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God help me

  • 05-05-2017 7:50am
    #1
    A Battered Mars Bar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 419 ✭✭


    Ever notice when you're in a rush, an immovable sh*t comes along. On the toilet now for 25 minutes and I had to leave 20 minutes ago!

    Bet she won't wipe clean easily either!


Comments

  • #2
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,559 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Stand up and jiggle about a bit. Works a treat


  • #3
    Mr.Crinklewood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,508 ✭✭✭✭Mr.Crinklewood


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    Stand up and jiggle about a bit. Works a treat

    Jiggle or wiggle?


  • #4
    Mr McBoatface
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,579 ✭✭✭Mr McBoatface


    Apt username


  • #5
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,916 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Have ya tried flutterin' it a bit?


  • #6
    tomwaterford
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,768 ✭✭✭✭tomwaterford


    A Battered Mars Bar wrote: »
    Ever notice when you're in a rush, an immovable sh*t comes along. On the toilet now for 25 minutes and I had to leave 20 minutes ago!

    Bet she won't wipe clean easily either!

    Give up and try later :confused:


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  • #7
    Hercule Poirot
    Registered Users Posts: 4,231 ✭✭✭Hercule Poirot


    Is this what AH has come to?


  • #8
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,559 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Mr.Crinklewood wrote:
    Jiggle or wiggle?

    Both, then jive for a bit. Then sit back down and it'll fly out of you.


  • #9
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Off to the aZoo for you, into the Gorilla enclosure, de-robe and present,

    You shouldn't ever have an issue with anything lodging there again.


  • #10
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,916 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Hercule Poirot wrote: »
    Is this what AH has come to?

    Welcome back to 2007. ;)


  • #11
    gramar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,045 ✭✭✭✭gramar


    Bring it to work with you.


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  • #12
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Hercule Poirot wrote: »
    Is this what AH has come to?

    No it's always been shít.


  • #13
    Erik Shin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,721 ✭✭✭Erik Shin


    Try doing that when you've a burst pile....The crapper ends up looking like a plate of chili con carne!


  • #14
    mahamageehad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭mahamageehad


    Paging Fluttering!
    Flutteringbantam to After Hours please!


  • #15
    marketty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,089 ✭✭✭marketty


    gramar wrote:
    Bring it to work with you.

    They make a dollar
    While I make a dime
    That's why I sh1t
    On company time


  • #16
    Gavinz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 171 ✭✭Gavinz


    Hercule Poirot wrote: »
    Is this what AH has come to?

    What were you expecting?


    Oh, right...the Thanks. That's what you're after.


  • #17
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,152 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    It could be blocked. Stick a finger up to unsettle the obstruction.


  • #18
    rtron
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 640 ✭✭✭rtron


    I thought you were waiting for someone to get off the toilet.


  • #19
    Jack the Stripper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭Jack the Stripper


    Are the kids off on school holidays already?


  • #20
    Erik Shin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,721 ✭✭✭Erik Shin


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    Are the kids off on school holidays already?

    Yeah, he's trying to drop them off at the pool !


  • #21
    Gavinz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 171 ✭✭Gavinz


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    Are the kids off on school holidays already?

    Are you quite mature for your age or just an old shyte?


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  • #22
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Ah the never ending wipe. This is why I have baby wipes and toilet roll in the freezer.


  • #23
    RobertKK
    Registered Users Posts: 33,754 ✭✭✭✭RobertKK


    Eat more fibre in the future.


  • #24
    Ush1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,476 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Get a shoe horn in there.


  • #25
    biko
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,220 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Another thread that should have been a facebook update.


  • #26
    Daledge
    Registered Users Posts: 297 ✭✭Daledge


    biko wrote: »
    Another thread that should have been a facebook update.

    If this was put as a facebook status by one of my friends, they'd be getting the boot.


  • #27
    A Neurotic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,779 ✭✭✭A Neurotic


    A Battered Mars Bar wrote:
    Ever notice when you're in a rush, an immovable sh*t comes along. On the toilet now for 25 minutes and I had to leave 20 minutes ago!

    Bet she won't wipe clean easily either!

    Quality sh*tpost.


  • #28
    IrishLad90
    Registered Users Posts: 849 ✭✭✭IrishLad90


    ha


  • #29
    Armchair Andy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭Armchair Andy


    Has it worked it's way out yet OP? I've a decent sized brownie brewing just having a coffee to liquidise it a bit.

    Buddy swears by shoving menthol lozenges up there as a last resort. Hope this helps.


  • #30
    The_Kew_Tour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,424 ✭✭✭✭The_Kew_Tour


    Anyone ever done a Public run and get the urge?

    Did 10k in Phoenix Park good few years back and with no toilets, my running style became a bit wonky shall we say, near the end.


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  • #31
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    The_Kew_Tour wrote: »
    Anyone ever done a Public run and get the urge?

    Did 10k in Phoenix Park good few years back and with no toilets, my running style became a bit wonky shall we say, near the end.

    Never fart after the 6th kilometer.


  • #32
    The_Kew_Tour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,424 ✭✭✭✭The_Kew_Tour


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    Never fart after the 6th kilometer.

    I tell ya straight to the toilet and shower without even thinking of sitting down when I got back home.:pac:


  • #33
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    The_Kew_Tour wrote: »
    I tell ya straight to the toilet and shower without even thinking of sitting down when I got back home.:pac:

    Then I assume you burned your shorts?


  • #34
    Canis Lupus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,893 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    25 minute ****? Eat a few weetabix ffs.


  • #35
    Kimbot
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 18,693 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kimbot


    OP I dont give a **** but I did have a nice one there that didnt last 25 mins :P


  • #36
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,916 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    biko wrote: »
    Another thread that should have been a facebook update.
    The mod of the Social Media forum has spoken. :cool:
    A Neurotic wrote: »
    Quality sh*tpost.

    A word of caution, eh? ;)


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  • #37
    A Battered Mars Bar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 419 ✭✭A Battered Mars Bar


    Had to take a ball of toilet roll and wet it with warm water in the end to get clean. Gonna have to install a bidet.


  • #38
    Robsweezie
    Registered Users Posts: 3,434 ✭✭✭Robsweezie


    go to the nearest hotel and just let rip all over the place. Bonus ''brownie'' points if theres a wedding reception on.


  • #39
    A Battered Mars Bar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 419 ✭✭A Battered Mars Bar


    Had a right belter anyway after ye should've been there. Gets into my executive meeting late. I says "Sorry gentlemen, I had a sh*t morning" Little do they know!!!!


  • #40
    IrishLad90
    Registered Users Posts: 849 ✭✭✭IrishLad90


    LAD

    TF


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