Self conscious about my body, I cant date anyone

emilymemily

Ok so im 30, well educated, I think im a nice person and im a small girl, 5ft5 and about a size 8 and I have small boobs, theyre like a small B cup but im in proportion, ive a 25/26 inch waist and 35 inch hips.
I was never over confident about my body but I wasnt particularly self conscious about it either, besides girls in school calling my anorexic I never had any issues with my size or shape, my body is healthy and it works, im also very toned and one of the good things about having small boobs is they havnt sagged at all. Ive been told im pretty by lots of people, I dont necessarily agree but I try with my appearance and I do often get messages from men who are interested in me.
My problem is over the years men have made me so self concious about my body that I cant even bring my self to date anyone because im afraid of getting intimate so I havnt been with anyone in almost 3 years, my previous boyfriend was obviously very unsatisfied with the size of my chest, the first time he saw them I could see the disappointment on his face and he even suggested to me one time if id consider implants, he also made a nasty joke about my body which has stuck with me. Another guy I was with after my ex was also very clearly a boob man and couldnt hide his disappointment. Ive gone out without a padded bra once and men who I didnt know made nasty comments, some of them where annoyed at me that my boobs were so small, I was verbally attacked by one guy and I had to go home. Ive had other experiences too with men who clearly had a problem with small breasts. Ive found that its been particularly bad over the last few years with the whole Kardashian craze and big breasts being very fashionable as before this I didnt feel so much pressure from men to have big breasts. Now if I meet someone whose interested in me if I check their likes on facebook or see photos of women they like on instagram if the women have large breasts I avoid perusing the man any further as its clear I wont be his type and I cant take another rejection or belittling comment just because I dont physically live up to a fantasy. My parents have even made comments about my chest, my dad once asked if id consider implants and my mother made a comment about how she doesnt know were I got my chest from.
Are small breasts really so bad? I feel they over ride all my other qualities and people seem genuinely disgusted by a small chest.

weekaizer

<SNIP>

i think you're surrounded by jerks!
Nothing wrong with small boobs. don't get implants. find someone who likes you for who you are. If you're pretty and have a good personality I'd imagine you'll not have to wait too long.
Just stay away from the jerks.

Tell me how

I can't overstate how unimportant breast size is. I'm not saying some don't have a preference but there's those that like small ones also.

Use it as a genuine filter to weed out the guys who are not worth wasting time on. Anyone who shows disappointment in your physical appearance has the problem. Not you.

9or10

Emily there is nothing wrong with small boobs.

A responder above put it quite aptly "Stay away from these jerks".

I wonder where you're meeting these guys. Is it on dating sites?

You'd be far better joining a club or similar that does some activity - say hill walking, where you'd meet someone on less superficial level. *

* There are still jerks that go hill walking but you'll have spotted them long before it gets serious.

All the very best Emily

LegacyUser

I'm an a cup and I've never been made self conscious by any boyfriend I've had over the years (and I've met them all online) so it's not you - it's them! You just seem to have been with some nasty people. And who are they to criticise your body? I'm sure they weren't all perfect Adonises themselves.

The only thing I could suggest is, if you're going out with someone new, don't wear a very padded bra. At least then they'll have a more realistic idea of your figure (if it's that important to them...!) and it'll help weed out the ones who'll be 'disappointed' with a b cup.

IlmoNT4

Oh I'm sorry you have had these experiences....Some men can be really thoughtless. (Thats a bad responce from your folks)

You want to hear something funny.... I'm a 32 DD.... and I HATE them. All my life I've wanted small breasts. It brings so much horrible attention.I've had men comment on them, stare at me and some very nasty things have been said to me. I gave up going to the swimming pool for years, even though its something I like doing (dont worry I'm back swimming these days and I ignore them)

I've had a couple of boyfriends tell me that they are "ass" men.....Or "Legs" men...Like women can just parts.... When I was young, I'd just feel bad, because I dont have great legs and I dont have a great "ass" and I have wide hips and a small waist and big boobs. I dont look stick thin blah blah blah .....I'd take everything they said about me and make myself feel really bad about who I am.

Heres the way I feel about it these days, some men seem to think that its ok to tell women that they arent good enough. That they want perfect "ass" and perfect everything, and when confronted with a normal human body that has scars, flat ass, small boobs, big boobs they think they can open their mouths and their opinion holds any weight. I see it all the time, men, take the time to stop in the street to hurl abuse at me. Some guy last week, actually stopped his van in the street to shout at me "YEAH BABY YEAH" before laughing and driving off. I was walking to work.....

I'm in the same boat as you, I'm out dating and its really hard out there..... like really really really hard (If you are Tinder/Bumble/POF etc its just full of these weird guys so be prepared for more nonsense). My rule is if a man comes out with any of that "I'm an ass guy" or any conversation thats directed towards my body, then he's out (totally fine to say, of you look really nice tonight or something normal)..... There are absolutely lovely guys who will treat you as a human being..... Any dude who starts into this body thing, needs to not be in your life asap.

In terms of your body and your self esteem. Some damage has been done.... I can tell you too embrace your B cup (I'm jealous, no bras, you can wear some amazing dresses....lots of amazing fashion is made for your body) ...But you need to understand that you are looking for validation on how your body is from men. We've established that they are thoughtless a-holes, so you need to change this. You need to look at your own body and the body of other women (in the real world, not magazines or porn) and understand that there isnt a single body thats the same. This is about self love and self acceptance. Men find lots of different types of women attractive in the same way, women find lots of different things about men attractive.
If I was you I'd take a step away from dating for a little bit....lord you need a thick skin for that game. I'd work on loving your body and finding things you like about yourself.
When you are ready, find a guy whos a human being and respects the human part of you first and foremost....

Tokyo

Not to oversimplify what you are going through, but you are most certainly meeting the wrong men, if they've left you with the impression that breast size is the be-all and end-all of a relationship. As a guy, I've always interpreted men's supposed preference for big boobs as being more exaggerated than anything else - overvalued to some guys, but for the majority, not important.

As mentioned above, try to meet people through taking part in activities or interests of yours - you're far more likely to meet someone who is interested in an emotional connection, than someone who is seemingly as superficial as the guys you have been meeting so far.

Lia_lia

OP, for years I was (barely) an A cup. Bothered me a little bit, but not that much. Never had a guy comment on them really. Negatively or positively. Was more female friends with larger breasts that used to slag me about them but I never really took any notice. Sounds like you've had bad experiences with mean people.

Anyway, I put on about 2 stone in the past few years and I'm now a C cup. But I'd love to be a size 8 again and an A cup...it's so much more difficult to find clothes that suit. And now wearing a well fitted bra is so important, if I don't wear one that fits properly I'm in pain for the day. Before I didn't even have to wear a bra. So there will always be something. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years (since when I was an A cup!) and he's always says he'll finds me attractive no matter what size I am, so there are nice fellas out there!

Afroshack

OP, the problem isn't your cup size but the people you surround yourself with! They sound horrible to me, how is it any of their business what breast size you have?! As for your boyfriends, ugh, what horrible, shallow assholes.

Some men seem to feel that all women, or "good looking" women should adhere to very limited standards of beauty. Big eyes, slim waist, large breasts, a heart-shaped face. When you look at the magazine industry, porn, photoshop, airbrushing etc. it's very difficult to appreciate anything outside of that norm. We are (as women) literally bombarded with images and advertisements that deliberately feed into out self-worth and insecurities.

I get it too about my very pale skin ("would ya not put on a bit of tan/bronzer")
My pale eyelashes/eyebrows ("would ya not wear some makeup")
My hair ("your hair would look lovely if you straightened it")

and so on...

It's not you that's the problem OP. It's the world around you that fetishises having the correct breasts, hips, waist measurements and its feeding it's way back to you through shallow, nasty comments from people who can't filter it out. Your body, your boobs and your figure are nobodies business but yours and comments and criticism are not a reflection on you.

Ps. I've got E cups and they are a pain in the back! (literally)

LegacyUser

I agree with the above - stop hanging around with nasty people.
I'm barely an A cup, and I'm almost 6 foot and broad. Would kill to be a small B and in proportion. Hopefully you'll find someone who isn't so superficial. It's a horribe feeling when you're made feel self conscious about it.

blairbear

God, OP, I'm a size 6 with boobs that barely need a bra (bras serve decorative purposes for me tbh!) I'm just about an A cup. I've never had any kind of negative feedback about them from men I dated. Once on a night out, some guy I declined a drink from asked me "where are your tits? I can't see any." Myself and my friends (male and female) thought it was the saddest, rudest comment ever and just laughed at him.

None of my male friends seem to care about breast size, or at least they don't in practice. They might think a celeb with big boobs is hot but they're certainly not choosing girlfriends based on bra size.

These men sound despicable. Please, please don't let them get you down. It sounds like you have a fab figure. You should embrace having a smaller chest! It helps a lot when wearing certain dresses/tops.

LegacyUser

As a guy, it makes me sad that some girls can feel like they're inferior just because they've got small boobs. Like, what happened to the whole body positivity movement of the past few years?

Regardless, small boobs are just as much fun to play with as other size boobs so you'll have no problem finding a lad who likes you! Good luck and don't mind the nay sayers: sticks & stones and all that!

LegacyUser

If you think you've problems try being me. A lot of things went wrong for me and I turned to food as a crutch. I'm now struggling to get down from a size 20 and my boobs are the same size as a bag of sugar. I've stopped going out because I feel unattractive and I know no man will look at me twice. When I was thinner I didn't have much boobage and had no trouble getting dates. I am a little jealous of your figure and would give anything to get back to that again. There is nothing wrong with you or your body. Stop looking at Instagram and photoshopped mutants like Kim Kardashian. Irish men like women with nice figures and boobs come second. That's my experience anyway.

LegacyUser

Firstly, there is much, much more to you as a person than your looks, and secondly there is more to your looks than your breasts. You have been unlucky enough to meet some awful people who have convinced you otherwise. The right person is out there and they will love you for who you are. The media's obsession with big breasts doesn't seem to be reflected in what myself or my friends fine attractive. I guarantee you that anyone who cares about such things isn't the person for you anyhow.

good luck, hope you meet someone nice!

Jenneke87

Hey Emily, 
Sorry to hear people made such nasty comments about something that shouldn't matter at all. I know how those comments can make you feel. I was in a club once when a man walked up to me and said:"You'd be perfect if you had bigger tits." I told him that if perhaps he'd had a bigger brain he might be able to say something useful and behave in a decent manner....
Please don't think that there is anything small with your breasts. If anything use them to filter out men who would only be happy if that part of you was bigger and would only deem that important. And please don't think that all men only want women with big breasts; I went out with a man for a while and he loved the fact that mine weren't so big and that that had been his preference from the beginning.
If anything, and I hope I don't upset people with this, but I found that while I was stil living in Ireland people took a lot more liberties with commenting on my clothes and appereance than in my home country. Here I barely turn heads but in Ireland I got comments everyday, both positive and negative.

Bambi985

OP you sound gorgeous. Slim and petite and healthy and attractive. I'm an E - F cup and have spent my life envious of women like you. Women with small chests and slim upper halves who can wear bikini tops and halterneck tops and strapless dresses and cute dainty bras and have the option to go bra-less without looking hideous and don't have to spend a fortune on big frumpy bras to support their assets.

Let me guess, these guys were all muscly gym-honed adonises with huge pecks and massive members?? My hole they were. It's astonishing the number of average, dumpy, skinny and even overweight men who feel they have the right to judge women (usually way more attractive than them) and put them down, mock them and scrutinise their bodies. Weak little men who think their dirty little opinions matter, who use their words to make themselves feel more powerful, more "manly" than they are.

Use it as a filter and nothing more. An easy heads up that the guy in question is a rat with no integrity and no respect for women who has absolutely nothing to offer. The same guy who would be mocking your big boobs or making gross comments if you were an E cup like me (it's no prettier on this side of the fence trust me)

General Butt Naked

Op it's a myth that guys only want 'big jugs'. Most men are just happy to see a pair!

Accept yourself and don't compare yourself to anyone.

SusieBlue

Just to weigh in from the other side, I'm naturally a size 34E and have no confidence without a bra because they practically fall to my knees with no support and I'm only 25. They look absolutely awful.
I also have very careful with necklines because anything too low cut will give the wrong impression.

I'd love to have small boobs, I think anything low and v neck can look so sophisticated and classy on those with a smaller chest whereas I'd look like a trollop.

I agree with others who say you are meeting the wrong men. The right guy wouldn't make any comment either way. Try to accept yourself. You sound like you have a terrific figure and I bet you are the envy of many women you know!

Emme

OP you sound like you have a fabulous figure. Women would kill for it. At my smallest I was a size 8 in jeans and skirts but with 34C boobs had to take a 10 or 12 in tops. I would have loved to be in proportion and be a size 8 on top as well with small ELEGANT boobs. My size 8 days are gone but my boobs grow much faster than the rest of me and I am seriously considering a reduction because it is almost impossible to get nice tops. I have a choice of looking like a tart or a tent depending on what I wear.

Large boobs are a magnet for perverts and idiots. They also look tarty in certain clothing.

Don't mind the idiots who make stupid comments. Do like another poster suggested - join hillwalking or other groups and you'll meet more genuine people who are interested in you as a person.

TerrorFirmer

I don't mean that to say that some people didn't say some obviously horrible, nasty things (probably out of their own insecurity, to be honest) but is some of the disappointment you're sensing perhaps being mis-read?

It's sort of like when someone who has a feature they self-loathe, and they imagine that every time someone is looking at them, they're staring at this supposedly awful feature, when in reality they're probably looking at you for any number of reasons except the one you're working yourself up over!

From how you've described yourself you sound in good proportion and to be honest, a b-cup with those measurements isn't even small. Not that it should matter - no-one has the right to ever judge someone elses body like how you've described. From experience, most men will have had partners with varying bust sizes and will very much confirm it doesn't matter for most people. You'll always have people on both sides of the gender divide who are fixated on certain physical attributes but most people aren't - at least not on things like bust size. Personally, it's not only never been an issue for me, but it's never arisen as an issue in general either from conversation with said girls - except for those with particularly large busts who have to put up with an appalling amount of rubbish.

I know you had one or two instances where it was expressly said - the implants suggestion being particularly cruel and nasty - but perhaps some of many of the other experiences, notwithstanding they may have been general jerks, were only about your bust because you let your insecurity run riot at times. We can be our own worst enemies!

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

TerrorFirmer

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I actually missed that incredibly vital aspect somehow.

Sorry but that's a troll, or else the OP has serious issues of a mental nature.

emilymemily

@TerrorFirmer - If youve nothing productive to add would you mind not commenting on my thread? Your first post besides a few helpful remarks you practically accused me of being paranoid and delusional for the most part, your second post you accused me of being a toll or having mental health issues. Would ye feck off please and thank you. x

To everyone else thanks so much for the helpful and supportive comments, I know most of you said those guys were just jerks but allot of the men seemed so genuine and like nice guys, theres allot of Jerks out there which is the big problem, it sounds like bigger busted women have similar issues with comments from men too, we cant win and yeah the plus side is theyre useful for weeding out the pigs.

Thanks again everyone. xx

TerrorFirmer

You're supposedly a 5'5 size 8 woman with a b cup bust - which is completely and utterly normal and not considered small in this context if we're being objective here - yet all of your boyfriends can't seem to hide their disappointment, men have apparently publicly attacked you over it, and your own mother and father have suggested implants and discussed how small they are respectively?

And you're telling me this is all 100% factual with zero embelishment? Also, I didn't accuse you of being delusional or anything like it, but judging from your defensive response and the overlooked comment about your own parents (seriously, that's disturbing), I would say there is absolutely an element of high paranoia there at some level.

The other element is that perhaps you've actually mentioned to your parents that you're drastically insecure about your chest size and these comments stemmed from such a conversation, but even if that were true you're still painting yourself out to be a victim of incessant bullying from all corners of society including your own parents.

It just seems to me like you have massive paranoia and insecurity and you're seeing and misrepresenting things to suit the agenda.

Or else you just have some really inappropriate, insensitive parents and have the misfortune to constantly encounter the dregs of society when dating. I don't know.

Demforeigners

People (that's right, people not men exclusively) have preferences and will have a more tactful way of letting you know of it. I am 5'10 and I've been called too short by a lot of girls I've met for dates. It hits the confidence but I soon realise that I have preferences too.

Tokyo

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Sorry but that's a troll, or else the OP has serious issues of a mental nature.

Mod:

TerrorFirmer - your post is neither constructive, nor is it permitted by the forum charter. If you have an issue with a post, then report it.

Austria!

You've got the wrong impression; breast size really isn't that important, and from your description your breast size and general size is pretty usual and attractive, so the only issue you have is you've met some stupid guys.

Parchment

I agree with all the posts here so far. I had huge insecurities about my body all my life even though it was totally normal and to be honest had a figure/height many would envy.

I actually developed and eating disorder as a result. I got so sick of hating myself and how i looked.

I had to realise that....this is the only body i will ever have and learn to love it. Im sure you are gorgeous and you sound totally normal! Just try to remind yourself that your body is the only one you will ever have and once you can make peace with it you will wonder why you ever obsessed over it.

Katgurl

You're not even flat-chested OP. Even if you were that's no reason to feel like this about yourself. You sound stunning tbf. I agree with a previous poster who suggested you either misread reactions or else you invite these comments. Are you prone to saying things like "I know i'm really flat-chested.."

rondog

I like boobs and to me they would be an important part of being with a woman.Many men like Boobs but that's just being honest.
Im sure there are men out there that would be happy with a smaller chest.

meeeeh

I used to be B cup and never got comments you are getting. You are very specific about your measurements, your size and what you think reactions of other people were. I doubt your father's comment came out of nowhere. You are checking social media of potential dates to see who they like. Did it ever occur to you that they might be liking photos of friends, or they might like legs on a girl, her tan, eyes or many other things? Maybe you dated some idiots but I don't think they are the problem. You are incredibly analytical about your looks and I don't think it's healthy. I think you have to stop obsessing about your looks and if you can't do it by yourself it might be worth talking to someone about it.

LegacyUser

OP I am 5'9 and size 14 with DD boobs. I have had countless nasty remarks from men/women/family members. Degrading comments from men, nasty comments from women, 'put them away comments' 'you're squashed under those!' comments from family members.

It is not you, it's everyone else. No matter what size or shape you are or aren't, people, for some unknown reason, feel the need to comment. Next time someone tries to embarrass you, embarrass them right back. Be as blunt as they are, put a confused look on your face and ask them why they're so fascinated with your boobs/body (this works particularly well in embarrassing relatives ).

Widdershins

On the 'shallow deal breakers'' thread I read a comment by a man who ditched a girl when he realised she was very flat chested. Although I'm not flat chested, I have lost weight and gone down a cup size to a B cup. I like my new size (10) and want to stay that way, so it crossed my mind that this might be an issue if I'm going to be dating. I'm body confident but reading OP's story and that other comment gave me the chills.
No words of advice because I know nothing about dating, really. I do think many men go for the overall 'package' rather than obsess about one area of your body but you've been unfortunate enough to meet the ones who do the latter.
Maybe do take a short-ish break from it though and try to get past the damage people have done to you with their weird remarks.

njs030

Cup sizes are meaningless without a backsize, it's like saying quarter past without the hour.
A B cup has vastly different volume in a 28 band and a 38 band so please stop letting one letter which is only half the story bother you.

Ladies the only person losing out here is you!
Get some counselling to move on from it if needs be but live your life!!

professore

Why would you care about arseholes like those men? Next time it happens break up with them on the spot.

Smile111

You're quite lucky to be slim.I'd say you have a lot of male attention.

I went on a date recently and could feel the guy looking me up and down.Twas awful.I didn't think I was fat but in his eyes size 12 is big.Pretty depressing really.

You would have no problem getting dates believe you me:)

chicorytip

"Sorry hun, but your breasts are too small".
"Oh really? Well so is your penis!"

Neyite

You know what though? It's a great filter. You don't want to be with a man who sees you as a life support for 'his' boobs. Or who verbally abuses a woman because a body part is not quite up to his ridiculous standard.

You are out dating to meet someone who will love you. Who will love you when your makeup is smeared with tears and he finds it cute. Someone who finds you gorgeous. Every last little flat chested part of you. He's out there. You just haven't met him yet.