Problem with a Work Colleague

flittychick

I have been in my job for over 9 years now. I've been in different roles but have finally found what I'm good at. I'm having problems with my office workmate. We've been sharing the office for almost 3 years. She is very loud & outspoken & it is causing me great stress. She talks over me all the time. She makes inappropriate comments to our other staff about me as jokes. My job now involves dealing with our ground staff & when they come into the office to speak to me, not her, she takes over the conversation & makes inappropriate comments. I've tried speaking to her & it hasn't helped. She also bitches about other staff & I want no part of it. She is also extremely loud. So much so that I have to leave the room to make my own calls & leave my PC sometimes. I've been taking headache tablets. This evening I left work crying. I've been getting stomach cramps & dreading going into work. I went to my manager back in February. She is relatively new to the office. Nothing changed. I met her again a few weeks ago & was basically told that there is nothing they can do & I just have to put up with it. This is doing nothing for my self confidence as I feel now that they wouldn't care if I left. I can't afford to anyway & they don't pay sick pay so I can't even take a stress day if my doctor would sign me off. I feel like because it's not bullying, they called it a personality issue, they are not taking it seriously & because I'm generally a quiet person the problem will just go away. What do I do next because I can't go on like this.

desbrook

I'm really sorry to hear your story. I'm not well enough informed to know if there's other avenues you could take this down within the job. I know this though - no money is worth endangering your health over, particularly your mental health. While you are still somewhat strong get your CV up to date and look for a new start.

flittychick

Thanks so much for the reply. I love my job & everything else about it & everyone else there. I also have 2 kids & my husband works further away so I'm very restricted with location & time. But it's definitely something I will have to think about.

judeboy101

"She makes inappropriate comments to our other staff about me as jokes. "

Document everything, get hr involved, if no hr go back line manager with incidents if you get no joy email said linemanager with documented evidence asking for formal response. Start looking for new job. If still happening threaten with legal action its bullying and management has failed to protect you despite you informing them of it.

Water John

Is there any where else on the premises that you can meet, those reporting to you? That seems your most stressful point.
If you could action on that, whilst the rest may not the overly nice, it might then be tolerable.

Steve012

flittychick wrote: »

I have been in my job for over 9 years now. I've been in different roles but have finally found what I'm good at. I'm having problems with my office workmate. We've been sharing the office for almost 3 years. She is very loud & outspoken & it is causing me great stress. She talks over me all the time. She makes inappropriate comments to our other staff about me as jokes. My job now involves dealing with our ground staff & when they come into the office to speak to me, not her, she takes over the conversation & makes inappropriate comments. I've tried speaking to her & it hasn't helped. She also bitches about other staff & I want no part of it. She is also extremely loud. So much so that I have to leave the room to make my own calls & leave my PC sometimes. I've been taking headache tablets. This evening I left work crying. I've been getting stomach cramps & dreading going into work. I went to my manager back in February. She is relatively new to the office. Nothing changed. I met her again a few weeks ago & was basically told that there is nothing they can do & I just have to put up with it. This is doing nothing for my self confidence as I feel now that they wouldn't care if I left. I can't afford to anyway & they don't pay sick pay so I can't even take a stress day if my doctor would sign me off. I feel like because it's not bullying, they called it a personality issue, they are not taking it seriously & because I'm generally a quiet person the problem will just go away. What do I do next because I can't go on like this.

It is bullying to a point. Your not going to like what I'm going to say, in this job or the next (there's always a "see you next Tuesday).

A shut mouth gets you no where in life.

She is lacking in self confidence bitching about other people, she's insecure big time, (over talking you when someone comes into your office).

You need to get stronger IMO, and it ain't to hard to do.
There is a story from a few year's back in the UK, It is just an example but a true story none the less.

A bloke had a lump on his neck, 32 years old, he didn't pay much attention to it but his friends kept mentioning it so he went to the hospital.

It turned our to be cancerous. He went home thought about it and over week's and the couple of months before he went for OP (less than 50% he'd live). He became not afraid to die. OP was a success and he went back to work 6 months later.

Everyone noticed a huge change in his confidence and attitude for the better.
The boss came into the canteen on his lunch break (while he would usually jump to orders) and asked him to quickly move the bosses brothers car and flew they keys down the table towards him, the bloke looked at him calmly and said, I'm sorry I'm on my lunch break and turned away to eat his sambo and read his paper.

This got around the office, he wasn't sacked but peeps asked him, wtf? you've changed.
He said when I was in for my OP there was a wealthy dude in the next bed and a doctor in the bed in the next room, they all had the same type cancer.
he said I chatted with the two men, we were in the same boat.. nothing mattered, money etc... we faced the same thing, their titles their lavish wealth meant nothing.

To conclude people think our biggest fear is dying, it ain't its what other people think of us.
That lucky dude cancelled out both.

Be the strongest you you can be, don't let insecure people step on you.


Have a good weekend

LimeFruitGum

Your manager needs to grow a pair. It's her job to tackle behaviour issues in the bud before they get worse, and work with you on resolving it. Don't accept the 'ah sure' excuse. As long as you stay quiet, this will continue, and that is what she is banking on - it worked for years! As Judeboy says, document everything! Keep it factual, show cause and effect of behaviour. E.g. 20minutes lost on Wednesday 25th due to correcting inaccurate information given by Ms X about your task. And quote her on what she said versus your original instruction.

I would be appalled if one of my direct reports were doing that. And I bet her work is ****e too.

The website 'Ask a Manager' is a great resource to help you reframe the situation away from the bitchy personality angle to a more factual 'this is impacting task a,b,c and how'.

TheDoc

Having some issues with colleagues around me creating a horrible toxic atmosphere in our part of the office. Not a great solution, just a suggestion.

I've started wearing earphones and listening to music to block them out. My boss asked me what the story was as it looked a bit anti social, explained the situation and that it was doing this or me packing up and moving elsewhere in the office, and I personally don't mind outlining to people why I had to move.

Although its got worse lately and even think I will still need to move desk just to get away. Nothing worse in an office environment then a toxic atmopshere. I wouldn't be getting upset over it, but I notice I'm more short with people and make more snappy decisions when I've been wound up by their dribble for a few hours.

flittychick

Update. I have handed in my notice. My health isn't worth the stress. My managers completely ignored the issue & frankly, made me see that I am well shot of the place. Things will be tight financially for a while but manageable & I had the full support of my husband to go ahead. Thanks for all the comments & advice.

screamer

Well that's good in the short term but OP youll need to learn to stand up for yourself more and set boundaries if you are going to seek another job.. A lot of workplaces are tough and HR are dis interested and unhelpful and tgats if there's a HR department at all.

homewardbound11

Best of luck original poster . Kudos for looking after number one .

CPTM

Hi Flittychick, I wasn't part of the original conversation here, but reading through it now, I'm so happy for you. I had a similar thing in my last job. I had many other reasons to leave also, but really difficult people was definitely part of it. They slagged me, bitched about other employees, and nothing anyone did was ever good enough for them.

I'm now in the kindest company ever. It's like a little family, everyone supports each other and is really respectful. I'm too late to advise you in the past, but I wanted to let you know I went through the same thing, I'm out the other side and my life is immeasurably better. This is a great move by you, well done.

Xterminator

you did the right think flittychick However if i were you id speak to a solicitor about constructive dismissal.

you appear to have been forced out.

IvyTheTerrible

Xterminator wrote: »

you did the right think flittychick However if i were you id speak to a solicitor about constructive dismissal.

you appear to have been forced out.

If someone hands in their notice, how can they claim constructive dismissal?

Pelvis

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

If someone hands in their notice, how can they claim constructive dismissal?

As the OP has resigned, to claim unfair dismissal she would need to prove that she had no other choice basically.

TallGlass

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

If someone hands in their notice, how can they claim constructive dismissal?

That's the idea of constructive dismissal your essentially managed or not managed (they take no interest in you, give you no work to do) out the door. The situation becomes so unbearable you hand in your notice and leave.

Water John

A lot of the time, though, the best thing for your own head is, to let it go.
Get a good referral, instead. Leverage.

emeldc

OP, as a parting gift to your work colleague ............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ6aVQxwerw

Water John

Turd pie. Great, even if it's only in your head.

LostHiigaran

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

If someone hands in their notice, how can they claim constructive dismissal?

I quit a job and went onto welfare years ago. The reasons explained were fairly abstract but got the impression the welfare officer didn't want to grill me over the 3 paged written explanation I provided.

The gist of it was emotional distress due to the pressure of being asked to do the impossible (literally, not for lack of effort).