Need Advice Please, I'm 18

jordanr23

So I'm 18 and trying to do my Leaving Cert in a few weeks but dad kicked me out with no money just before my exams, he kicked me out because of me being late for school. I have been staying with a family friend but she's going away next week and don't know where to go next but was wondering if there's any schemes or ways to get accommodation or some money per week? Can't work til after my exams...

jimgoose

Either there's more to this than you're letting on, or your father is a lunatic.

jordanr23

My dad admitted to throwing me out mainly because I'm 18 and apparently doesn't get children's allowance etc...

silverharp

could you talk to your school principal?

athtrasna

jordanr23 wrote: »

My dad admitted to throwing me out mainly because I'm 18 and apparently doesn't get children's allowance etc...

If you're in full time education they would still be entitled to child benefit for you

jordanr23

I've tried to talk to him and my councillor and my principal but all he says is hang on til the exams but I'm more worried about my depression and mental health

jordanr23

Well he says he doesn't get money but he mustn't be telling the truth.. He kicked my 17 year old sister out too and she's staying with a friend.

jimgoose

jordanr23 wrote: »

Well he says he doesn't get money but he mustn't be telling the truth.. He kicked my 17 year old sister out too and she's staying with a friend.

Seriously - is that man... alright? Is your mam around?

stargazer 68

athtrasna wrote: »

If you're in full time education they would still be entitled to child benefit for you

No they aren't. It changed a couple of years ago. One you reach 18 it stops.
Op is there teacher at the school you can talk to?

njs030

jordanr23 wrote: »

Well he says he doesn't get money but he mustn't be telling the truth.. He kicked my 17 year old sister out too and she's staying with a friend.

Not that it's relevant but I'd feel like ringing child benefit and letting them know you don't live there any longer so they do stop it!

Perhaps you have a friend to stay with for a few weeks until the exams are over?

jordanr23

He cares more about my step mum than us, mum's about but has 5 kids to look after and hasn't got room for us...

jordanr23

It's worth a shot, he won't even pay 20euro to help whoever is looking after me, I could but I'd feel so embarrassed and ashamed when I cant pay them for looking after me

jimgoose

jordanr23 wrote: »

He cares more about my step mum than us, mum's about but has 5 kids to look after and hasn't got room for us...

And has the step-mum anything to say about you two younglings being hoofed out onto the road?

jordanr23

I don't think she knows yet due to the fact that she lives in the states...

Dial Hard

jordanr23 wrote:

I don't think she knows yet due to the fact that she lives in the states...

This just gets more and more bizarre and I'm not *entirely* sure I believe it.

However, on the offchance... ring Tusla about your sister. I'm not sure if they can intervene on your behalf, but she's still a minor, so that's step one. Step two, arrange a meeting with your principal and guidance counsellor and make sure they understand exactly what's going on. Step three, ring your mother. She may have five other children but she's still responsible for you both. Step four, ring an aunt or uncle on either side and tell them what the fcuk is happening. I find it very hard to believe that there isn't a single adult in either of your lives who won't step in here.

jordanr23

I do understand its hard to believe and the only adult that isn't my mum or dad is my family friend who is going away for 2 weeks, I can try mum's house yeah for a bit but she won't be able to afford to keep me and my sister, I can try hat you suggested about my sister, thanks you. Kind of mad to believe this but its hard even for me to sort this out and figure out what I can do so I know why you're finding it hard to believe.

woodchuck

OP your Dad sounds like an absolute looper.

Your immediate goal should be to get through your exams. Go to your Mam - there's no way she'll leave you on the street. Even if you have to sleep on the couch/floor for a while, at least you'll have a roof over your head.

Once the exams are over, then you can start thinking about a more long-term solution. At least at that stage you'll be in a position to work.

jordanr23

Yeah that is an option I guess, I just know that I won't get much study done in mum's house because of there being 5 young kids there and not much stability. It's a last resort I guess, I put out this question to see if there were any options to get help or another way rather than being at mum's house, somewhere I can get study done, Thanks...

jimgoose

woodchuck wrote: »

OP your Dad sounds like an absolute looper...

I can't for the life of me apprehend what the man is trying to achieve here, by chucking the youngfella out with the Leaving Cert. approaching, unless there's something wrong with him.

jordanr23

I can't either, no matter what, the next month is the time I need him the most, only thing I need for the next month is stability and somewhere safe to stay and get the exams done. Tried texting and calling him and never get an answer and he won't answer the phone to my councilor either. Any time I see him about the town he doesn't even look at me.

woodchuck

jordanr23 wrote: »

Yeah that is an option I guess, I just know that I won't get much study done in mum's house because of there being 5 young kids there and not much stability. It's a last resort I guess, I put out this question to see if there were any options to get help or another way rather than being at mum's house, somewhere I can get study done, Thanks...

You can use your mum's house to sleep, eat, shower etc. But if it's not a suitable environment to study, you could find somewhere else specifically for studying. For example a local library that opens in the evenings. Or at a friends house (much less of a burden compared to living at a friends house).

jimgoose wrote: »

I can't for the life of me apprehend what the man is trying to achieve here, by chucking the youngfella out with the Leaving Cert. approaching, unless there's something wrong with him.

Yeah, or the Dad is possibly just a horribly selfish scum of the earth type of person

jimgoose

jordanr23 wrote: »

I can't either, no matter what, the next month is the time I need him the most, only thing I need for the next month is stability and somewhere safe to stay and get the exams done. Tried texting and calling him and never get an answer and he won't answer the phone to my councilor either. Any time I see him about the town he doesn't even look at me.

And you say this is all because you were late for school? What's is that about, exactly?

dar100

Your been led up the garden path guys

jordanr23

It was because I was at work the night before and forgot my bag at work and had to walk to work in the morning to get it before I headed to school.

jordanr23

Sorry that you think that because it's a messy situation to be honest...

jordanr23

Yeah that seems to be a good idea, could use the school after school to do study. Never even thought of the library or anything like that, thanks I appreciate it.

SusieBlue

I'm not buying this, sorry. The only person you inconvenienced was yourself by forgetting the bag, its not like you were snoring in bed and didn't get up in time, I don't believe any adult would chuck an exam year child out for something so trivial.
Either you are leaving out massive details and relationship history or this is making zero sense.

jimgoose

jordanr23 wrote: »

It was because I was at work the night before and forgot my bag at work and had to walk to work in the morning to get it before I headed to school.

I'd have broken my arse laughing at you before getting the car out. Are you quite sure that's all it was?

njs030

jordanr23 wrote: »

It was because I was at work the night before and forgot my bag at work and had to walk to work in the morning to get it before I headed to school.

So you do have an income to pay your way?

jordanr23

I understand, we've always had a dodgy relationship with falling out a lot etc... But it's okay if you don't believe it, just was looking for an adult/parents perspective and opinion.

pilly

jordanr23 wrote: »

It was because I was at work the night before and forgot my bag at work and had to walk to work in the morning to get it before I headed to school.

So you have a job then? What's the problem?

jimgoose

pilly wrote: »

So you have a job then? What's the problem?

True for you. He can just buy his own place and let the oul' fella go to buggery.

pilly

jordanr23 wrote: »

I understand, we've always had a dodgy relationship with falling out a lot etc... But it's okay if you don't believe it, just was looking for an adult/parents perspective and opinion.

If you're genuinely looking for an adult/parents perspective Jordan you'll have to be more honest.

pilly

jimgoose wrote: »

True for you. He can just buy his own place and let the oul' fella go to buggery.

He has a place to stay, he claims the problem is he doesn't have money for food etc. He has a job. That's my point.

Also, he says at the start that he can't work until after the exams and then says that he was working.

jimgoose

pilly wrote: »

He has a place to stay, he claims the problem is he doesn't have money for food etc. He has a job. That's my point.

Also, he says at the start that he can't work until after the exams and then says that he was working.

Assuming he's on the level, I'd imagine he's taking some unpaid time off to study for and do the Leaving. Also, he's probably confused and scared after getting a land like that at a time like this. I wouldn't imagine he's loaded at that age, job or not.

pilly

I'll give you my advice as a parent because I've experience of this from the other side of the fence when my daughter many years ago as a teenager rang her dad and said I threw her out for no reason when she had in fact put me through hell.

If you've caused a load of hassle then apologise and things will be okay.

If you haven't caused a load of hassle then your father has mental health problems that are outside of your control and you'll have to go to social services.

You will get unemployment assistance if you're not living at home but that will take a good while.

Only other short term option is a hostel.

What about friends? Will none of their families let you stay?

jordanr23

I had asked for no hours til the exams were over about a week ago, hours were too long to do study as well, going back the day after the exams finish just.

jordanr23

Not until the exams are finished as I had asked for no hours so I can study.

dar100

pilly wrote: »

I'll give you my advice as a parent because I've experience of this from the other side of the fence when my daughter many years ago as a teenager rang her dad and said I threw her out for no reason when she had in fact put me through hell.

If you've caused a load of hassle then apologise and things will be okay.

If you haven't caused a load of hassle then your father has mental health problems that are outside of your control and you'll have to go to social services.

You will get unemployment assistance if you're not living at home but that will take a good while.

Only other short term option is a hostel.

What about friends? Will none of their families let you stay?

Sorry but this is utter BS!! Firstly to say the father has MH issues is a guess at best

Secondly, the op is 18 social services won't help!!

Op your options are find someone to put you up in their house

Solve this situation with your father, or register as homeless with your local authority and get a night by night bed in a hostel!! Try all avenues before going the hostel route

jordanr23

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, I guess I have caused hassle, I guess most teenagers do. I can kind of understand where he gets his ideas from, I'd wreck my head if I was him. I could stay with a friend but I'd feel so bad not having money for food etc until the summer.

dar100

jordanr23 wrote: »

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, I guess I have caused hassle, I guess most teenagers do. I can kind of understand where he gets his ideas from, I'd wreck my head if I was him. I could stay with a friend but I'd feel so bad not having money for food etc until the summer.

Dude go home and sort this out with your father!! After your exams you can head off to college or move out, you e not long left

jordanr23

I know its not long left and want to go to college but he hasn't replied to my texts, is it worth calling up to the house?

amtc

And you won't get unemployment assistance, if you're relying on that.

I don't know if the OP is being completely genuine anymore than anyone else here but children being monumentally let down by their parents in this country is far more widespread than most of you here seem to want to accept.

Taking him on his word the OP is a young lad studying for his leaving cert and finding himself temporarily staying with a family friend but with serious concerns as to where he can stay when she goes away. I imagine that is a precarious and scary situation for anyone nevermind someone of that age and people here accusing him of lying or expecting a total relationship history with his family doesn't seem particularly helpful. In fact I imagine it may be quite damaging to someone who's already expressed concerns for their mental health.

Sweeping statements and generalisations like 'no parent would ever...' or 'apologise and things will be ok'. What do we know of every parent? What do we know of his parent? Only what he's told us which doesn't paint him as the most mentally stable of people so again taking the op at his word I don't think it's reasonable to assume his father will forgive all for a simple apology.

Not to mention people questioning the fact he has a job. In what world would a secondary school student in a part time job be able to completely financially support themselves?

Op you are in the unfortunate position of being too old for any help from youth related agencies and yet young enough to still be in school and therefore not able to avail of social welfare payments. If you are genuinely worried about where you will sleep when your friend goes away I would suggest contacting Focus Ireland. I would also suggest talking to citizens information who should be able to tell you of any help you might be entitled to.

You need to speak to your principal and counsellor again and Im wondering if you could include your family friend in this meeting? It seems these are the people who are now taking some charge of your care and perhaps between the 4 of you a plan could be put in place.

Lastly because you mentioned worrying about your mental health this is the number for the samaritans. If may help to have somewhere to vent.

116 123

jordanr23

Ahhh okay, that's kind of the advice I was looking for, thanks.

Tokyo

dar100 wrote: »

Your been led up the garden path guys

Mod: If you have an issue with a thread, report it. Calling out an OP in-thread like that is prohibited in PI.

jordanr23

That is actually really helpful, thanks for understanding this messy situation as I know the internet isn't the best option to get decent advice, I appreciate it. I'm sure I could get a meeting set up as my family friend is the one taking care of me and taking me to school and all that, so I'll try to get that set up from school.
Thanks for the advice.

pilly

jordanr23 wrote:

I know its not long left and want to go to college but he hasn't replied to my texts, is it worth calling up to the house?

Yes it's worth a try. You've managed to live with him until the age of 18 so I'm sure there's love there between you.

jordanr23

I guess so yeah, but he has a very funny way of showing it, thank you

pilly

jordanr23 wrote:

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, I guess I have caused hassle, I guess most teenagers do. I can kind of understand where he gets his ideas from, I'd wreck my head if I was him. I could stay with a friend but I'd feel so bad not having money for food etc until the summer.

It doesn't cost someone who's feeding a family very much to feed another person.

I often had friends of my sons staying when there was trouble going on at home. It wasn't any hassle but they lived under my rules.

jordanr23

I know but I would feel like a bit of a burden if I did...