feeling used

Totallycrazy

My daughter plays for local camogie club. Has been playing there since she was four. She's now playing u10.

We got schedule of matches for competition they were participating in. Involves 7 matches some away some home. There's 10 kids involved. So all the parents got together and was decided that for each away match that kids would be divided into groups and parents would take it in turns of travelling to away matches so not all parents would have to drive to every match.

So I was scheduled for first two away matches brought 3 children plus my own daughter to each of the two matches. Also to note I picked them all up from there own houses and dropped them home again. Parents did the usual thank you your so good etc.

Then come to this weekend when other parents were meant to do driving. And the said parents who's kids i drove told me that they couldn't bring my daughter as they were brining other kids from team.

I am so mad because they never even had to leave there houses I ferried there kids to and from matches but when it came to returning the favour they couldn't even though it was there turn.

so I brought my daughter to match myself. But then one of the mothers said to me at match I've decided to stay in town will you bring the girls I've brought home sure your going that way anyway and I told Rachel's mum that more than likely you'll be dropping them home. I'm livid here the cheek of her.

Am I right to be mad

Call me Al

Yes I'd be mad.
I don't think id be helping them out with a lift home.
And i'd be blunt with them about the fact that you had already done your bit of the legwork and helped them out.

AnneFrank

This happens all the time, it amazes me how some parents will pawn their kids off to anyone to look after, and drive them home. Advice, don't be made a fool of again and choose wisely who, if any parent to share lifts with

LegacyUser

If you feel like you don't want to just come out and say no in case it sours relationships try....

'I cant I'm not going straight home'
'I'm going to x first so will just have to meet you all at the pitch'
'I'm going shopping before/after'
'Nanny granddad coming to watch the game so no room...nanny couldn't come so we stopping on way home to visit'
Have to pic up kids/auntie on way home'

just until you find some likeminded parents to carpool
Always the same parents at every match home and away.

Ubbquittious

Totallycrazy wrote: »

so I brought my daughter to match myself. But then one of the mothers said to me at match I've decided to stay in town will you bring the girls I've brought home sure your going that way anyway and I told Rachel's mum that more than likely you'll be dropping them home. I'm livid here the cheek of her.

Am I right to be mad

In a situation like that you could change your plans there and then. You could have said you are going to visit your auntie who lives the opposite direction or if it was a Friday you could say you were going to Ballybunion for the weekend. Always handy when someone tries to land you with the baby, provided of course you didn't agree to give anyone a lift beforehand

Hannibal_Smith

Can you not say something to the parents?

- I've brought your kids to x amount of matches, could you do it this week?

- I have something on, I can remember bring your daughter home.

Or just back out of the car pooling altogether and say you'll just bring your own kid?

listermint

Next time do a rota and agree on it and share it around. The likes of a shared Google calendar works.

Verbal stuff tends to allow people to eek out of things

gandalf

Take care of your own daughter and become unreliable for them. If they ask you to bring their kids home just say sorry you have a family errand to run after the match and you can't accommodate them.

Totallycrazy

Totallycrazy wrote: »

all the parents got together and was decided that for each away match that kids would be divided into groups and parents would take it in turns of travelling to away matches so not all parents would have to drive to every match

What's the point in deciding something without organising it properly?

Tell them you tried their "system" and it clearly didn't work for you so you won't be subscribing to it again unless it's organised properly.

Sephiroth_dude

Tell them too get stuffed and in future you'll be driving your own daughter to and from the matches yourself from now on and won't be driving anyone else and outline your reasons why.

Big Bag of Chips

Look these things happen, and when there's lots of kids involved then lifts are always going to be haphazard. The woman asking you to bring home the kids was just that, she asked. If you could do it and you were going home anyway, then why not? If you weren't going home you could just tell her that and she'd have found someone else. Or brought the young ones to town with her if needed!

You're better off trying to get into a usual group of maybe 2 where you bring their child, they bring yours. Sometimes you might have an extra child, sometimes your daughter might go with someone else. There will always be parents who will avoid helping at any costs and you'll learn to avoid those. At the end of the day though, it's under 10 kids you are doing it for, not the parents.

Teyla Emmagan

Well the idea was good but clearly not organised very well. You should have had a rota so everyone knew how many drivers were needed each week so that no child was left out. Sadly some parents will never pull their weight in these things and the 2 parents who had benefitted from your kindness were clearly very quick to forget about it. They should have prioritised your kid when it was their turn.

As for the woman who came up to you and dropped some child on you unannounced, I would have just said "sorry we are not going home after". That is a brass neck on behalf of her and that child's parents.

woodchuck

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Look these things happen, and when there's lots of kids involved then lifts are always going to be haphazard. The woman asking you to bring home the kids was just that, she asked. If you could do it and you were going home anyway, then why not? If you weren't going home you could just tell her that and she'd have found someone else. Or brought the young ones to town with her if needed!

You're better off trying to get into a usual group of maybe 2 where you bring their child, they bring yours. Sometimes you might have an extra child, sometimes your daughter might go with someone else. There will always be parents who will avoid helping at any costs and you'll learn to avoid those. At the end of the day though, it's under 10 kids you are doing it for, not the parents.

I agree with this approach. I think when it's a large group and no clear rota, some people will inevitably take advantage. If you stick with a very small group of people you trust, then it should work out much better.

Or if all else fails, just take care of your own child and make excuses when someone else asks you for something.

Emme

OP are you insured to carry these children in your car?

It's best to carry one or two children in a strictly organised rota.

The same people who are using you to give their children lifts would be the first to sue you if anything happened to their children in your car.

Big Bag of Chips

They'd be insured as would any other passenger.

Totallycrazy

Thanks for all the replies.

We had all sat down and made a rota and who would drive each week and what kids were going with each parent. Worked fine for first two matches but then when parents changed my daughter was without a lift even though she was meant to go with a specific parent.

With regard being asked to bring other kids home I politely said sorry I've prior arrangements made meeting friend for coffee.

Will not be bringing anyone else's kids again only my own. And will be saying I'll meet he at pitch we're going to instead of meeting at our own pitch and leaving together. As previously parents prior to this arrangement for other match and one of these mothers said sure you have space x can jump in with you save me going. Won't be caught again.

Call me Al

But why did the parent change if there was a rota? What did the child allocated to the next parent to? The rota should have followed the child next in line id you know what I mean.

What did the parent who was next in line for your daughter have to say on the matter?

Big Bag of Chips

I know where you're coming from OP, but I'd be wary of cutting off your nose to spite your face. People's lives are busy and sometimes plans will have to change. Sometimes with other children in the family there can be 2 or 3 things on at the same time in different directions.

If you want to just stick with going yourself and only bringing your own child, that's fair enough. But someday you might need the help of someone else for whatever reason. I think if it suits you to go somewhere, you're going anyway and you have room then why not give a lift to someone. If it doesn't suit you, you just say no.. as you did, and the person will organise something else.

I think in the grand scheme of things, its not something you should allow yourself to get too worked up over. Your child is under 10, you've a lot of matches to go to yet

Totallycrazy

I brought 4 kids to first 2 matches which also included my daughter. 2 other parents brought 3 kids each, so only 3 parents had to travel to each match instead of 10 cars travelling each time.

I brought my daughter up sat morning to get her lift and was then told sorry can't bring her you'll have to make other arrangements. Needless to say I was shocked. Even if I'd got a text prior I could have had been prepared to go.

Also the mum who was meNt to bring her had space in her car. And was said mum who asked me to bring these kids home.

My husbands opinion is that she had it worked out that if i travelled then she wouldn't have to bring them home as I'd have empty car.

Luckily I taught fast and said meeting friend for coffee even though I wasn't. She even suggested that these kids could come for coffee sure you wouldn't be too long having a coffee and their big enough to be good.

Totallycrazy

With regards staying in with these mums for lifts I won't be committing to such an arrangement again.
My son had a big match on Saturday morning that I missed due to this. And I had to get my dad to bring him as my husband was away with work. All last minute so will be easier to just do driving myself in future.

Call me Al

Aww seriously! That is some cheek..
I'd be fuming.

Teyla Emmagan

Totallycrazy wrote:

Luckily I taught fast and said meeting friend for coffee even though I wasn't. She even suggested that these kids could come for coffee sure you wouldn't be too long having a coffee and their big enough to be good.

Some people take the biscuit.

GingerLily

OP has it only been the one parent messing around with the Rota? If so would it be worth your while giving the other parents the benefit of the doubt and see of they hold up to their end of the bargain? You may find there's one or two who you can rely on and you'll be able to share duties with them?

Big Bag of Chips

I think I'd have to say it to her. In front of a few others! Just something like, I couldn't figure out why you didn't have room for my one to go with you. If you had told me from the start you weren't coming home we could have organised it better between us.

I'd also be speaking up whenever a rota is being made again and say your prefer to not be joined up with her as she let you down the last day...

con___manx1

I would tell them to feck off and bring there own kids. All the parents should be going to see the games and encourage there kids to play sports and keep them away from the internet and out of trouble.

SAMTALK

Have been in this situation and would always get caught with the same parents.

Decided in the end to share with close friend and go to matches without meeting up at field, where you would be sure to get caught.

Would just say I had to run an errand on way and would meet ye there or after match, sorry not going straight home.

kylith

Totallycrazy wrote: »

Also the mum who was meNt to bring her had space in her car. And was said mum who asked me to bring these kids home.

IMO this is where you went wrong. She had space for your daughter but wanted you to bring the kids home so she needed to get you to the match. If you had said that you couldn't bring your daughter because as she was rostered to do the run you'd made arrangements you couldn't cancel then she would have known not to try anything with you, but as you did the run she pegged you as a soft touch and tried to pawn her kids off on you. I don't mean to sound harsh on you, I know you were caught on the hop by her.

It's not all bad though; at least you know not to rely on her and, in fairness, I wouldn't be comfortable giving responsibility for my child to someone who is apparently perfectly happy to try pressure someone into bring their kids (and other parents'?) to lunch, so at least now you know what she's like.

Neyite

God, some people are so manipulative.

She'll pull this stunt with a few parents I'm sure so ultimately she will find herself with nobody offering to carpool with her.

It's a pity, because it directly impacts her kids - they miss out their hobby and sport because of her laziness.

"I'm afraid that doesn't suit us" is enough of a statement to decline her suggestion. By giving reasons you open up the conversation to her to try to decide what your time is worth. Your reasons are not her business to discuss or debate.

And don't use the word 'sorry'. I know it's kind of an automatic usage in Ireland, but it really does weaken your statement. I've cut it out of my vocabulary and use it only when it's actually required. Now when I say no to something like that it sounds more assertive and I've had less people attempt to take advantage.

"Sorry, I cant. I'm meeting a friend for coffee"
"No. I'm afraid that doesn't suit our plans today"

Subtle but more assertive.