Head all over the place

dee_mc

You're afraid of hurting your friend by telling her that your boyfriend blatantly cheated on you with her other friend?! Come on! I'd put money on it that everyone else knows already, and to be honest, the chances are that this isn't the first time he's done it, only the first time you've caught him, so the chances are at least one of your friends has seen him in action before, even if they didn't see him cheating on you on the particular night that you did.
You deserve better than this guy!
You're bleating here about 'how could this relative stranger do this to me, she's friends with my friends, she was introduced to us as a couple' but come on, she owes you nothing! He's your boyfriend who committed to living with you, he has cheated on you in a public place surrounded by your friends, he's lied to your face about it then lied again by telling you every man engages in this lowlife behaviour, he's told you it won't happen again but with absolutely zero sincerity, and now you're saying you saw her with sex hair and him with his flies untied after half an hour of doing the obvious?! He owes you so much more than this!
What hold does this guy have over you?
Why do you believe yourself unworthy of being in an equal, loving, faithful relationship?
That you would even consider continuing to build a future with this scumbag, continue to invest your time and love in this farce of a relationship is mindblowingly sad to me.
I said it in my original comment on this thread and I'll repeat it because you need to hear it again: get help with your confidence and self-worth issues, have some self respect, otherwise you'll be saddled with this cheating, disrespectful excuse for a man for life, or more likely, until he tires of you.

Hannibal_Smith

sallyanne12 wrote: »

Hi it's me Sallyanne, I want to say thank you so much to all of you posters. I haven't made my decision yet but I am staying in my parents until I do. Cheating is not something I will accept going forward. I would never be happy with that. He told me it wouldn't happen again but his explanations completely contradicted what he said. It was clear he had no guilt. He even said "you'd swear I f...d her the way you're acting."
I don't know why but I've started to feel upset with the girl doing that to me. How can women treat each other so badly. She knew I was with him, we were introduced as a couple. I never would do anything wrong to anyone. Why do I deserve it. I have been a bit distant with my main friend from that night. The girl who kissed my boyfriend is her best friend. I really care for my friend and don't want to upset her by telling her what happened. I feel let down and upset to ever meet that girl again. She knew she is so much more sexier than me and had to prove it to me. I feel very low. I'd love her to explain why she did it as I was very polite to her and friendly and made an effort to talk to her earlier in the night. somebody mentioned that they'd be surprised if kissing is all they did. It reminded me how the girl looked afterwards. Her hair was a complete mess and I did notice my boyfriend fly was open (obviously he could have forgot to close it after using the toilet.. I'm imaging the worst case scenario) it made me wonder did more go on than kissing. After I saw, I was standing at the bar for a good 30 minutes until they reappeared, highly unlikely they had sex in a toilet is it? My head is a mess is an understatement

The other woman is not in a relationship with you. She owes you nothing. The only person you should be mad at and who you should be distancing yourself from is your boyfriend. So what if she kissed some bloke in a pub who was in a couple? She owes no loyalty to you. Your boyfriend does. And the fact that you're more mad with her than with him is a surprise.

It's unlikely they had sex in the toilet is it?

Chances are you haven't asked your boyfriend that question. The reason being you wouldn't trust the answer he'd give you. The fact you don't know your boyfriend well enough to know whether he'd have sex with a stranger in a public toilet while you're at the bar...

GingerLily

OP, are you not humiliated thinking of how many of your friends know your boyfriend openly cheats on you? They must all know by now, how can carry on lying to yourself that this is something you can sweep under the carpet?

Meauldsegosha

sallyanne12 wrote: »

I feel let down and upset to ever meet that girl again. She knew she is so much more sexier than me and had to prove it to me. I feel very low. I'd love her to explain why she did it as I was very polite to her and friendly and made an effort to talk to her earlier in the night.

It's easy to blame the other woman rather then face the fact that your boyfriend is the one who hurt you. What she did wasn't very nice and most women wouldn't act that way but your boyfriend behavior and attitude afterwards is what you should be concerned about.

If you do decide to stay with him do so with your eyes wide open and know that he will cheat on you again. He told you to "look at the bigger picture" so do that. If you have children with him what kind of morals will he instill in them. Will he teach his sons that women are beneath them and it's ok to treat them like a piece of dirt. Will his daughter grow up with no self-respect because they have seen their father cheat on their mother all their life.

Forget about the other woman and concentrate on you and how you want your life to be.

stargazer 68

Op I have to agree with all the other posters on here - the guy will cause you nothing but heartache. I know it is easy for us to say dump him from our keyboards but you need to look at the bigger picture.

Many years ago a friend of mine was dating this guy - myself and my other friend knew he was a lying cheat and caught him several times. She didn't believe us - said we were just jealous!! She married him and has since divorced because of his cheating. She still says she wishes she had listened to us.

It's time for some self respect and self love.

Penn

sallyanne12 wrote: »

Cheating is not something I will accept going forward. I would never be happy with that. He told me it wouldn't happen again but his explanations completely contradicted what he said. It was clear he had no guilt. He even said "you'd swear I f...d her the way you're acting."

Why accept it now then? He's shown no remorse, no guilt, doesn't think what he did was wrong, blamed you for overreacting, says every guy does it (they don't) and has quite clearly shown you no respect by doing it knowing you were nearby and could catch them, within about 2 hours of meeting this girl.

You may not accept cheating going forward, but he will cheat again anyway. Why would he feel next time he gets a chance will be any different?

It's fair enough to be angry at the woman he was with, especially if she knew you were going out. But she deserves maybe 5% of your anger at best. He deserves 95%. Your friend's friend owes you no loyalty, respect or love. He did.

JillyQ

Op you don't seem to be listening to what people are saying to you here. I had a similar situation to you years ago. My ex slept with a former friend of mine. I know the pain you are going through the absolute betrayal is something else. However the best decision I ever made was to dump the both of them and to tell our friends what they did. I met him a few months ago he begged me to take him back I said no because for me one of the fundamentals of a loving long-term relationship is respect which he quiet clearly didn't show any to me. Just like your oh is not showing to you. Do yourself a favour get rid of him. If your friends ask what happened tell them what happened. I found out through one of his friends who thought I deserved better, to this day I thank him for that.

Emme

sallyanne12 wrote: »

Hi it's me Sallyanne, I want to say thank you so much to all of you posters. I haven't made my decision yet but I am staying in my parents until I do. Cheating is not something I will accept going forward. I would never be happy with that. He told me it wouldn't happen again but his explanations completely contradicted what he said. It was clear he had no guilt. He even said "you'd swear I f...d her the way you're acting."
I don't know why but I've started to feel upset with the girl doing that to me. How can women treat each other so badly. She knew I was with him, we were introduced as a couple. I never would do anything wrong to anyone. Why do I deserve it. I have been a bit distant with my main friend from that night. The girl who kissed my boyfriend is her best friend. I really care for my friend and don't want to upset her by telling her what happened. I feel let down and upset to ever meet that girl again. She knew she is so much more sexier than me and had to prove it to me. I feel very low. I'd love her to explain why she did it as I was very polite to her and friendly and made an effort to talk to her earlier in the night. somebody mentioned that they'd be surprised if kissing is all they did.
It reminded me how the girl looked afterwards. Her hair was a complete mess and I did notice my boyfriend fly was open (obviously he could have forgot to close it after using the toilet.. I'm imaging the worst case scenario) it made me wonder did more go on than kissing. After I saw, I was standing at the bar for a good 30 minutes until they reappeared, highly unlikely they had sex in a toilet is it? My head is a mess is an understatement

They probably had a quickie :rolleyes: 30 minutes is plenty of time for that.

You need to dump this man ASAP. Well done moving back to your parents for now but make up your mind not to go back to him. And not take him back. Ever. He will always cheat on whoever he is with. And this girl isn't the first person he's cheated on you with either. Don't blame her for your boyfriend's actions. He's the one who was in a couple and cheated. She was on her own. Goodness knows what your boyfriend told this girl. He could have told her you were just friends even though you were introduced as a couple.

When you split up with him (and I really hope it's WHEN) if you decide to keep in contact with your friend you will have to tell her what happened with the other girls. Never mind your friend's feelings. Her friend didn't think much of yours or your boyfriend told her you two were just friends.

Dump him.

B0jangles

OP some of thing things you're saying and the justifications you're making in the face of his appalling behaviour honestly sound like the kind of things an addict says when they don't want to admit they have a problem. This man is behaving like an unmitigated pig; in the long-term he'll cause you nothing but suffering and then tell you it's all your own fault because he told you up front what to expect. He's hurting you now and he knows he's hurting you, he's never going to stop hurting you.

You need to treat this relationship like an addiction that you need to break; at first it'll be tough, but in a few weeks or maybe months you really won't know yourself.

Flibble

Op... Are you ever going to trust him again?

Next month, he goes out without you, just him & his friends. Will you believe him that nothing happened or is it all you'll think about?

Look how difficult it was to get him to admit kissing that other women, even though you physically WITNESSED it. And he's not even apologetic! You're being 'managed' & manipulated.

Katgurl

Your boyfriend has no respect for you. He likely has no respect for any women.

This girl, her appearance, her behaviour towards you is irrelevant here.

In fact, even his behaviour towards you is largely irrelevant because you can't control it.

The only thing you can control here is how you treat yourself.

Get rid of this loser. He cheated on you with someone in your social group, in full view of your friends and of you. You deserve so much better. You mentioned being a slim size 10. Even if you were twice that size you still deserve respect.

Do the right thing by yourself and cut this man from your life. If you don't you are sending a message to yourself that it is fine to treat you like rubbish and that is the treatment you will receive.

Seriously. Just cut it off.

Katgurl

I wanted to add something to my last post about his reasoning that 'all men do it.'

For years I was very good friends with an extremely goodlooking sexy girl. We were great friends. She was a complete predator with men and highly insecure in spite of (or maybe because of) her appearance. We all know a girl like her; turns heads everywhere, everybody's boyfriends describes her as 'the hot one' in the group, people always wonder how on earth is she single. Now she has many great traits but our friendship became strained because I got so sick of all her issues with men; it actually became exhausting; she needed everyone to fancy her, flirted with everyone, had jealous outbursts whenever I got attention, competed for attention constantly, made a play for every man going despite his relationship status.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because although there were loads of blokes who used her and discarded her for a bit of no-strings fun there were many many guys who resisted all her advances no matter how hard she tried even when it was clear they were attracted to her.

I often found myself consoling her in a hungover state where she regretfully told me of how she made a fool of herself with some guy who obviously struggled to keep saying no.

My point is all men don't seize an opportunity no matter how attractive the girl is and how sure they are that they will never be caught. Some will and they are the ones we are best avoiding. In lots of ways you're lucky because you've seen who he really is.

There are good guys out there.

LegacyUser

Is your boyfriend a pilot? http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057610353/1/#post100049235