How can I help my 14 years old daughter with this bad behavior?

Adriana25

She has liked to abuse animals since she was little. She even killed her two hamsters, hits and makes fun of little kids and her classmates. When she hurts an animal, she likes the fear in its eyes, the pain.
She has two personalities, the first one is wise and respectful, and the second one is bad and cruel. I'm afraid that her real personality is the second one. She is a very good liar, she loves to lie. If she wants to create a scenario about anything she wants, she would do it and everyone would believe her. She's very manipulative. She stole toys when she was at the kindergarten and when she was nine or ten years old she stole a secret code from a plush toy which cost very much. She stole it when the seller was busy, but in that shop there were cameras. She sat in the dead corner of the camera and stole it! She planned all these things from home, and as I said, she was only nine or ten!! She told me about this when she was thirteen. I was shocked! She's very very intelligent! How could a child plan these things with so much attention without missing anything?!
When she does something wrong, I tell her about it and she doesn't seem to feel sorry.
She often watches men abusing animals on the internet and likes it. She seems a bad person.
We are a good family, nobody hurts her or somethig, what can I do? She scares me! I want her to see a psychologist but she refuses, she says her behaviour is ok.

Teyla Emmagan

Psychologist. And no more pets. She doesn't seem to have much of a conscience/empathy. Maybe you can find out why the dots aren't connecting for her. But you definitely need to get her on the road to diagnosis/help asap. The animal thing would be hugely concerning for me.

Victor

A child psychologist might be a start.

Adriana25 wrote: »

She often watches men abusing animals on the internet and likes it.

You need to control her internet usage.

sadie1502

I would be extremely concerned and reaching out to get help. How do know she killed the hamster's?

_Brian

That's a big burden your carrying there OP, you really need to seek professional help for your daughter.

Are you 100% sure that there isn't someone influencing or hurting her psychologically or physically??

Are you sure she's actually doing these things or could she be making up stories to grab you attention ??

Hunchback

Have you sought any form of help to date?

Neyite

This goes far beyond the remit of suggestions from other parents on the internet. You really need to access professional help - and sooner rather than later.

Can you get a referral from your GP?

drunkmonkey

I don't think any of us can claim not to have sinned, she's made mistakes and you've found out and hopefully set her straight. I don't think children get the finality of death and no close bond with an animal could explain why she's not bothered what happens them, I don't believe she's that evil towards animals if she was some dog would have set her straight by now.
Have you been to the zoo or animal farms to see will she take a shine to any kind of animal, would she like a pet?
It's worth going to the doctor without her and talk through it with them, you then might be able to come up with a plan without her knowing she's been played.

One of my lads was watching some ants and saying how cute, mammy ant and baby ant he really loves creatures of any description, he's little brother comes over to see what's all the cooing is about, stomps on the entire family and then proceeds to eat them while laughing as his brother balls crying mourning the loss of the ant family. Didn't read too much into it but wouldn't dream of leaving the younger lad alone with an animal for a second as someone will get hurt. I don't think he's evil just hasn't formed a bond with animals.

bmwguy

Wow. Sounds like classic psychopath/sociopath behaviour. Manipulation, lying convincingly, charming, lack of empathy.
This girl needs professional help ASAP not amateur advice on boards. Be careful not to take any advice about helping her yourself that you might get here except for getting her proper treatment. Although the Internet restrictions was a good suggestion. Hard to implement the Internet is everywhere now not just on the family pc.

If this is unchecked it could turn seriously nasty. Read up on infamous people in hostory (rapists, murderers) they very often started this way hurting animals. Not all progress but cruelty and psychopathic behaviour in childhood is a nearly constant factor. I read a lot of biographies on these people. Interesting personality disorders but very unsettling.

Apparently can't cure a psychopath/sociopath but get a GP referral straight away.

bmwguy

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I don't think any of us can claim not to have sinned, she's made mistakes and you've found out and hopefully set her straight. I don't think children get the finality of death and no close bond with an animal could explain why she's not bothered what happens them, I don't believe she's that evil towards animals if she was some dog would have set her straight by now.
Have you been to the zoo or animal farms to see will she take a shine to any kind of animal, would she like a pet?
It's worth going to the doctor without her and talk through it with them, you then might be able to come up with a plan without her knowing she's been played.

One of my lads was watching some ants and saying how cute, mammy ant and baby ant he really loves creatures of any description, he's little brother comes over to see what's all the cooing is about, stomps on the entire family and then proceeds to eat them while laughing as his brother balls crying mourning the loss of the ant family. Didn't read too much into it but wouldn't dream of leaving the younger lad alone with an animal for a second as someone will get hurt. I don't think he's evil just hasn't formed a bond with animals.

Did you really just suggest getting her a pet? Christ sake thats about as bad a post as i have ever seen. She killed pet hamsters already.
The reason some dog hasn't set her straight is she knows that they would and goes after small pets.
I wouldn't attack a dog capable of setting me straight
Have a look at your own younger lad too that's not normal behaviour.

Bicycle

You need a referral to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) asap.

Don't ignore it.

And block the internet. Nobody should be watching videos of animals being killed for fun. Particularly not a child.

You have a major issue on your hands. This isn't going to go away if you stick your head in the sand. In fact it will more than likely get worse.

Tayschren

Adriana25 wrote: »

She has liked to abuse animals since she was little. She even killed her two hamsters, hits and makes fun of little kids and her classmates. When she hurts an animal, she likes the fear in its eyes, the pain.
She has two personalities, the first one is wise and respectful, and the second one is bad and cruel. I'm afraid that her real personality is the second one. She is a very good liar, she loves to lie. If she wants to create a scenario about anything she wants, she would do it and everyone would believe her. She's very manipulative. She stole toys when she was at the kindergarten and when she was nine or ten years old she stole a secret code from a plush toy which cost very much. She stole it when the seller was busy, but in that shop there were cameras. She sat in the dead corner of the camera and stole it! She planned all these things from home, and as I said, she was only nine or ten!! She told me about this when she was thirteen. I was shocked! She's very very intelligent! How could a child plan these things with so much attention without missing anything?!
When she does something wrong, I tell her about it and she doesn't seem to feel sorry.
She often watches men abusing animals on the internet and likes it. She seems a bad person.
We are a good family, nobody hurts her or somethig, what can I do? She scares me!

If you have not been to the GP about a referral previous to coming on here with this post you are the problem. Both should seek help

volchitsa

_Brian wrote: »

That's a big burden your carrying there OP, you really need to seek professional help for your daughter.

Are you 100% sure that there isn't someone influencing or hurting her psychologically or physically??

Are you sure she's actually doing these things or could she be making up stories to grab you attention ??

Even if this were the case, it would be a major cry for help, and not something the OP can "cure" by upping the quality time together or some other simple suggestion that might come to mind.

In any case, professional help looks like an absolute necessity. And as soon as possible. A friend whose son went to psychotherapy after her divorce said the psychologists told her it was important to get help as early as possible in childhood, before the personality becomes fixed as adolescence progresses.

Blingy

Have her teachers not raised issues by now?

SusieBlue

Very sinister, worrying behavior from what is obviously a very troubled child. No more pets, no access to other children and no internet. I would never normally advocate restricting internet for a teenager but she's obviously getting inspiration from the internet.
First port of call is an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist, take her to a&e if necessary and tell them you are worried she'll hurt others left untreated for much longer.

bee06

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I don't think any of us can claim not to have sinned, she's made mistakes and you've found out and hopefully set her straight. I don't think children get the finality of death and no close bond with an animal could explain why she's not bothered what happens them, I don't believe she's that evil towards animals if she was some dog would have set her straight by now.
Have you been to the zoo or animal farms to see will she take a shine to any kind of animal, would she like a pet?
It's worth going to the doctor without her and talk through it with them, you then might be able to come up with a plan without her knowing she's been played.

One of my lads was watching some ants and saying how cute, mammy ant and baby ant he really loves creatures of any description, he's little brother comes over to see what's all the cooing is about, stomps on the entire family and then proceeds to eat them while laughing as his brother balls crying mourning the loss of the ant family. Didn't read too much into it but wouldn't dream of leaving the younger lad alone with an animal for a second as someone will get hurt. I don't think he's evil just hasn't formed a bond with animals.

This is a teenager, not a young child who doesn't understand what they are doing. She knows well what she is doing and needs professional help.

Neyite

Mod:
If you have doubts about a post, report it. Accusations on thread of trolling are not welcome.

Orion

Let's leave the discussion about whether it's trolling or not off the thread please. We are keeping an eye. fwiw I'm leaning towards agreeing but in case it's genuine we can leave it open for now. Please keep comments constructive.

eviltwin

As has already been said, get to a GP pronto and get a referral for child services. This is seriously dangerous and worrying behaviour that needs the input of a specialist. Its not a normal parenting problem that can be dealt with by chatting to strangers over the internet.

Hurting another living creature is not normal, its not a sign of evilness but its a sign something is going on for your daughter that she is unable to process by herself. It might be something you know about, it might not be but you can't let this fester. As others have said it has the potential to get worse and you owe it to her to get to the bottom of it before she goes down a path that has serious consequences.

beechwood55

Have none of her teachers flagged this behaviour to you?

Moonbeam

i was wondering the same.
Has it not come up in school over the years?
Has it be constant her whole life or did it start at a certain time?

jlm29

If this is a genuine concern, while obviously talking to your gp and getting a referral to cahms is the right pathway, if it were my child, I would beg, borrow or steal to bring them for a private assessment asap. Cahms often have crazy waiting lists.

drunkmonkey

bmwguy wrote: »

Did you really just suggest getting her a pet? Christ sake thats about as bad a post as i have ever seen. She killed pet hamsters already.
The reason some dog hasn't set her straight is she knows that they would and goes after small pets.
I wouldn't attack a dog capable of setting me straight
Have a look at your own younger lad too that's not normal behaviour.

Not a rabbit but maybe a family dog it can be good for kids. I don't believe she's running around killing small pets, we've only heard of 1 incident. Even a horse riding lesson just something to develop some kind of bond.
My evil ant killer is nearly 2, I'm not going to worry too much about it but the difference between him and his brother is that the older guy was brought up with a dog until he was knocked down when he was 1 but he had that animal interaction in the womb and for his 1st year. The difference is chalk and cheese between them when it comes to animals.

eviltwin

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Not a rabbit but maybe a family dog it can be good for kids. I don't believe she's running around killing small pets, we've only heard of 1 incident. Even a horse riding lesson just something to develop some kind of bond.
My evil ant killer is nearly 2, I'm not going to worry too much about it but the difference between him and his brother is that the older guy was brought up with a dog until he was knocked down when he was 1 but he had that animal interaction in the womb and for his 1st year. The difference is chalk and cheese between them when it comes to animals.

The last thing I would do is give this girl access to more animals. Did you even read the OP at all, she likes watching videos of animal torture, would that alone not cause your alarm bells to ring??

I think most young kids go through a phase of killing small bugs and things but this girl is now a teenager and still enjoying it....this is not normal or something that can be fixed by giving her the right pet.

This girl has no empathy and its going to be near impossible for her to form a bond with any animal if she lacks empathy. There is a reason for this that needs to be uncovered and dealt with. Giving her another animal and hoping for the best is not going to cut it.

bee06

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Not a rabbit but maybe a family dog it can be good for kids. I don't believe she's running around killing small pets, we've only heard of 1 incident. Even a horse riding lesson just something to develop some kind of bond.
My evil ant killer is nearly 2, I'm not going to worry too much about it but the difference between him and his brother is that the older guy was brought up with a dog until he was knocked down when he was 1 but he had that animal interaction in the womb and for his 1st year. The difference is chalk and cheese between them when it comes to animals.

Do you really not think there is a difference between a 2 year old who stands on ants and a 14 year old who watches animals being tortured on the internet and who has already killed two hamsters?

bmwguy

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Not a rabbit but maybe a family dog it can be good for kids. I don't believe she's running around killing small pets, we've only heard of 1 incident. Even a horse riding lesson just something to develop some kind of bond.
My evil ant killer is nearly 2, I'm not going to worry too much about it but the difference between him and his brother is that the older guy was brought up with a dog until he was knocked down when he was 1 but he had that animal interaction in the womb and for his 1st year. The difference is chalk and cheese between them when it comes to animals.

No animals. Just counselling. Watches torture videos. Her mother says she likes the fear in animals eyes.

drunkmonkey

bee06 wrote: »

Do you really not think there is a difference between a 2 year old who stands on ants and a 14 year old who watches animals being tortured on the internet and who has already killed two hamsters?

The more you read that the more far fetched it is, watching "men" torture animals, is she not into women torturing animals? Killed 2 hamsters, likes to see the pain in their eyes all were missing is the kiss of judas.

Killing is a natural instinct of ours most of us do it passively every day, I'm just not convinced this girl is the mass murder she's been made out to be just because she killed a hamster whether willingly or not.

eviltwin

drunkmonkey wrote: »

The more you read that the more far fetched it is, watching "men" torture animals, is she not into women torturing animals? Killed 2 hamsters, likes to see the pain in their eyes all were missing is the kiss of judas.

Killing is a natural instinct of ours most of us do it passively every day, I'm just not convinced this girl is the mass murder she's been made out to be just because she killed a hamster whether willingly or not.

No one said she is but better to err on the side of caution and get a professional opinion wouldn't you say?

bmwguy

drunkmonkey wrote: »

The more you read that the more far fetched it is, watching "men" torture animals, is she not into women torturing animals? Killed 2 hamsters, likes to see the pain in their eyes all were missing is the kiss of judas.

Killing is a natural instinct of ours most of us do it passively every day, I'm just not convinced this girl is the mass murder she's been made out to be just because she killed a hamster whether willingly or not.

What do we kill passively everyday? Could be a troll post from OP she hasnt been back yet but killing is not a natural instinct for us.

drunkmonkey

eviltwin wrote: »

No one said she is but better to err on the side of caution and get a professional opinion wouldn't you say?

Yea I did say earlier on talk to a doctor. You don't need a professional opinion to say the kid should be barred from the internet.
I think the whole thing is up there with Peter Pan to be honest.

drunkmonkey

bmwguy wrote: »

What do we kill passively everyday? Could be a troll post from OP she hasnt been back yet but killing is not a natural instinct for us.

We kill for food and sport all the time. Somebody had to kill one of your meals today and if you were hungry enough you'd do it yourself.