Moved back into parents house, cracking up

LegacyUser

I moved back home a few months ago due to finances and so I could save but ive also found it really hard to find a job, ive left cv's into every shop and business in town and im on job websites every week.

I signed on jobseekers for the time being so I have a small bit of income from that which I mostly save, I also give 40 euro to my parents every week.
The problem is we live about 10 miles out the country and theres no transport, on top of this the electric shower broke about 9 months ago and no one will bother to fix it or call anyone to do it, im so broke I cant afford to do it, the whole thing will need to be refitted and it'll cost hundreds atleast, we have another shower, water heated by oil but the oil went about a month ago and my parents wont get more, the immersion sparks like mad and is a fire hazard so that cant be used, its been like that for years and now theres no way to wash in the house. I dont have friends or family to visit to use their shower. On top of this my mother does shopping about once a month and all she buys is canned food, cheap packaged sandwich meats and frozen meals from the discount shelf.
I buy my own food when I can afford it but my dad ends up eating most of it. They rarely even buy a bit of cat food, its usually left to me. Ive dropped down to seven and a half stone, I have people asking me if I have an eating disorder. I know I shouldnt be complaining, theyre doing me the favour by letting me live here but like they both work full time, mortgage is paid off and they have extra money from me, my dad got a big inheritance 3 years ago so theyre not broke.

Before anyone suggests theyre doing it on purpose so ill move out, its always been this way, in school I was bullied for having old uniforms too small, shoes 3 sizes too big (so id grow into them which I never did) and called anorexic and accused of having eating disorders simply because there was hardly any proper food in the house. I know this more of a rant but im cracking up, in two days ive had an omelette and some toast, havnt washed in ages, im broke and cant leave the house.

Merkin

Have you posted about this before? I vaguely recall your Dad not allowing you to shower if memory serves me right.

Honestly, you'd be better off registering yourself as homeless at this stage. As shít as "the system" is, it has to be better that how you're living at the moment.

silverharp

you need to eat properly , buy your food for the week first and give your mother whats left up to 40€, buy food you can keep in your room if its being eaten. Suggest that you save up to fix the shower instead of giving them money. if your parents are working they must have cars, can you start learning how to drive?
Maybe find ways of making extra money by babysitting or childminding , do you have older siblings that can help you?

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

Have you posted about this before? I vaguely recall your Dad not allowing you to shower if memory serves me right.

Nope, that wasnt me.

Teyla Emmagan

I thought you were living with your Granny now, what happened there?

You know well why they won't fix the shower.

LegacyUser

silverharp wrote: »

you need to eat properly , buy your food for the week first and give your mother whats left up to 40€, buy food you can keep in your room if its being eaten. Suggest that you save up to fix the shower instead of giving them money. if your parents are working they must have cars, can you start learning how to drive?
Maybe find ways of making extra money by babysitting or childminding , do you have older siblings that can help you?

Thanks Silverharp for responding but I dont think you realise how expensive it is to learn how to drive, its not like it used to be were you could hop in your parents car and drive around, lessons alone cost near 600 hundred, insurance and tax are thousands and my family arent accommodating so looking for help is futile. I dont know anyone with kids to babysit or child mind, ive no neighbours, im surrounded by fields and a busy road. Besides I cant get lifts to go anywhere and taxi's are 20 euro each way. The situations temporary, ill get out when I can but for now its driving me mad.

LegacyUser

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I thought you were living with your Granny now, what happened there?

You know well why they won't fix the shower.

Ive never posted about this before, im a different person!!

Wesser

God that sounds dreadful.
It sounds unbelievable !!
No this story is definitely not the same as the last shower story.

Op maybe you should think about going abroad just to build yourself up a bit? Can you Loan money from your father to do this?

LegacyUser

There's no excuse for not washing in a few days. At the very least, all you need to do is boil a kettle & fill the bathroom sink,& use your own facecloth/sponge.
As for transport, have you considered cycling?

LegacyUser

Wesser wrote: »

God that sounds dreadful.
It sounds unbelievable !!
No this story is definitely not the same as the last shower story.

Op maybe you should think about going abroad just to build yourself up a bit? Can you Loan money from your father to do this?

Thanks Wesser but my parents arent financially helpful, the last time I borrowed 50 euro off my dad a few months ago, I might aswell have been borrowing 500,he doesnt like handing me money, after him shouting about it he gave it to me but told me it'll do for my birthday money which was about a month later lol and sure enough when birthday rolled around he just reminded me of the money he'd given me weeks earlier, thats all the help I get. Theres no chance he'll loan me money for anything.

m'lady

That situation sounds absolutely dreadful. Perhaps you could talk to them?, but by the sounds of it things aren't going to change..
if I was in your position I would look into registering with an Au pair agency, in the hope of getting a job abroad?
In the mean time have you any friends you could stay with even from where you lived before?

I really hope things work out for you..

zoobizoo

Shower solution....

I used to do this in India when there were no showers where I was living.

Boil water and half fill a bucket with the hot water. Fill the second half with cold water.

Get a small jug / pint glass. Bring to bath and wash in it. Two jugs to get wet. Lather up. Remainder to rinse. As effective as a shower.

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Do you have any relatives who you can stay with?

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Food

I find that older people don't like spicy food. Cook a big veg pasta and add chilli flakes. Keep some in the fridge and freeze the rest. Stir fry with fresh chilli... (hope that doesn't sound flippant but I'm trying to be practical.

Porridge for breakfast is cheap and a good source of fibre etc.

retro:electro

Op are you embarrassed/ashamed to admit that you're the same poster as before? There's no shame in coming back and asking for help again. I find it hard to believe that you're not the same guy who left to stay with his granny. The details are uncanny.

woodchuck

That's actually a very good suggestion to cook/buy food that you know they won't like! You could buy fresh ingredients, cook it up straight away and freeze portions. It could be reasonably healthy, cheap and hopefully nobody else will rob it if you clearly label it as something you know they won't like.

The shower situation sounds awful. There are ways around it as suggested. Not ideal by any means, but unfortunately you'll just have to make do unless you want to save up for the repairs.

You said you moved home to save money? Is it really worth it? Could you move back out? Even if you're not saving money, you'd be less miserable from the sounds of it.

Neyite

Mod:

Everyone - it's not a previous poster.

Give your advice based on this thread and not the thread of another person with a similar, yet different issue.

Thanks.

Aspadeaspade

OP I feel for you I really do. I can relate to your problem. At least in my case I'm working and saving to get out as fast as possible. I had to move back home due to illness and frankly, my family are worse than the serious illness I had. I can't wait to see the back of them. All you can do is keep looking for work and put up with it, if you were renting elsewhere you'd be paying a lot more money. Things will get better, just know that your problem is a lot more common than you think!

rondog

I would rather get arrested and live in Jail than in your circumstances.
In jail,at least you get regular food,Showers and a gym to use.
Your conditions aren't far off someone that would be kept in Fritzls basement.
You really need to get a job,anything and start getting money together so you can get the shower fixed,get a cheap bike and slowly build up cash so you can improve your life ,do a course and get money behind you so you can escape your current conditions.

Afroshack

Your situation sounds awful, sending you my sympathies OP. Your parents sound really unaccomodating and to be honest, a little cruel. I mean, being too stingy to fix the shower is one thing but not actually having food in the house is crazy, like literal food to eat.

How do your parents wash? Where do they wash? Do they cook their own meals or do they eat out? I find their way of living so bizarre.

I cant offer much advice - although a few things struck me.

1. Cycling. Is this an option? Get a cheap bike (adverts or donedeal) and go to the next town over to CV drop. It will get you out of the house and hopefully help you feel a little calmer.

2. Stop giving your parents money. They don't need it and frankly they don't deserve it. Spend an extra 20 quid on pasta, rice, some meats and some veg and cook yourself some proper meals. Use ingredients they don't like or won't eat.

3. You have access to the Internet so start doing things online that you can add to your CV. I started using Duolingo six months ago and with the help of YouTube and some Spanish language shows, I can add profiency in Spanish to my CV. Lots of universities (even the Ivy League ones) do free online courses. Start a few of them, keep yourself busy and your mind engaged and focused. Each week, add something new to your CV. Languages, computers, anything!

4. Create a LinkedIn profile and start adding people you know. Add your new skills and ask people to vouch for you.

5. Do an online TEFL course. There's always work abroad in this field and some schools will reimburse flights and help with accommodation. Or if you have a job offer, ask your bank or credit union to loan you flight money.

6. Take care of your mental health. Get outdoors, draw, cook, meditate, read, join a library, talk to people. Your situation sounds awful but it's not forever and you will find a way out of this.Good luck.

jimmycrackcorm

Afroshack wrote:

2. Stop giving your parents money. They don't need it and frankly they don't deserve it. Spend an extra 20 quid on pasta, rice, some meats and some veg and cook yourself some proper meals. Use ingredients they don't like or won't eat.

This in particular. Instead of giving then the 40, sirens it on extra food and announce that your contributing to the household this way. At least then you'll solve the lack of food issue.

As for washing your self, either give yourself sponge baths using water from the kettle or try conquer your fear of the immersion.

sashafierce

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