Antisocial and how to deal with it

Floricwil

Hi everyone,

I would love to hear any thoughts/opinions people have on this.

Basically, my issue is that I think I'm an unsociable person.

I don't like (maybe even hate) social situations which involve more than 3-4 people. I find I feel very uncomfortable when in large groups. I never know what to say, and when I do try to say something, I'm often cut off.

Growing up I was always on the shy/quiet side. For years I looked to outgoing, chatty and (what I considered to be) extroverted people and longed to be like them. I wanted to be someone who could just strike up conversation with anyone, chat about daily mundane things, someone who make jokes.

In the past, I have actively made efforts to try and speak more. I'd ask questions, be interested in people's lives and while most people would describe me as a nice but shy girl, I'd say they'd consider me to also be a bit on the dull side too. I just have a quiet personality, I'm reserved and am not an in your face sort of person. I'm probably the sort of person people would describe as needing to loosed up a bit and stop taking life so seriously.

I should mention that i do have friends. It's a small group and most of them I've know for years.

As I've gotten older (I'm mid-30s now) I've learned to embrace my introverted nature more. Ive come to realise and can confidently admit i love nights in by myself. I love going for walks, coffees, meals by myself.I don't feel lonely. This time by myself gives me time to decompress and focus my mind. Maybe I am overly serious at time but that is who I am. I've accepted I'm not going to be the life and soul of the party!

While i can say I've accepted this part of my personality, it still also causes me some anxiety.
For instance, I know in 3 weeks time I will have to attend a social occasion with my OH and his friends. I am already dreading this. I am dreading having to come up with conversation with all these people, thinking of things to say. People will prob think im rude or boring and this is only adding to my stress. Also i know there will be pressure to dance as well at the event. I hate dancing! I always have! It's not a case that I like dancing and I'm afraid of what people will think - its simply something I don't enjoy and there don't want to do.

All I can focus on at this point is that i don't want to go to the event!! I feel sick with nerves thinking about it. My OH is pretty much the opposite of me. He is well able to handle himself in social situations regardless of whether he knows the people or not.

I have a pain in my tummy worrying/ stressing about this. Has anyone any suggestions!?

Big Bag of Chips

All I can tell you is nobody notices you or cares as much about what you do as you think they do. If people know you, they'll know you're quiet. Most people won't have a problem with that and might even amend how they interact with you to allow for that. If anyone does care, so what?! If someone thinks you're rude, so what?! You don't have to dance. If anyone asks you can always say no! They might push it for a few seconds, but if you continue to say no they'll eventually move on.. and 10 seconds later they won't even remember trying to get you up. Because they're there to enjoy their night, you won't really be on their radar.

I would say one thing though. I know you are going to this function with your other half even though you are dreading it. I would encourage you, for your bf's sake to try not make an issue of it for him. It's difficult living with someone who has anxiety. The things you get worked up over aren't worth getting worked up over, but you can't help it. It can be frustrating for a partner who is trying to be supportive but meets resistance at every turn.

If only you knew how little notice other people take of you and what you do or don't then you might be more relaxed about social situations where everyone else is more interested in themselves!

zoobizoo

Take it from someone who suffered Social Anxiety from the age of 14 to about 30... challenge yourself.

Until you do, you will continue to deny yourself the pleasure of interacting with others and losing out on the opportunity to make friends.


You don't have to be loud
You don't have to be "in your face"
You don't have to be able to hold court of a bunch of over 4 people - it's impossible to have a good conversation with groups about that number.


You can be quiet and make friends
You can be reserved and be social
You can be just a one on one person
You are allowed to lead a conversation: "I went to see the new Star Wars movie. Has anyone else seen it?" .. "we're off to France this summer. Are you going anywhere yourselves?" "What's that craft beer like?"

If you have opinions and interests you can be interesting.


Some of the loudest people I know are extremely boring. A friend of ours is one of those people who can talk to anyone but he never has anything of interest to say.

dudara

Only medical professionals are qualified to offer medical advice, which includes the taking of pharmaceuticals. For any regular person to do so is highly irresponsible. There will be no further discussion on this topic.

dudara