 2 minutes shows me that YOU are the one who needs the last word. YOU are the one who needs to be shown to be right. If you don't want a fight with the brother-in-law you would avoid him completely. The fact that you go into so much detail about how much you don't mind the sister-in-law not visiting (despite initially saying you took it as an insult) even though distant cousins all contacted her etc makes me believe you really really do mind. You said as much. If you didn't mind you wouldn't have taken it as an insult. You wouldn't have minded!!

You are the one trying to turn this into a 'thing' but twisting it that the brother is twisting it. If you want this to be the end of it, then let it be the end of it. Talk of CCTV is ridiculous, and antagonistic.

Cop on.

Ursus Horribilis

While I respect parents' rights not to splash photos of their kids over Facebook, I think some people go OTT about it. You'd swear clothed kids in very ordinary everyday circumstances were a pervert's paradise the way some of them behave. I get that children need to be protected and that they've a right to privacy. But they're only small people at the end of the day, not some sort of commodity that needs to be hidden away.

I've a friend who took his 6 year old daughter to a playground one day and took out his phone to take a photo of her. He got dirty looks from some of the other parents for daring to take a photo of his own child. As if that was going to harm young Cillian or Chloe just because they happened to be in the background. I know a man who takes photos of underage football teams. At one tournament he had to pass on taking a photo of one team because the mother of one of the boys didn't want her lad in the picture. There's vigilance and then there's paranoia...

Anyway I'm gone way off topic now. Going by what you've written, OP, you've started a family feud and you aren't for turning. Enjoy the ructions that result from it. I can't see this going any other way.

eviltwin

You are fully in your rights to have a policy of not having photos of your child on social media and it was right to ask for the images to be removed. However, you handled it badly. Not everyone has that policy, not everyone sees it as a big deal and you went on the offensive over something that is really not worth getting upset over. Photo was taken down, that should have been the end of it.

You've obviously got a bee in your bonnet that she didn't visit your wife when the baby was born and I can see how that might upset you but here's the thing: not everyone's world is going to revolve around you and your new baby. People have different things they have going on and her location to the hospital isn't relevant. She might have been busy, she might have needed that time for personal stuff or just didn't fancy spending her lunchhour in a hospital cooing over a newborn, not everyone is interested in new babies and that's okay.

I agree with the other posts, you have gone way over board on this and now are just making yourself look silly. You need to calm yourself down, apologise and leave it at that.

Wrongway1985

EagererBeaver wrote: »

There is absolutely nothing precious about it whatsoever.

They assumed people would know their stance from throw away comments and that they had never put photos of child on Facebook again accurate surveillance of an fb page seems expected.

retro:electro

Your new post adds nothing new tbh, but I see you're doing your best to give the readers here an impression of this brother in law. You provide examples of his Facebook rants about football, before saying "none of my business", etc.. well it's none of ours either, and nothing to do with this issue, so not sure why you've included that.
Anyway, all the same, his initial message to you explaining about the cinema and saying no offence made should have been met with a response from you which read, "cheers for that!" or somthing similar. You needlessly inflamed the situation. He said sorry and removed the photo- everything that happened after that is your fault.

Also, you consider her not coming to the hospital a "snub", but also make a point of saying your brother in law turned up "unannounced". You're not happy either way, and you don't seem to be able to grasp the fact that other people have lives that don't revolve around you and your wife. You seem really hard to please. Hard work.

woodchuck

OP it seems obvious that have an issue with this couple that has nothing to do with the current situation.

You keep referring to minor events that have absolutely nothing to do with this issue, yet highlighting how those events didn't bother you in the slightest... why even mention them so?!

lifeandtimes

Listen up op, the advice and counselling you're getting is worth more than any top doller counsellor...heed what the people here have said

unknowngirl!!

OP, you didn't want the photo up and now it is down.

It's over, move on!

Ursus Horribilis

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I agree with the above. I can understand why you've chosen not to put photos of your daughter on Facebook. But blimey, to lose the plot over the baby happening to be in a group photo..seriously?

BnB wrote: »

You and your wife don't want pictures of your baby on facebook. It's a bit precious, but that's your right.

EagererBeaver wrote: »

There is absolutely nothing precious about it whatsoever.

Complaining about a group photo (that you posed for!) containing an indistinguishable 5 month old baby in there somewhere absolutely IS precious, not to mention the subsequent furore.

DEFCON1 wrote: »

Woman to her brother:
Hi *Brother*, do you mind asking *your wife* if she could delete the photo of *baby* on facebook?

Brother's response:
Look can you let it slide, pls overlook it, I don't need this now on top of everthing else ok?

Man to wife's sister-in-law:
Hi *his wife*, can you delete the photo of *baby* that was posted today? We don't want photos of her on facebook if that's ok?

Personally OP, I think you and your wife are responsible for escalating this. If I got a reply like that from my brother, my first concern would be that he sounds under pressure and I'd ask him what's up. I wouldn't get my husband to message his wife (who he has feck all contact with) and reiterate the question!

Just re-read the "full transcript for clarity" :rolleyes: and my sympathy goes to your brother-in-law, sounds like your wife and her sister (who hates his wife) are delighted to stir this all up.

DEFCON1 wrote: »

Before this gets completely out of hand I'm messaging you to say myself and my wife went to the cinema at very time you both sent us your wish to remove the photos . My wife had her phone off and I only saw it and replied before I turned mine off . There was better ways to have that sorted. When we came out we both messages saying do it now . I can assure you she meant no offense . We could have solved it in a better way . There was no offence meant from our side I'm letting you both know that now . Cheers


Hi. There is nothing getting out of hand. I don't want any public photos of *Baby* on Facebook. If it was anyone else I'd make the same request. It was a polite request that seems to be getting out of hand for no reason. I understand that no offence was meant. *My wife* let you know yesterday in her text that she knew there was no harm meant but asked nicely for the photo to be removed. I don't understand what the problem is. Any photos we share with family have been private. Personally, we'd like to keep it that way. Thanks.

That's exactly what I'm saying we didn't know that . What would have been the right thing to is just tell *my wife* that over a phone call or a chat . As I said already we went to the cinema it wasn't until "we" came out that we had a chance to digest it can you follow me on that ??? Then I get a lecture from *older siste* an hour ago . Nothing to do with yourselves I know but loon this could have been done in a better way . I now have my wife feeling like she did something really wrong and two sisters who can't understand where we are coming from. We didn't know you both wanted things private and I fully respect that but can ye not see where I am coming from no ??


No. I don't see where you're coming from. I don't think you see where we're coming from. I think it should have been assumed that we wouldn't like photos made public considering we've never posted photos publicly ourselves. *My wife* text you to avoid upsetting *your wife*. She was upset after being told to overlook it by you. It was a simple text asking a simple favor. Nobody said *your wife* meant any harm. Since she was born there hasn't been one photo of her on Facebook. We'd like to keep it that way. *My wife* would like that respected. No need for arguments or anything. It's that simple.

Well then I'm afraid you should tell people because we can't read minds now if you want be fcken smart and keep this bull**** up I'd gladly sort it out with you don't think I won't. My wife innocently put a family photo up on Facebook if you have a problem with that to the extent that you want to see another side of me then be my guest . This is the last time I'll say it to you both there was no harm in what *my wife* did and to " Tell us " not ask us to take it down was a bit below the belt for me . Now I can't read your mind or my sister's I have explained what happened I seriously can't do anymore. Now as I said you and I have never had cross words but if you want it to go that I'll sort that out no problem. We honestly did not know you both had an issue with posting stuff right now I'd happily leave it lay if you will . If you wish not to then I'll come to you it's up to you

Wrongway1985

valoren wrote: »

The brother in law was the one who escalated this. The photo had their kid in it and for me they get to have the final say on what public pictures are posted.

Is it a public fb page though? Personal pages particularly family orientated people would be set to private allowing only friends to see posts.

valoren wrote: »

He was the one who sent messages, albeit to offer an explanation for events, to apologise.
Could he not simply delete it, or his wife delete it and nothing thereafter?
OP is simply standing his ground on principle reading the messages and the brother in law is laying down the law, both riling each other up.

Photo was deleted but OP was disgusted he didn't get a message to say so. Should have left it at that but OP went fishing as he didn't want Bro in law have final say it seems.

The CCTV thing sounds like OP would like nothing more than walk his brother in law into a lawsuit. Brother in law is clearly protecting his wife that her intelligence was insulted because she didn't assume correctly the OPs policy.

LushiousLips

OP......are you a bit wary that your brother in law might be a boardsie and is reading this thread??

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback and the replies. Some food for thought.

Mods-Can the thread be closed if possible?

Neyite

DEFCON1 wrote: »

Mods-Can the thread be closed if possible?

Certainly OP. All the best