Advice? - co-worker giving me hard time

OldNotWIse

Looking for some advice.

Been experiencing some difficulties with a particular staff member who appears to have something against me and I can't fathom what I have done to invite such treatment*. I recently had to work closely with this person on a project, along with a couple of others. This person seemed put out that I was involved with the project as this would usually be my direct superior or our boss. The fact that I was given this responsibility meant a lot to me and I was excited to be given the opportunity. This person went out of their way to criticize my work in front of the others (while at the same time not bringing anything to the table themselves) as well as withholding information from me that I needed to progress my preparations for this project. I have email trails showing this person denying the existence of various documents and policies that I had requested, only to be told after (when it was too late) that they had existed and been in this person's possession all along. This person also went behind my back and cancelled meetings that I had organized with other staff members, as well as leading me to believe that meetings had not been set up so that I would set them up, and then email me cancelling them but making sure to cc my boss to make me look inefficient and to show I was "doubling up" unnecessarily.

The last time we spoke was when I phoned someone who sits beside this person and they picked up the call instead and snapped at me, "what do you want? X is not here" and when I explained that I needed to know what time certain visitors were coming into the office (as my boss had asked me to check) this person said, "don't you worry about it, we have it all under control and we don't need you" - even though it had been my boss's intention that I liaise with these people.

So my conundrum is basically this. Do I go official with this in order to get it nipped in the bud as I can't put up with this behavior any more, or would that just make me look like a total pleb in front of HR? Nobody likes a snitch but I've got to a stage now where I have butterflies in my tummy coming into work, and I have found out that I will shortly be moving desks to sit beside this person, and we will be working on further projects over the coming year.. I am worried in equal parts about my own mental health and also my ability to get the job done well and efficiently when there is this friction and resistance operating.

* the only thing I can guess but its just conjecture is that I was promoted recently when I finished my studies and the timing of the hostile behavior largely coincides with this. When I was in a lower position with fewer responsibilities, this person was ok with me.

jimmycrackcorm

Make a detailed list of the issues, include examples of the refusal to provide documents etc. Basically a structured version of what you behave posted. And go to your manager. They should either intervene or suggest you go to HR.

Don't worry about the repercussions with the colleague, they are only doing this while they think they can get away with it and it won't be worth
their while continuing it as there isn't going to be any benefit.

Do nip this in the bud.

Call me Al

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Make a detailed list of the issues, include examples of the refusal to provide documents etc. Basically a structured version of what you behave posted. And go to your manager. They should either intervene or suggest you go to HR.

Don't worry about the repercussions with the colleague, they are only doing this while they think they can get away with it and it won't be worth
their while continuing it as there isn't going to be any benefit.

Do nip this in the bud.

You need to get your ducks in a row now, and speak with your line manager.
This will only fester and the resentment of the colleague get worse, if you don't speak up now.
Your anxiety levels will be through the roof if you don't meet this head on now.

Even if this isn't taken along an official route immediately via HR at least your boss (this person's peer? ) will be aware of the dynamics of the interactions of this relationship and should be able to handle them.

OldNotWIse

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Make a detailed list of the issues, include examples of the refusal to provide documents etc. Basically a structured version of what you behave posted. And go to your manager. They should either intervene or suggest you go to HR.

Don't worry about the repercussions with the colleague, they are only doing this while they think they can get away with it and it won't be worth
their while continuing it as there isn't going to be any benefit.

Do nip this in the bud.

Call me Al wrote: »

You need to get your ducks in a row now, and speak with your line manager.
This will only fester and the resentment of the colleague get worse, if you don't speak up now.
Your anxiety levels will be through the roof if you don't meet this head on now.

Even if this isn't taken along an official route immediately via HR at least your boss (this person's peer? ) will be aware of the dynamics of the interactions of this relationship and should be able to handle them.

Thank you both for your advice. Much appreciated. I feel a reluctance to go to my boss as this person is very friendly with my boss and the other member of my team. I am only 8 months into the role and am still eager to prove myself. I suppose I fear that this would make me look unprofessional or whiney and unable to look out for myself. I would be less concerned with HR forming this view as they probably get all sorts! I'm due in a meeting with this person at 4 and already starting to feel jittery.

alig123aileen

Before you go to your manager approach this person and gently say you believe there may be issues you need to discuss and you think it's important you work well together over x projects In the coming months and nothing gets in the way of that . If it subsequently goes to HR it will look better if you show that u approached the situation in a non confrontational respectful way. Follow up any agreed actions or minutes of meetings by email. It may be that she does not realise the impact of her actions on you and she deserves the right to reflect and reply. Going straight to hr will make it all very official and she is likely to get defensive. What I think you need is a good outcome that will
Allow you to continue work stress free of this issue
Best of luck be prepared and effective talk about behaviour. It the person e.g. When zxx happened this is how it made me feel and I would like in future if this happens that we might xxxx

OldNotWIse

alig123aileen wrote: »

Before you go to your manager approach this person and gently say you believe there may be issues you need to discuss and you think it's important you work well together over x projects In the coming months and nothing gets in the way of that . If it subsequently goes to HR it will look better if you show that u approached the situation in a non confrontational respectful way. Follow up any agreed actions or minutes of meetings by email. It may be that she does not realise the impact of her actions on you and she deserves the right to reflect and reply. Going straight to hr will make it all very official and she is likely to get defensive. What I think you need is a good outcome that will
Allow you to continue work stress free of this issue
Best of luck be prepared and effective talk about behaviour. It the person e.g. When zxx happened this is how it made me feel and I would like in future if this happens that we might xxxx

This is great advice and in the normal course of events I would do this, but I feel like it has gone too far for me to be able to discuss this with her. Her hostility unnerves me and I wouldn't be at all comfortable talking to her about it

jimmycrackcorm

OldNotWIse wrote:

This is great advice and in the normal course of events I would do this, but I feel like it has gone too far for me to be able to discuss this with her. Her hostility unnerves me and I wouldn't be at all comfortable talking to her about it

I agree, I don't think this is the situation to approach this person directly. Also near in mind that you might not be the actual issue but that she is simply taking out something else on you for convenience.

Bicycle

This is bullying, plain and simple.

And under Irish Labour Law, an employer has a vicarious duty of care to their employees where bullying is concerned. Effectively, if the WRC find an employee is being bullied in the workplace, then the employer will be held liable.

Given the circumstances, I would not confront the individual directly. You have no idea how they could twist things in their own favour. Go to HR directly, outlining in an objective manner what has happened - and provide evidence in the form of emails etc. Once you have handed this over to HR they have a legal obligation to investigate the matter and try to remedy the situation.

If the problem persists, contact the WRC. They will be able to direct you further. http://www.lrc.ie/en/

Teyla Emmagan

Yeah, I wouldn't approach them directly either. They are a bully. Bullies can react badly when approached directly.

You would be better off getting all your evidence together (type it up) and give it to your boss. They sound like a piece of work to be honest, poor you.

georgewickstaff

Hi. You have asked for advice and received some very good advice but from your posts it would seem you are reluctant to help yourself?

I think you know you have to escalate this and if you catalogue everything and report it correctly I'm not sure why you would be worried.

Some of the advice above is excellent. You are being bullied. Put a stop to it or it will get worse.

Call me Al

You could consider talking with your manager in an informal type way. Maybe discuss how your finding difficulties in working with this person and look for suggestions on how to approach your work with them to minimise tension. Maybe couch it in the context of not wanting to move seat If you're seen by your boss to be trying to work through this at any early stage before it accelerates into an official complaint you may have more credibility with HR.

What you perceive as a friendship between these two people might not be as it seems.
I wouldnt be surprised if there's a tension there, with your nemesis feeling put out by the fact that your boss may be progressing further in their career, with him/her now feeling that they're working with the newbie in the office who is at a lower grade.
Not that this is an excuse and I'm not implying it is. But maybe reassess your view of the relationship.
And in the future don't let this person away with any attempt to damage your reputation. Be assertive and don't be intimidated by their approach. If it's in email stick to the facts and keep emotions out of it.

OldNotWIse

georgewickstaff wrote: »

Hi. You have asked for advice and received some very good advice but from your posts it would seem you are reluctant to help yourself?

I think you know you have to escalate this and if you catalogue everything and report it correctly I'm not sure why you would be worried.

Some of the advice above is excellent. You are being bullied. Put a stop to it or it will get worse.

I don't think that is an accurate assessment. I am simply thinking through the consequences of the various options.

OldNotWIse

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Yeah, I wouldn't approach them directly either. They are a bully. Bullies can react badly when approached directly.

You would be better off getting all your evidence together (type it up) and give it to your boss. They sound like a piece of work to be honest, poor you.

Thanks! I am going to get everything together now, as objectively as possible.

Diziet

Look up the grievance process in your company. Typically you would raise issues with your line manager first.

HR have no specific power over the management. They work for the company, and their role is largely policy and administration. If there is a problem in a team, the managers will be involved, so bypassing your manager is not a good idea as it will come back to them anyway.

Get your evidence, raise it with your boss informally at first. They may well nip it in the bud.